I can't remember how this got started
But I can tell you exactly how it will end
Nine Inch Nails - Every Day is Exactly the same

~ ~ ~

A scream tore through the darkness, followed by a sound of something clashing and shattering. And then, somebody called my name. One of my names, anyway.

"Builders be damned, Sky! What happened to you?"

I opened my eyes slowly. Moon stood bent over me, I could feel her hands on my shoulders. She looked like she had just seen a ghost.

"What's... where..." I mumbled with a heavy tongue, slowly rising to a sitting position.

Soft light fell through the window of our room, chasing the last shadows of night into their corners.

"What the fuck happened? Are you hurt?" Moon asked again.

I felt like at least half of my brain was still asleep as I stared back at her, trying to process what was going on. She was wearing shoes and a jacket, and a terrified look on her face. I looked down at myself, and realized I still had shoes and my jacket on me too, among all kinds of other things. Dirt, ash, and blood, mostly.

"No... I'm not hurt..." I muttered, as the events of the previous night slowly returned to me.

"What HAPPENED to you?" she repeated for the third time.

"There was an accident... in the city... we- I helped."

I rubbed my temples. My head was pounding, and a flurry of images passed before my mind's eye, most of which I just wanted to forget forever.

"That explosion last night? You were there?"

I nodded very slowly, and it felt like my brain was slushing around within my skull. I wanted nothing but to sleep some more, but I realized that there was something else I had to do first. As I got up from the bed, I had to hold on to my nightstand to stop myself from keeling over backwards again.

"Last night..." I started, "Where have you been...?"

"I was at the factory, it got late and I... I stayed with a friend in the city, it was closer," she explained somewhat hesitantly. "But, Sky, why didn't you call me? You should have called me! Are you really sure that you're not hurt?"

I shook my head, then I nodded, then I shrugged. The all-encompassing ache that had taken a hold of my body really seemed like the least of my problems right now. Moon must have realized that something wasn't right. She pulled me into a tight hug that made every fiber in body scream with pain, but I let it happen. For a moment, I just rested my head against her shoulder and shut out the rest of the world for.

"When I came in just now, and I saw you lying there like this... I thought you were dead," she mumbled into my hair. "You had me so worried."

"I'm fine."

It was a lie. But I had to say it, more to myself than to her, to muster the strength to tell her a truth that I simply couldn't bear to keep to myself any longer.

"I just need a shower and some fresh clothes. And then... then I need to tell you why I was in the city last night."

~ ~ ~

I didn't exactly look like a picture of health as I made my way across campus an hour later, but at least I didn't feel nor look like a walking corpse any longer. Once I had washed the grime of last night's occurrences from my body, I had told Moon everything that had happened between me and Blaze, leading up to our meeting last night. I realized that I had broken the rules of my own deal, but that didn't exactly matter any longer.

Everything is just... back where it's supposed to be. Right where it belongs, I thought, absentmindedly touching the pendant on my neck. Even if that means I am now back on one side of the wall, and he's on the other. It's better like this. I just don't want anybody to get hurt because of me, even if it means I'll be hurting.

Moon didn't agree with that assessment. She had called me a fucking idiot for walking away and ending things like this. For considering things ended in general. And for a second there, I almost allowed myself to break down and just cry. Because part of me agreed with her, and that part wanted nothing but to be at Blaze's side right now, to be there for him. But a much larger part of me couldn't bear the guilt. I couldn't change what had already happened, and there was nothing I could do to absolve me of my guilt and my role in this.

So I set my mind on the things that I could still do. There was somebody I could still save.

Fragmented thoughts whirled through my head as I walked towards the Lighthouse with determination in my step.

Experimental amnesiacs to erase trauma. Missing files. A neurosurgeon working in the private sector. A prototype interface.

Tap into the limitless potential of your dreams. Weaver Corp.

A prison. A nightmare with no escape. Hell. Tartaros.

And a name: Amber Heatherfield.

Over and over I let those things pass through my head, unable to see any connection, but I knew that it was there. It had to be there. This couldn't be a coincidence. Something was happening with me, inside my mind. A terrible secret lay hidden somewhere inside me, like a festering disease. I had to contain it before it could break out.

Tartaros is real. It is a place that exists somewhere. It must be, I thought as I sat down in front of a terminal in the library. Because there is no way that I just somehow taught myself origami in a dream. Or to play the piano.

My own reflection on the black screen of the terminal stared back at me, stone-faced, before it sprang to life.

Or poetry in French.

My fingers hovered over the glowing keys for a second, and I found myself unable to decide where to begin. I heard a voice whisper, as close as if it was right next to my ear, and shuddered.

Through the night swim horror and blasphemy....

Yes, I thought. That's a start.

And I began to type.

~ ~ ~

Twenty minutes later, I stared at the multitude of open windows on the screen, trying to make sense of what I saw. It seemed to me like I had all the puzzle pieces laid out before me, and even put together, but the resulting picture was blank.

I started with the images of the girl with the auburn braids. Amber Heatherfield. Bridge. She, at least, was definitely real.

But that doesn't help me. It doesn't help at all!

Because that girl was dead.

Apparently, she had been an actress who had played various roles in ridiculous soap operas and drama movies. And she had passed away more than a year ago in a horrific accident. Her fans had loved her, and she had been lovingly called 'Queen of Hearts'. Her nickname had become some sort of brand, especially after her death, when a series of various products had been launched and marketed with her face posthumously, among them the perfume for which I had seen an ad in the city.

So why am I seeing a dead girl in my dreams? I asked myself.

Maybe you just saw her face at some point, in one of those movies or shows. And she ended up in your dream?

The second voice in my head was back, and we argued back and forth.

But then who are the others?

I didn't want to think about any of them as dead. There was certainly a possibility that they were representations of people I had seen at some point in my life and simply couldn't remember consciously.

Maybe they are dead too.

With a deep sigh, I pulled the interface goggles from my nose and pressed my palms against the hollows of my eyes until flickers of nameless colors danced before them like fireworks.

Think about it, the voice whispered. Tartaros...And Lethe.... the river that the dead pass on the way into the underworld.

Still, I am clearly not dead! I insisted.

But perhaps you were. For a brief moment. In the Grey.

The shock of that realization drove all live out of my body for a moment. I stared at the screen blankly, without seeing anything, and the silence in my mind that followed that thought was roaring.

But what about the simulations? I can hardly believe that hell downsized and replaced fire and sulfur pits with sim interfaces. I'm certain the forest was a sim, and I broke it. And so was that marsh where I was during those five days... or nights. And the maze... I think it is a simulation too, or something... in between.

So... a simulated hell in a dream of purgatory?

I ignored the scoffing tone of the voice.

The water maze... I ended up there whenever I broke out of a simulation. And they didn't like that. Whoever they were.

Whoever were they? the voice echoed back.

I lifted my head and looked at the screen again. Among the countless open windows, one displayed an address, and a name: Doctor Line, employee of Weaver Corp.

I guess there is no other option left.

~ ~ ~

I crossed the campus grounds in a daze. I knew I had classes that I should probably attend, but these were personal matters, health related issues, something like that. Surely I could be excused for one morning. I took a turn towards the campus central train station, when I heard somebody call out my name behind me.

I turned around and spotted Ray sprinting towards me.

"Sky, I've been looking for you everywhere!" She put her hands on my shoulders and took a second to catch her breath. "I heard what happened last night and-"

"I... I cannot really talk right now," I mumbled. Especially not about that, of all things.

"No! Yes! I mean, that's not why I was looking for you, actually." She straightened her back and took a deep breath. "The Captain wanted to see you."

"Talon?" I asked in surprise.

"Do we have another one that I don't know of?"

"Why?"

"I have no idea. Seems like they tried to reach you via com, but you didn't pick up. Considering what happened I thought.... I thought maybe you turned it off and went to be on your own, which is absolutely understandable, but...it seemed urgent, so I decided to go looking for you. You should not make her wait."

"Of course," I muttered, still baffled. "Thank you."

As I turned to leave she held on to my hand for a moment to stop me.

"Hey, Sky. If... if you want to talk about what happened... you know you can come to me anytime, right?"

"Yeah," I said, and forced myself to smile. "Thanks."

"See you later in class?"

"Sure. See you later."

I turned back to where I had come from and set off towards the Keres headquarters, where Captain Talon had her office, at a brisk pace. My heart was pounding in my chest and my hands were shaky as I turned my com back on. As expected, I found it flooded with several messages from Moon, Bastion, Ray, Captain Talon, and Blaze. But I ignored all of them the moment I spotted a single one from somebody completely unexpected – the nurse.

I ran into a problem during my quest for your files, he wrote, Could you pass by so we could discuss it?

I cudgeled my brain over the question what the nurse could possibly have found or want all the way until I arrived in front of Captain Talon's office. Only then the more immediate question of what she might want came to mind. But it was too late to worry about that now. I knocked softly and was called inside.

The moment I opened the door, I realized that no amount of pessimism could have prepared me for what awaited me.

Next to the Captain stood the Artificial nurse, and in front of her desk, now turning around to look at me as I entered, sat the Talos commando and the lead investigator of the Lambda Task Force.