"Kiss me." Zander says and he looks so serious that I have to stifle the laugh that bubbles up my throat. 

Why the hell would I do anything remotely affectionate with someone who had his tongue down another girls torso just an hour ago? 

I blink a few times and then make a second attempt at pushing his arms away. It's no use, they might as well be a brick wall and suddenly that causes a different kind of reaction within me. I remember large arms blocking my path, usually followed by a slap on the face or punch in the gut. 

I shiver, nerves firing throughout my body making me tense up so tightly. I close my eyes, body shaking as I pray for the moment to pass, to be able to escape the pain today. 

"Hey, Danielle. It's okay. Breathe." Zander moves away, giving me some space. He then strokes my arms urgently because he's right, I've stopped breathing. I'm currently holding my breath, waiting, praying for it to be over quickly. 

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have pushed you like that." I hear his soothing words but they're far off, like he's talking to me from a distance. "Danielle, breathe!"

He shakes me slightly and I finally come to my senses. I suck in a long breath, gulping down the air as I slide to the ground. 

"You're okay. You're okay." He's rubbing my arms gently, telling me those same words over and over again but I don't feel okay. Haven't felt so in years. 

"I'm sorry," I choke out the words, feeling tears brim at the corners of my eyes. I quickly wipe them away with my knuckles, half wanting to punch myself for losing it so easily. 

"What are you even apologising for?" Zander frowns, admonishing me. "You did nothing wrong. I was the pushy bastard who didn't know his limits. It's always my fault remember?"

I laugh, the sound I make scratchy and low making him smile as well. 

"Come on," Zander holds on to my shoulders, helping me up. "Let's get you home so you can tackle that paper you've been whining about." 

"I would hardly call it whining," I pout unhappily. "And right now all I want is sleep. Will just do that tomorrow or whatever." 

"Whatever?" He chuckles. "What have I done to you?" 

I stick my tongue out at him and proceed to walk away. Soon enough I feel his feet trampling the grass next to me. 

"So we're forgetting I have a car and that the campus has walkways?" He asks from my side.

I put up a finger to make a point and then the second. "One, the car should rest after all the attention it's been getting. And two, this is a short cut."

"Okay, boss. Lead the way." 

Most of the bright lights from the stadium fade out as we close the distance to my dorm. The night sky is bright and clear and I find Zander looking up ever so often. 

"Why do you like astronomy so much?" I ask him after a long bout of silence. 

He shrugs, gaze fixed on the brightest star above us. It must be Venus and tonight it is absolutely glowing. 

"I don't know. It just makes you feel so small, you know. Down here, it's easy to feel so self important, like my worries are the biggest most important thing. But when I look up at the stars, at the large expanse of space, it only makes me realise how small I am." 

Okay, I did not expect that answer from an attention seeking individual. 

"Wouldn't being insignificant only make me feel worse?" I wonder out loud, stifling a yawn as exhaustion kicks in. Today has been a long day and tonight, even longer. All I want to do is fall on my bed and succumb to that beautiful thing called sleep. 

"No, not insignificant. Just humbled." He tells me, tucking his hands into his pockets. He looks down and with his cream capri pants and midnight blue shirt, he looks like a Pinterest model with his back to the night sky. 

I stare at him, imagining the picture taking place. He's studying the grass so intently, making me wonder if he's thinking about something. 

It's so silent around us that his next few words ring clear even though he says them so softly. 

"The sky reminds me of my mother. She used to take me to the observatories all the time as a kid. It was our thing." 

My stomach clenches and I barely catch the flash of pain that crosses his features. This is the first time he's ever mentioned his biological mother and I'm not sure if I want to push further. 

"That sounds nice." What kind of lame ass reply was that? I want to smack myself for such a generic response. I need to do better. 

"What was she like?" I throw it out there anyway. Maybe he will be open to telling me more, maybe not but if he isn't I won't push further. God knows we all have our secrets. 

"Beautiful. Elegant. Fiery. She used to tell people off all the time when they deserved it." He gives me the side eye. "Kind of reminds me of you."

I smile, liking the sound of her already. "I just tell it like it is."

"When you told Mrs Wyatt off for judging your clothing, all I could think of was that mum would have loved you." He grins at me and I want to reciprocate but I can't. The longing on his face is so obvious when he talks about her, it fills me with guilt. 

"What happened to her?" I finally ask, the curiosity in me building to a crescendo. 

Zander falls silent and I brace myself for the inevitable awkward silence that will ensue because why should he share such private information with me anyway?

The silence does follow and its so quiet out here on the grass, even the crickets are missing in action. I give him a tentative look only to find him staring at the sky again. 

"She died when I was ten. Dad was driving when they met with an accident along the coastal line. He survived." He stops for a moment before continuing. "She didn't." 

That sounds so horrible. I can't imagine losing my mother at any age, let alone ten. Even my father, as terrible as he is. I've always hoped he would somehow disappear from our lives, but never so violently. 

"I'm sorry to hear that." I reach out and squeeze his hand reassuringly and his fingers curl around mine. 

"It's fine. She always told me she would end up there," He points at the sky with his free hand. "She must be looking down at us this very instant." 

My chest feels tight, like he squeezed it with his words. I feel sad for him, something I never thought I would feel for the playboy. 

"I'm fine now though. It's been a long time since I talked about this." He says lightly and then tickles my palm with his thumb. "So I guess the only way for you to touch me is to play the 'pity me' card, huh?" 

He winks at me and just like that the flirty playboy is back, vulnerable Zander gone like the wind. I frown and wriggle my hand out of his. 

"I was trying to be comforting." I answer. 

"I can think of other ways that would comfort me more." He teases making me roll my eyes. 

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves." 

We reach my dorm and to my dismay Zander follows me up the stairs all the way up to our lounge. His reason being the lack of security and my safety his utmost priority. We pass by a few students who are heading out with books tucked under their chins and the occasional boy sneaking out of a girls room. 

We then turn a right and head down the corridor before stopping outside mine. Zander leans against the wall, foot tapping on the floor like he's waiting for something. I pause by my door, wondering what he is waiting for?

"So are you going to tell me what happened just now?" 

I lean against the door and cross my arms over my chest. "What happened when?" 

"You know, when you clammed up like a shell when I asked you to kiss me? Do I really repulse you that much or is there some underlying trauma I don't know about? Did a guy force himself on you?" His expression turns lethal at the last question. "Because I would beat them to a pulp if that was the case."

"Oh that," I laugh weakly and tuck my key into the lock, waving him off with one hand. "It was nothing. I have bad claustrophobia, that's all." 

"Liar." Zander says immediately. He closes in, putting his hands on either side of me but this time when I look up at him, I don't feel scared. Maybe because I know he'll pull away if I freak out again. 

My face remains impassive as he studies me closely. 

"This isn't claustrophobia." He says, his dark eyes piercing and sharp. "You're scared of men. You were scared of Luke's dad after that cro-hockey game. Not to mention the guy at the party."

This isn't good. Zander's much sharper than I anticipated and he notices every damn detail about me. 

"If I were scared of men, do you think I would have gone out with one?" I point out the obvious. 

He only frowns and then puts his arms down. "True, but there's something amiss, I can feel it." 

I sigh and unlock my door. "Goodnight, Zander Wyatt."

"The third," He corrects me with a smirk and to my horror starts to peak inside. "Hey, could I use the bathroom before heading back. Would love to see how you did your room. What does Danielle's space look like?"

Fear shoots through me like a lightning bolt and I push him against the wall across from us roughly, eager to put a safe distance between him and my room. 

"What the--?" He asks in shock and I do the only thing I can think of right now. 

I tiptoe and plant a kiss on his lips, my hands pressed firmly against his chest to stabilise myself. Zander freezes, caught by surprise and I close my eyes, feeling the softness of his lips. 

It's my first kiss ever and I don't feel anything inside. No butterflies, no fireworks, no summersaults. It's quiet when I pull away. He's at a loss for words, gaze heavy lidded, looking like he wants to kiss me again. 

"Goodnight Zander Wyatt." I say and then I walk inside, shut the door behind me and slide to the floor because my legs have started to shake.