That Eternal Flame

First love never dies. Do you really think so?

The bell rang to the coffee shop's entrance door. I looked up from the counter I was standing from. It was Gabe, my boyfriend. We were only dating for about a year now and we hadn't really taken the next step. We just dated. Nothing more.

For nine years, I've dated on and off. I couldn't keep an honest and steady relationship. I would always tell them the usual familiar line that It's not them, It's me.

Gabe approached the counter with a small smile.

"Hey, Gabe. What's up?" I chirped. I managed to put on a cheerful smile. He sat down in one of the stools in front of me.

"We need to talk," he said in a serious tone. His eyes locked in on mine. "Like, right now."

I stopped wiping the counter. I knew this was coming. I should have known. I should have fled when I had the chance. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"can you wait until my shift is over?" I whispered. "My parents don't really want to see me slacking off,"

"You're really self centered, you know that?" his eyes formed into slits.

"Gabe, please..."

"Call me when you're ready to talk," after that he stormed out of the coffee shop.

My fists were clenched tight. It's going to be another whirlwind romance. I am seriously going to be an old maid for life. The typical old lady down the street who owns five cats. All alone. Nobody but herself and her cats.

Here I am, twenty eight years old and I still live with my parents. I am completely stuck here in Goose Creek, South Carolina. Don't get me wrong, I love it here but my life has been so stagnant lately I think it will be more harder for me to move away. I am an only child and my parents were good enough to make me stay with them as long as I wanted.

Sure, there were marriage proposals here and there but all these guys hovering over me does not even compare to Gillian.

Not even close.

My mind wandered off into memory lane.

Ten years ago...

"I'll race you home!" shouted Gillian Connor, A tall, slim, handsome blond haired boy.

I was running after him. Very fast. Luckily, I was wearing my favorite jeans and running shoes instead of my usual skirt, at least I don't have to worry about my skirt riding up from the wind.

We cut through the fields. It was Spring time and the fields were blooming with bright and colorful flowers. He kept on glancing back at me from his shoulder. I love it when we do this every day. My dark brown curls were bouncing and swaying from the wind. I can see my home now. I ran faster but Gillian skidded to a stop in front of our yard. He bowed down, hands on his knees. He panted. We were both as red as a tomato from running. We both laughed.

"My, you're fast!" I tried to catch my breath.

He puts his one arm around me and gave me a squeeze. He went and kissed my forehead. He was always so sweet and caring. My Gillian.

"Your boyfriend's on the track team, remember?" he murmured in my ear.

My face was rested on his shoulder.

"I love you," I whispered.

"I love you, too," he whispered back.

The lake was just nearby our house at Old state road so we decided to walk over there and just watch the sunset. We plopped down on the grass. Gillian picked up a stone and threw it at the water. The ducks nearby made loud quacking noises and continued swimming again.

"Senior year's almost over," I linked my arm with his. He looked at me for a second and gazed at the bright orange sky.

"I know," he sighed and he leaned back on the grass with both hands placed in the back of his head.

I also did the same thing. I rolled on my side facing him, my hand propping my head. I smoothed an index finger along his jaw line. His eyes were still closed.

"What are your plans, Gill?" I whispered.

"Can we not talk about this right now?" He said with a tinge of irritation in his voice.

"Well, I wanted to know. Is there something wrong with that?"

My stomach seems to be full of butterflies all of a sudden. It was a funny feeling. I hated that feeling. I knew something bad was about to happen.

"Colleen," He groaned.. He lifted himself up just a little, facing me sideways.

"Gill, I just wanted to know," I paused, "I wanted to know if I'm included at all in your plans,"

He fiddled with his fingers. Something was up. I've never seen him this quiet before. He bit his lip.

"Gill?" I placed my left hand on his cheek. He looked up at me. I saw the movement of his adam's apple.

This wasn't good.

"Am I?" I asked one more time, hopeful.

"Colleen..." He sighed.

"Yes?" I pressed my lips together.

"I want to let you know that..." He trailed off. He cursed under his breath.

He stood up and started to pace back and forth, his hands on his head.

"W - What's wrong, Gill?" I stood up and went closer to him. he turned to face me, placing both his hands on my arms. My heart raced a million times a minute.

"I'm joining the Army," He said at last.

I swallowed hard. There was this big lump on my throat. The back of eyes started to sting.

"When are you leaving?" my voice was barely a whisper.

"After high school," he said quietly. "I'll be leaving in six months,"

"How about me? How about us?" I started to shiver. The sun was no longer there and the sky was now a dark blue with purple and orange hues. The air was now getting a little chilly. I trembled. He hugged me tightly.

"I'm sorry, Colleen," He whispered in my ear.

I was sobbing now. I couldn't accept the fact that he was moving away from me. I thought we had plans of going to college together. His shirt was now soaked with my tears.

"I'm sorry it has to end this way," He held the back of my head and kissed me softly on the lips.

I pushed him back gently.

"You're breaking up with me?" I blurted out.

"It's better if I told you the truth now," He explained.

"I love you, Colleen," He said.

"If you love me, you wouldn't leave me," I shook my head, "So that's it then?" I croaked.

"It's better this way, you know that," He brushed his hand on my face.

"I promise, I'll come back for you," Gillian took my hand but I shook it off.

"No, you won't!" I glared at him, "Have a nice life, Connor,"

I trudged back to my house. I slammed the door real hard. My parents were in the living room, both wide eyed at the sight of me. My mom was knitting and my dad was reading the newspaper. I stopped to look at them before running up the stairs. I dove right into my soft pink bed and squeezed one of my pillows. I was crying my heart out.

Gillian was my first love. We met back in freshman year in high school and we had hit it off right away. We're practically joined at the hip. After four wonderful years, this is how it's going to turn out.

My mom knocked on the door.

"Sweetie, can I come in? Do you want us to talk?"

"No, mom... just leave me alone... please?" I sobbed.

She came in anyway. She sat down besides me.

"It's Gillian, isn't it?" She took a kleenex tissue and wipes away my tears.

"He's leaving me to join the Army,"

"yes, I know. Mrs. Connor told me about it the other day," my mom said softly.

"It hurts so bad, mom. Why does it hurt so bad?" I leaned on her placing my head on her chest.

"Ahh, young love," my mom cooed. "That's how it is,"

"Mom, how did you and dad work it out? The relationship, I mean."

My mom smiled at me. She was my best friend. My anchor. I can always depend on her at times like these.

"Me and your dad married young, We were both eighteen. Straight out of high school. He decided to join the Navy and I knew as a young couple we probably wouldn't last at a long distance relationship,"

"You guys did pretty well," I said.

"He was deployed most of the time, I hated it." She snickered. "I almost gave up!"

"But you didn't," I fixed my curls and wiped away the rest of my tears.

"Your father promised me that he would never ever leave me no matter what. Being in a long distance relationship was pretty hard. It tests you to the core. The military life is not for everyone. If you gave up easily, it's your loss. The military life taught me how to be tough and supportive of my husband's career. After five years, we had you," she tapped a finger to my nose. I smiled. I felt better already.

"Wait, how did you know you guys were going to make it?" I asked for the last time.

"You'll just know it. And if you and that certain someone are meant to be together... You'll end up being together no matter what," she winked at me and kissed my forehead before walking out of the room.

***

I wanted to believe in soul mates, I really do. But it has been a decade now since I last saw Gillian. He broke his promise, he said he was coming back for me.

I wondered where he was at the moment. Maybe he has his own family now. I thought about myself all of a sudden. If he was already married and have kids of his own, where does that bring me? I am all alone. I have no life, I can't even handle a serious relationship. I have commitment issues, for crying out loud. If he has moved on, why can't I? I am waiting for nothing. I don't want to sound too foolish but I wanted my own life, too.

"Colleen?" It was Gabe's voice.

We were at the park, I was sitting down on the swing.

"Hey, thanks for coming," I said. This is it. I told myself.

"Colleen, I know we were dating for quite sometime now and I..." he paused.

"I know," I sighed, "You can't go through with it anymore," I finished it for him. He nodded.

"I'm sorry," He whispered.

"Don't mention it," I murmured.

***

Another failed relationship.

At least I had set ourselves free. It was a great feeling after all. It sucks being stuck in a relationship when you both know it's not going to work out after all.

I stood in front of the lake that was close to my house. I was wearing a light blue floral skirt and a dark blue cardigan. I hugged myself. The sweet scent of pine smelled so fresh. It was a lovely day. The sun was about to set now.

I thought about Gillian. How we spent every single day at this spot watching the sun disappear over the horizon. It's nothing now but a distant memory.

"Colleen Kellaway?" a voice called from behind.

I froze. I whirled around.

There I saw Gillian, in his Army uniform. Standing tall and handsome. Wearing a black beret. He dropped his bag, his mouth slightly opened. We ran into each other's arms and kissed passionately. Both his hands cradled the back of my head and I had my hands cupping his face.

It was magical.

The flame was still there. I thought it was long gone. I guess that flame is eternal after all.

My Gillian, my love.

Forever, and ever.