Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;
And Spring herself, when she woke at dawn,
Would scarcely know that we were gone.

There will come soft rains - Sara Teasdale

~ ~ ~

A song was alive in the air. It drifted around like petals fallen from a flower, swaying back and forth with the wind, and my mind was dancing along with them. The smooth keys felt familiar under my fingers as I struck them gently. My hands danced across them like the petals in the breeze and I felt completely at peace.

They might have thought I was playing for them, but nothing could have been farther from the truth. I only played for myself. But I knew that they would force me to stop and take all of this away from me sooner or later. While somebody else might have come to think of it as a display of their generosity that they let me play at all, I didn't. No, this was simply where I belonged. To keep this from me, it was wrong. Against my very nature.

But I knew that this was but a fleeting moment of respite before the pain would begin anew. I was running out of time, and I had this feeling that there was something important that I had to do, without quite knowing what it was.

While I struggled to remember, I could feel my heart swell in my chest, until it seemed too big for my ribcage. Something inside of me was struggling, reaching, pulling and pushing all at the same time. The feeling spread through my body, heavy like lead in my veins, and yet my hands continued to move, swiftly and gently across the keys. I heaved a sigh, and as I drew another breath, the air that filled my lungs seemed to battle against the liquid lead in my veins. And when my voice filled the room, I realized that the feeling was the song, battling for its release.

I stretch my mind until it snaps
To suspend your belief
On invisible threads

To break a bone that cannot crack
You bleed me dry
Drink my regret

A whispered promise breaks a heart
And vivid ghosts still dance at night

Until the light of dawn tears us apart
In a world I watch through luminite

Between a violent truth
And death's sweet embrace
I dance with the ghosts and dream of your face

Between the darkness within
And the shadows below
Lie the answers to questions you don't yet know

Between death and a dream
Which would you chose?
You can only win if nothing's left to lose

The song ended, but the melody continued to linger in the air around me. I let it embrace me like a comforting blanket. And I thought if I had ever doubted that I could truly love a person from the bottom of my heart, this song was the proof that I could.

~ ~ ~

I held my breath despite knowing that it wouldn't make a difference. The creatures in the dark alley below me couldn't hear me as long as I just wasn't moving my unit. I counted eleven of the wolf-like beasts, as they sniffed the ground below us and paced about in irritation. They were gnarly, covered in ragged fur and bald spots with sores and blisters, their watery eyes were crusted and blind. They couldn't see very well, it seemed, but they could smell and hear us all the better. They looked miserable, but they could be dangerous even to an ADM suit when attacking in a pack like this.

I had thought that Steel's theoretical introduction into flawed sims would have prepare us for the experience of actually being in one, but it turned out that I was painfully wrong. From the moment we had pulled the goggles over our eyes and entered the simulation, this whole mission had been one disaster after another. We had been grouped together like the last time and found ourselves in the ruined desert city from the previous training mission - the one with the worms - but this time, a sand storm was ravaging through the streets. It interfered with our sensors and our coms, caused the surroundings to flicker and our interface displays to glitch, and over time, the sand seemed to seep into every nook and cranny of the robo suits, blocking servos, disturbing electric circuitry and causing weapon systems to malfunction.

Despite all that, my team had somehow made it to the pickup point for the salvage, which we had to pry from the teeth of several of those wolf-creatures below. Consequently, our bounty and our units were splattered with their blood, and they had been tracking us ever since. Now we were almost out of power and ammo. I had sent Lily, who was piloting an EVA this time, and Blaze, ahead to escort Flash who carried the cargo, and Ray's drone which couldn't fly in these conditions, but at least had functioning sensors. Meanwhile, I had successfully managed to distract the wolves from their tracks, but in the process had gotten trapped in a dead end alley. I had tried to climb up the wall, but a servo in my unit's arm had malfunctioned, and now I had to sit here and wait until the internal repair systems had finished their routine.

I was so dangerously low on ammunition that I couldn't expect to take out all of the creatures, even from my vantage point, perched on a window sill above them. But at least I was protected from the violent storm here, so I just sat tight and waited.

"Sky, are you still there?" I heard Lily's voice over the com.

The sudden sound startled me, causing me to move just the tiniest bit. Below me, one of the wolves reared its ugly head and sniffed the air.

"Yes," I replied, "What about you?"

"We reached the salvage point. The way was clear."

I breathed a sigh of relief. That meant the mission was complete, at least.

"Blaze is heading your way. Something about 'nobody gets left behind' or other. We're gonna go offline for now. Good luck."

Her calm demeanor was a nice change from her usual cattiness, and I found myself smiling. The mission had us all on edge, but when faced with such a challenge, they had all performed professionally and admirably. Now the only thing left to do was to try and keep my perfect unit retrieval record up.

At the far side of the alley, from the thick veil of sand that the storm buffeted around, a shadow emerged. The creatures hadn't noticed him yet.

"Yo, stop hanging around in this alley and let's clean up this place," Blaze's voice came over the private channel.

"Very funny," I replied drily.

That very moment a message popped up on my flickering interface that the servo had been patched up for now. I tried to move the unit's arm again, it was still stiff. I looked up along the wall.

"You shouldn't have come here and risk your unit. I could just try to climb up and escape via the roofs, you now."

"With that broken servo? Even if you could, there wouldn't be much fun in that, would it?"

I hated to admit it, but he was probably right. The arm probably wouldn't able to support the unit's weight, but it might still pack a punch. And together we had a veritable chance at this.

"How many shots've you got left?" he asked.

"Six."

"Better make it count."

"Yes, sir," I replied sarcastically, and pushed myself off the window sill.

My unit landed on the ground below with a thud, and all the wolves simultaneously raised their heads to look at me. But before they had probably realized what was happening, I had shot down the two closest to me.

The alley was narrow, and there wasn't much room to fight, so when they came at me, the situation quickly became chaotic. From the corner of my vision, I saw Blaze crossing the distance between us to come to my aid. He shot another wolf, right as it was about to jump at my units' face. The beasts were furious now, and I couldn't even hold it against them, after all, we had invaded their territory. Nonetheless, and even though it was a simulation, I was reluctant to continue shedding any blood if it could be avoided. Therefore – and also because I now only had four shots left - I relied mostly on hand-to-hand combat, which proved an interesting challenge in this flurry of claws and teeth.

The creatures were ugly, but smart. Or at least Steel had made them so. They knew that they were stronger when they worked together, and two of them lunged at me from opposite sides. I turned, and shot them with the two blasters attached to the EVA's arms -two shots left. It was time to get these units home. Suddenly, I saw an opening, and grabbed Blaze's unit by the hand, dragging him with me as I sprinted towards the exit of the alley. Another wolf jumped in front of us, trying to block our path. We fired at the same time, and both hit. One shot left.

We scurried around the corner, and into the storm. Immediately, a buzzing, static sound crept up in the background of the environmental transmission. The storm and the surviving wolves in the alley behind us seemed to howl together, and we pressed on, while the world around us flickered violently as if the violent storm was buffeting the virtual reality itself.

Just before we reached the relay station, I could hear another noise on top of the cacophony of sounds, and whirled around just in time to shoot the last wolf coming at us. When the bunker door finally closed behind us, I heaved a deep breath of relief and pulled my goggles off before the interface even switched to the mission score. The exhaustion I felt dulled out my euphoria over another perfect mission record.

Steel was standing in front of my rig, eyeing me almost warily over the tablet in his hands.

"Your ambition amuses me, cadet. But one of these days, you're gonna have to make a sacrifice. The real world out there is not gonna wait until you repair your servos and get back on track. But... for today, good job."

"Thank you sir. It really wasn't easy this time."

"Wait till you experience a radiation storm out there," he said with an ominous grin, "The flickering you saw so far, that's nothing. Ah well, better luck for me next time."

Around us, everybody had already packed up and left while Blaze and I were still cleaning up our rigs. Just as we were about to head out, Steel called out behind us.

"Cadets, before you leave..."

At the tone of his voice, I froze in mid motion. From the corner of my eye I looked over to Blaze, who looked just as startled as me, and then turned around to face Steel. He wore a deadpan expression as he looked back at me, and somehow that just made me all the more worried about what he could possibly want. His gaze swung over to Blaze next to me and he narrowed his eyes at him.

"Mister Blaze. Did you think I wouldn't realize that you were sneaking in here, or did you think I just wouldn't care?" he crossed his arms and looked at Blaze sternly, and I could feel my whole body tense up as I realized that this was about last night.

But next to me , Blaze seemed completely unfazed.

"Neither, sir," he replied, wearing a poker face of his own. "I'm sorry, sir -"

"Did Miss Sky and Miss Ray not tell you that they were only allowed in here because they had my permission? Or did I express myself not clearly enough to the two of you," he said and turned to face me now, affixing me with his grey eyes. "...so that you thought you might just extend that invitation on a whim?"

"Not at all, sir, I am really sorry, sir," I stammered, "I was-"

"Sir, it is my fault," Blaze interjected. "It's got nothing to do with Sky or Ray. I snuck in alright, to play a prank on her while she was training. She did nothing wrong. It is my fault. I was being... immature," he explained, and cast a sideway glance in my direction.

"Is that so..." Steel said and raised an eyebrow.

I wanted the earth to swallow me up whole that instant as I realized in embarrassment what this conversation was actually about.

He knows. Oh Builders... Of course he knows. We're such idiots.

Steel continued to look at us with an almost bored expression on his face until we squirmed in discomfort, then he relaxed his posture. When he spoke again, he sounded much more amicable and informal.

"Listen you two. I don't like it when my orders are disregarded, but what I like even less is when somebody tampers with my shit. So as long as you don't mess anything up while in here, I couldn't care less just what exactly it is that you're doing. Just... make sure to clean up behind you, will you?"

"What?" I blurted out, "Oh no, no, it's nothing like- it's not- sir, we didn't – there wasn't – we wouldn't -"

I gasped for air. "We would never-"

The rest of the sentence got stuck in my throat. It would have been a lie, because last night, we clearly had -

I frantically searched for words to explain without explaining, and Blaze, who just stood there wide eyed and dumbfounded, really was no help. Steel rolled his eyes and with a faint smile put his hands on each of our shoulders, turned us around and pushed us towards the door.

"I'll make sure nobody gets in here without your authorization from now on, sir!" I finally managed to say.

"Whatever. Honestly, I don't even want to know. Just, perhaps, try to be a bit more subtle the next time, okay? Carpe diem, you two."

At his words, he closed the door and shut us out of the class room. I raised my hands to my mouth, as my initial shock gave in and sank in the floods of an ocean of unbridled embarrassment.

Next to me, Blaze regained his composure and cleared his throat.

"I wish I had known sooner that Steel's such a good wingman," he mused.

"Do you think this is funny?" I hissed at him. "It was embarrassing as hell. And he could have us expelled for that!"

"Mh, that sounds thrilling. I like excitement." He took a step towards me, smirking.

"Don't!"

I pushed him away at arm's length before he could come any closer, and looked around the hallway frantically. But nobody was there who could have seen or heard us. Still, I had a feeling like I was being watched. This whole secrecy was making me feel paranoid already.

"...not here," I added, in a somewhat softer tone.

"After dinner then?" he suggested, looking down at me with a conspiratorial smile.

"You're a bastard," I grumbled, blushing at the thoughts that he put into my head.

"And you like that about me."

He wasn't wrong.

"So after dinner then?" he suggested.

"I already have plans tonight."

"After dinner, and before your other plans, then," he said, a final tone to his voice. "I bet we can find a nice little broom closet somewhere-"

"Shut up, you idiot," I groaned and boxed his arm, but couldn't stop a very silly grin from appearing on my face.

~ ~ ~

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Moon eyed me suspiciously across the giant bowl of sweet popcorn that she held cradled in her arms like a child. I was fixing up a terminal and screen in the common area of our dorm for our traditional Monday movie night, and she was sitting cross-legged on the sofa in front of the screen.

"You look conspicuously cheerful for a Monday," she said. "How come? Did something good happen?"

"Had a good run in today's mission," I just said.

As I plugged in the sleek memory module on which I stored my collection of Old World movies, I purposefully let my hair fall over my face a bit so she wouldn't see how red my cheeks were probably getting.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm happy if you're happy, it's just... all things considered..." she began, and I knew what she was gonna say.

Considering what I learned about myself this weekend, perhaps it wasn't appropriate to feel so elated. Perhaps I should have been more concerned. But then again, the whole point of making me forget about my suicidal tendency was, well, to make me forget about all that.

"Have you talked to Bastion yet?" she asked, in between munching popcorn.

"No," I replied, feeling my good mood waver a bit. "Not sure if he'll show up, but..."

"Nothing in the world can make me miss movie night with you ladies," his voice resounded from behind me. Startled, I turned around to find him standing there, drinks in one hand, more snacks in the other.

"Oh, this should be good," Moon said and made herself comfortable, watching us curiously as she continued to munch on the popcorn and probably waited for drama to unfold.

Bastion and I hadn't talked since what had happened at the hangar, and I felt the urge to explain my actions back then, while at the same time I wanted to demand an explanation form him about what the hell he had been thinking in the first place. When I looked at him now, as he shifted his weight somewhat uneasily from one feet to the other, I wondered if he really saw me as anything more than a friend, if there had been any serious notion form his side about 'winning my heart' or whatever. The thought still made me severely uncomfortable.

Bastion and I stared at each other in awkward silence for a few seconds. Then I opened my mouth to say something.

"Bastion-"

"Sky-"

We both stopped again, and sighed.

"Let me just say one thing," he began. "I never meant to drag you into it all, but when I heard that that idiot Blaze-"

I wanted to interject, but I bit my tongue.

They have a lot in common, I thought, they're both idiots.

"...so then I decided, I have to do something, you know?" he continued, and walked over to put down the food and drinks on the table. "I had to-"

"Mhh, block him?" Moon threw in from the side, mumbling through the popcorn in her mouth.

Bastion looked at her, an irritated expression on his face.

"Well, ehm... what I'm trying to say, Sky, I don't – I mean, I didn't – I'm not – you know, you and me, we aren't...there's nothing...." he gestured vaguely between the two of us, and then senselessly tried to run his hand through his buzzcut hair in a nervous motion. Admittedly, it was kind of adorable to see the only other person as terrible at talking about feelings as myself squirm like that. That was probably why I understood perfectly well what he meant.

"You know, Bastion, if we can both pretend like none of this ever happened, that would be absolutely fine with me."

"Yes! Great idea! Let's just do that!" he agreed happily, and cast me a beaming smile.

We sat down on the sofa, Moon and the halfway decimated popcorn in the middle.

"So what's on today? Space Zombie Marauders XII?" he asked.

"Nope, it's an Old World classic," I said and he groaned. "It's called Dark Star. I think you're gonna like it."

A couple of minutes into the film, they were already cringing at the quality of the recording and effects, but by the time the space ship's crew was arguing with Bomb #20, they were laughing tears at the absurd scenario.

"Hey Bastion," I said, when the movie was over, "Sorry for stealing your title in the colosseum."

"As long as it's you, princess," he said affectionately, "And not that red-headed jerk."

"Hey, I believe it's 'Queen' now," Moon corrected him with a wide grin.

Everything was back to normal, or at least it seemed to be for a preciously short while, until my com buzzed behind my ear and I received a message from the only person still capable of souring my mood at a time when everything seemed to be back on track with my life.

I checked back for the name of the doctor who was our main contact after your accident, my mother wrote. It's Doctor Line. I cannot seem to reach him at the hospital he used to work at, but just in case you want to try your luck.

Just that, nothing else. No "How are you feeling?" or "How are you handling the news?". Not that I would have expected it.

Let's pretend none of this ever happened... I thought.

"Is something wrong?" Moon asked as she saw my undoubtedly tense facial expression.

"No," I lied and muted my com, as I got up to put on another movie.

____
A.N.
My poetry is  really not the best, so the lyrics to the song might be subject to future changes :'D