My momentary daydream shattered when Gia threw a thick book at me, striking my head. An intense loathing surged through me.

"Masakit? 'Yan napapala mo, Hana."

I glared at her. She's become increasingly abusive.

"Hoy, Hana! Huwag mo akong tingnan nang ganyan. Alam kong minumura mo na ako diyan sa isip mo."

Pinagmasdan ko siyang palakad-lakad sa buong sala. "It's your fault. If you had been attentive enough to listen to me, that book wouldn't have landed on your head."

I wanted to shout at her, but I held myself back. I nearly forgot that I had made a personal vow to myself never to start a conversation with anyone else but myself.

As far as I remember, my 'don't talk to everyone' phase began when I was 8 years old. Gia and her husband took me to see a psychologist, who concluded that this behavior was a defense mechanism in response to stressful situations.

She fixed her eyes on me. "Kung ganyan ang ipinapakita mong asal, ikukulong talaga kita sa kwarto mo."

I took a deep breath. I couldn't let the past repeat itself.

"You're not a kid anymore, Hana. Maiintindihan mo na 'yang nakasulat sa board." Turo niya sa nakapaskil na papel na may nakasulat na: Don't Go Out! "Nandito na lahat ng kailangan mo, wala nang ibang dahilan para lumabas ka. Maliwanag ba?"

I nodded slightly.

"Dalawang buwan kami mawawala. Make sure you stay inside the house. Is that clear?"

I responded with two consecutive nods.

"I-lo-lock din namin ang pinto at gate para masigurong hindi ka makakalabas."

It was imprinted in my memory. Sa tuwing aalis sila, paulit-ulit niya akong pinapaalalahanan nang ganyan. It feels like I'm still a child in need of basic lessons for my own safety. Oh! I almost forgot—she still distrusts me, seeing me as the same reckless and disobedient child I once was.

"Huwag mo ring subukang tumakas." She shut the door with such force that my entire body tensed up.

I let out a sigh and briefly glanced at the bulletin board. Naalala ko muli ang unang pagkakataon na iniwan nila akong mag-isa rito.

"Read this!"

I kept silent.

"Are you done?"

I still remained silent.

"You're not deaf, Hana! Alam kong naririnig mo ang sinasabi ko."

I nodded. "Opo."

"Kanina ka pa sana sumagot!"

Umalis si Gia sa aking harapan at nagtungo sa bulletin board at pinaskil ang papel na kanyang dala.

Sumulpot si Greg sa likuran ni Gia at ipinulupot ang kamay sa bewang nito. "Babe, don't stress yourself out."

Pansamantala niya akong dinapuan ng tingin at tinaasan ng kilay. "Hoy, Hana! Huwag kang lalabas, naiintindihan mo? Maraming masasamang tao sa labas na nangunguha ng mga bata."

"Why?" I innocently asked.

"Para ipakain sa mga shark." He answered.

"Really? Why would they do that? Why would they feed children to the sharks? Do sharks—"

"Enough, Hana! Don't ask questions. Gusto mo bang ipakain ka sa shark?"

I shook my head, frightened. "No."

"Kaya huwag kang lumabas ng bahay."

I nodded enthusiastically.

"You're a big girl, Hana. You know what to do, right?" Gia chimed in.

I nodded again.

"Well, it seems Hana understands the rules. Let's go, baka mahuli pa tayo sa flight."

"Gia . . . I don't want to be alone. I'm scared."

"Don't focus on your weaknesses, Hana. Learn to be self-reliant."

I returned to my senses as I heard the sound of the engine taking off. Nagtungo ako sa bintana at nakitang umalis na sila. A smile slowly spread across my lips.

"Wohooo!" I turned the radio on and played an upbeat music.

This is a celebration. I had the house to myself. No schedules, no interruptions, no pressure, no abuse—just me and my little slice of freedom.

I feel like I've won the lottery.

Nakaramdaman ako ng biglaang pagbugso ng enerhiya at nagsimulang sumayaw sa buong sala, sinasabayan ang tugtog ng musika. The freedom was intoxicating.

Napadpad ako sa kusina at binuksan ang freezer, kinuha ang paborito kong ice cream. I scooped a generous amount into a bowl. The best part? I didn't have to share.

Umupo ako sa sofa at sumandal sa malambot na mga unan. Hindi ko mapigilang ngumiti habang inaabot ang remote at naghanap ng iba't ibang teleserye at pelikula sa Netflix, hanggang sa mapadpad sa isang cheesy na rom-com na hindi ko kailanman aaminin na gusto ko.

In that moment, I realized how much I cherished these little escapes. The laughter, the food, the freedom to be unapologetically myself—it was pure happiness.

The temporary happiness I experienced only when my foster parents left me behind.