I ride back with Obera. The Captain asks to be left alone with her thoughts, and I'm even more wary of riding with Sasha than I was before. Unsure how she tricked me into sinking into her eyes, I'm more determined than ever to steer clear. Part of me is glad The Captain wants her space. How do I explain the Super Mario Power-Up between my legs? I figure I have to tell her eventually, but I'm not ready.

"Gold Manticore for your thoughts?" Obera asks, waving a square coin in front of my face.

"Do you guys even have STDs here?" I ask, taking the coin and slumping in my seat.

"You mean Spiritually Transmitted Diseases?"

I stare, not sure where to go from there. Her innocent expression holds for a few minutes before she breaks out in laughter.

"Sasha told us about your little Marlon."

"You're not funny," I laugh.

"You're not funny, but I'm unbearable." She laughs even harder.

"Un bear– You're too much, Sergeant Bearson."

"We have sexually and spiritually transmitted diseases. We also have a real virulent strain of poxes spread via ear wax."

"Ear wax?"

"Don't look at me like that. Dwarves have some really strange practices. Do not share wax with people you don't know."

The carriages drop us off in front of the main house and I jump out, eager to go and hide in my room.

Llenoy and a group of fubbies come out to greet us, and I feel a bit of relief. The scientist back in New Jersey had no idea how to help me. Maybe the old elf knows a treatment for my condition. If my luck holds out, I can be on the road to recovery before I need to talk to The Captain.

"Llenoy, escort Mr. Smalls to the infirmary and after you hand him off to Nurse Emma, please find Candi and Kheelisha and inform them to get checked for flame cap."

"Right away, Mistress Chineelia." The elf bows then turns to me. "Mr. Smalls, this way."

I look back at The Captain, but she's already walking off with Sasha and Obera. It's probably for the best. Her tone sounds aggravated. I hope it isn't with me. With nothing else to do, I follow Llenoy to the infirmary where Nurse Emma insists on giving me my second full physical of the day.

"Just how bad is flame cap?" I ask as I put my clothes back on.

"It's actually quite common. A simple topical fungicide will clear it up in a few days." Nurse Emma hands me a jar of cream. "Try to avoid any exchange of fluids, especially penetration, until your penis is back to normal."

"No problem there." I open the jar and sniff the contents. The ointment smells like vanilla. "I'm keeping my distance from my friends, The Azi'Zoros."

"Well, tonight is a formal dinner in your honor, so I'm sure you'll get a chance to practice your no-touching policy and we'll see how that works out."

"Why do I get the feeling you're expecting me to fail?"

She focuses on rearranging her work station. "I do not wish to betray the confidence of the mistresses, but I was asked to check the fertility of two separate individuals this morning. You may intend to play 'keep away', but they're hoping to play 'hide the sausage'."

I laugh nervously and stare out the window. I'd hoped my mom or dad would have been on the other side, waiting to see how I was doing. Now I count my blessings. How would either of them have reacted to learning about my affliction?

"Nurse Emma, how do you develop flame cap?" I imagine it would have been the first question out of my dad's mouth.

She smiles. "Saliva, blood, and other bodily fluids. In some counties you can get it from untreated water. Your infection is pretty minor. It didn't get to your lips, nipples or other soft tissues."

She raises her finger as if she's had a eureka moment and opens one of the draws of her desk. She comes back with a broken shard of glass as long as her forearm and as wide as her outstretched fingers.

"Take a look," she says as she hands it to me.

"Take a look at what?" I carefully turn it around in my hands, not wanting to drop it. "It looks like a regular piece of broken glass."

"It's memory glass, Mr. Smalls. Don't they have memory glass back in your world?"

"If we do, I don't think it means what you think it means."

Shaking her head she takes hold of my hands and whispers, "Flame cap."

As if triggered by the thought, an image slowly appears in the depths of the glass. A woman with cat ears seated on a bed in a very compromised position looks back at me.

"What? This is crazy."

Her arms cover her face, but leave nothing else to the imagination. All four of her inflamed nipples are covered in white spots. Dozens of red mushroom stalks peek out from her pubic hair, even her inner thighs bear the red and white coloration.

"My last patient with flame cap."

"How?"

"Memory glass is used to store memories. I thought that would be obvious. I couldn't have her posing for a painter, now could I?"

"I guess that makes sense."

I hand the glass back to the nurse and grab my things. I suddenly feel a bit queasy and want nothing more than to apply my ointment and be done with the red mushrooms. I can handle giant spider ladies trying to eat me and vampires fucking with my head, but mushrooms growing out of my ass is too much.

"Thanks for the info, ma'am." I look back as I open the door, waving farewell.

"Watch out, Marlon!" Letty says as she shoves Candi and Kheelisha down the hall.

I squeeze against the wall as the mass of flailing snake bits barrels past.

"Letty, stop. I didn't give him flame cap." Candi tries to grab the wall.

"Well I definitely didn't give it to him. I'm a lady of House Azi'Zoro. Where would I even find flame cap." Kheeli tries to bludgeon her sisters with her tail.

"Shut up, the both of you," Colette snaps. "He couldn't have brought it here himself and no one else has made a point of molesting our guest. Now go see Nurse Emma!"

"But, Letty," they whine in unison.

"I said, now, damnit, or, by the sacred womb, I'll have a priestess here by the morning to put binding spells on every opening I can find!"

The younger sisters scream and race into Emma's office.

Binding spells?

So they do have magic here. I'm not shocked, but pleasantly surprised. I find my way to my suite and get cleaned up. The house staff had left a bucket of warm wash water and soaps. I clean everything twice and apply the ointment. Then I get dressed and work on my sketches. I flip through my sketchbook. A dozen images, mostly landscapes with a few architectural drawings. There's also a pictures of Chai making tea and The Captain sitting at her game board. If I'm going to GemKnight, I have to make sure to do a couple of sketches there too. My mysterious benefactor never said exactly what he wanted, so I need to make sure his collection is as diverse as possible.

I look down at my crotch and back at the pad.

"Fuck it. Why not?"