Paul Blofis

That night Sally had to work overtime so I made dinner and once again at dinner we both started talking and my phone went off. Not being at the table when it did, I didn't read it right away.

Percy Jackson

Paul's phone went off and he asked if I could open it for him and so I did and it was a text from a dude named Chris. And I was a bit curious, so I read it.

Hey, Paul, its Chris if you don't already know. I wasn't sure if you deleted my contact or not, but I'm sending this to apologize. What happened that night was a total mess up, I should have known better and because of it we practically haven't spoken for a year and yet we work at the same place. Funny how that works, right?
Anyways, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up tonight or tomorrow, say at the Starbucks by the school? And just sort of everything and maybe see if we could give us a second chance? If you don't want to, I understand. I just miss you and thought it'd be nice to at least see each other one more time.
Well, get back to me when you can.

I...

One reason I think so low of myself is because I'm gay. And nobody really knows, my mom doesn't even know and I was terrified that if either her or Paul found out they'd freak. But I mean, if this Chris was a guy...

Yeah it could easily be a Christina, but it could also be a Christopher.

Maybe I wouldn't have to be so worried and so afraid about it. About one day bringing home a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend.

A few days later Paul's phone went off and it was from the same dude, Paul in the shower I'm nosy just about this and open it up.

Paul never did respond. Never even called back.

Well I'm guessing that's a big fat no, then. Thanks for not even taking the effort to call or text back. I'll see you tomorrow at work, but I doubt we'll speak, right?

Hey, that's how I felt with Nico right now. If we find him, I'll see him, but I doubt we'll even talk. He won't want anything to do with me.

I never knew what happened in that situation. Mom sat me down a week later and asked about depression. Nothing with self harm. So Paul kept his promise about that. But I told her a majority of what I told Paul and she scheduled an appointment for it and I went and the results came back positive. MDD. So they gave me medication and sent me to therapy. It didn't help any. But they did.

Eventually Camp started and I returned back and in the Labyrinth we found Nico. And they'd have him stay in my cabin while he was there which he did. Not very willingly, but he did.

Once we got back, he barely said 3 words to me.

It was to the point that I was cutting daily and crying myself to sleep every night and waking up from nightmares constantly and then crying myself back to sleep until I couldn't sleep and nobody noticed. Nobody cared. It wasn't getting better, it was getting worse.

And then I walked into Nico's room and he was holding a little dagger, staring at it, debating.

For once he spoke.

"What are you doing?" I asked him. Wearing my sweater in case the water missed something. The water only turned them to scars now, not fully healed like it did two years ago.

"Debating."

"What are you debating?"

"Cutting."

Of course.

Because what else is there?

"Nico..."

He can't turn into me. He can be depressed all he wants. But he can't turn into a me.

"Don't even try to act like you care."

"I didn't even say anything!"

"No, but you wanted to."

"Sure, but," I remarked, " I was just trying to save you from the embarrassment."

"Embarrassment?" The son of Hades thought I was insane at this point," of what? Losing blood?"

"Of being walked in on," I clarified," while cutting. Its more embarrassing than you would think."

"And how would you know?"

"What do you think, Nico?" I questioned the younger demigod," honestly, Nico, what? Why do you think I want to help you so much? Why do you honestly think that I'm trying as hard as I can to tell this grief, depression, whatever it is to shove off because you won't."

"I don't fucking know, why? Tell me."

"Because, Nico," my voice quieted down," I've gone through it, too. I've wanted to kill myself, I've had Paul walk in on me cutting and it's the worst thing you can have happen to you. Especially when they don't know how depressed you are. It's not worth it. None of it is. You're not the only one I'm this camp going through it, Nico. You're the only one that cares to let people know. 80% of people out there are probably depressed or suicidal. Half of them are probably anorexic. But they're all too afraid to admit it. To shine light on the topic. I was until... Well you're the first person aside my parents to know."

"Your mom and dad?"

"My mom and her boyfriend."

For a moment it was silent and he put down the dagger.

"It was a stupid idea," he remarked," it just... Some things it's just stupid things that make the most out of you. But why on earth would you?"

"Depression," I explained, " I was abused as a kid. Kids didn't like me. Teachers despised me. Mom was never home. I saw something about it online and thought I'd try it because it was supposed to stop the pain. It didn't. Mom's boyfriend, Paul, found out about it and told my mom and they diagnosed me. At least I'm not anorexic or bipolar. Just you know. Kind of suicidal."

"I thought you were insane charging into battle like that," he remarked," now I know you really do have a death wish."

That night I was hanging out with Annabeth. I was just confused about a few things, Nico didn't know, so I figured she would and we're all in the main area and she leans in for a kiss and my ass did not want that. My ass went under the table and over to the other side.

No, that is never happening. Like I said.

Gay.

Gay and with hopes.

And Annabeth... Second day back from the quest. Talking with Aphrodite kids.

Rumors spread. Quickly. As they always do.

"Percy's gay!?"

It didn't take long for the names to start coming from every direction. Faggot, freak, mistake, cocksucker, confused, gay boy, and countless others.

Just like school. Just like it. And the worst part is that they weren't wrong. I was gay. Just not openly. Annabeth stopped hanging out because I didn't want to kiss her and be her boyfriend. Nico stuck around. He had no choice. So did Grover. But not as much.

Mid June. I was sitting in my cabin. Contemplating if I should kill myself because the people here wouldn't seem to care. The only person overall that I know 100% that would is my mother.

I was pulling myself apart and letting them destroy me piece by piece and I didn't know how to stop it other than to kill myself.

I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't Clarisse at my cabin at 2 AM when I was ready to kill myself.

Did I notice her? Not right away.

"It'll help nothing," the daughter of Ares scared the living shit out of me as I noticed her standing by my door.

"What?" I asked, not in the mood for her crap.

"Killing yourself," she clarified to me," if you think it's better off that way, it's not. I know for a fact they would all miss you. Hell, even I might. And I don't think your mom wants to be woken up by a call from Chiron because you caved into what they said. Because you went off and killed yourself."

"They wouldn't miss me, Clarisse. Not me. They'd miss my leading," I correct her. "I don't know where you've been, but have-"

"Yeah, I have," she cut me short there immediately," don't even get me started on it, Percy, because it pisses me off that bad. They did it to me, too, they still do. Because I didn't want to date Luke. They thought I was a lesbian. And that's going to bite them like a bitch tomorrow night at campfire. It really will."

"If you want me to do something, I'm not doing it," I clarified.

"As much as I don't hate you, I'm not... That's disgusting," the daughter of Ares told me," not you, trust me."

"Is it real, though?" I questioned," because if it's an act, there's no use to it, Clarisse."

"If I wanted to act it, I would've done it before I even knew of your existence," Clarisse clarified for me," I'm still shocked I agreed to go on a date. But just out of curiosity, why didn't you do it? Because I'm pretty sure 95% of camp has money on you and Annabeth. I don't. I almost did. But when Tyson showed up I don't know... I pulled out."

"I..." I debated how to explain this to her without dying of embarrassment in one form or the next and decided to make it simple and easy for her to understand," that's the difference between us, Clarisse. When it came to you, they were wrong. And it'll be a bitch slap when you and Chris show up tomorrow night for them. But when it came to me they weren't wrong. I am gay and this is why I don't tell anyone. Because they make fun of me for it and they call me names and drive me so far down it feels impossible to get up. They treat it like they're 10 and I pissed my pants or something."

Clarisse La Rue

The next night at Campfire Percy was pulled off to the side by Chiron. I only knew that because I saw it and people noticed he wasn't there.

"I wonder where Percy is," somebody remarked and it was Annabeth that commented off of that.

"Probably getting some dick."

A child of Aphrodite:

"Yeah his own."

Camp bursted into laughter and I had had enough at that point.

"Would you guys shut up and grow up?" I snapped at them," do you guys even realize what you're saying?"

"If we weren't, we wouldn't say it. Why do you even care?"

"Because it's hurting him."

"Good."

"No, I don't mean like it brings down his mood hurt," I clarify for the fellow demigods here," He was going to kill himself last night, if Nico hadn't heard anything and gotten me he would've. If you guys really think you're that funny, you're not. He wants to kill himself because you guys can't grow the fuck up and consider somebody else's feeling for once."

A huge argument started basically of those who thought being gay and whatever was okay and those who didn't and when Chiron and Percy along with Mr. D showed up to this they were all massively confused.

"What in the... What's going on?" Chiron was first to regain the ability to speak out of the three.

"Just friendly bantering."

"I didn't know giving out bloody noses and black eyes were friendly," Mr. D remarked. "Is this a new thing kids do?"

"I didn't think so..." Percy answered.

"Who started this?" Mr. D said and they all point at me.

"All I said was that what they were doing these past few days was childish," I defended myself," I didn't start fighting with anyone and certainly didn't start swinging at anyone."

"Doing what?" Chiron asked," I wasn't aware there was an issue going on with campers."

As it is, they pulled me to the Big House.

"You're not in trouble," Chiron assured me," I believe you didn't start the violence if you say you didn't. But what's been going on that we aren't aware of and that Percy didn't catch."

"Percy knows," I tell the centaur, " he's just not keen on talking about it because it's about him."

"Really?" Mr. D said as for some fucking reason Apollo showed up and sat between Mr. D and Chiron.

"Yeah," I confirm for them," it's about him, he's getting all the crap for it. And it was stupid. One person made a joke out of it and another made it as a serious remark. You know how Percy and Annabeth are. She wants him to be all hers and to be with him forever just like she had been with Luke and Percy wants nothing like that. Especially considering we’re teenagers. And from I heard Annabeth went to kiss him and he didn't want to so he walked to a different part of the room and apologized, saying he wasn't interested. He wasn't even an asshole about it. But Annabeth had to tell the whole Aphrodite Cabin and things spread and somebody joked that maybe he was gay. It was a stupid joke and that speak quick, too, and of course the name calling went with it. He can't get anywhere within Camp without getting called something anymore. And it's to the point where whether this pushed it to the edge or it's who's doing it or something because he's suicidal now because  of all of this. Somebody remarked that he wasn't at campfire right away and which he was here and somebody said whatever and I told them that it wasn't funny if that's what they were trying to get out of it and it wasn't a joking matter and somebody agreed with me and then they got slapped and it escalated quickly."

"It... Ms. La Rue, is a joke to you?"

"No!" I told them," its not a joke, it's what happened! It's what's been going on, serious."

"And Percy is suicidal?"

"Yes," I tell the directors and instructors at Camp Half-Blood, " he is. Trust me, I walked in on it. He's... Suicidal, depressed. I don't know the whole-"

We were cut short as Beckendorf barged through the doors of the Big House.

"Sorry to interrupt," the son of Hephaestus remarked," it's Percy."