I yawned once again for the 8th time in the past 10 minutes. I just came in from Zurich, Switzerland. I had to do an interview plus perform on some late night talk show, then we had an afterparty so I got in about 2:30 in the morning. I went to bed at about three, my wake up call was at 4 to fly on the Concord back here to L.A. so I could shoot my new video for my new single.

I am constantly being tested.

Do you really wanna be a superstar?
Do you reeealy think your hot?

Never have I done 3 shoots for a music video but the song Can't Let Go is so deep in meaning I didn't quite know how to capture it. I was in such a mentally fucked up place when I recorded it. So this time I decided to just let the song speak for itself and go simple. Black and white, no crazy outfits, makeup, interpretive dancers, nothing. I'm just gonna go simple, and people will take what they will from it.

Whenever I get the chance I'm gonna take a nap, but until then I have a lot of work to do. I was going to wait until Prince got home before I went to sleep anyway. He's flying in from a show in Europe. He performed with the Bangles tonight or atleast I think he said them. I'll be the first to admit I wasn't really paying attention.

"So I'll see you tomorrow morning wait..." I heard a bunch of shuffling on Hannah's line. "Ok...sorry I had to pull out my schedule. The shoot shouldn't take that long, maybe 18 hours max, but just in case I say we start at 8 but you need to be on set and in the chair at 7:00 sharp."

I scribbled that on a post-it and stuck it to the mirror. "Got it."

"Alright see you tomorrow girl."

"Peace." I hung up and sighed.

"I got that done finally." I stretched my arms back and yawned, I looked around the room, just admiring Prince's decor choice. We've actually been living together for quite sometime now. I still stay at my place respectively but I spend most of my time with him. He says I help him sleep, which I don't fully understand because he barely sleeps in the first place. I rolled my eyes at myself. I don't even know why I try to figure him out.

Looking past the pastel pillow, the heart shaped mirror above the bed, the white silk sheets, which was kind of an extension of his personality. My eyes caught the folder Angela gave me, poking out my bag. I'm sure now is a good a time as any I guess to go through it. I dug through my bag and pulled out the tape. I stared at it for a minute before popped it in the VCR. I sat on the edge of the bed, pulling my knees to my chest.

"Here goes nothing..." I clicked play and a white man with glasses and an awful tan suit popped up. I cringed at the sight of it. I blame Prince for this. I'm so judgmental of men's clothing now. He's practically spoiled me with his fine ass.

I can be smooth and charming and slick. I can make a very confident impression and it is hard to leave me at a loss for words. Sometimes I find myself fantasizing about unlimited success and power, and beauty.

I smiled a little, the guy was animated. I lowkey had a thing for nerdy guys. Plus he had little animations popping up around him, it was like watching a Saturday morning cartoon.

I have repeatedly used deceit to cheat, con, or defraud others for my personal gain. To be honest, I don't have much concern for the feelings of other people, or their suffering.

Doesn't sound like the Hank you know, does it? These are all statements from the Self-Assessment measure for Personality Disorders, that lets patients describe themselves, ranking each statement in terms of how accurate they think it is.

To be honest, you can't rely too much on this kind of self-reporting to access what we are talking about today because while some people who are over-confident or obsessed with power or downright deceitful might tell you that they are, there is a certain subset that won't.

Many of the disorders that we have talked about so far are considered, "ego-dystonic" meaning that people who have them are aware that they have a problem and tend to be distressed by their symptoms.

I scrambled to the bed, trying my best not to take my eyes off the screen and pulled out a empty notebook from under it. I keep way to many of these. I have boxes and boxes full of notebooks. I wanna keep them locked up somewhere, kind of like how Prince says he wants to keep a vault full of his music. Maybe I should throw a few of my notebooks in there, or maybe I could keep them all stashed in there atleast when it gets full. So when I die, i'll still be able to keep giving. That's a nice thought.

I bit the top off the pen and spit it to the side of me. I started making a character analysis chart for myself. "Why?....How?....Internal...External..." I was highly determined to figure myself out in some sort of way. I was going to

Like a person with Bipolar Disorder or OCD generally knows that they have a psychological condition and they don't like what it does to them.

I quickly wrote that down. "That's me alright..."

But some disorders are trickier then that.They are "ego-syntonic", the person experiencing them doesn't necessarily think that they have a problem and sometimes, they think the problem is with everyone else.

Personality disorders fall into this category. These are psychological disorders marked by inflexible, disruptive, and enduring behavior patterns that impair social and other functioning-whether the sufferer recognizes that or not.

Unlike many other conditions that we've talked about, personality disorders are often considered to be chronic and enduring syndromes that create noticeable problems in life.

I chuckled. "You got that right..."

And as you can tell from these self assessment statements, they can range from relatively harmless displays of narcissism, to a true and troubling lack of empathy for other people.

Not only can personality disorders be difficult to diagnose and understand, they can also be downright scary. Most of the extreme and severe disorders go by names that you probably recognize: psychopathy and sociopathy. I'm talking, like, serial killers here, mob bosses, Vlad the Impaler.

As the intro played, I couldn't help but smile at the campy tune. "This is the cutest shit, holy fuck. This is so damn cute." I think for one that was a long ass intro to have before the actual intro and two these are some cute ass graphics. This makes this a ton more enjoyable. I opened a water bottle and took a sip waiting for it to start.

Episode #34: Personality Disorders.

The man in the awful suit popped back up again, making me cringe again. He looked no older than 30 maybe. He has a sort of boyish charm to him, made him all the more interesting.

Cultures have been studying human personality characteristics for thousands of years, but the concept of personality disorders is a much newer idea.

Much of our modern classifications of these disorders are based on the work of German psychiatrist, Kurt Schneider, who was one of the earliest researchers into what was then known as psychopathy and published a treaties on the study in 1923.

Today, the DSM 5 contains ten distinct personality disorder diagnoses, grouped into three clusters.

A 3 column chart popped up and I took that chance to copy it down.

The first cluster, cluster A, includes what are often labeled simply as "odd" or "eccentric" personality characteristics.

I scoffed. "Prince."

For example, someone with paranoid personality disorder may feel a pervasive distrust of others and be constantly guarded and suspicious while a person with a schizoid personality disorder would seem overly aloof and indifferent, showing no interest in relationships and few emotional responses.

Cluster B encompasses dramatic emotional or impulsive personality characteristics. For example, a narcissistic personality can display a selfish grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement. Meanwhile, a histrionic personality might seem like they're acting a part to get attention, even putting themselves at risk with dramatic, dangerous and even suicidal gestures and behaviors. Cluster B can be truly self-destructive and frightening and these disorders are often associated with frequent hospitalization.

Finally, Cluster C encompasses anxious, fearful, or avoidant personality traits. For example, those with avoid and independent personality disorders often avoid meeting new people or taking risks and show a lack of confidence, an excessive need to be taken care of and a tremendous fear of being abandoned. Now, in the past, and, to a great extent, today, some of these categories have been controversial. Many researchers argue that some of these conditions overlap with each other so much that it can be impossible to keep them apart. Narcissistic personality disorder, for example, has many traits that resemble histrionic personality disorder. And because of this gray area, the most commonly diagnosed personality disorder is actually personality disorder not other wise specified or PDNOS. The prevalence of this diagnosis suggests that while clinicians can identify a personality disorder in a patient, figuring out the details of the condition can be messy and difficult. 

I twisted my face. "Wait just a damn minute." I turned up the TV a few more notches. "I swear if this bitch misdiagnosed me with some BULLSHIT..."

One proposed alternative for diagnosing these disorders is the Dimensional Model, which, in essence, gets rid of discrete disorders and replaces them with a range of personality traits or symptoms, rating each person on each dimension.  So the Dimensional Model would assess a patient not with the aim of diagnosing one disorder or another, but instead, simply finding out that they rank high on say, narcissism and avoidance.  It's a work in progress, so with another generation, the clinical definition of 'personality disorder' may evolve pretty radically.

One of the best-studied personality disorders right now is Borderline Personality Disorder, or BPD.  Borderline makes it sounds like patients are like, pretty close to being healthy, but not quite, but that is not at all the case.  BPD sufferers have often learned to use dysfunctional, unhealthy ways to get their basic psychological needs met, like love and validation, by using things like outbursts of rage, or on the other end of the spectrum, self-injury behaviors like cutting or worse.

"Nevermind..."

People with BPD were once commonly maligned by clinicians as 'difficult' or 'attention-seeking', but we now understand BPD as a complicated set of learned behaviors and emotional responses to traumatic or neglectful environments, particularly in childhood.  In a sense, people with this disorder learn that rage or self-harm help them cope with traumatic situations, but as a result, they also end up using them in non-traumatic situations.  Although challenging for patients and clinicians alike, the good news is that some psychotherapies have helped even the most severely suffering, repeatedly hospitalized BPD patients. 

I paused the video, frozen in place. "Oh my God...." I looked around at the floor feeling tears start to form in my eyes. I roughly swiped my hands across my cheeks. "Why the hell am I crying?"

I hopped up and started pacing the floor, running my fingers through my hair. I paused looking at the screen several times before pacing again. How am I gonna tell my mom? How am I gonna tell Prince? What about my future kids? I don't wanna pass this down to my kids, that's not fair they don't deserve this.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe. "Calm down Jasmyn. Your fine. You may be one mental breakdown from an asylum but..." I trailed off because I didn't know what to say to myself after that. Then I started to started to freak out again. "I'm one mental breakdown from an asylum." I dove back down into my spot and frantically hit the play button again.

But probably the most famous well-established, and frankly, troubling personality disorder is Antisocial Personality Disorder.   Now, you've heard of this before, but maybe by one of its now somewhat out of vogue synonyms, 'psychopathy' or 'sociopathy'.

People with Antisocial Personality Disorder, usually men, exhibit a lack of conscience for wrongdoing, even towards friends and family members.  Their destructive behavior surfaces in childhood or adolescence, beginning with excessive lying, fighting, stealing, violence, or manipulation.  As adults, people with this disorder are thought to generally end up in one of two situations: either they are unable to keep a job and engage in violent criminal or similarly dysfunctional behavior, or they become clever, charming con-artists, or ruthless executives who make their way to positions of power.  Tony Soprano would have qualified for the diagnosis, even if he wasn't nearly as bad as, say, serial killer Ted Bundy or Vlad the Impaler, the infamous 15th century Romanian prince who personally watched about 100,000 people get impaled or have the skin of their feet licked off by goats.

Yeah.  That happened. I threw my head back in laughter. "Oh my gosh what a fuckin' cutie." I love this guy! Making learning about mental illness fun one awkward joke at a time.

Despite this classic remorselessness, lack of empathy, and sometimes criminal behavior, criminality is not always a component of antisocial behavior.  Certainly many people with criminal records don't fit that psychopathic profile.  Most show remorse, love, and concern for friends and family, but still, although anti-social personalities make up just about 1% of the general population, they were estimated in one study to constitute about 16% of the incarcerated population.

So, how might someone end up with such a disturbing disorder?

Well, as you might expect, the causes are probably a tangled combination of biological and psychological threads, both genetic and environmental.

Although no one has found a single genetic predictor of Antisocial Personality Disorder, twin and adoption studies do show that relatives of those with psychopathic features do have a higher likelihood of engaging in psychopathic behavior themselves.

And early signs are sometimes detected as young as age three or four, often as an impairment in fear conditioning, in other words, lower than normal response to things that typically startle or frighten children like loud and unpleasant noises.  Most kids only need to get burned by a hot dish to know to stay away, but kids who end up displaying Antisocial Personalities as adults don't necessarily connect or care about the learned consequences when they're little.  From there, like we've seen in other disorders, genetic and biological influences can intersect with an abusive or neglectful environment to help wire the personality in a peculiar and damaged way.  While the vast majority of traumatized people don't grow up to be killers or con-artists, genes do seem to predispose some people to be more sensitive to abuse or trauma.

I wrote that last part down. That was something I might need to be worried about. Am I traumatized? I've seen some shit but am I necessarily traumatized by it?

Meanwhile, studies exploring the neural basis of Antisocial Disorder have revealed that when shown evocative photographs, like a child being hit or a woman with a knife at her throat, those with psychopathic personality features showed little change in heart rate and perspiration, as compared to control groups.

The classic antisocial lack of impulse control and other symptoms have also been linked to deficits in certain brain structures.  One study compared PET scans from 41 people convicted of murder to those of non-criminals and found that the convicted killers had greatly reduced activity in the frontal lobe, an area associated with impulse control and keeping aggressive behavior in check.

My eyes widened and my hands shot to my forehead. "Oh shit, is that me?...No it's not I actually feel bad. Sometimes..."

In fact, violent repeat offenders had as much as 11% less frontal lobe tissue than the average brain.  Their brains also responded less to facial displays of stress or anguish, something that's also observed in childhood, so it's possible that some antisocial personalities lack empathy because they simply don't or can't register others feelings.  Research has also suggested an overly reactive dopamine reward system, suggesting that the drive to act on an impulse to gain stimulation or short-term rewards regardless of the consequences may be more intense than the average person's.

I twisted my face. "Huh?"

As we mentioned before, because personality disorders are pretty much ego-syntonic by definition, people don't often acknowledge that they have a problem or the need for treatment, and in the case of Antisocial Personality Disorder, even if they did, there aren't many specific treatments available, at least not for adults.  But there are some promising interventions for kids and adolescents whose minds and brains are more plastic and adaptable.  In this way, the best way to treat Antisocial Personality Disorder may be in trying to prevent it.  According to American psychiatrist Donald W. Black, among others, many kids diagnosed with Conduct Disorder, the diagnostic precursor to Antisocial Disorder, are at high-risk for developing Antisocial Personalities as adults.

But by identifying warning signs early on and by working with these kids and families to correct their behavior and remove negative influences, some of that impulse fearlessness could be channeled into healthier directions, like to reward promoting athleticism, or a spirit of adventure.  It's important to remember that Antisocial Personality Disorder is only one type of personality disorder.  This is a diverse family of psychological conditions determined by many different factors and we're still in the early stages of diagnosing and understanding the mechanisms behind them. 

Today, you learned about personality disorders and the difference between ego-dystonic and ego-syntonic disorders.  We looked at the three clusters of personality disorder, according to the DSM V, and how personality disorder symptoms often overlap.  We also took a look at Borderline and Antisocial Personality Disorders, including their potential biopsychosocial roots.  Thank you for watchi-

I heard Prince call for me down the hallway, my stomach immediately dropped. "Fuck."

"Jasmyn!! Baby you here...?" I scrambled to put everything away. I turned off the VCR and tucked my notebook under the mattress. I looked around and making sure that everything looked decent.

He came in with a smile, holding onto my heels. "Hey baby..."

"Hi!" I watched him carefully as he made his way to the closet to put up his jacket.

He casted a glance at me then the television, noticing that it was blank. "So you just sitting in here listening to the static?"

"Yeah..it uhm..it helps me think."

He chuckled, making his way to the bathroom. "I swear something is wrong in your head."

If only you knew. I rolled my eyes and followed him to the bathroom. "So how was the show."

"It was fun, the girls played amazing. I thought I could play bass." He whistled shaking his head as I loosened his tie. "This girls are amazing. Their crowd is even better."

I raised my brow. "Better than yours?"

"No one is better than my little motor babies."

I giggled. "That's so cute that you call them that." I hopped on the counter and watched him turn on the shower. He unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it open to it was fully out his pants, his chest fully exposed.

He looked me over, them smirked to himself. I knew what that meant.

"Take off your clothes." he demanded, as if it were that simple.

I put my hand over my chest, a little taken a back. "Excuse me?!"

"I don't wanna shower alone tonight."

I rolled my eyes. That was his excuse every night. "Do you ever?"

He placed a quick peck on my lips. "Come on."

I hopped off the counter and pulled my dress over my head. "Your so bossy sometimes..." I stepped out my panties and tossed the to the side. "I swear sometimes you act like ." I turned around, holding my hair up so he could get my bra.

"You see," He started planting little kisses along my neck. "I'm a very physical person. I like to touch and feel my way around a person. That's the only way to get the truth from them."

I was kind of lost in his words, I titled my neck further to the side giving him more room. "The truth?"

"Desire." He took my ear in his teeth, further increasing the stirring in my loins. "Feeling hungry or horny" he whispered deeply into my ear. My eyes rolled into the back of my head and a chill went down my spine. I'm about to eat this man alive. I turned around, catching him off guard, initiating the tongue war myself. God, I haven't seen him in so long, and he talked dirty so damn well with his intelligent ass.

He forced me against the shower wall, surprising me a little bit before he damn near attacked me. I had to move my face away and let him kiss all over my neck. He was usually so gentle but then again we haven't seen each other since that one day he came to visit me. Our sex session then, didn't even last too long, I had to get up early the next day to fly to New Zealand.

He forced my leg around his waist and used his highly skilled fingers to invade my walls. He looking right into my eyes, watching me whimper and squirm as I held onto shower bar.

"Priiince." I whined, nearing my end. He chuckled a little before sinking down, tossing my legs over his shoulder. I rolled my eyes back feeling his hot, wet tongue on me. I put one hand over my mouth trying to muffle my oncoming moan.

I saw star for a minute, my vision was cloudy. He came back up, connecting his lips with mine. I could taste myself. I was mentally proud of myself because I tasted sweet. Go me!

He bit onto my bottom lip, letting out a little grunt as he inserted me slowly. My hands immediately show to claw his back. His sunk his teeth into my collar

"God your tight."

"Oh my God!" My voice rising a few octaves, I bit into his shoulder, bracing myself as he filled me deeper and deeper with every stroke he took.

I held onto him for dear life, my eyes stuck rolled into the back of my head. I hoped they don't get stuck just because he has good dick. I arched my back against the wall, clawing deeper into his soft skin as he left little hickies along my neck and collar.

I bucked my hips against his, starting to meet his strokes. He bit deeper and deeper into my skin. Sexy motherfucker is gonna leave a bruise. I almost felt like I was suffocating due to the steam that filled the bathroom.

My entire body twitched, causing me to squeal as I felt walls tighten against his throbbing dick.

I dug my nails deeper into him as I exploded, stars filling my vision. "Mmmm." I grunted against his shoulder that I had damn near tore apart with my teeth.

"Shit girl!" he grunted as he continued to fuck me like a madman. This was way more than the average quickie.

He pulled out and let go of my legs, his hands shooting straight to his mouth. I got on my knees, taking as much as I could of him in my mouth. I didn't usually suck dick but with Prince he just turns you out.

His little whimpers and gasped turned me on even further, he put both his hands in my hair, guiding my head up and down his shaft.

I felt him release himself into my mouth. He let out one loud and satisfied moan. "Baby I-"it reverted to gibberish as I continued to suck him off.

I finally stood up, bracing myself on him because my legs were a wobbly mess.

He pulled me in by my chin and kissed me slowly, slinking his arm around my waist. "If anybody ask yooouuu" he sang, making a little chuckle slip out from me. "Who do you belong to?" he whispered against my lips.

I giggled as he kissed my nose. "Prince."

He tightened his grip on my waist. "Who do you belong to?." he started to suck yet another hickey onto my neck. I smiled, biting my lip trying to hold in my moans. "Prince." I breathed.

He smiled against my skin. "Say it one more time baby."

I shook my head at him and his inflated ass, possessive ass ego. "Prince."

He brought his face back to mine, big smile on his face. "Your nastier than I thought."

"It's your fault." I giggled, gripping his wrists. "I believe we came in here to shower. Mr. Nelson."

He threw his head back in laughter. "Fine fine wait." He planted another wild kiss on me. "Ok i'm done.....for now."

I rolled my eyes and grabbed the loofa and the soap. "Turn around."

We enjoyed a nice shower together, in which I proceeded to sing my favorite selections from his early discography. Bambi, Dirty Mind, Sister, Soft and Wet, followed by many other...screams and all.

He grabbed my head and pulled it to him placing a kiss on it. "I love you but please.... shut the fuck up."

"Nooo." I whined buttoning up his purple silk pajama shirt that I had took the liberty of stealing. "I haven't even gotten to the best part." I cleared my throat to get back to where I was. "One thing, one thing's for certain baby I know what I want, yeah"

He put his hands over his mouth, laughing as I mimicked every single move from his performance. "And if it please you baby. Please you, baby" I dropped to my knees taking a deep inhaled. "I'm-" Prince's hand shot over my mouth.

"No more of this." He chuckled, shaking his head. "Ok?"

I rolled my eyes, before shaking my head.

"No more screaming your head off ok?"

I nodded.

"Your little whistle tone are impressive baby but please for the sake of my ears and the neighbors no more singing my songs ok?."

I rolled my eyes again, before agreeing.

"The only time I want you hitting high notes is when your on all fours."

I snatched his hand off my mouth. "Nasty ass."

"I know." He crouched down. "Hop on I wanna show you something..."

"Yay! Piggy back piggy back!" I hopped onto his back, cuddling my head into his neck we bounced along to the studio. He has a room next to the studio that decorated with bright colors. He had all his awards, gold silver and platnium records in here. It had a giant fluffy white rug filled with pink, white , purple, white, and pastel blue pillows. Pictures of himHe sat me down and went off into the studio.

"I need to do some shit like this in my house." I pulled a pillow to my chest, admiring the rest of the room. "Boy it smell good as fuck in here." I sniffed the air. "What the- what the hell is that."

He laughed at me as he walked in holding a tape. "Sex.."

He popped the tape in and cuddled in next to me. "You ready?"

"I don't know, because I swear Prince. If recorded us havin' sex again. I'll kill you. I will."

He rolled his eyes, putting his hands on his lip signaling for me to be quiet.

"I'd be the main one cryin' at the funeral but i'll-" He cupped his hand over my mouth as the song started.

Until the end of time
I'll be there 4 U
U own my heart and mind
I truly adore U
If God one day struck me blind
Your beauty I'd still see
Love is 2 weak 2 define
Just what U mean 2 me

From the first moment I saw U
Ooh, I knew U where the 1
That night I had 2 call U
I was rappin' till the sun came up
Tellin' U just how fine U look
In a word, U were sex
All of my cool attitude U took
My body was next

I put my hand over my chest, tears starting to form in my eyes. "Awe baby!" I looked at him and he was looking down with a weak smile on his far.

I crawled on top of his, wrapping my thighs around his waist. I pecked at his lips before slowing down my kisses. His hands groped my butt as we got lost into eachother. Into the music.

When we be makin' love
I only hear the sounds
Heavenly angels cryin' up above
Tears of joy pourin' down on us
They know we need each other
They know U are my fix
I know, that U know that I ain't cheatin' baby
They know this is serious
I ain't fuckin' just 4 kicks, no
This condition I got is crucial, crucial baby
U could say that I'm a terminal case
U could burn up my clothes
Smash up my ride, well maybe not the ride
But I got 2 have your face
All up in the place

And to 2 think that I'm a man of exquisite taste
A hundred percent Italian silk imported Egyptian lace
But nothin' baby, I said nothin' baby could compare
2 your lovely face
Do U know what I'm sayin' 2 ya this evening
I'm just tryin' 2 say
I'm just tryin' 2 say
That until, until the end of time
I'll be there 4 U
I'll be there 4 U
On my heart, on my mind, (truly adore U)
I truly adore U (darlin')

I pulled away from him, laying my head on his chest. I closed my eyes listening to the music.

U don't know what you're mean 2 me
Baby, (until the end of time)
Baby, (I'll be there 4 U)
Baby, (U own my heart and mind)
'Til the end of time I'll be there 4 U
(I truly adore U)
Adore U (adore U)

I grabbed his hands and pulled him up, started slow dancing to the song. It almost felt like a first dance at a wedding. I laid my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

He chuckled. "Your so dramatic."

"Shutup." I croacked, through my tears.

(until the end of time)
I'll be there for you, baby

I threw my hands to the ceiling like I caught the Holy Ghost. "Saannnng baby!"

Be with me darlin' til the end of time
I'll give U my heart
I'll give U my mind
I'll give U my body
I'll give U my time

I pouted, poking my bottom lip out. "My heart is bursting!"

4 all time I am with U
U are with me
(until the end of time)
U are with me, U are with me

I squealed and jumped into his arms. "That's the sweetest thing! That's the most beautiful song I have ever heard."

"I'm glad you like it."

"I do! In fact..." I gripped both his hands and started to pull him out the room. "Come on you deserve some nookie."

He smirked, pointing to himself. "I get some nookie."

"You get some more nookie baby."

"Aw shit now!"

We ran through the house like horny teenagers trying to get to the bedroom. He tackled me and we collapsed on the floor below the stairs. "I think I want you right here." he pulled my thigh up around his waist.

"Oh really?" I smiled, pecking him on the lips. "Well how 'bout we watch a movie first?" I need a little break before we go at it again.

"Why would we watch a movie when we can make a movie."

My eyes widened as a devilish smile creeped across his face.

"Yeah baby, all you gotta do is set it up, i'll get the props."

I pushed him off and scrambled to the closet as he ran to the kitchen. I damn near broke the doorknob off when I ripped the door open. I pulled the camera and the tripod out and made me way to the kitchen.

"Ok got the candles, the incense. the champagne, honey" he looked over the counter frantically. I bit my lip thinking of all the ways I could turn him out.

"Aye! Aye!" I yelled making him jump a little. "Don't forget the whipped cream."

"Oh lord!" He ripped open the fridge and pulled out the whipped cream. "Oh I got the cream"

He reached into the drawer and started fumbling through it. I stomped my feet, anxiously. "Ooo baby come ooon! What you lookin' for?"

He held up a cake spatula in my face. "Spatula....so I can smack it, flip it, rub it doooown."

"Oh no!!!" I squealed. "Yes baby!! Are you ready to roll Mr. Director."

"Lights..."

I struck a pose. "Yes..."

"Camera.."

I poked my butt out to him. He smacked it with the spatula. "AC-TION!!!"

We ran out the kitchen and we were half way up the stairs before there was a distressed knock on the door. We both groaned.

"Dammit!!" I squeaked.

"Go away!!" he yelled at whoever it was.

"We're not home!"

They knocked again, this time even louder.

"Baby tell whoever that is to go home!" I held up the camera. "Your on in 5. Let's go! Move it!"

I ran down the hall to the bedroom to set up everything. "If your man ain't no good. Come on over to my neighborhood. We can jump in the sack." I jumped into bed, trying to figure out what position to be in. Face down ass up? That was my go to move anyway, since my ass is quite incredible. So I chose that.

He was taking forever, and I was a minute from doing the job myself. "COME ON BABY I'M WAITING!!!"

No answer back.

I propped my cheek on my fist, highly irritated. "I swear, I will drag his lil' ass up here and rape that skinny muthafucka."

________________

"Boyfriend trouble?" he asked, pulling a seat under himself.

Troy nodded, fanning her eye trying to pull herself together. "It's stupid really. This guy I've been seeing just calls and dumps me. Middle of the night. No warning. No explanation. Just "I don't think we should see each other anymore."

"Ouch." he cringed. "That's pretty cold. How long were you together?

"Two months." she chuckled, wiping her eyes. "Actually, it was one of my longer lasting relationships. I don't know what it is but sooner or later I just seem to scare men off.
I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me."

"Awe." He puts a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Nothing's wrong with you. Your boyfriend's
A fool, that's all. A couple of us men are pretty stupid, either that or we just do dumb shit. I've done lot's of dumb shit."

She giggled. "I wish I could believe that."

"Maybe you just haven't met the right guy yet."

"I'm beginning to think all the good ones are taken."

"Look, I'm no expert but if it didn't work out, maybe it wasn't meant to be. When the right guy comes along... you'll know it.

She looks up at him with a hopeful smile. "Is that how it was with you and Jas?

"Actually, yeah." he smiled at the thought. "We both knew pretty quick. I mean we both knew the whole time but I had to nearly kill her to get the confirmation," He shook his head waving it off. "Other than that, i've never been this much in love."

"Love at first sight?"

"See I didn't believe in it either but It does happen."

"Great." She crossed her arms across her chest. "Now I'm jealous"

He chuckled. "Why?"

"She's got it all. Perfect boyfriend, perfect voice, perfect career"

"Nobody's perfect. There are problems in every relationship. The important thing
is to keep moving forward." He tapped her on the knee, trying to buck her up. "Don't get down on yourself. You're a bright, attractive girl. Any man would be lucky to have you."

She rolled her eye playfully. "Oh, yeah. Right."

"No, really." He looked around before leaning in. "If I was single..."

She frowned. "But you're not."

His eyes widened. "I just meant-"

"I know." she rolled her eyes. "You're just trying to make me feel better" She placed her hand on his thigh. " And you have." she beamed. "Thanks, Prince."

He couldn't help but smile. "Hang in there. It'll happen."

She nods taking a deep breathe. "Can I use your phone?"

"Yeah sure.." He grabbed her hand and led her upstairs to the living room.

She stood up looking around, admiring the room. "Thank you for letting me use your phone Prince, i'll only be a minute."

"Awe come on now, that's no problem and don't you rush. Let me get that coat." She turned around as he slid her coat off, folding it over his arms. "Can I get you anything?"

"White wine would be nice."

"Alright, i'll get you that." He put her coat on the rack and walked to the kitchen, sifting through the bottles that he drank only on special occasions.

"Would like some Chardonnay?" he called out to her from the kitchen.

"Yes but not to much..I lose my head when I drink."

"Whaaaat? Well then you gettin' the whole bottle" He joked, grabbing two glasses out the cabinets.

"Nope no new messages." she put the phone back on the hook and clicked off the lamp, she crossed her legs sensually as she adjusted herself on the couch.

He headed back into the living room, stopping in his tracks when he noticed the light was off.

He set down the things on the table before taking his seat, he chuckled a little."It's a little dark in here ain't it?"

"Well you know what they say, freaks come out at night." she scooted a little closer to him.

He laughed, pouring them both a glass. "I know what you mean." he handed her a glass. "Cheers?"

"Cheers."

They clinked glasses. Troy gulped hers down quickly and Prince take a small sip.

She unbuttoned her shirt revealing more cleavage.

"See all you need in your life is a real man, I think you've been messing around with boys for too long."

She grabbed his shirt collar pulling herself closer to him. "Your not a boy anymore Prince.." she rubbed her hands up and down his inner thigh. "You are a grown man."

He creased his brows. "That's uhm...that's my thigh now."

"It's a start isn't it."

"Yeah..y-yeah." He leaned in a little, almost being pulled in before hopping off the couch and pulling away.

"Woah no no no no. What are you doin'."

She hopped up starting to unbutton the clasp in her bra. "Oh come on Prince, you know we both want this."

"No no no we both don't want this." She unclasped her bra and threw it to the side revealing her breasts.

"Damn! ...I mean." He cleared his throat, trying to find the words. Listen, we're just friends ok? My baby is upstairs right now, ready to make a movie. X-rated baby. X-rated."

She put her finger to his lips, pinning him against the counter. "Shhhh, she doesn't have to know."

He moved his head all around trying to avoid her advances. "You one strong bitch. Gah damn!"

"I. Am Goin. To Eat You. Alive!" She pulled down his shirt over his shoulders.

_____________

"I swear i'm gonna tear his lil'-" I stopped mid-track in the kitchen doorway. My mouth flew open. His arm wrapped around her waist, her hands in his hair. I cocked my head to the side and started cracking my knuckles.

"I GUESS THIS IS THE NIGHT BITCHES DIE!!"

They both turned to look at me, looking like a deer in headlights.

"H-Hey baby!" Prince greeted me, his voice high pitch. All Troy did was wave.

I nodded, because I was taking that waving bitch hand with me tonight. I called my driver really quickly and told him to be here asap.

I stomped over to the drawer and pulled out the biggest knife I could find. "Excuse me?..."

He pushed her off, putting both his hands up in the air. "Wait baby let me explain."

"Jasmyn wait! Let me explain."

She stepped towards me but I held my knife up so she backed up with both hands up standing next to Prince.

"I am so sorry."

Prince sighed in relief. "Thank you.' he wiped invisible sweat off his forehead. "Wooo."

"I had no idea Prince had a girlfriend."

Prince turned his head slowly, mouth wide open. "What!?!" He looked to me with the same expression.

"He never mentioned you..."

He turned back to her, same expression on his face. "What!!!??"

I shifted my weight to my other foot, resting my knifeless hand on my hip. "Is that so?"

"No that is not so!"

"I would've never let him kiss me."

He dropped his arm, looking between us completely dumbfounded. "Aw damn!....She's lying, she was all up on me, on the counter-"

"I am so embarrassed, i think i'd better be going. Prince didn't tell me oops." she picked her bra up off the floor. "Used." She walked into the living room to grab her coat. I watched her, my hands starting to shake.

"I am really sorry, I am very sorry." She left, leaving us alone. I heard a little laughter coming from Prince behind me. I dropped the knife, I didn't need jail time over this shit.

"She- Like I did that?"

I held my lips tightly together, trying to control the tears about to burst out of me.

"Baby she's lyin'"

"I don't wanna hear it. I'm gone, I trusted you." I stormed out to the door.

"Wait wait baby wait wait now. Prince cut me off, trying to grab my hands but I snatched back with both my hands up.

"Wait ok..woah" He was laughing at this whole thing but I didn't see what the fuck was do damn funny. "Your taking her side."

"I know what I saw Prince."

His face dropped. "Well you gon' believe me or your own eyes."

I clenched my fist in the air, trying to not respond to the foolishness that just left his lips. "You said she was just a friend Prince."

"She is!!"

"Then what the hell was she doing here?"

"She had some boy troubles and I helped her through it."

"You did!! I saw!! Do you think i'm stupid Prince?"

He looked to the side then back to me. "No I don't think your stupid."

"Yes you do!"

I waved him off and tried to make a run for the door.

"Jas! Jas!..." he cut my off once again, I took the chances to throw a few licks at him.

"Baby ok think...think. Would I be dumb enough to cheat on you while you upstairs?"

I huffed. "I don't know nigga would you?"

"Wrong! Your so wrong!" he walked over to the coffee table. I followed behind him.

I was outraged. "I'm wrong?! I'm wrong? Look at-" I pointed to the champagne that was sitting out on the table. "How am I wrong in this situation Prince?"

"Because if I was gonna cheat on you then I would've took a woman over to Jerome's" I closed his eyes as soon as he realized what he just said.

I gasped, watching him bite his knuckle cursing himself. "Is that where you usually go?"

"NO!" He held out his hands as a few nervous chuckles slipped out. "Come on now baby, stop stop."

I ripped off his guitar pick necklace and stepped towards him.

"Stop it now come on."

I dropped it in the empty glass. "Goodbye Prince."

I turned on my heels leaving, being sure to slam the door behind me. I hopped in the running van, closing the door behind me. Prince calling after me on the porch being muffled.

"Take me back to my place and step on it."

And he did exactly as I said.

I reached under my seat and pulled out a folded up comic book page. It was from The Killing Joke. It was my favorite comic because it was based on Joker, his story. The story of how life fucked with him so much that he dove head first into insanity. It had my favorite quote from him. I held it to my chest and I cuddled my knees to my chest and closed my eyes.

"Memories can be vile. Repulsive little brutes, like children I suppose. But can we live without them? Memories are what our reason is based upon. If we can't face them, we deny reason itself! Although, why not? We aren't contractually tied down to rationality. There is no sanity clause. So when you find yourself locked down in an unpleasant train of thought, heading for the places in your past where the screaming is unbearable, remember: There's always madness. You can just step outside and close the door, and all those dreadful things that happened, you can lock them away. Madness... is an emergency exit."
~ The Joker