Sasha and the beast woman guide me to a group of waiting carriages on the other side of the parade grounds. The giantess arranges my luggage on top and lashes it in place with rope. An old woman in a green robe with the face of a doe tends to the heavily muscled deer tethered to the carriages. They are bigger than the horses that used to ride through Central Park, with huge antlers and eyes that sparkle like gems. They all watch me as I approach and I can't tell if it's out of curiosity or hunger.

"Obera, is he riding with you or Sasha?"

The beast woman shrugs and looks at me.

"You! I'm riding with you," I say. I smile at Sasha's boots. "No offense."

"None taken. If you ride with me, I'm not sure I'll be able to resist playing with you." I glance up and she winks.

I look away, my cheeks warm. She was not talking about just biting me. I shudder and climb into the nearest carriage. The seat is lined with comfortable cushions and polished wood. Bats and stags are etched into the paneling and window frames. I take a deep breath and try to calm my frayed nerves. So far, the other side doesn't seem that different from ours.

The carriage rocks and Sasha slides inside, smelling of strawberries and copper.

"You didn't even hesitate to jump into my vehicle. Thought you didn't like me, Mr. Smalls."

"Hell no!"

I jump out as the groom starts to close the door. I look up at the giantess for guidance and she points two carriages over. She laughs as I run to that one. Ducking inside, I close the door behind me. Obera reclines in the rear, scratching her back with a long barbed stick. She yawns and stretches as I sit.

"I figured Sasha would have her fangs in you by now."

I laugh nervously. "I don't want to be her juice box."

Obera shrugs. "Well get comfortable. It's a long trip."

I look around. There are no cushions and the wood looks worn from heavy use. Unlike the other carriage, there is a motif of bears and stags dancing about. Despite the less comfortable seats, the space feels far more cozy.

"Obera, right?" I ask, extending my hand. "You can call me Marlon instead of Mr. Smalls or human."

She raises an eyebrow then accepts my handshake. "Personally, I'm partial to Little Guy. It fits you better."

We share a laugh.

"My interactions with humans are extremely limited compared to the rest of The Vainglory. Are you a cub... or some form of youngling?"

"What?"

"You're just so much smaller than the other men who were with you, I assumed... I really wasn't trying to be insulting, Little Guy."

"Marlon. Please."

The carriages pull away from the military base, following a wide road for about a mile before merging onto a country thoroughfare. Strange gangly women with wild hair and ridiculously long eyebrows gallop past on muscular feline mounts. A centaur in an armored top and barding cuts us off and the deer swerve to avoid a collision. She shouts something rude and continues on her way.

A statuesque elven woman with an aristocratic air rumbles up beside us in what looks like a topless Volkswagen beetle studded with glowing gemstones. I can't help but think of Paris Hilton in a purple mink coat. Clouds of tiny winged people and massive buzzing insects fly by like schools of fish. All of it is colorful and fantastical, and I can't believe my eyes. My dad's journal did not prepare me for this.

"What are those lights?" I ask as the trees thin, revealing columns of gently pulsating shapes deep within the thick mist dominating the horizon.

Obera yawns and leans forward to see what I'm talking about.

"That's Gemknight City across the river."

"Gem Night?"

"Gemknight. Say it together like one word. Your accent is funny."

"My accent?" I hold my tongue. "Are those lights in the mist twinkling gems?"

"Mostly. The dwarves have it rigged so that the seismic action below charges the stones. The stones power lights and heating... to be honest, I don't know much about science."

She leans back and starts picking her sharp teeth with a long black fingernail.

"No. That was very helpful... so gems power your cities. We use coal or water to spin turbines and pump electricity into cables..." I laugh as years of science classes go out the window. "I don't know nothing about science either."

We both laugh.

We follow the country road for a while before taking an off ramp heading away from Gemknight City. The trees around us grow sparse, slowly replaced by huge mushroom stalks. Greens and browns are replaced with blues and purples. The familiar natural forms of the forests are usurped by more bizarre shapes. My skin crawls at the sight of the unfamiliar formations. Pink umbrella-like fungi bob up and down, belching pink clouds into the air.

"Ummm, Obera, are these spores safe?"

"As safe as any other mushroom spores. It is fruiting season after all."

"Fruiting?" I cover my nose as clouds of pink dust puff their way under the windowsill. "Am I going to die?"

Obera laughs. "These shrooms are harmless... well mostly harmless."

"Mostly? This isn't funny." The muffled panic of my voice amuses her greatly.

"Yeah, mostly. For about an hour, everything you eat is going to taste like lemons."

"You're kidding."

"Just don't drink anything," she says as she plucks up a canteen from the seat beside her. Twisting off the top, she takes a deep drink and chuckles. "Unless you want to get drunk."

"Okay, you're just messing with me." I shake my head. "You had me fooled for a second."

She offers me a swig. I shrug and accept. Sniffing the contents, I don't smell anything. I take a sip and I'm greeted with the sour sweetness of a mild lemonade. It takes a moment for the buzz to hit, but, when it does, I feel it all over. Obera nods and takes the canteen back for another drink. We pass it between us a few more times and she's right. I'm good and drunk before I know it.

I laugh as I try to figure out if she's a bear girl or a dog girl or some other anime trope. Were manga writers just telling stories about the supernaturals on their side of the world? I wonder if she'd be offended if I ran my fingers through her fur.

"Don't worry. You should be fine before we reach the Azi'Zoro Estate." Obera yawns and stretches, putting her hands behind her head. "I'm tired."

"Definitely a bear."

"What was that?"

"Big scary Winnie the Pooh, only you're wearing pants."

"Go to sleep, Marlon. You're drunk."

"I really am."

I doze off, head swimming with images of flying fairies wrapped in pink cotton candy, smelling of lemons, and all with Paris Hilton's face. My mind eventually goes back to the day I'd signed my life away:

***

Ms. Hwang and I shook hands outside of the office space rented for the meeting. She smiled and I tried not to stare at her beautiful face. You never realize how long it's been since a woman has genuinely smiled at you until it happens. Maybe that's why idiots are always harassing them and telling them to smile more. There's something magical about it.

As she walked away, I looked down at my phone to check my messages. "Mom's right. I need to go to therapy."

"Mr. Smalls?"

I looked up, hoping for a mad moment Ms. Hwang wanted to go grab a bite to eat with me. Romantic or loser. They seem to share a mighty thin border.

Anyway, it wasn't the lawyer. It was a stranger with her hair in a no-nonsense bun and a severe expression on her face. I nodded and she spoke into her smartwatch.

"It's him."

Two dudes grabbed me, each taking an arm as they rushed toward the curb. They tossed me into a black hummer and we sped off before I knew what was happening. They'd snatched me right off the street in broad daylight.

"Wait, I think you've got the wrong man!" I shout, kicking one guy in the face as I try to get the opposite door open.

"Did you sign the contract, Mr. Smalls? Are you going through the faerie ring?" the woman asked from the front seat.

I stopped trying to get away. "Ummm, yeah. I did. Are you guys with the feds?"

"No, we represent an extremely powerful man who wants to make you very rich."

"Why does this sound like another offer I can't refuse." I do my best Brando impression.

"You broke my fucking nose, wise ass!"

I glanced over at the guy I'd kicked. "Bro, you kidnapped me."

***

When I wake, we're riding through rolling hills. Obera is leaning against the wall eating a hunk of crusty bread. She wipes crumbs from her mouth and takes a swig from the canteen. She offers me a sip and I take it, hoping to moisten the dryness in my mouth. As the cool liquid slides down my throat, I feel a bit of disappointment.

"It's just water."

"I told you the spores only last for an hour."

"That's freaky." I hand her back the container and stare out the window. "What's my host family like?"

"The Azi'Zoro? They're an old Family from an even older House. Their matron was minister before Atropa. She started The Vainglory. Some of the most renowned leaders of this nation were Azi'Zoro of House Black."

"The Azi'Zoros of House Black..." Saying the name out loud makes this whole thing more real.

"No need to be scared, Little Guy. They'll take care of you."

"Let me guess, they're good people with an eye for hospitality?" I smirk, hoping she'll laugh.

"They would never want to lose face in front of the ministers by messing up this political opportunity."

"... you could have lied."

"Wait, do you humans do that a lot?"

That's when I remember my role. In the back of a carriage with a pretty cool big bear woman— or dog woman, I'm still not sure. I represent humanity to these people. As much as I'm supposed to be observing their habits and customs, they're watching mine.

"Some people do," I finally respond. "Most don't like or trust them, but they sometimes amass a cult of followers and wreak havoc."

"We have liars here too. We don't take offense to lies, but we punish those who get caught."

"So lying is okay, as long as you're good at it?"

"As long as you don't get caught."

We go past a stone fence and through a grove of trees, emerging into a palatial estate. It looks like one of those pictures of English castles you can google when you're bored at work. The NYCHA apartment complex up the street from my father's house could fit comfortably on the grounds. All three buildings, twice. The main house, largest of all the structures gathered about, looks like a spooky mansion with gargoyles and everything.

Our carriage is the last to arrive, and the deer trotting up behind the others. I'm suddenly nervous about getting out. What have I gotten myself into?

"Calm down," Obera says. "Some of us can smell the fear on you like a spicy cologne."

"Shit..."

A line of figures stand in front of the main house, all wearing business suits and bowties. Some have wings, some have horns. One has extra legs. I feel their eyes on the carriage, waiting to get their first glimpse of me. I glance back at Obera and she takes a deep breath

"Spicy."

"Stop," I chuckle despite my shaking hands.

I hop out and right onto The Captain's foot with an audible crunch as she steps into view. She cries out and curses in a language I don't understand. I may not speak it, but the intent is loud and clear. Sasha covers her mouth to hide her amusement. Hopping on one foot, The Captain throws off her hat, revealing a head full of angry green and blue snakes. They hiss and lash out.

Obera shoves me aside and the snakes bite into her outstretched hand.

"Captain, no–" her words cut off as her skin turns marble white.

She takes two steps and goes stock still as the color leeches from her body. My mouth hangs agape, watching my new friend turn into a marble statue.

Statistics

Word Count: 2016

Total: 6481