Chapter 41

I stared at myself in the mirror; my purple dress fit me nicely. I had to go dress shopping alone, may I add. I would have much rather been with my two best female friends but it seems as if we aren’t going to be talking for a long while.

I looked at the mirror, not at myself but at the thing behind me. It was sitting on my dresser. It was my photo album that contained every picture that I had. I walked over to it and skipped to the section labeled ‘friends.’ It had all the pictures I’d taken from the ones in the photo booth with Adrian to the ones Emilia forced me to take at the sleepover with Trent and Logan. I let out a sigh. I miss those idiots.

I sat on my bed, the nerf gun I’d bought when I went shopping with Adrian secured in my hands. I was shooting the wall repeatedly. After a while, I got bored of shooting foam bullets at something that couldn’t even fight back.

I walked around my room, surveying the disaster. My gaze locked on my white converse that I failed to look at. I slowly reached for them, picking them up. One shoe had the old messages displayed on them and a few new ones, from Trent, Emilia and Mattie.

‘You’re the awesomest geek I know. You’re probably correcting me for using the word ‘awesomest’ when it should be awesome.’ –Trent.

‘I love you, Fiona, you make yummy pancakes.’ – Mattie  

‘I’ve never met a person as funny as you are or as dense… in a good way *wink wink*.’ - Emilia

I smiled widely at Mattie’s cute messages. I was surprised to see Emilia’s message, I don’t remember bringing my shoes to her. And honestly, I did correct Trent’s words.

I looked at the other shoe and in red, defined print, words repeated themselves.

‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry…’ – Adrian.

The words were written on every inch of the shoe, all except for the bottom. He even wrote on the tongue of the shoe and the white front.

I’m sorry.

So am I.

___

It was an hour before it was my chance to be on stage and I was waiting in the back. Normally, this was the time you’d spend with the people accompanying you but I told Aunt Cherry not to worry about talking to me, it’d only make me more nervous anyway.

Instead of sitting there moping, I had my bucket list scrawled on my lap. I had my pen in my hand and I was updating it.

Bucket List

1. Go on a real first date (with someone I actually like) for a picnic, I like picnics.

2. Get kicked out of a store, one I don’t go to because they might ban me and I can’t have that. (With Adrian)

3. Skip school for a day and go out, not stay home. (With Adrian)

4. Go on a rollercoaster at an amusement park, one that my instinct says ‘No’ to. (With Adrian)

5. Dye my hair a crazy color, for example; dying the tips red or blue. Or maybe even a streak. (Or two.) (With Jessie)

6. Dance in the rain with someone, hopefully a guy… who has abs, and happens to be shirtless but I’ll settle for Jessie if I have to. (With Adrian)

7. Go to a drive in movie. I think this is pretty self-explanatory.

8. Throw a drink in someone’s face because they’re a jerk. (With Ethan)

9. Pull an all-nighter and watch the sun rise on the roof, it seems fun. (With Adrian)

10. Carve my name into a tree and hopefully it’ll stay there.

11. Go laser tagging, it seems amazing; lasers and tag. (With Adrian)

12. Have a paint fight… an accidental one. (With Adrian) Oh boy, it sure was accidental.

13. Go through a drive through on foot, it’ll tick off the worker and it’ll be fun! (With Adrian)

14. Have a nerf gun fight, if I can get my hands on some. (With Adrian)

15. Jump into a pool with all of my clothes on, or maybe get pushed. Ha, kidding. (With Adrian)

16. Play Hide n Seek at midnight, its dark and fun. You have to play it with people you know though; you can’t play with an ex-convict because they can shank you. (With Emilia, Trent, Logan, Jessie, and Adrian)

17. Have a shopping cart race at Wal-Mart or any other large department store. (With Adrian, Jessie, and Trent)

18. Go swimming at Midnight, it sounds adventurous and dangerous. (With Emilia, Trent, Logan, Jessie, and Adrian)

19. Buy white Converse and have people sign them, hopefully there isn’t anything bad on it, though. I may want to wear them to school. (With Mattie, Logan, Emilia, Jessie, Trent, and Adrian)

20. Go to the Zoo, I’ve never been there and I really want to go. (With Adrian)

21. Take pictures in a photo booth with either a guy that I like or a friend, it seems fun. (With Adrian)

22. Play Hide N Seek in a store. If you get caught by a store clerk, pull a Velma. ‘My glasses, I can’t see without my glasses.’

23. Have a scary movie marathon. (With Adrian, Jessie, and Trent)

24. Have boys vs. girl’s water balloon fight… probably won’t happen. But one can dream, right? (With Adrian, Trent, Logan, Jessie, and Emilia) It wasn’t a water balloon fight, but it was a pretty epic snowball fight

25. Have someone win me a giant stuffed animal. And again, one can dream, right? (With Adrian)

26. Get a boyfriend… and I repeat, one can dream!

___

I quickly shoved the bucket list away, my eyes tearing up. I frantically wiped them, hoping that I didn’t ruin the eye makeup my aunt forced me to wear.

Sure, I hadn’t finished each thing on the bucket list but I got pretty darn close. Adrian’s name was appearing in my head along with the pictures I’d looked at this morning. His name showed up the most on my Bucket List, not as surprising as it should have been. The words of last night repeated in my head, as well.

I’d made a mistake; as simple as that. I don’t know if they’ll ever forgive me, if I were them, I wouldn’t.

I rested my head against my hands and let out a labored sigh. I took deep breaths to avoid crying. I can’t, not here. My name announced over the loudspeaker and I stood up, taking my viola case with me.

Before I walked onstage, I inhaled a deep breath. Don’t mess this up, Fiona. I cleared my head and walked onto the stage, the light shining brightly in my eyes. Normally, I’d cringe but I had to be formal and polite so I just kept my eyes on the chair I was supposed to be sitting in.

As I was walking towards the seat, the judge had asked that the crowd save the applause until after I played all of my songs. Like there’s going to be applause.

Thankfully, the dress came down past my knees, so I had nothing to worry about just in case I accidently moved my legs. My eyes flashed to Mr. Crayn who smiled at me and gave me a thumbs up. I nodded, a solemn expression taking over my face.

After the song I was playing was introduced to the crowd, I got ready and started, counting the beats in my head. I made sure to get my finger placements correct and I didn’t skip a note, or at least I hoped I hadn’t. When I ended the song on, I waited for them to introduce my next song.

While I played the two love songs, I tried to keep my mind clear but it was a bit hard to do when all I can think about is Adrian. I managed to play through my songs without interruption or any mistakes.

I heard a familiar voice cheering and when I packed away my viola, I stood up to see my friends standing there, clapping loudly. Logan was smiling and holding up a sign that read, ‘My best, best, best, best, best, best, best, best friend is a winner.’ I couldn’t fight the smile that slipped onto my face.

When I went back to the room where my belongings were, I couldn’t help but let out a squeal of excitement. Maybe things weren’t as bad as I thought.

___

After I sat down and spun in the chair for a minute out of pure excitement, a knock on the door interrupted me. “Uhm, come on in.”

The door opened and Adrian stood there, wearing formal clothing and a large smile. “Hey, you were great out there.”

“Thanks.” I awkwardly smiled. Although the others were smiling and grinning, things with Adrian were different. I’d blown off our date and I felt like a jerk for doing it in letter form. “I’m sorry.”

“What?” Adrian looked confused.

“I shouldn’t have done what I did, to you or our friends. It was wrong, but I just couldn’t do it.” I sighed, running my hand through my straightened hair.

“Do what?” Adrian’s eyebrows were furrowed as he sat down in the seat across from me after closing the door.

“I couldn’t deal with everyone knowing how you rejected me; how I was stupid enough to like you because I don’t have a chance.” I exhaled. “And I’m sorry about canceling our hangout session. It probably didn’t hurt you but I still feel like a jerk about it.”

“I never rejected you.” Adrian placed his finger beneath my chin and lifted my face. His blue-green eyes were staring intensely into my own. My breath hitched in my throat at the proximity. “Believe it or not, you have a bigger chance than you perceive.”

He realized that I wasn’t going to respond, or wasn’t able to for a better choice of words, and he continued talking. “And yeah, it did hurt. But you know how you could make it up to me?” He licked his lips and I slowly blinked. All I could do was blink. He smiled and laughed. “After you win this competition, do you, maybe, want to go on our date?”

I just nodded in response. He rested his forehead against my own and I thought I heard his breathing hitch. As we moved closer, the intercom cut us off and I grumbled before pulling away. Adrian was smiling at me and breathing heavily. “Will all contestants report to the center stage?”

Adrian and I smiled at each other before splitting up, me going in the direction of the stage and him in the direction of the seats. Maybe everything was going to be okay.