there's been snow on the ground
and the forecast says
that the temperature won't
rise above freezing for another week
the sun sets in the afternoon
and i walk to the bus stop in the dark

i kind of like it this way, oddly
i like the walk from the high school to my bus at the middle school
the cold against my face
the smell of exhaust fumes mixed with clear, sharp air
the way my breath freezes in front of me
it looks like smoke
and i feel edgy
laughing at something stupid i overheard a 7th grader say
middle schoolers thinking they're cool
for that matter,
high schoolers thinking they're cool
destroying themselves and romanticizing
the smoke and the scars and the dark circles under their eyes

it's so beautiful
in a way

the way i'm romanticizing the cold and the dark
to pretend i don't feel it
destroying me