"Kane, hindi mo na naman kinain ang pagkaing dinala ng katulong."

Bahagya na niyang narinig ang tinig ng Uncle Damien niya mula sa pinto ng okupado niyang silid sa bahay nito. He was lying in his bed, inside the dark room, thinking why everything seemed to be empty.

He felt empty. He felt numb. He's scared of the dark but can't live with the light. He wouldn't like to see his reflection from anything shiny. Kapag nakikita niya ang sarili ay nakikita niya ang ama— because he looked like his father. Kaya sa loob ng ilang araw ay nanatili siya sa dilim at hindi humaharap sa salamin.

"Ilang araw ka nang hindi kumakain, I am getting worried about you."

Muli, ay hindi niya pinansin ang sinabi ng tiyuhin na nakalapit na. Tumalukbong siya ng kumot at wala sa sariling napatitig lang sa kawalan.

Ilang sandali pa'y naramdaman niya ang pag-lubog ng kama sa kaniyang likuran, tanda na umupo ang tiyuhin sa tabi niya.

"Naiintindihan ko ang nararamdaman mo, pero hindi maaaring ganito ka na lang sa mahabang panahon. Dalawang linggo na ang lumipas matapos mangyari ang insidente— ni hindi mo dinaluhan ang libing ng mga magulang mo. People were asking about you, Kane."

"Leave me alone." Those were the only words he was able to say. Not only to his Uncle Damien— but to everyone who tried to approach him. Everyone.

"I have let you alone for two weeks now, but this is enough. Pinapabayaan mo ang sarili mo dahil—"

"What do you expect me to do?!" he yelled. Nanatili siyang nakahiga at nakatingin sa kawalan. "If you were on my shoes, you'd probably have a hard time dealing with the reality," he added. "My father killed my mother and I saw him kill himselt right in front of my eyes. And you expect me to move on in just two weeks?!"

"Namatayan din ako ng kapatid, Kane. Remember that."

"Pero nakita ba ng mga mata mo kung papaano pinatay ng kapatid mo ang sarili niya?" Bumangon siya at hinarap ito. "Did you see how his head burst out after he gunned himself? Did you see how they bathe in their own blood and brain fragments? Did you see how their eyes were still open when they lay down on the pool of blood? No, you didn't. But I did. And it is still giving me chills... it's still giving me nightmares."

Damien took a deep, calming breath. "Naiintindihan kong nagka-trauma ka sa nangyari. I am doing my very best to give you support— tayong dalawa na lang ang magkasama ngayon, Kane. And I know you need help. Let me bring you to the doctor and—"

"I don't need a doctor," muli siyang humiga at tinalikuran ito upang ibalik ang pansin sa kadiliman.

"You are starting to have a depression, Kane, at hindi magandang senyales itong nakikita ko sa iyo. Hindi na ito simpleng pagluluksa lang, you need to see a doctor."

Matagal siyang natahimik.

Depression? Nah. How can I get depressed when I don't feel anything? I feel numb. I couldn't eat and sleep. My thoughts are blurry and all I can see in my mind is darkness. Whenever I see a little ray of light, my eyes would start to get hurt. And I don't want to speak to anyone—nor meet their eyes. I just want to be alone in peace, I just want to sink into the depths of darkness. Let me be this way. Leave me alone...

"Please," he said in a low voice. "I want to be alone."

Narinig niya ang pagbuntong hininga ng tiyuhin kasunod ng pagtayo nito.

"Magpapadala ako ng pagkain dito maya-maya. Please, you have to eat, even just a little."

Nang hindi siya sumagot ay muli itong bumuntong hininga. At ang kasunod niyang narinig ay ang pagbukas at pagsara ng pinto ng silid.

*****

Nag-mulat si Kane nang maramdaman ang pagbukas muli ng pinto ng silid at ang pagsara niyon. He frowned when he smelt something— food.

"Nagsasayang lang kayo ng oras. Kakain ako kung kailan ko gusto—"

"Kane..."

Natigilan siya nang makilala ang tinig na iyon.

"Maaari ko bang buksan ang ilaw?"

Marahas siyang bumangon at inaninag ang taong naroon sa silid. Wala siyang suot na salamin kaya maliban sa dilim ay nanlalabo rin ang paningin niya— subalit hindi niya maaaring ipagkamali sa iba ang tinig na iyon at ang tindig na nasa harapan niya.

"What are you doing here?" he said in a cold voice. Hindi talaga yata siya maintindihan ng lahat. Gusto niyang mapag-isa. Saan banda sa mga salitang iyon ang hindi malinaw?

"Sinabi ng Uncle Damien mo na ilang araw ka nang hindi kumakain kaya—"

"What are you doing here in this house?" ulit niya.

Sandali munang ipinatong ni Dreya ang dalang tray sa night stand at saka binuksan ang nightlamp na nakapatong roon.

He tightly closed his eyes when the light hit his face that made him even more uncomfortable. "Turn that off!"

"Kane, please, makinig ka—"

"Turn that fucking light off!" sigaw niyang muli kasabay ng paghablot ng isang unan at hinampas iyon doon sa nightlamp na bumagsak kasama ng buong tray ng pagkain na nakapatong sa tabi niyon.

Ang bumagsak na nightlamp ay nasira at namatay— making the whole room dark again.

"Kane, nag-aalala na kami sa'yo," sabi ni Dreya na lumapit at hinawakan siya sa braso. "I am worried sick about you. Matagal na kitang gustong makita at makausap, pero ang sabi ng Uncle Damien mo ay bigyan ka pa namin ng kaunting panahon upang magluksa. And it's been two weeks now... hindi ko na matiis na hindi ka makita at makausap. Please... talk to me. Tell me how you feel—"

"I don't feel anything and that's the problem!" muling singhal niya. Hindi niya maintindihan kung bakit tila wala siyang naramdamang na kung ano sa pagpuntang iyon ni Dreya at ang marinig ang tinig nito.

Kung dati ay malaking tulong ang presensya nito para gumanda ang pakiramdam niya— ngayon ay tila lamang ito hangin.

Matagal itong natahimik bago bumuntong hininga saka tuwid na tumayo. "Kung ganoon ay... bibigyan pa kita ng ilang araw. Should you start feeling better... or you need someone to talk, please come and see me. Maghihintay ako."

Hindi na niya hinintay na makalabas ito ng silid. Muli na siyang humiga, tumalikod at tumalukbong ng kumot.

Ayaw niya ng kausap— gusto niya ng espasyo. Gusto niya sa dilim— gusto niyang magpahinga. He hasn't slept for days and he was trying— but these people kept on bothering him— going in and out of his room as they please!

Huminga siya ng malalim saka muling ipinikit ang mga mata. He's found comfort in the dark. The darkness made him feel not alone. The darkness... and the silence are all he need right now.

*****