It's been 3 months and 4 days since I've talked to or seen Prince. He's called, sent a few lavender roses but Hannah just tells him I'm not home. I have to leave the room when she says it though. I don't wanna be around when she lies to him. It's not like I had a lot of time to think about it anyway. I was so busy trying to get this album done. But in all honesty I made myself busy. I threw myself into my music. My writing kicked up ten fold after I stopped seeing Prince so much.

I was sitting in the studio downstairs, in silence. In a purple onesie, surrounded by all the flowers Prince sent. You would think they would make me feel worse but they actually made me smile. I glanced around the room searching my thoughts for inspiration, mindlessly tapping my pencil on my notebook. I had got to writing poetry. I keep it in a small notebook, underneath my mattress. I can't keep anything in a drawer because Michael practically moved in after the accident. I rolled my eyes at the thought. But he's never home anyway. He's always out at the studio. Late. He's working on his follow up album to Thriller. He wants to call it Smooth Criminal but me and Quincy think he should call it Bad. The song has more of a title track feel to it if you ask me, but hey it's his career.

I was supposed to do a song on it called "I Just Can't Stop Loving You." I told him I couldn't, that I didn't wanna be overexposed. But really I just can't bring myself to sing a bunch of lies.

Speaking of albums I had finished sequencing my album yesterday and it's at the label right now being listened to. I went to play it to a few executives a few and they loved it. They think I got a few number one singles on there. So they are gonna play it to the head of the label today.

I heard the phone ring. I really didn't feel like talking. I haven't talked much lately. I haven't felt like it to be honest. Everyone think I'm borderline depressed over the Michael getting burned thing, but it's not that. I closed my notebook and waited a few more rings before I walked across the room to get it.

"Hello" I answered, trying to put as much pep in my tone as I could. Which wasn't a lot but it's better than it has been.

"Hey babe."

"Hey Michael." I sighed and flopped down in the chair next to the phone.

"I called to say I'm not gonna make it to dinner tonight. I have-"

"Another late night at the studio I know. Have fun." He does this every single time. We haven't been out in forever. Granted, I'm always working but he never has anytime for me at all. The only reason I'm giving him a pass is because I did this to him at one point. I don't know. Maybe it's the guilt.

"I'm sorry I'll make it up to you I promise. I love you." and he blew a kiss into the phone.

"You too." I forced out and the line went silent between us. So I hung up, I forced a smile on my face. I don't know why. I didn't have to. Maybe, I was so used to doing it these days. I just can't snap out of it. I went back over to where I was across the room and settled back down into the chair.

I opened my notebook and flipped a few pages to where I was writing.

I added in a few more lines before I dropped my pen and closed my notebook to head upstairs.

On my way upstairs I heard the doorbell ring. My heart fluttered a little. I always expect it to be Prince but it never is.

I sighed before opening the door, and no it wasn't Prince. but it was bouncing bubbly Naomi.

"Hi Jas!" She jumped and hugged me around my neck and walked past me. "So how's everything going? You seemed kinda down lately so I came to cheer you up."

"Hannah sent you?"

"Yup." She admitted and flopped down onto the living room couch. "She said if I don't make you smile, she'll shove her foot so far up my boney ass i'll taste the red leather in her Louboutin soles so here I am."

"Ah." I nodded and sat down in the chair next to the couch.

"So what's wrong? You seem kind of down lately." She leaned in and looked around a little. "Are you not satisfied in the you know what department?"

"Oh my god Naomi!!"

"What? I mean I had a roommate back in college, her and her boyfriend did it every single day. She used to put this black silk sock on the door. One time on spring break, he had a internship in Sweden. Long story short she went into a sexual depression like I've never seen. It was crazy."

"Well that's not my problem" I tossed my notebook on the coffee table.

"What is it then you look like you lost your best friend."

"Not my best friend I just-" I clapped my hand together and sat up. "You know what i'm just hungry that's all. I'll smile when I eat something."

"Oh sure I can do that." She bolted up. "Yeah what did you want?"

"Actually, tonight we can go to dinner tonight." I stood up and grabbed her arm and started pushing her out the door.

"But Jasmyn what did you-"

"We can go to Bottega Louie, my treat."

"But Hannah said-" I rolled my eyes because I was about sick of Hannah these days.

"Yeah i'm fine see." I flashed her a cheesy smile and pushed her out the door a little. She turned around to face me at the door.

"See you tonight at 8:00" She opened her mouth to speak but I closed the door in her face.

I dragged myself up to my room and flopped face first onto the bed. I screamed into cover to let out a little bit of the frustration I was feeling. I felt a little bit better no doubt, but once the sound subsided. The depression sunk back in. I turned over onto my back and watched the ceiling fan. I just wanna be left alone by everyone.

Well not everyone. I groaned and turned onto my side and brought my feet to my chest.

The one person I want is the one person I can't be around.

Maybe Hannah was right, maybe I do have deeper feelings for Prince than what I care to admit. Well, Prince hasn't admitted his feelings either. I crossed my arms and huffed because I kind of started to mentally argue with myself. And I actually started to get irritated so I stopped. I shouldn't be this depressed because I haven't seen Prince in a while but I am. He made me happy. He kept me on edge. Plus who's gonna annoy me now?

Then Hannah popped into my head.

Work on your relationship she said. Things will be better she said. If anything our relationship is worse than before. He's never home, when he's here we aren't even in the same room. He flakes on me when it comes to dates. I actually suggest places for us to go, but he's busy writing and recording. Always at the studio, at all hours of the night.

Maybe this is what I get. Maybe God is punishing me for with what I did to Michael a couple of years ago. Pushing him away so I could focus on my career. I was never this bad, at least when he suggested to go place I would put aside a little bit of time but maybe this is how Michael felt. Maybe that's why he's treating me like this now.

I scooted to the top of the bed and decided to take a nap until 7:00. However, my mind was racing so much that instead of napping I ended staring into the ceiling fan until I got irritated and decided to sit in a nice bubble bath.

I finally dozed off in the tub and the sound of my phone ringing off the hook woke me up. I didn't want to answer it, I knew for a fact it was Naomi but something in the back of my mind was telling me that it could maybe just maybe be Prince. When I answered it my suspicions were confirmed and it was none other than Naomi. She said she called me to remind me that we had plans tonight.

As much of a task it was, I got dressed.

The doorbell rung as I was putting on my earrings. "Just a minute" I called out and ran down the stairs to open the door.

"Jasmyn!" Naomi greeted me, big smile just beaming on my face. "You ready to go?"

I nodded and she linked arms with mine and we made our way to the car. When I tell you that Naomi can talk. She talked the entire ride. I never knew she talked this much, she's endearing she really is. She actually made me forget about everything for a while.

We arrived at Bottega Louie. We stepped out the car and there were a few reporters around. Victor tried to keep them from taking pictures of us.

"Jasmyn when can we expect the new album?"

"Can we expect the awaited collaboration with his royal badness?"

"Are you and Michael tying the knot?"

"Is Michael ever going to perform again?"

"Is it true that your having an affair with Prince?"

I started to tear up at the questions. So I put my head down to avoid the camera flashes and picked up my pace and walked ahead of Naomi to make it inside the restaurant. 

We took our seats inside and opened our menus. I could feel Naomi staring at me, I cut my eyes up and yes she was staring at me.

"Yes Naomi."

 "I'm so sorry about that Jas the night is already going bad." 

"It's fine really i'm used to it. They don't affect me anymore." She looked at me like she didn't believe me. So I forced a smile on my face, which brought a smile to hers. 

__________________________________________

I got home from the long drawn out dinner with Naomi. She's a sweetheart, a bundle of energy. I was happy for the time that I was with her but once I walked into the house and I heard the sound of the door closing echoing through the house it all sunk back in again. Plus those reporter's questions started replaying in my head again. 

I tossed my heels to the side and made my way to the bathroom for a shower. I spent most of my time in the shower thinking. When I got done putting my hair up into the pineapple, I got snuggled into the bed and grabbed my notebook. I finished the last few lines to the poem I was working on earlier. I read it over once before I went to bed. I took a deep exhale, feeling a little better now that I got my feelings on paper. I looked over at the clock.

3:45

Another night without Michael. Typical. I stuffed my notebook under my mattress and settled into bed. Alone.

So what are you going to say at my funeral now that you've killed me?

Here lies the body of the love of my life

Who's heart I broke without a gun to my head.

Rest in peace my true love

Who I took for granted.

Who because of me sleep evaded.

Her shroud is loneliness

Her God was listening

Her heaven will be a love without betrayal

Ashes to ashes

Dust to trust