A/n: surprise update. this chapter really hurt me honestly, so prepare your heart. Warning ⚠️ strong language in this chapter.

Jimin's POV

Blank.

Empty and hollow.

The perfect words to describe my soul now.

I wanted to cry because of helplessness, but what would be the point. Tears would not have made the situation any better; it would not help me find Taehyung, and it definitely wouldn't have made my dad proud of me.

Shedding tears would show that I had enough, that the pressure was too much to bare, and maybe it was, but I'd rather hide my vulnerability than let it be written across my entire face.

Seeing the passing trees had begun to hurt me almost physically, so I thought what better way to help myself than cut everything off mentally.

My hope had been distinguished the moment I got into this car anyway, there was no dream anymore.

Depression had already made me it's puppet when it pulled at my six senses like it was it's strings.

Making me deaf, blinding my eyes, numbing my touch, clogging my smell, poisoning my taste, making my whole world unbalanced.

My life just seems to be crumple into dust piece by piece before my very eyes, and I couldn't do anything about it. I still can't do anything about it.

I think I might give up.

A knock on my window yanks my attention from nothingness, bringing me from out of my mind to my surroundings.

My reaction was slow like if I was on drugs as I turned to where the sound came, and I wonder how it grabbed me when I was deep in my own black tar of a brain.

Then I realised; my depression drug had been overpowered by his intimidation.

I felt my blood drain steadily as my father
towered over me, blocking out the rays of  sun and leaving me in the care of his shadow.

His expression was stern and cold, one a person would give to a stranger who did them wrong. With this, his eyes said it all, even if he hadn't made it a legal thing yet.

He has already disowned me.

"Get out the damn car," I heard in a muffled voice, but his tone was still a strong and clear force that could damage me in some way with every word he spoke.

The only protection I had between us was the fragile glass that seemed to separate me from the real world, but soon I'll be on the other side of that barrier, let loosed in the cage with a beast.

I nodded my head submissively towards his order, my hands hesitantly grabbing at the car lock. Not daring to look him in the eyes, I felt his gaze burn me badly.

I moved slower than slow motion, making it look like I was not defying him, but stalling so he could walk far away. I didn't want to open the door when he was right in front of it, terrified that I would physically get hurt by him again.

I was now completely scared of my father.

We had stopped at a gas station in the middle of nowhere, so when he went to take the pump out I quickly ran away from the car and into the store to find my mother.

I didn't want to be alone with my father; nothing turned out right for me when its just the two of us.

After being in his cold presence for so long,  I just wanted a hug from my mum, to warm me and to protect me; to love me.

The store started to become warped, the floor becoming waves of checkered tile.

Something is wrong with the world.

Desperately I look for her, dashing between isles like I was afraid that she would fade away before I found her.

Finally I spot her between the shelves, studying the different snacks that laid before her. My breathing was off, my eyes focused on her as my chest heaved.

Peace washed over me when I saw her behaviour like nothing was wrong, watching a bag of chips funny as she looked at the ingredients.

Then it hits me. Nothing is wrong in the world; it's me who is distorted.

Where she stood it was peaceful around her, but around me it was complete chaos. I want to join her in the sunny meadows, but I can't move.

I was trapped in a cold tundra.

My mind began eating me alive at that very moment.

Should I be this happy to see her? She doesn't know. What if she hates me like dad does if she finds out that I like Taehyung? What would her reaction be. Disgust? Remorse? Will she abandon me, disown me.

My hand flies to my necklace, clenching it like its keeping me alive. My eyes shut tightly as I'm almost hyperventilating, my breathing just wanting to stop. My anxiety is building.

I wish he was here. I really wish he was by my side. It's truly painful.

Being away from him makes me hurt.

"Jimin?!" My mother yells worriedly as she grabs my arms, my gaze meeting her concerned eyes. "What's wrong?"

I look around, suddenly lost.

"Taehyungie...." I mumble, him being the only thing on my mind. My heart hurts.

Her look becomes sympathetic at the mention of his name; bending over to be at my eye level.

"I know being away from him hurts you," she says as she rubs my arm, trying to soothe me like how a mother should to her distress child.

Her comfort heals me, making my heart feeling lighter just by her touch. "We'll find him. I know you cherish your friendship with him so much."

Friendship?

My heart sunk back down. That's right, she doesn't know. She doesn't know that it's more than that, because I haven't told her.

"Mummy," I croak my voice wanting to be swallowed by my throat, but I need to tell her, so I take a deep breath before my confession.

It's time to let her know.

I struggle to get it out, not being able to look her in the eye. "I....like Taehyung."

She stairs at me, I feel it even if I'm not looking at her, so I bite my lip in worry. I wonder what she's thinking.

She taps my shoulder, and I look up by instinct to meet her caring smile.

"I know you do sweetie he's your best friend, don't worry we'll keep looking," she says as she caress my cheek, but I feel conflicted by her care.

It's not real if she doesn't understand. I need her to understand.

"No Mummy I like like Taehyung," I confess again, surprising her with the urgency in my voice. "More than just a friend...he's who I want to spend my life with-"

I chock on my words as I feel my eyes well up. Now she knows, there's no possible way for her to think different of my words. She knows my feelings for him.

The silence teases me, making me drown in my own anxiety. My lips rips at the force of me biting it, the taste of iron on my tongue at the moment.

"So you...want to date him?" She finally questions slowly, my eyes still locked to the floor where my heart felt like it was.

I nod.

"And marry him?" She steps closer.

I nod.

"And love him?"

I don't move. This time I choose to slowly look her in the eye, my voice cracking as I say "I do."

I wait for a slap, a look of disgust, or even painful words to hit me, but none of that happens.

She grabs me and gently pulls me in for a tight hug, kissing my head softly. Shock catches me until I instantly get used to that familiar feel, burying my face into her chest as a habit as I let my tears fall. "Jimin, why didn't you tell me?" she asks softly.

"I thought you'd be disappointed in me," I murmur, my voice quiet and weak.

"Aww sweetie you know should know that I'll never be disappointed in you," and that's when a sob betrays me. I've been longing for the words so much lately that it filled my heart instantly.

I truly love my mother, and I melt in her loving embrace. Everything's just felt like its been going wrong, but this is the only thing that's felt right.

I'm truly thankful for my mum.

"Does your father know?"

The mention of him made me feel sick, sending a horrible shiver down my sling and making the hairs on my arm stand.

I think she could tell that it bothered me because she pulled away that give me a concerned look.

"Whats wrong?"

"He-he knows" I mumble quietly, biting my mouth to hold in the pain. "but unlike you, he said I was a disappointment."

Her face turns instantly, her sympathies look turning dead serious.

"He told you that?" She questions with furrowed eyebrows, and I nod my head softly in response.

A scoff leaves her lips as she turns awaywith disbelief. "Lets go I'll talk to him."

"Please don't," I cry as I yank her arm back.

"Why not," she questions, and I gulp harshly before I voice my fear.

"He might hit me again."

---

Where reached back into the car.

It's raining.

My mother looks pissed waiting for my dad to get back from the bathroom, while I was petrified hoping he'll never return.  Sadly, my wish didn't come true because I saw him walking towards us, and I truly wanted to die.

Where I sat allowed me to only see my mother, and the back of my fathers head, so when he climbed in, I checked the rear view mirror to see his expression.

A fake smile was sent my mothers way as he started the engine, a dead serious look being set in his direction from her.

Where were back on the road and everything was quiet, the first time I felt calm near him until she says "Jimin told me he liked Taehyung more than just a friend."

A yelp gets trapped in my throat as thunder roars, and I hesitantly look to see his friendly exterior disintergrate in a second, my eyes catching a glare that he shoots me through the rare view mirror.

"Disgusting right."
I flinch.

Another bruise.

She furrows her brows at him. "How can you say that about your son?"

"Son?" He mocks, almost laughs at the word. "That thing back their is not my son."

Another wound.

"Are you being serious right now??" She asks still in disbelief, surprised at my father's attitude towards me.

"You probably don't even care that Taehyung's missing then huh? A 14 year old boy is somewhere out there and you wouldn't even give a crap!"

"That kid's fine." He dismisses her accusations, acting laid back like it has nothing to do with him.

"How do you know that for sure?!" She yells, her level headed personality becoming unbalanced.

I left him at an orphanage."

What.

The car goes silently after his words, but the rain and thunder still shakes the earth. His words wrap around me and my mother's head a couple of times. My hearing sounded like it was under water after that.

"You did what?!" She roars, seeming to come back to reality. "You're fucking insane! How could you do that to him!"

He shrugs, not caring at all.

"That's it," my mother finally says, done with it all. "Jimin at the next stop we're getting out." She tells me, but I'm somewhere else.

All this time.

He grabs her wrist tightly. "You're not going anywhere," he stats as his eyes are forward, her face becoming contorted by the pain of his grip.

He fucking knew where he was.

"Let go!" She yells as she claws at his iron grip, but he squeezes harder, making a pained cry come out of her mouth.

"Defy me again and I won't go easy on you."

I kick his seat with full force, his hand letting go of my mum as he turns to look at me.

"The hell-"

"Fuck you," I snare as I glare at him with full malice, my fear of him completely vanished as all I felt was hatred. He fucking had the nerve to take Taehyung away from me and watch me suffer, and now he's hurting my mum.

Thunder roars again, but I'm unaffected by its roughness. Right now,

I despise my father.

He continues to drive as his glare finally was held by mine, vile feelings written all over his face as anger consumed him like he was the devils puppet.

He opens his mouth to throw some kind of painful words at me, but I know its not gonna hurt me now.

"What the fuck did you say to me, you little faggo-"

Another death.

Everything is blank,

Empty and hollow once again.

That is my soul right now.

You know, I always thought when people said their life flashed before their eyes, it was an exaggerated figure of speech.

But it's happening.

The reaper had showed me my life when I first opened my eyes, to the last time I closing them.

My mother once told me I seemed to be smiling a lot more lately, and at first I didnt understand what she meant until I looked back at my life.

I never really smiled as a kid, so the only time I can confidently say that I started to be happy, is when I met him.

Everyday with him a smile wasn't a rare thing to greet me, and it always pulled my smile out from behind my poker face. His smile made my days.

I regret ruining that smile when I asked to break it off, I know I was too harsh. I also know Ive been taking him for granted since the beginning, always expecting him to just be there.

I should've told him more how much he means to me, then maybe he wouldn't be as insecure as he is. It's something else I regret.

So I'm sorry that I can't apologise to you in person Taehyung, to hug you and kiss you one last time like the happy days.

But we just didn't see that truck coming towards us in time.

I'm sorry to do this to you.

I know I told you to wait for me,

But I don't think I'll be coming back.