A/n: honestly I was stuck on how to write this chapter for so long, Btw can someone explain the Wattys thing to me. Plz and thank you.

Taehyung's POV

A shadowed intersection where two walls collide, on a stone cold wooden floor, can be more comforting than a luxurious bed, warmer than a fancy fireplace, and more reassuring than any human's kindness.

I've found out that when you join civilisation, it's more heartaches than just being alone, and I don't think it's worth it, considering how you might become after.

For me, it feels like I'm more miserable than living in that grimy solitude I once stayed in. The wounds from my mother were always temperamental pains anyway, but the cut Jimin struck through my heart, can stay for-everlasting without a cure.

Maybe I should've just let her take me to where my dad is.

The room gradually begins to fills with darkness, its claw like feature creeping closer and closer towards me; ripping away the little light. The windows are smothered by a grey overcast, and with this, smothering my already blurry eye sight.

I don't want to stay here.

My vulnerable head dips in place between my knees, my arms wrapping firmly around my legs; its the suffocating sensation that you get from it that's reassuring.

The bandages wrapped against my burnt wounds become pressured by my actions, trying to and successfully hurting me, but I dont care. This position helps.

It feels like no one will be able to take your breath away to use for their own desires.

Uncontrollable tears had slipped my eyes to run down my face; all the crying made it a struggle to draw out breathes.

Now, dry tears stain my swollen cheeks for the few hours that I've wept, making my facial features become stiff. But not like it affected anything, considering it was only one pitiful expression I've been letting get by.

The worst thing though, is that even though I show this one indecent emotion that blemishes my face, it's not the only one that's corrupting me from the inside out. There's too many to count, all of them continuously growing like a plague spreading and taking over. It's overwhelming.

If all of these multiplying nuclear emotions tangle up inside me to created one chaotic chemical reaction, will I eventually implode. Will it become too much pressure on my god-forsaken soul to handle.

I think it's already set to play out. I mean, what else could I be going through right now at the moment. I feel like a jumbled up mess.

A mind, body, and soul; the three pillars that I thinks makes a person an individual. Mine, are crumbling quick.

My body was the first to be attacked and broken, the physical wounds carved into them by my mother cruelness to become lasting evidence; leaving my mind and soul to stand without their partner. I don't know when they will be scarred like my body, but the time is drawing near.

I've become so frail after the numerous faults that cornered me into use my strong side, that if it continues on like this, my protective shield will eventually break; I'll eventually break entirely.

Rain begins to fall.

If a wall is ceaselessly being fired upon for years by little parasite, sooner or later, it will crumble and fall.

Today feels like that day, and I fear, that it's come sooner than later.

But when I do, when I really crack, it's not going to be like when my mother literally cut me open. Because this time, I don't think I'll be able to be put back together again; after all,

the person that patched me up is the reason I'm tearing at the seams.

The windows sit still, enduring the beating they were getting from the heavily descending rain. Since the placement was so close compared to the others, the window next to me stood out the most. Some droplets cling onto the clear outside, while some fall and drags others down with it.

It makes me want to think, but I know there's only one thing that will flood my mind right now, and I don't want to slip back into the peak of feeling miserable again.

The downpour pounded so harshly against its fragile-like surface that I question how it didn't shatter from its might.

It doesn't seem to stop, and doesn't look like it will lighten.

Incessantly, millions of troublesome droplets indulge on tapping on the window hidden by the curtain, I had no choice but to open it to see what they wanted.

Winter is coming, so the raindrops turned more solid. The experience was like brutal, algid, transparent pebbles smacking me in the face as soon as it got the chance, and honestly, I needed that.

I was becoming numb in my nerves, so the quick pinches of pain helped. I need the little discomfort against my exhausted features, and I want to feel that more.

But for that, I need to make myself leave. I should show him that I don't want to live here, that I don't need him by walking straight out the front door , but I'm a coward, or I wouldn't have just pathetically climbed out the window to evade him.

My hair and clothes instantly become soaked by the little wet beads falling, chilling my body. I didn't hesitate to crawl out the window I had opened, because I already knew I couldn't go out the front. Not when I knew he was there.

I don't know how I'll act if I even hear his voice, let alone feel his touch pulling me back or looking into his confusing eyes. People will probably try to talk it out, but like I said, I'm a coward.

I don't want to try. I don't want to see him. I don't want to talk or hear his voice, so I'll avoid the problem. I'll disappear before he notices.

But a banging on the door overpowers the thing called heavy raining that's known to drown out any kind of sound. The timing made me feel sick, how it felt like plans became less sturdy by it. The knocking seemed so heavy and urgent, how he continually went at it with all of his might.

"Taehyung please, I'm sorry please open the door?!" I flinch when I hear his muffled voice call me name, and freeze when the desperateness amped his tone.

It sounded like he needed me.

But who am I kidding, I've only needed him, not the other way around. He doesn't think of me as someone who can help him, only more of like a pet he's forced to take care of. He would never depend on me. To him, I'm not a reliable shoulder for him to cry on.

My gaze pans to the door that I locked to keep him away from me, and the emotions that started to compress expanded inside me again.

If he comes barging in through that door that's made to keep uninvited people out, only tears will appear as the outcome, so I run through the down pour before that could happen. But even as I run away, I guess it was already too late, because my tears, were already falling with the rain.

Why couldn't the rainfall do its job, and clog my ears from other sounds; block it from his voice.

My legs move to carry me aimlessly through the misty forest, muddy terrain and surfacing roots trying so hard to make me fall, but I don't let them. I try to wipe away the tears that blind me but it doesn't help. The sky is adding to the shedding tears faster than I can wipe them away.

I don't know where I'm going, but I'm going somewhere far from him. I've let my body stair me through the trees, and even though my mind doesn't know where I'm going, it feels familiar somehow.

I run for some time through the gaps in the growing trunks, stopping in a slight open area with my breath coming out dense. For some reason, I start to push through low branches and step over think bushes, the leafs feeling sharper from the frosting the rain was doing as it made contact with them.

The clothing I'm wearing gets caught on little branches, creating little tears in them.

But all of the greenery making my vision tunnelled clears up as I walk into a wider area.

A little lake was absorbing the raindrops that the sky wept out, vibrant wild flowers growing on the vines that dipped into the water from the dull dock. It was such a mesmerising sight to see, but why did it make me feel so dreary.

Why did such an aesthetic scenery, make my chest weigh heavier. And why, why does this place remind me so much of him. I had left him, I left him in that house, but I can't seem to escape him.

I'd like the idea of rain, how when it's done falling the after effect is supposed to be better than the process, but all that are left are the clouds, none of the falling crystals to enhance some beauty the the gloom. The outcome was depressing, and I only felt more miserable.

I don't get. I don't understand. Why can't I remember, why this place reminds me of him. Why did I think of Jimin, as soon as my eyes caught the sparkle of the water, and

Why doesn't he love me.

I draw in a shaky breath, my throat become dry and harsh.

I don't want to think anymore, I don't want to use my brain, but even if I beg for it to stop, it's not listening to my wishes.

Why did I trust him so much, was it because he's the only person I've met after waking up that's close to my age. Was it because he was the one person that showed me kindness?

I realised that I've come hate the taste of kindness that he showed me, because like a drug, I yearn for more; I hopelessly look forward to more of it to just take me.

It was always sweet, the taste of kindness, but now it's just left a bitter taste in my mouths. Before now, it caused me to unconsciously cling on to him for more, wanting to always linger by his side forever, and that was my downfall.

I always stuck on him like a parasitic leach,

no one will come to love someone like that.

It felt like I've cried out all the moisture stored in my body before now, but I feel the tears burning the back of my eyes.

I feel them rising.

They threaten to leave my eyes once more, and this time, I willingly let them. It's not raining right now, so I can't hide them in with the droplets, but I don't care anymore, I don't care if my cries are visible in this washed out light.

I've thought that crying shows your weak, so I never cried in front of mother, even after all the awful things she'd done to me. After what she put me through.

But I cried so easily in front of him, and I'm easily crying over him.

He most likely thinks I'm weak, and I admit, I am weak; I always was. So that why I always needed him. I depended on him to show me some kind of attention, and that evolved for craving his affection.

But he told me to forget, forget his words that gave me hope, his words that were too good to be true, and he said he didn't mean it, that he doesn't love me. I questioned,

Why doesn't he love me?

All those reasons explain why.

Everything hurt so badly, to the point that it all just became numb. The rain's after stinging of coming down on me so harshly like little daggers, my agonising feelings that were overwhelming me, it's all gone numb.

I feel like an idiot, he made me into a fool, and I am stupid for falling for it; Falling for him.

Love was something just out of my reach.

I never could gain my mother's love, and my father left me with none of his love; now I found out that Jimin, had no love for me. In the end,

No one loves me.

My mind finally listens to my heart pleads, drawing blank after that one thought.

It leaves me in a blunt as this buzzing feeling thats like thousands of needles penetrating my heart smothers me. I hate this feeling so much; the feeling of worthlessness.

I felt so mentally unstable before, and it's too late to get it steadied; it's already disintegrating at this moment. My mind with its vacant space, only one thought stays in that emptiness. It started to become compelling, the little lake.

I wonder,

If I go deeper into the water. Submerge under it.

Never come to the surface.

Will my feelings drown with me? Because right now,

I don't want to feel anymore.

I want to try it, so move closer to it, standing on the edge of the old dock bare footed in the blink of an eye. The little splitters impales the surface skin of my toes, but it doesn't matter.

I just want to fall.

Everything about me goes under water. I let myself breathe it in, not struggle for the air that keeps me alive. My eyes gradually open, and I look to see the sun breaking through the gloomy clouds and the water's surface.

It's so beautiful, so peaceful. I want it to be my last memory, so I close my eyes with that as my last, ready for my rest to come.

Don't think, and just float in warming abyss. That's what I want.

But the thing I didn't want.

Were strong arms to pull me out before the cold under could successfully overfill my lungs.