Chapter 45
An expression of confusion crossed Matt's face. That was impossible. There couldn't be two Kasey's. "What do you mean that was you?"
"I-" She shook her head still crying. "I don't know!" She replied, throwing her hands up a bit. "Apparently the Multiverse is a thing or something? I don't know- But it seems that "Kassidy Miller" exists here! Which, good for her! But it's not me." She replied. "I don't exist here." She put a hand on her chest as she pulled away from Matt a bit to face him. "I-" She stopped as she realized something else.
"I just saved her from my own fate..." She sat there, frozen by the overwhelming thought before laughing with a sob again. "I saved myself from my own damn fate!" She repeated, laughing as she sobbed.
"Guess the universe wasn't done making my life a living hell, huh?" She laughed weakly as she curled in on herself, having pulled away from Matt as she cried. "Or is it the multiverse now?"
"Kasey, maybe you shouldn't think of it like that..." Matt frowned, trying to turn the situation around. He didn't want her going into another episode. "You saved her. Meaning she doesn't have to go through the hell you did. That's a good thing."
He set a hand on her shoulder. "Whether or not you have papers, you exist. You're here, right here and now."
"But I shouldn't be!" She argued with him, pulling away from him, tears just flowing down her face. "This isn't my world. This- This isn't home!" She cried, every sob racking her entire body.
"My parents aren't here- I went MONTHS avoiding calling them or trying to go home because I didn't want to put them in danger with everything that was happening- Fun fact! It turns out that I can't do either of those things because they aren't MINE. My home isn't MINE."
Matt recoiled, unsure of how to handle this. He wasn't the best at comforting people in the first place. If anyone was the comforter it'd be Karen.
Hell, even Foggy was better than Matt at this. "I'm sorry Kasey, I truly am. If I had a way to send you back home I would."
She sensed him recoil and flinched. She wrapped her arms around herself tightly, gripping onto the oversized hoodie she was wearing. "I... I'm sorry..." She mumbled softly, still crying a bit but had forced it to calm down. She took a deep shaky breath.
"And that's the thing... I don't know if time passes differently there than it does here. If I go back, it could be the exact moment I left or twenty years in the future- Tony doesn't even know. He didn't even know it was an actual thing outside of theories..." She quietly explained, pulling herself into a ball and pulling the hood over her head.
"For all I know, I'm already considered dead there..."
"It's fine just..." Matt let out a tired sigh. Even though he had gotten a good amount of sleep he was still tired and didn't fully understand what she was saying but wanted to comfort her. "I won't tell you not to think about it, or not to miss the life you had. But you should make the most of the life you have now. Even if you don't make it back to your world, make your mark here, on this one."
She tilted her head up to look towards him. "... How?" She asked softly. "I'm holed up in the tower most of the time or I'm tethered to my friends' sides at all times if I'm out. Don't get me wrong, I like hanging out with them but... I'm not exactly allowed to be my own person either..." She explained. "Not existing legally doesn't really help either..."
"It sounds like you need to branch out, start doing some patrols on your own." Matt offered, before continuing. "Although it's not a bad thing to have friends on your side, and a safe place to go. But if working on your own will help you heal, you can do that in moderation."
She chuckled softly. "If I was allowed to, sure. But you saw how I was... Tony would never allow it..." She replied, glancing down.
"Well, maybe Tony will let you patrol Hell's Kitchen for a while? I know it's not the same as working on your own, but it's a new environment, and you could learn some new skills while sharpening old ones. That, and Daredevil is going to be out of commission for a good few months." Matt offered. It would be a good while before he was able to get out and patrol, so having someone to help would be nice.
She looked surprised at that. "Wait, really?" She asked him, a bit of disbelief in her tone. "E-Even after all that?" She asked, referring to how he found her. "You'd actually let me do that? On my own?"
"You've had a breakthrough just in the time I've known you, and I trust you enough to give you my identity. Now, I can't say that it will be easy, if you need to call in help I'm okay with that." Matt grinned, hoping this news would cheer her up.
She was quickly nodding. "O-okay!" She was taken off guard by the offer but she quickly snatched hold of it. "Th-though if I'm going to go back with Tony, it's gonna be harder for me to get back and forth-" She pointed out.
Matt thought for a moment on the matter. "When you go with Tony, stay at the tower. When you're working in Hell's Kitchen, you can crash here. I'm not sure if Tony will be entirely happy with me about that.."
She laughed a little at that. "He can't exactly do anything about it so-" She shrugged.
Honestly the only reason she really had stayed at the tower was because she had nowhere else to go.
She had thought home had been an option but it was clearly not anymore.
So she was just trapped at the tower. Heh, kinda like Rapunzel, huh?
And now, Matt offering to let her stay here while she helped out here??
It finally felt like something, for once, was going to work out for her.
"No, he can't. While he may be a bit overbearing at times, I know that he really does care for you. So while he might not like it, he may even allow you to be here." Matt explained, before chuckling softly.
"Even if you don't need his permission."
She stared at him for a moment before looking down in thought. "It just... feels like I do. Especially now when we know I'm not... from here." She explained. "Yeah, he's not my actual parent but I'm under his care in a world that isn't mine. It was one thing before I knew that but now it's just..."
She looked away. "It feels like someone's going to lock me up either to keep me safe from others who would or to put me in a glass jar to observe..."
"Well, it was his decision to take you under his iron wing." Matt told her.
"Unfortunately that's something you will have to learn to both avoid and deal with. People will either try to coddle or ogle at you." Matt was honest, as he tried to be most of the time.
Kasey chuckled a bit. "Yeah, it's part of why I try to act like I can still see normally... it takes some of the attention off of me..." she gave a small shrug.
"Or it at least keeps them from pitying me at first glance..."
"You could also use it to your advantage." Matt offered. "Because of your blindness, no one would suspect you of being your alter identity."
She shrugged again. "Yeah, I guess." She replied softly before sighing and rubbing a bit at her face that was still wet with tears and chuckled faintly.
"I probably look like a mess, don't I?" she asked, not exactly expecting an answer as she carefully rubbed the tears away without upsetting her already sensitive eyes.
"Well, if I could see, I would tell you. Although from how you were crying, I can assume you do?" He laughed awkwardly.
A laugh came from Kasey before she had a chance to stop it and in her attempt to do so she nearly choked on air. "SIR-" She finally got out after a moment with another small laugh.
"There is no need for that level of sass this early in the morning-" She coughed again but was smiling and another small laugh came from her.
"That could have killed me!" She teased him, light shoving his shoulder. "What would you have done then, huh?"
A look of concern flashed across Matt's face when Kasey choked, but it faded after she began to laugh. He cracked a relieved smile.
"Well, firstly, I think I would've called Claire, and then hired Foggy as my lawyer." He retorted.
She laughed again, this time a little louder and clearer. "Claire would have killed you herself before you had a chance to call Foggy-" She shot back. "You wouldn't have had a single chance and you know it!"
"Mm. That she would have." Matt couldn't help but let a chuckle escape.
"And on top of that, you'd have to deal with an angry Tony Stark." She pointed out with another laugh. "And that would not be a fun time." She grinned.
"Oof, I do not have the money to go up against Tony Stark. Maybe in a fistfight I'd be able to take him on, but I'm down a leg and I don't think the publicity from that stunt would be very good." Matt laughed.
She laughed a bit harder, curling in on herself a bit. "I don't think anyone has the money to go up against Tony when he's pissed-" She pointed out. "And Tony? In a fistfight?" She scoffed. "He'd only do that if he was challenged and was too stubborn to back down-"
"I'd have to fight him without his suit too. That'd be a pain to deal with." He shook his head, 'looking' over at her. He was glad to know her spirits were lifted.
She laughed again. "Good luck with getting him to leave it behind-" She winced a bit but was still smiling. "Nooo!" She whined with a laugh. "My sides hurttt-" She was still laughing as she curled in on herself. "Noooooo-"
"Don't hurt yourself by laughing!" Matt told her, even though he himself had a wide grin spread across his face.
"I-it's too late for th-that!" She replied, still giggling. She felt tears pricking at her eyes from laughing so hard. "I-it hurtsss-" She whined at him, unable to stop laughing. "I-I can't br-breathe!" She didn't sound terribly distressed about it though.
Matt couldn't help but chuckle. Her being in this sort of state was a breath of fresh air. Well, for him at least, seeing as she couldn't breathe from the laughter.
It took her a bit before she got it to calm down, still giggling a bit but flopped backward, laying down on her back next to him, breathing heavily.
"O-oh wow..." she panted as she laid there, another small giggle coming from her. "I haven't... haven't laughed like that in... in a long time-" She was trying to regain her breath as she laid there.
Matt was glad for it. "Well that's good, you needed a laughing fit." He laughed along with her.
She hummed a bit as she folded her arms over her chest, just lying on the bed beside him, panting. "I-I really did... It... It felt nice..." She admitted softly. "I-" she stopped for a moment, falling silent as she realized.
It was... peaceful.
The constant buzzing of her senses had fallen completely silent. Her body was relaxed, truly relaxed, not that pretend relaxation where she was still ready to run or fight at any given time-
The only noises she could hear were her heavy but steady breathing, Matt's laughter and breathing, both of their heartbeats, hers a bit faster than his, and the quiet noises of the apartment.
She stared up at the ceiling in shock as she realized this. She... she let her senses down without even realizing it- she hadn't even noticed she wasn't focusing on them to keep seeing.
She felt more tears spill down her face but she didn't realize she had let them. "It's so quiet...." She whispered softly, just staring at nothing as she no longer felt a reason to try. "It's never been this quiet before..."
Matt's laughter slowed to a stop, and he, too, decided to fall silent to listen to the world around them. Kasey was right, the room was quiet, save for their breathing.
Although, he didn't think that he'd know what it was like to constantly have another part of himself nagging him on what was safe and what wasn't.
"I... I don't think my senses have been this quiet... ever..." She explained as she laid there, her voice quiet as not to disturb it.
"It's always buzzing in the back of my skull, all the time. Even when I'm asleep... It's woken me up more than I care to admit..." She sighed softly.
"Always warning me about how anything and everything or anyone and everyone was out to get me or something bad was waiting around the corner-" She scoffed softly.
"It was always so... so loud." She smiled a little bit. "But right now? It's silent..." She let her eyes close as she just listened to the quiet, peaceful noises around them.
"As much as I'm glad you had that little voice trying to protect you, something like that had to have been overwhelming." He shook his head softly.
It reminded him of Tony, almost. It was constantly trying to keep Kasey in line, even if it was her own voice.
She chuckled lightly. "It was." She agreed. "Especially really early on... But it's what allowed me to escape that place. What told me to jump. So... I just got used to it, learned to ignore its quieter whispering and react to the louder ones."
"It's good that you've got some growth going on." Matt commented, true to his word.
She laughed softly. "Yeah... It's... it's nice... Though it constantly feels like one step forward and two or three steps back- It's still... progress I guess."
She glanced over at him. "But... the fact it's silent right now?" She smiled at him, bright and genuine though neither could see it.
"I... I think it means it trusts you and considers me to be completely safe here with you..." She admitted softly.
"It's a lot quieter around my friends, Tony, Spider-man, and Interweb but not... not like this."
"Well, I'm glad your other voice thinks I'm worthy of being called safe. Even if I would tend to think otherwise." It was unfortunately true that he found himself in danger often, and his friends often got into trouble because of him.
She hummed. "I could say the same about myself." She replied softly.
"It's a good thing we can both handle ourselves to some degree, huh?"
"Yeah, it's a very good thing." It was also good to have each other, so they could watch each other's backs. Although, he wasn't exactly the gooey emotional type, so he wouldn't come out and say it.
She tilted her head slightly towards him. "I don't know about you but I am exhausted," She chuckled softly.
"And I've slept so much in the past... what, three??? Four??? Days????"
"Just woke up and you're already exhausted?" Matt chuckled lightly, but nodded along anyway. "I know how you feel, except, I haven't slept much at all."
"Mmm, having multiple mental and emotional breakdowns, swinging across most of Hell's kitchen in the rain, and a laughing fit tend to wipe people out-" She teased him a bit.
But she tilted her head when he said he hadn't slept and frowned at him. "...You haven't?" She thought back to how much she's been sleeping and how he must have been tending to her during a good chunk of that time or chasing her around Hell's kitchen-
Oh. Now she felt a bit guilty.
"No, but I'm also used to going a good while without sleep." He noticed the subtle change in her behavior and silently cursed himself. "Don't worry, it was my choice to stay awake and all that."
She sat up and turned to him. "Well, now you have time to catch up on sleep, huh?" She pointed out.
"Which you should probably do before Claire comes back." She teased lightly.
"I probably should, yeah." Matt groaned lightly, knowing Claire would get royally peeved if she knew he was resisting sleep. Again.
She laughed a little before carefully pushing herself off the bed. "I'll let you rest then." She smiled a little bit. "Let me know if you need anything," She told him as she started to move to the doorway but Matt heard the way her heartbeat went from the calmest he had ever heard it to starting to race. It wasn't a massive change but it was noticeable.
It was becoming similar to the multiple heartbeats he'd heard before when people got anxious, nervous, or scared about something.
Matt had originally laid down, planning on going back to sleep, or even attempting to. He had heard her move to the doorway, and had even turned away from her at that moment, only to push himself back up, halfway.
"What is it?" He asked inquisitively, having picked up on the increase of her heart rate.
She stopped, glancing back at him in confusion. "What?" She asked him, the clear confusion in her voice but her heartbeat was betraying her yet she genuinely seemed confused. She didn't notice the tears brimming her eyes or them falling down her face and dripping to the floor.
Matt heard the soft sound of the tears hitting the floor. It perplexed him, hearing that and her heartbeat, but her responding to him as normal. "Your heartbeat sped up... I assumed something was wrong."
"No??" She sounded a bit unsure now though. "At least... I don't think so??? I'm-" She felt the tears dripping down her face a bit faster, the noise catching her attention. She reached up and lightly touched the trail of tears, confused. "I'm crying???" she shifted a little bit, trying to understand. "But I'm fine??"
This was confusing and unsettling for Matt, as he did not know what was making her seem so upset. Maybe she felt guilty? Or perhaps the stress was simply getting to her? He did not know. "Are you sure? Is there anything you can think of that might be upsetting you?"
She furrowed her brow as she tried to think. "I-I don't know- I'm fine!" She replied but she was starting to tremble. "I-I'm-" Her senses were still silent which made her more confused. "I-I don't k-know what's wrong- I-I'm fine-!" She repeatedly tried to reassure herself but it was clearly not working.
Matt frowned, knowing fairly well that wasn't true. "Kasey... you're obviously not." He was at a loss for what he was supposed to do here.
"Should I call Claire?" Maybe it was related to a head injury they hadn't known about, he wasn't sure.
She looked up at him, tears still spilling down her face and shook her head quickly. "Wh-what- n-no!" She replied, panicking a bit at the idea.
Her mind was racing, desperately trying to find answers. She had been fine just a second ago and there was no danger according to her senses so what was wrong?! She was just going into the other room to let him sleep!
...and have nothing to do except sit alone for who knew how long-
Oh. She felt more tears spill down her face and her chest tighten at the thought but she didn't understand why.
Why would that- Oh.
She was still trembling but she had frozen from her movements of running her hands through her hair and her hands lowered as tears spilled a bit faster. "Oh..." She whispered softly before taking a shaky breath as she tried to force herself to calm down.
"I-It's fine. It's-..." She managed to slow her shaking. "It's- It's not important-" She told him, wiping the tears away. "It's just my brain being dumb is all..."
"Kasey." Matt spoke sternly, hardening his expression. He wanted to know what was wrong, and he also wasn't going to have any of that sort of talk from her. He fully sat up now, turning his head in her direction.
"One; your brain isn't dumb. Two; what's wrong? It sounds like you figured it out?"
She flinched a bit at the stern tone, glancing away, her arms crossed in front of her. "It's-" She stopped knowing he was not going to drop it and she refused to just... run away again.
That would just worsen the problem.
She sighed softly, gripping a little at the hoodie sleeves. "I..." Why was this harder to talk about then the hell she went through? Maybe cause this was now and that was then?
She shook her head a bit. "It's just... it's being irrational..." She told him. "Just stupid anxiety over something that-" She hesitated again, trying to word herself carefully. "that I know, logically, isn't true..."
Oh. So it was some sort of anxiety thing? Matt wondered to himself. He had experienced some anxious bouts now and then, but he knew that he didn't experience like she did.
"Would you like to talk about it? I can stay up for a bit longer."
She started to hesitate but the soft concern in his tone made her shift instead. She didn't turn towards him completely but let out a small breathy laugh.
"It's stupid and irrational and it shouldn't even be bothering me and I don't want to make you stay up because of it, I've already done that enough-" She rambled before rather quickly shutting up and tightening her grip around herself. "...I-I'll be fine..." but she didn't sound so sure of the truth of that statement.
"You don't sound 100 percent confident about that." Matt pointed out flatly. He wouldn't put up with her continuously putting herself down.
"I really don't mind. If you have something to say, I'll hear you out."
She sighed softly. He wasn't just gonna let it be, huh? Okay... fine.
She looked down towards the floor, running a hand through her hair. "I-" This feels so stupid. This shouldn't matter. It's just the other room! Not whole buildings! Or worlds!
"I... I don't want to be alone because I'm scared it'll stay that way, even though it's just in the other room!" She finally spat out, her voice raising and she snapped just a little bit but had caught herself and held it back.
She was just frustrated but that didn't mean she could take it out on him. "See-? It's irrational and stupid and it doesn't matter-"
"Well-" Matt had to stop for a moment, to take in what she had said. He hadn't dealt with that before, so this was new, but he decided he would try to remedy this. "It's not irrational and stupid if it's seriously affecting you."
He paused, thinking over his options. "If you're afraid of being on your own, you could bring one of my chairs in here, or I could go back out there."
She shook her head at that. "I-I'll be fine. I'll get over it." She tried to argue back. "You need actual rest and I doubt the couch would be comfortable with your leg." She pointed out.
"It's just for a couple hours until Claire gets back..." she mumbled softly, both trying to convince herself and Matt that she'd be fine.
Matt, someone who could compete at an Olympic level of stubbornness, refused. "If you're more comfortable, you can stay. There's not much to do around here, but I've got a chair you can sit in."
She started to argue but she was beginning to realize it'd go in circles and neither would get anything resembling rest if they kept going.
She finally sighed and turned to face into the room. "...fine..." she mumbled as she reluctantly gave in to his argument and found and situated herself in the chair.
She probably couldn't sleep well or easily in it but that's fine. She's worked with worse.
Satisfied with that answer, Matt tiredly leaned back down into his half-up position he was in previously. "Do you want to talk about it some more?"
His body was telling him to get some sleep, but he didn't want to risk leaving Kasey up for the following couple of hours until Claire returned.
She shook her head slowly. "I'm pretty sure I'm just going to have another breakdown if I do and my body would force a hard shutdown and reboot..." she replied quietly.
Matt nodded at this, respecting her decision. There was a time and a place for his stubbornness, but forcing Kasey to talk was not one of them. "Would you be alright if I rested before Claire comes?"
"It's either that or listen to her chew you out-" She teased, her voice still quiet but a small smile tugged at her lips.
"But, yeah. I'll be fine." She told him, with a small nod.
Matt hesitated, but the tiredness hiding behind his eyes lured him back. "Alright. If anything changes, do not hesitate to wake me up."
She laughed a little bit but nodded again. "Okay, dad." She teased him again but nodded again. "I will."
"Don't make me ground you for that kind of sass." He smirked, forcing himself to lay back down, as he was before he heard her heart pick up before.
She smiled a little wider at that. "Okay, okay. You're only winning this one because you actually need to rest." She told him but settled back in her chair as well, her body exhausted from the last hour or so.
"If you can, try and rest up too." Matt told her, drifting off to sleep. He truly was more exhausted than he thought.
She gave a small hum of agreement and it didn't take long for her to drift off too.
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