25. 告白 - Kokuhaku (Confession)

Chie noticed that Haru was still down that day.

"What's up with you?" she groaned, unable to take it anymore. "It's like sitting next to a statue that sighs every five minutes, you know!"

Haru furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?"

"You and your sudden gloominess!" Chie advised herself to stay calm. "Who's on your mind?"

"Who's on whose mind?"

"What's bothering you!"

"What's bothering me?"

"If you keep answering with questions, I swear I'll punch you!" Chie couldn't help but feel impatient. Her patience was wearing thin. Besides, she did intend to find out, as Ne-chan advised her.

"I can tell you're upset," Chie continued. "Everything else in your life seems fine, so I'm guessing it's about romance. Am I right?"

Haru twirled his pen and sighed. "Maybe."

"Maybe?" Chie had hoped Haru would deny it, but it seemed her guess was accurate. "You've got a crush, haven't you?"

"I... I'm confused," Haru confessed. "I've made a mess of everything."

"You made a mess on your crush? What does that suppose to mean?"

"No, not like that. It's just... I'm still not sure what I feel."

Chie was about to ask again, but Kawafuji suddenly appeared beside their table. Today, their classmate wore a cute peach-colored blouse. She smiled kindly at Chie and approached Haru.

"Hey, Nakano, can I have a moment of your time during lunch?" asked Kawafuji. "There's something I want to tell you."

Whether distracted or nervous, Haru just mumbled a yes. Kawafuji squealed happily and went back to her group. Every now and then, she glanced at Haru, then whispered secretly to her friends.

Chie studied Kawafuji, her suspicion grew. It felt like she knew what was going to happen. The lecturer arrived, and the other students quickly took their seats.

"Ah..." Haru sighed once more. "I think Kawafuji's going to confess later."

"I have a feeling too. You've been quite the center of attention lately," Chie remarked.

"I guess," Haru grumbled. He jotted down today's date and the slide title, then tossed his pen aside. "I don't know why."

Chie knew the reason. Ever since Oda had the guts to confess to Haru in the park, other girls felt emboldened. They, too, were now motivated to express their feelings. Chie had overheard these girls in some extra classes they shared, listening in on their conversations. According to them, Haru was "kakkoi" – cool. His quiet but friendly demeanor, his lean, muscular physique, his innocent, boyish face, and his slightly distant gaze made him a dream guy. Haru's dark skin tone was also a draw – the girls found him exotic, like an albino peacock at the zoo.

But Chie intentionally didn't inform Haru because she was curious. Which girl would Haru choose? Oda obviously confessed last week and got turned down.

"In the past two weeks, you've been confessed to three times, right?" she pressed.

"Four if Kawafuji's included," Haru replied. "Seven, if we're counting from the start of the semester."

"SEVEN?"

"I didn't tell you about the first three because I was worried you'd confront them and start talking about the future husband thing. One confessed to me during the orientation week."

Initially, Chie was impressed by Ne-chan's history in romance. Turned out, Haru was too. "And you turned them all down?"

Haru nodded slowly.

"Tokyo girls are something, huh?" That's all Chie could muster.

"They're quite forward. I feel uncomfortable turning them all down," Haru sighed, resting his head on the table. "What should I do, Chie?"

"I think you should get a haircut."

"You're not listening, are you?"

"I heard you. You're a bit of a mess, Haru. You need to clean up your look. When you're tidy, you can think straight."

"I'm a mess outside because I'm a mess inside."

"Hey, maybe you should talk to a professional about this."

"No." Haru shook his head. Suddenly, Chie felt an urge to pat her best friend's head. "Those confessions... they made me feel worse. Rejecting them would be tough. If only they could all back off..." Haru sighed once more, resting his chin in his hand. He jotted down a few notes from Sensei's lecture, then sank back into his thoughts.

Suddenly, Chie felt a weight on her mind. This might be the answer to the lingering question plaguing her. Whether she was prepared or not, she had to be ready. As a friend, Chie couldn't bear to see Haru suffer any longer. This time, she had to take action.


...


Chie had never been the one to confess to a guy. She'd been confessed to once (and she wasn't going into the details here). But if she were to confess to a guy, Chie would definitely choose a romantic spot, like in romcoms. A flower garden. Or a bridge over a river. Since it was spring, underneath a cherry blossom tree would also be perfect.

Oda shared her sentiments; the girl confessed to Haru in a special place like a park. But apparently, Kawafuji didn't bother with that. During lunch break, she went straight to Haru on the front terrace. Since Haru didn't ask Chie to leave, she "took the initiative" and waited behind some bushes.

Kawafuji was slightly fuller than Oda – not fat, but plump. She was smart and sociable; the kind of girl who would greet you first if you sat next to her. Rumor had it her family was in medical business. From her look, you could tell that she was rich.

Haru stood before Kawafuji like he was attending a flag-raising ceremony, his hands by his sides. His oversized jacket made him look slim, but loose clothing like that was trendy among guys. Chie just realized that Haru followed fashion trends too. There must have been someone who went shopping with him and picked out that jacket.

"So, what I want to say is..." Kawafuji's voice was firm, not shy like Oda's. Chie was sure the girl practiced her words more often than Oda did. "I like you, Nakano. Please be my boyfriend."

Haru lowered his head slightly. "I'm truly sorry, Kawafuji."

Kawafuji flinched. "Is that a rejection?"

Haru offered a weak smile and nodded softly.

"Why?"

Wait, why was she asking? Chie felt frustrated. Wasn't Haru's apology clear enough?

"I can't reciprocate your feelings," Haru said plainly.

"I understand that," Kawafuji said, her fists clenched. "But why?"

If a guy being confessed to says 'gomenasai,' the girl should back off immediately. Chie felt even more annoyed. Did Kawafuji not read manga or watch dramas?

"I just can't," Haru repeated, sounding even more solemn than before. "I... I can't be your boyfriend."

"That's not a reason," Kawafuji insisted. "You've rejected six other girls before me – Oda told me. She and the other girls have reminded me about it, but I didn't believe them. Isn't there a single one of us who fits your criteria?"

Chie almost screamed, having to cover her mouth with her hand. What was up with Kawafuji? Why was she so persistent?

"I can't explain it," Haru answered patiently. His feet started shifting uncomfortably, a sign of his unease. "But that's my answer. I hope you can accept it."

"The girl who's always with you... Maruyama... are you two dating?"

"No, Chie and I are just close friends."

"But I really like you!" Kawafuji exclaimed. "Please reconsider. I truly hope we can be together!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't," Haru replied.

"Have you been dating another girl, Nakano? Please answer me."

"It's not like that. It's a bit complicated."

"Well, try to explain it then. I want to know."

Wow, this is getting out of hand, Chie thought. She couldn't take it anymore. She coughed as loudly as she could and emerged from her hiding spot behind the bushes. "AHEM!"

"Maruyama?" Kawafuji stared at Chie in disbelief. She glared angrily at Haru, as if accusing him of intentionally hiding Chie. "You've been eavesdropping, haven't you?"

"Honestly, you were quite loud too, Kawafuji." Chie responded bluntly. "Here's the thing, Haru can't be your boyfriend. He said it plain and clear."

Kawafuji approached her. "Why are you speaking on Nakano's behalf, Maruyama? You're not his mother. Nakano can speak for himself."

"He did, but you didn't listen. You kept forcing him."

"Because he didn't give a clear reason!" Kawafuji demanded. "I can't accept that!"

"He doesn't have to explain his feelings to you or anyone else," Chie responded calmly. "But he already said he can't be your boyfriend. That's quite simple, isn't it? If I were you, I would understand."

Haru sighed and hung his head.

Chie gently pushed Kawafuji's clenched hand away from Haru. "So please..."

"But earlier Nakano said that..." Kawafuji's eyes darted wildly. She pointed at Chie and Haru as she backed away steadily. "Wait a minute. You two... I don't know what game you two are playing, but I won't tolerate being toyed with like this!"

Then, with tears streaming down her face, she fled.

"Chie," Haru touched her shoulder. "Why did you do that?"

"Because I know you too well, Haru." Chie turned to face her best friend. "You like someone, but you're confused about admitting your own feelings. I can't let you torture yourself like this any longer. So hear me out..."

Haru's eyes widened, and he stared at his best friend in front of him, utterly bewildered.

"I know you've been grappling with yourself. I just want to say one thing..." Emotion flooded through Chie. She had to pause to steady herself, to keep her tears from flowing. "If you find yourself thinking about that person day in and day out, so much that your heart aches and your spark for life dims like it is now, then you love that person. It's that simple, no need to complicate it. You don't need to justify your feeling to Oda, to Kawafuji, or to anyone else – including me. I trust you to make your own decisions. It's okay if the whole world disagrees with your choice – they don't feel what you feel. In matters of the heart, there's no right or wrong. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I would never judge you for your feeling. Now, you need to focus on one voice only – because that's the only voice that's important."

She gently placed her hand on Haru's chest. "Right here. Listen to this voice."

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