It was quiet that night in my house. Peeta and I sat at the table and ate without as much as a passing comment about the food. I did notice that Peeta was watching me, his eyes lingering on me as he chewed and I avoided making contact with them.

After half a meal of staring and silence I put my utensils down loudly. “Okay, what is it?”

He smiled warmly, the expression on his face so pensive. “I’m just… I just can't believe this is real.”

“You know, I don’t really believe it either. It’s all kind of like a big, nightmarish dream.”

“What the hell were you thinking? Volunteering for the games? You could have died before anything even got done.”

“It was the best way to do it, it was my idea and I didn’t want anyone else doing it anyway.”

“You really are going out of your way; it’s not up to you to do all of this.” He said softly.

“This is what I had to do to get Haymitch back, and if I have to go further to take down the people who ruined so many lives then I have to. No one will ever change my mind or make me think I’m doing this for the wrong reasons. Yeah when I first had the idea I wanted to do it for me, but now… I know how many other families have been ripped apart. How many more people have to die for them to prove that they’re in charge? How many more people have to die because they are so scared to lose the control?” I wasn’t so much asking him as I was asking myself.

I don’t think I will ever get an answer.

“Well I’m on your side until this thing is over.”

“And then?”

“Well there will only be one side to choose wont there?” We gave each other hard knowing looks.

We both know it, we’ll either win this thing, or both end up dead.

I piled the few dishes that we made in the sink and felt his arms wrap around me and squeeze me tightly. I couldn’t help laughing; I didn’t see it coming at all.

“What is this for?” I said as I tried to stop laughing.

“Thank you.” He said softly as he rested his head on my back.

“For what?”

“Bringing him back.”

“I had to.”

“This isn’t going to end well… is it?” This time it was his turn to ask the questions he didn’t need answers to.

I sighed and we stood there for a while, his arms loosely around me and his cheek resting on the back of my shoulder.  After a long moment of just thought I spoke up.

“I want to keep things as subtle as possible until it’s completely unavoidable to send this thing into a full blown war. War means more death, and I want to prevent it for as long as I can.”

“How long do you think that’ll be?” He murmured into my shoulder.

“Hard to say…”

We didn’t say any more on the subject of war after that. We didn’t really say anything at all.

We headed to bed quite early, I climbed in and he followed suit. Usually our hands don’t meet until we’re almost asleep. It’s almost as if we’re pretending that the other is asleep so things aren’t weird, but we know it’s happening.

That night we lay there staring at the ceiling, not touching, in silence until Peeta finally spoke.

“So where to from here?” He said quietly.

“Well, for now I pretend that I am barely coping with being stuck out here. I do all the appearances and promos in the Capitol. I give them their precious satisfaction. Then come the games I try and save more tributes, and avoid suspicion for as long as possible. When hell breaks loose I go underground and this thing really gets started.”

“So nothing concrete?”

“Not really. I’m waiting for someone to tell me that I need to change the plan. If someone does, then I’ll stop and figure out something else, but for now I have to keep with the basics.” I sighed.

This time he reached out for my hand early. We laced our fingers together and I breathed out to calm myself.

“I know I can do this and I have to keep telling myself that.”

“Well I think what you’ve done so far is pretty remarkable. Getting out of that arena alone is… not too easy.” He laughed a little.

We talked about some of the things that were involved in my plan, some of the things that could go wrong. We talked until we sort of drifted off to sleep.

I began to dream as soon as I lost consciousness.

I was watching the games, I was watching my tribute. She was searching for food in a dense Pine forest and the other tributes were nowhere near her. I sighed with relief. I could see the other mentors watching their tributes; there was Peeta, three stations to my left. He had a hard look on his face, like he was trying to solve a riddle.

“They’re all so far away from one another,” Peeta spoke as if to himself but everyone could hear him.

I was trying to send my tribute food but before I could Peeta pressed his button, sending rocks flying down the hilly slopes and the tributes running toward each other.

I had to stop it, I had to save her.

I looked down at all my buttons and dials and I pulled one. When the mutts began running for her my blood ran cold. My stomach twisted into knots and I jumped back from the board. All of the mentors had red eyes, filled with blood and anger and malice, even Peeta. They watched hungrily as tributes were crushed by boulders and torn apart by ferocious mutts.

My tribute was screaming as the mutts tore her open, exposing her insides and killing her slowly. I did that to her, we aren’t mentors… we’re game-makers.

I woke up with Peeta trying to restrain me as I screamed and kicked. In the dark his eyes looked like they were swimming in blood and I became terrified that it wasn’t just a dream. I shoved my palm up into his face and he recoiled so I kicked him off me and ran frantically for the door.

I couldn’t see straight, it was dark and I had to escape. I ran groggily down the hall and slammed myself into a door, frantically trying to get in. I scratched at the door so hard that my fingers became raw and red. I threw my body at the door until it opened and I fell to the floor.

It was so dark and I was shaking as I tried to pick myself up and before I knew it someone had their arms around me and was pulling me across the room.

“Get off me! Leave me please! Stop it!” I screamed as I struggled against their arms and as they threw me down I felt my nails rake their skin.

“Olivia, please wake up!” His voice was so distant because all I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears.

And then I heard the familiar squeak of the taps and I was hit with a cold stream of water. I gasped and sat upright, every inch of me shaking. I could no longer hear my heart in my ears; I didn’t feel the chronic paranoia.

“Peeta…” I whimpered.

I could hear him panting and he put his hand out for me to hold. My fingers were numb and my sides ached, I was afraid to see what Peeta looked like. I could remember everything so very clearly; the dream and the hallucinations alike.

“I’m sorry…” I said shakily.

“It’s okay; I was the same as you last year.” He sighed.

I started to sob.

“Come on; let’s get you out of those damp clothes.” He helped me out of the bath and practically carried me downstairs.

I don’t remember much of the night after that.

I woke up in the morning alone in my room. I lay there for a while trying to gain the courage to get up. I gently put my feet on the floor and stood up tenderly. I tried to stretch out but recoiled when I felt the pain in my sides. I walked to the bathroom to look in the mirror. I could already see that some of the skin had been scraped off my fingers and the paint on the bathroom door was scratched in a few places.

I lifted my shirt and gasped when I saw the bruises on my sides. They must have been from the bath, Peeta had to have thrown me down pretty hard. I don’t begrudge him that, he was saving me.

When I cleaned myself up and dressed, I headed downstairs. There was a loaf of bread on the table but Peeta was gone. I know where he is of course. He’s gone to see Haymitch.

I started out for the old log myself. I was a little sore from last night but I managed to get there in one piece. As I headed down the corridor I could hear their muffled voices. I pressed my ear against the door to listen.

“It’d the same thing that happened to me Haymitch; you remember how hard that was for me to break.”

“Yes and you were more alone than she is. It will get better. You know that.”

“I still have the nightmares Haymitch! I still have them and sometimes I wake up and have the same kind of paranoia that she did last night. You should have seen her Haymitch, it was like she didn’t even recognise me, or remember what I’ve been through.”

“She probably didn’t. You remember what it was like for you. Do you remember that time I woke you up from the nap and you had me bruised and bleeding? It’s the same. It only gets better with time.”

“I don’t know how you did it; I don’t know how you helped me. I don’t know how to help her.”

“All you can do is be there. I didn’t know how to help you, I still don’t. But it’s your job as her mentor, as her friend, as whatever else you are to her. I can't do it so promise me you will.”

“If she knows I’m protecting her she’ll pull away, she won’t want me to think she’s weak.”

“She is a bit like me in that way isn’t she?” I heard Haymitch chuckle to himself. “You just have to try.”

It was silent for a moment so I opened the door.

“I thought I’d find you here, what are you- oh!” I gasped at the sight of him.

Peeta had three scratches on the side of his neck and a purple shadow under his eye.

“I am so sorry Peeta!” I walked up to him and put my hand on the side of his face gently.

“Don’t be, I’m sure you’re a little worse for wear. Besides, you should have seen the state of Haymitch after I’d had at him after the games last year.” His smile was so warm and forgiving that I couldn’t help but return it.

As Peeta and I were looking intently at one another I heard Haymitch start talking.

“Well hello father, so wonderful to see you.” I couldn’t help but laugh.