Before we start with this nonsense....

Basic summary time?? K?

Crackfic with no plot. House sorting isn't mentioned, so you audience members out there can decide while reading which house Harry is in.

ALSO, non-abusive Dursleys/alternate living arrangements, because otherwise, how would he have gotten his guitar or the copius stash of energy drinks??

I DO NOT CONDONE ENERGY DRINK ADDICTION. STOP DRINKING THAT SHIT AND GO TO SLEEP PLEASE.

This is basically a midnight word-vomit creation. Just a oneshot... unless?