I may be an engineer in degree, but I am a writer by heart. For me, writing is no longer just a medium to express myself, it isn't a pastime anymore, writing is something that I really want to pursue by heart. It wasn't always like this though. I was never one of those born writers. In fact, when I look back at it, I don't think I was born to do anything. And yet, I did everything. I took part in the school's annual functions, participated in debates, won quizzes, collected a horde of medals in drawing, and even tried my hand at chess. I was a learner of everything, and yet a master of nothing.

By the time I reached that critical phase of life, I didn't know what to pursue. And since my inner self was in doubt, I didn't resist when others weaved a dream for me. I was to become an engineer.

As it goes, I don't hate engineering altogether. After all, it was during these years of engineering that I discovered the treasure of writing. We may deny it all we want, but luck plays an important role in our life. The start is the most difficult phase of any process, and that's where we need luck the most. Though once we have the start, it's upto our perseverance and hard work to keep it going. I may have started writing by luck, but I've made every effort to improve my skills after that. Yet, never have I felt that need to chase writing outrightly. I guess my heart just wasn't ready to betray my parents and chase something they didn't like. And so, eventhough I loved writing, I started to drift away from it. Slowly and steadily, I was almost on the verge of breaking up with words, when luck played its hand again. This time, in the form of lady luck.

When I met Anamika today, she was all I had imagined her to be. She had a bag of smiles and a bundle of energy hidden inside her. We talked about ourselves, our studies, future plans, and all those boring things before touching the hot topic. She was two years my junior, a mass communication student studying in the same college as mine. When she had mentioned about reading my oneshot in the college magazine, somehow I never thought about asking her how she came about it. There were other important matters to cope up with. Well, now I know. Some unavoidable circumstances led her to take a break before her final year, and rather than wasting her time, she wanted to make the most of it. I liked that.

Finally after going around the world, we got to the core of our meeting, the prospect of that short film. We both knew it wasn't easy. I revealed some of my reservations, she tried to present some solutions, and by the time we parted, her confidence had found its way to me as well. I was ready to give it a try.

Realizing that my writing will soon start to get some credits in the real world too, my passion for writing reignited itself. To be honest, to be honest, this so called passion of mine never reached the stage where I can call it a dream. It's still so complicated in reality that I can't even imagine how it'd look as a dream. But one thing's for sure, it did climb a step up today. No, it didn't grow legs of its own, Anamika's enthusiasm pulled it up. Can you believe we were just some strangers a couple of days ago?

Life is really interesting that way. It keeps changing every moment. I don't know if it's good or bad, but for now, I prefer this little change. Mainly because it's making me write again. However, when I opened wattpad in the evening, I still had no intentions of writing. I just wished to be a reader. That was until I read these lines...

"Enjoy every moment of life
It changes in a blink
Getting you high on hopes
It's nothing else than a dream"

The lines made me think. My thoughts made me write a comment. And the comment sparked some more lines in my mind. By the time I was ready to sleep, I ended up writing a poem on it.

Dear dream,
Why are you so complicated?
Why do you bring the expectations?
Why are you so hated?

Some say to have those big dreams
The ones that'll push us an extra mile
But if we fall a little short
They snatch away our smile

The others stop us from flying high
"Dream only what you can achieve"
And when we fulfill those tiny dreams
Atleast we start to believe

What to do dear dream
You're such a big dilemma
Why are you so complicated dear dream
Why?

Word by word it rhymed itself and line by line it kept me sinking in the guilt. Those moments on the bridge came back once again. When I stood there on the edge, all I thought was my failure as an engineer. But not for a single second did I think of my success as a writer. Yes, the world around me didn't know me as a writer, but those strangers who did, they liked me for that. And for that brief second, I was ready to give it all away. Why? Just because the weight of those borrowed dreams was too much to bear?

All along I've been chasing my parent's dream of being an engineer. I may have passed every exam with distinction, but scoring some marks has never been a tough task. All one has to do is train the brain to remember the theories for some hours. And once the deed is done, the brain is allowed to refresh its drive. The real problem starts when we take that fractured knowledge to the market. That's when we understand our real value. And when I realized my value as an engineer, I tried to push all the blame on those borrowed dreams, I tried to end it all.

That time is gone though. The moment life chose me on the bridge, those fake dreams died. I promise myself that a new Aarav will rise tomorrow. One who'll do what he likes and chase something that he's good at. Writing is still not my dream, but it'll definitely be my destination from tomorrow.

If life is a dream, I'm ready to have a new one. Even if it means going against my parents.

***

10th November 2017

What's your dream in life?
Is it really yours, or just another borrowed one?