ARNAV RAIZADA

"Did you bring my stuff?" Jiya asked as I walked inside.

She was seated in the hall, watching TV with a bowl full of ice cream, she licked the spoon and looked at me expecting an answer.

Damn it! I forgot, all because of Khushi, if she wouldn't argue with me, I wouldn't have forgotten, she was really getting into my head. Jiya had told me in the morning to pass by bookstore and pick some books and I forgot, I never forgot anything regarding her.

"Shit! I am so sorry, I totally forgot. Can I bring them tomorrow?"

"Sure, you must have had a terrible day to forget about it, do you want to talk about it?" She placed her bowl aside and looked at me.

"How do you do that? How do you just figure out what's happening with me without me telling you a thing?"

"Because I am your sister, and I know you better duh." She rolled her eyes.

"Fine, but I don't want to talk about it, I'll just head to my room." I shrugged as I headed upstairs straight to my room, I banged the door angrily and sat down on my bed feeling frustrated, I hated this, I hated everything that had been happening to me since the day I met her.

Why wouldn't I just stop thinking about her? What was wrong with me? I've always pushed everyone away, I mean the whole university hates me, but I don't know why I can't bring this girl to hate me, whatever I do, just ends up doing the opposite.

I heard a knock at the door of my room and as I looked up, I saw Jiya walk in, she wasn't going to let this go until she found out what was going on, such a nosy little sister!

"What's wrong Arnav?" She asked as she sat down beside me looking at me worriedly.

"Nothing."

"Is it about Khushi?"

"Why would you think it's about her?" I looked at her curiously, I hadn't ever mentioned anything about Khushi to her, how did she know it? You see what I was saying, this girl just knows everything without me having to tell her, it good but irritating sometimes.

"Because maybe you like her?"

"Huh, please. I don't like her at all." I rolled my eyes, wow I dint even mean what I said.

"Really? If that is so, why do you have her picture as your wallpaper?"

"I don't."

"Oh God Arnav!" She looked at me madly and then next moment she grabbed my phone from where I had placed it, and when she pressed the button, Khushi's photograph showed up, I remember taking that picture of hers secretly that night at the fresher's party, she looked so beautiful, I had to take a picture.

No one could ever do justice to my mother's clothes, I mean I remember even Jiya trying them but she just couldn't pull them off like mom used to, but Khushi did, very well actually.

"What does this mean then?" She waved the phone in front of me.

"It's just that I like that dress, it reminds me of mom and I don't have a picture of mom in that dress." Wow, what a lame excuse Arnav. I put that picture as my wallpaper because I loved it, she looked so beautiful in it.

"I know you like her Arnav." Jiya said as she stood up and started walking around my room, well I knew that too, if I dint know it I wouldn't try to push her away. I hated that she was getting this close to me without trying, I dint want anyone being that close to me!

"You are right, I like her." I sighed. I mean there was no point pretending not to like her, Jiya always knew things about me that I dint even know sometimes, and lying wasn't going to change the fact that I liked Khushi, more than I should.

Why did I even like her? She was just a spoilt rich brat.

"What do you want Arnav?" She walked back towards me, sat opposite me and held my hand.

"I don't want to like her. I want for her to stay away from me, I don't want to feel the things I feel every time I see her, I don't want to feel jealous when I see her with that stupid Jai guy, I don't want to feel like I'd murder him if he dared to touch her." I said as I clenched my fists, seriously, every time I'd see them together, my blood would boil.

"Maybe instead of not wanting all that, how about you trying wanting it?"

"You know how it would end Jiya don't you? I would just end up hurting her, that's what I always do, I hurt the people that I care about. I don't want to make the same mistakes again, I know I don't deserve to be in people's lives, somehow I just can't seem to pull myself out of her life." I said sadly, as my entire past flashed in front of my eyes.

My past had taught me one lesson and it was that I was such a toxic person in other people's lives, I did try to give myself the chance to change, but every time it just ended horribly, so I realized if I couldn't change, I should just stop letting people into my life, it would be easier than let them in and then hurting them.

"I know Arnav, and trust me I even warned her, I told her to stay away from you. But seeing you like this, I kind of feel that maybe you should give this a chance, maybe this time it would be different."

"Would it really be Jiya?"

"That's upon you to decide."

"Well I don't think it's possible, I have always hurt people I always will and she is the last person I want to hurt. I lost control today, but I'm not going to let it happen again. I'll make sure she believes that I'm not interested in her, she has to hate me like everyone else does, that's how this will work, it's the only way it will work."

"It will hurt you Arnav." Jiya looked at me sadly.

"It already is Jiya, but it's for the best. You have lived my life with me, you've seen everything that I have done, you know this is the right thing for me to do."

"I know." She nodded as she hugged me and broke down into tears. My little sister. She always cared about me so much, I loved her a lot, and quite honestly I was really scared that I was going to hurt her too one day like I had done to everyone else in the past, and I was scared that I was going to lose her too. I dint want to lose the only person in my life, please God, never let me hurt her.

"I need to go Jiya." I said as I broke the hug, she nodded sadly as I stood up and headed out of my room, I had to go see Khushi, I had to tell me to stay away from me, I just hoped she was going to listen to me.

*****

I walked inside her house hoping she was going to be home, the hall was empty and I couldn't see anyone around, apart from a few servants.

"Hey you, is Khushi home?" I asked one of them.

"Yes, she is upstairs in her room."

"Which one is her room?"

"I'll show you." He said as he started climbing the staircase so I followed him, he led me to Khushi's room, he stopped at the door once we were there and the left, I was feeling quite nervous, it was funny actually, people always thought of the as the most strong and ruthless person ever and this girl was making me nervous.

I wasn't really strong and ruthless, I did the things I did so no one would ever get close to me, and it seemed to be working pretty well until she came into my life.

The door to her room wasn't fully closed so I just peeped in, she was seated on her bed silently lost in deep thoughts, oh my God, she looked so beautiful. Okay Arnav, you have to stop thinking that way about her.

I pushed the door open and walked in as she looked at me in surprise, the way she looked at me melted my heart, I dint want to say what I was here to say but I had to, it was for the best.

"Hey. What are you doing here?" She asked.

"I came to talk to you." I shrugged, she just smiled faintly and nodded, I wanted to keep staring at her forever, how could anyone be this beautiful seriously?

"So what do you want to talk about? Are you here to tell me to sleep with you again?" She giggled.

"I don't mind if you're interested." I joked, she laughed at what I said and I swear it was the prettiest sight, I could watch her laugh all day, it was so peaceful.

"You're here to give me some bad news aren't you?" She asked nervously.

Seriously, how did everyone apart from me just get this idea of the stuff that was about to happen? How did they do it? Now I dint feel like being mean or rude or anything to her, I dint want her to hate me. Oh God Arnav. You have to do this.

Maybe I could do it without having her hate me? I could just be honest to her? I mean I did already try the hate part and it dint work, maybe honestly would?

You see, this is what I was talking about, I would decide something but when I looked at her, I would change my mind.

God! What was I supposed to do now, help me please?