A/n: this chapter waayyy longer than the others, it's worth it tho. Are u even ready bro

Jimin's POV

With Taehyung,

It had slipped my mind the his mental state was unsteady and damaged.

The burnt segregated holes in his memory drifting in the void as he unconsciously pressured his own mind to remember what was forgotten, but always gets denied by some traumatic wall that he himself unknowingly created because of his mother.

And I've come to realise, that I'm not helping him get better from this sickness, especially making him cry like that; or making sure my restlessness was cleared up before I even cared about his, while his was only expanding with me as the reason.

I'm still too dumb to understand what I might've said to make him shed unhappy tears, but I do hope that he'll tell me so I can make him cry blissful ones. I don't want to leave us on that sour note.

I desperately scrambled through the forest that I've come to love, looking for a vulnerable boy that I just made more frail. My only guesses were places we've went together before, so all I can depended on was the chances that he ran to one of them.

Eventually I pick the right one. The dark atmosphere began to lighten up, and the heavy pounding of the rain slackened on its beating, allowing my eyes to catch on the back of the person that had me running around the raining woods in search of.

I had found him.

I found Taehyung, by the little oasis I'd discovered some time ago just for the two of us to know it existed. And I watched in awe, at how the whole scene looked so ravishing; with such a beautiful boy wearing a luminous white tee standing on a beautiful dock staring at beautiful water.

All the worried feelings I felt during searching for him seemed to enchant into better ones just from this which had felt like it blessed my eyes. If this scene didn't catch my full attention like now, I think I would've been so upset that I'd yell at him for making me worry so much.

It was like a painting that an artist had thrown their whole heart in to, and I wish I had my camera to capture it. Like that time once before, the first time, when I got to see one of his many charismatic expressions that he never used, to let slip by his poker face.

But though the scene was appealing to the eye with it's gorgeous qualities, the aura that engulfed it was strange. It felt heavy, so very heavy for such a light image. Was it because the rain had just fallen making the atmosphere dense with moisture?

Or was it

because I knew.

Unlike that one time when we were here, his expression isn't show cased across his entire face for my eyes to lay upon, and instead, it was where at my angle, I could not make out how he was feeling.

But an uneasiness sat in the pit of my stomach and bloated up in size to start suffocating me from the inside. I didn't like how his back was completely to me like a rejection to come near, nor did I like that he was dead still as he stood there.

His head was tilting, tilting at an angle so obscurely downwards when the view was more far out in front of him.

I dread to acknowledge it, or think of now like then, but this dense atmosphere is abnormally familiar to me when it comes to Taehyung.

It was when he was a mystery to me, a strange boy in the woods with troubles swarming within his eye's reflections. And my first glimpse of him, the very first time I spotted him, he was sitting on a high branch in the only tree I can identify by how much memories it holds.

Just like then, the scenarios feel similar as to now. Instead of height, it was water, and instead of sitting, he stood. But in both, he was unnaturally still, choosing to be dangerous close to an abrupt end, and tilting his head tilts carelessly over in curiosity. I could tell he was tempted to jump that early time, but he didn't; he didn't jump.

The fraught of watching him now started to overrides my senses, seeing his slumped self gazing recklessly over the edge like he's gone back to his old distorted self that I wanted to fix so badly before.

I don't like when he's like this. He slowly eats away at his self-esteem, until he becomes helpless in such an unforgiving world.

He might be breaking down like in the past again.

In replace of being able to analyse his expression, I reminded myself on how his feelings were building up so much that it starting to overfill with a small amount leaking out in his tears.

This scene, I feel uneasy, because he's too close to the end for my comfort. I feel this anxious, because I know that he can't swim to save his life. I feel so much distraught

Because this time with his feelings, I know

They're starting to drown him.

It was like realisation struck my bothered brain that were nagging me to question, and the confused awe in my eyes turned into a terrified gaze. He might jump, but the only problem is that, he can't swim.

"Tae?" I called with wariness shaking my voice, fearfulness becoming a virtue to this painting when he doesn't respond.

My feet felt glued to where they stood, too frightened to accidentally cause an alarming sound to emit by stepping forward. Right now, I'm too scared to mess up.

"Taehyung, let's go home," I say as calmly as I can make my voice, yet it still doesn't get to him. It was definitely loud enough for him to hear, so why. "Hey, say something." Why is he still emitting silence.

"Please," I slightly begin to plead, washing out the calm tone was a begging cry. "Listen to me Taehyung!" no words nor sound leaves his lips, he's not even looking at me.

"Why won't you answer!?" I yell desperately, slight tears welling in my eyes from frustration. Frustrated on how I don't seem to be getting through to him.

Am I talking to myself? Why isn't he answering me. Why doesn't he care what I'm trying to say. I can't-

It was like in slow motion, when his feet took a step forward, dropping him off the edge.

"Taehyung!" I blurted with panic, the ground letting loose it's imaginary grip on my feet, allowing my legs to bolt to wear he stood a few seconds ago. I don't hesitate to dive in after him.

He didn't listen to me.

The impact the water makes with my body stings me, my clear hearing become drowned out by the denseness.

He chose to jump.

My eyes force their way open, the water causing my sight to blur with everything mixing to be the same shade. I push through the pressure to force myself to turn, and through the deep abyss of blue, I spot a radiant white smudge against the dark surroundings.

He ignored me.

I swim to him, all the unidentifiable things about him become clearer in features. His eyes were closed, and he looked so peaceful when he's a good amount of feet under the surface.

My arm wraps around his waist as I pull him closer to me, kicking my aching legs with all my might to try to get to the surface. I let the air fill my lungs.

He could've drowned.

As I make my way back to land, he hacks up the water that was swallowed in by lugs. His eyes weakly open at first, then he turns his gaze to me, but easily lets the eye contact fade as he makes it drift away from mine.

"Dummy," I murmured upset, irritated by how he's acting right now.

No words were exchanged as we just sat on the sand away from each other. I didn't dare to talk, because I bet all the fumes growing in my will just blow up. I didn't want to yell at him even though I was on the brink of doing so.

Eventually the weathers begin acting up again, making the sky become gloomier and letting little droplets escape the clouds.

At this point we were both already drenched, and getting a cold was already a  chance that could happen; but I didn't feel like getting rain on once more.

So I get up to head back, walking directly in front of him to show that I was leaving, but he doesn't follow. Why is he acting like I'm invisible.

"Taehyung come on," I demand impatiently, a silent timer ticking down quickly in my head as he continues to stays where he is.

Unbelievable, he has the audacity to not acknowledging my presence.

I walk back and grab his wrist to yank him to his feet, dragging him back to the cabin with a harsh grip. I don't even know if I'm supposed angry or relieved with him.

The damn power is still out in house when I peek through the window, so I was forced to go into the shed to get some old time lanterns.

Taehyung didn't move, and my anger gradually began to die down as I just watch him standing still as the rain poured down on him. He didn't seek out to get shelter, and instead just hung his head low as the rain beats down on him.

I'm worried, something really does seem to be wrong.

I go to him and gently intwine my fingers with his, and when I looked, his expression was nothing, even his eyes became dimmer than normal as he stared absently. I guide what seems like a lost boy into a shelter where he could live, hoping that he'll get better.

I lend him my clothes and a towel as I tell him to shower first. A grateful sigh left my lips since he actually listens to my directions and wasn't being difficult. When he's done, I go in, getting a warm bath for my freezing body.

I decide to make hot cocoa for him before I go to sit on the couch where he sat. I didn't feel for the drink, so when I handed it to him, I just curled up in a blanket that was laying around.

I watched as he only held it in his hand, not taking a sip even after the few minutes had past.

We still weren't talking to each other, and it feels like so long since I've heard his voice. I couldn't take the only sound of the rain drumming on the roof, so I broke and spoke first.

"Sorry I got mad at you," I murmur breaking the weird silence, not daring to look him in the eyes." I didn't mean to be that rough with you. It's just that you can't swim and I knew you were gonna fall in. I shouldn't have lost my temper though since u didn't know. But I was trying to tell you, and you just ignored me."

"I knew." He mumbles under his breath.

"What?" I question looking up, unraveling from the blanket to sit up and listen.

"I knew I couldn't swim."

He, knew?

"Wait Tae what do you mean you knew you can't swim." I question in disbelief, my eyebrows becoming furrowed in confusion. "If you knew then why did you stand so close to the edge. You could've drowned."

"I know."

I get up, no longer feeling to just sit down by all the feeling coursing through my veins

"You knew? you knew!? If you knew then why the hell would you try to drown you idiot! Have you lost your mind? You could've died today if I didn't go in after you, and Taehyung let me tell you, when your dead,  you don't come back alive! Were you really prepared to die? Seriously, what were you thinking. Why do you make me worry like this."

The cup slips from his hands, and he blinks a couple times like he's coming back to reality. I let a irritated sigh leave my lips as I pace back and forth, rubbing my face in stress as I tryto calm myself down. He begins to bend down to pick it up.

"Don't touch it you'll get cut," I warn as I send him a small glare, but again he just ignores me.

He lets a pained sound leave his lips as his finger begins to bleed from the shattered cup of spilt coffee. I feel like I'm going to explode. I quickly get the broom and scoop to fix his mess. After I just drop myself on the couch, literally rubbing the temples of my head in frustration.

I let my gaze move to the cut on his bleeding finger, and I felt so aggravated. "I told you not touch it. God why don't you listen!" He let's me yell at him, and when he says nothing, all I can do is sigh.

"Taehyung, you okay?" I ask after forcing myself to calm down, bending down in front of him to see how badly he got cut.

"Jimin," he eventually speaks, making me look up to his eyes. "I started to feel numb."

"What do you mean?" I ask softly.

"You had said you loved me, and I loved you too Jimin." He says in a dry tone, and my eyes become wider in realisation, realisation that I finally knew what I had done. I didn't say that in my dream, I said it out loud. I messed up.

"You're bleeding right now. Let's talk about it later" I say trying to ease off the subject, taking his hand into mine and disconnecting the eye contact, but he pulls it away.

"No." He says as he voice becomes louder. "Lets talk now."

"Taehyung I was half asleep and I didn't realise I let that slip okay. Anyway, your love for me isn't the same as mine for you so drop it."

"Wait but-"

I take his hand again, but like before, he pulls it away. I really don't want to get rejected right now. "I know you love me as a brother okay, you don't have to tell me."

"Seriously Jimin that's not-"

"I've accepted that fact, so let's just forget and stop being difficult so that I can help you!"

I grab his hand with force this time, and he just yanks it away harshly. I start getting frustrated, but when I brought my eyes to his, I instantly regretted it. He was passed the frustrated stage with me.

"Dont touch me!" He growls at me aggravated, little tears forming as he looks completely done with everything. "For fuck sake, who the hell are you to decide how I feel! I'm not a shitty little kid, I'm the same age as you for crying out loud you cunt! I can fucking speak for my own, so just shut the fuck up and listen!"

I'm taken back by his sudden out burst, feeling smaller in comparison. I've never heard him curse at me.

"You asked if I had lost my mind, maybe I have!" He continues, letting what seemed to be building up just all flow out.

"Everything's gone numb Jimin, and I wanted to drown. Even if I could swim, I wouldn't try to survive, because no one loves me so who would care if I drowned. You said you did, but I don't know anymore. I don't think you ever loved me, because you said to forget about it, your always saying to forget. I said I that I loved you, but I guess it didn't matter, because you even forgot about that."

"Tae" I quietly say to him, reaching my hand out to comfort, but he dodges it.

"Dont touch me, and don't call me that! Don't dare call my name like that because I'll just want to forgive you." He cries out, letting the tears fall from his hurt expression. "You told me that you were half asleep, then I don't even think that love was directed to me. Your just playing with me, my feelings, and you keep trying to tell my what I think. How would you know. I didn't love you as I brother, my love for you was more than that. But you didn't want to hear me say that."

I slough into my hands as I rub my face in shame, my mind going wild with everything that he's told me at this point.

I haven't changed.

Again I just assumed what he thinks, how he felt about me. He was trying to tell me I dreamed to hear, but I didn't want the chance of being rejected, and just ignored his words instead. I didn't want to change what we had, and I've found out that that isn't good.

I promised him and myself that I wouldn't make him cry over something like this again or make him feel like I don't care, but I still did the exact same. I'm inconsiderate, and I'm selfish. I messed up.

"Jimin, do you even love me a little?" He asked dully, sounding already defeated.

I don't know what to say, after all of that, would he even believe me if I said I loved him with all my heart. But I don't feel it's the love part that really bothers him, and more of if I need him in my life like he needs me in his.

I take too long to answer, and he clicks his tongue at my silence, causing my attention to go fully to him.

"Don't answer, Fine." He says bitterly, all the sadness disappearing as he tears dry on his cheek. "But I want you to know that I've come to hate you. I hate you Jimin I really truly hate-"

My hand grabs the collar of his shirt and yank it forwards, allowing me to cut him off with a kiss.  He's stiff as his eyes stay open in shock, his arms trying weakly to push me away, but he soon stops as his eyes flutter close as he melts into it.

The flavour of the hot chocolate rubs itself against my taste buds; his tears adding a salty taste. I keep the connection as I gently push him back onto the couch, crawling on top of where he laid, placing my hands next to his head and my right knee to fit between his legs.

My thumb drags his chin down as I start to loose a little control, shoving my tongue into his mouth. My left hand finds its way to his wet hair, combing through and getting it caught in the tangled mess. But it was my beautifully tangled mess.

I yank on it accidentally as I slightly pull his head back, causing a weird groan to leave his lips. He pulls away as he closes his mouth, his eyes wide in bewilderment at the sound he made. It shot a tingling feeling through me, and I started to yearn for more. I connect our lips again as I continue to kiss him, but this time, he doesn't yeild to my force.

Instead, little sniffs began to be more frequent during the kiss, and I stop trying; pulling away from him. He covers his eyes with his arm, tears running down on the sides. I start to feel awful, getting off to give him some space.

"Why do you do this to me," he sobs softly, hiccuping as he spoke. "I-I decided to just leave you, but you dragged me back. You kiss me so deeply, but I fear that you don't love me. W-why, why do you cause me so much heart ache Park Jimin."

I watched as he struggles to keep in his complete break down, hiccuping and sniffing uncontrollably, and soon I couldn't just watch anymore.

"I'm sorry Taehyung," I say as I bring him in for a hug, stroking his hair with care. "I really do love you, and I do need you; so please, don't leave me.

He broke down. His cries ringed out louder than the rain's knocking. His grip on my shirt tightens and he weeps deeper into my shirt, trying to muffle his noisy wails. I kissed the top of his head, burying part of my face into his hair.

I'm realising many things today because of Taehyung, things that can make me better myself. I want to make him remember,

Because Taehyung really is

The person I care for most.