Brendon truly meant to pretend that he had never seen the call from Ryan coming through his phone; it was most likely just a pocket dial or something like that anyway, because why the hell would Ryan Ross be reaching out to him after what seemed like an eternity of mutual ignorance on both of their parts?

It just didn't make any sense for Ryan to be attempting to contact him now, because Ryan might be impulsive, and irrational, but he didn't do things like this to Brendon, not anymore. He had found other girls to waste his affections on, which was just fine with Brendon. He didn't give a shit who Ryan ended up with, because it wasn't going to be him, so Ryan's love life was no longer any of his concern.

Brendon had thought he had made it perfectly clear that he had freed himself from Ryan's web which he had been trapped in for far too long, and before today, Ryan had seemed to take the hint that Brendon wanted nothing more to do with him, which is exactly how Brendon wanted things to stay, mostly.

When the device fell silent, Brendon exhaled heavily, expelling the oxygen he hadn't been aware that he had been holding in his lungs for the past minute or so, during which he had done nothing besides stare down at the printed white text spelling out Ryan's name, but before Brendon's heart rate could return to normal, the harsh sound of vibrations against his coffee table picked up again, causing every muscle in Brendon's body to tense suddenly as he received confirmation that Ryan was actually trying to get a hold of him, and this hadn't been an accidental dial caused by an ironic twist of fate, courtesy of whatever cruel being enjoyed watching Brendon suffer while he looked down from above.

And despite his best intentions, Brendon found his fingers twitching wildly, his arm reaching out to grasp the phone that has been sitting innocently two feet in front of him, but his actions didn't mean he was going to answer it, of course not. He had a code to uphold after all, even though it might not hurt to break it just this once to see what was so damn important that Ryan had actually bothered to remember that Brendon existed.

The third time Ryan's name flashed before Brendon's eyes was the final straw that had Brendon's tedious self-control snapping completely, his thumb pressing the answer button before he could second-guess himself, the slender device finding its way to his ear as if by magic, even though Brendon could physically see his hand moving it, but he wasn't in charge of his motions anymore, and although he would never admit it to himself, or anyone else, Brendon had missed the sound of Ryan's voice, and that was the true reason why he had discarded his rule for the time being.

"Ryan?" Brendon asked warily when the speakers remained silent, his voice emitting cold and flat, even though he was a turbulent storm of emotions on the inside, his body shaking slightly as he waited for a response, part of him still hoping that this was all some embarrassing mix up, and Ryan had phoned the wrong number three times in a row, that was a better option than being forced to face the past that Brendon was so assured that he had buried.

"You picked up," Ryan finally replied, a soft chuckle crackling across the line while Brendon tried to decide what to say next, because fuck - there were a thousand unspoken things lying in-between the two of them, and Brendon had no idea where to start, or if he should even brave those choppy waters at all.

"I did," Brendon nodded minutely, even though Ryan obviously couldn't see him, which was a very fortuitous thing given the fact that his limbs where physically trembling at the moment, and Brendon would rather die before he allowed Ryan to know how badly he still managed to affect him after all these years. "Why did you call?" Brendon added quickly, deciding to cut to the chase before this conversation dragged on for any longer than necessary.

"Honestly...I don't know, I guess - fuck Bren," Ryan paused suddenly, his heavy exhalation resounding loud and clear, making it seem as if Ryan was at Brendon's side instead of in his own home. "I missed you," Ryan spat out hurriedly, his voice quivering throughout his admission, setting off another round of convulsions under Brendon's skin.

Brendon felt as if he was being torn in two, because one side of him wanted nothing more than to return Ryan's sentiment, and it wasn't a lie - he had missed the older man, his reaction to this phone call was proof of that, but Ryan's confession had also ignited a sudden rush of anger in Brendon's chest, the fury searing through him quickly just like it always did when Ryan was involved.

But honestly, who the fuck did Ryan think he was; he couldn't just do this to Brendon, not after everything that had occurred between the two of them. He wasn't allowed to waltz back into Brendon's life and claimed that 'he missed him', because if that was the case, he shouldn't have left in the first place, and Brendon would be damned if he allowed himself to crawl back to the man who had shredded his heart into a million pieces without a care for the shell of person he left in the wake of his destruction.

"No," Brendon snapped, his free hand digging into the couch as he pushed himself to his feet so he could begin to pace back and forth rapidly. "You don't get to say that - not to me."

"I'm sorry," Ryan apologized meekly, the sincerity in his voice almost derailing Brendon entirely, because Ryan never gave in this easily, his temper rivaled Brendon's when they got going, so he allowed his mouth to close, trapping the bitter rant he had planned on the tip of his tongue for the time being. "I'm so fucking sorry okay - I shouldn't have called you, but I couldn't talk myself out of it, and I do miss you Bren...I miss you so much that it physically hurts."

"Oh yeah - it sure seems that way," Brendon scoffed harshly, his eyes rolling up in his head as he recalled the numerous pictures Ryan had posted online which proved that he was more than okay without Brendon in his life. "What really happened, did your most recent girlfriend dump you?"

"It's the truth - I swear, I know I've been an ass, and you have every right to hang up on me, but I just wanted to talk..." Ryan mumbled softly, his words trailing off as his breathing hitched unexpectedly, but Brendon refused to let the emotion in Ryan's tone sway him, not when something else has caught his attention instead.

"You are drunk, aren't you?" Brendon scoffed, the slurring that had punctuated Ryan's sentence giving it away, not that he was surprised by that fact. All Ryan seemed to do lately was consume alcohol, if not drugs, but still, Brendon found himself seething when he realized that Ryan was intoxicated.

"Sort of, but that isn't why I called, I have been meaning to do this for a while actually, and I just needed some liquid courage," Ryan sniffled quietly, releasing a curse from Brendon's pursed lips, because he didn't want to do this, he refused to be some drunk booty call for his wasted ex-boyfriend, so he let the anger he had been tamping done rush through him, releasing the primal rage on Ryan despite his stifled sobs.

"You know what Ryan - fuck you. You are such a fucking asshole for even thinking that I wanted to talk to you right now, or ever actually. I've moved on okay - I'm finally happy, and of course, as soon as that happens, you just have to come back and fuck up my life, but no - I'm not letting you, not this time," Brendon all but shouted, his free hand clenching into a tight fist, his nails digging into the skin of his palm painfully as he spoke.

"Okay..." Ryan gasped out, sounding as if all the air had been knocked from his lungs by Brendon's explosion, "I'll leave you alone, I'm sorry, I promise you will never have to deal with me again," Ryan ended on a whisper, and as furious as Brendon was, something in Ryan's tone doused his previous fury, allowing tendrils of regret laced with fear to take its place instead.

Brendon hated the way Ryan always managed to make him feel so fucking guilty, even when he was convinced that he was in the right for once, which he was. Ryan deserved to feel some of the pain that Brendon had suffered through over the past few years, but even so, Brendon found himself wishing that he could retract his harsh outburst, because he despised it when Ryan became upset, especially when he was the cause of his sorrow.

"No Ry...I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way, just - I don't want to reconnect with you like this, not with you drunk off your ass at least," Brendon tried to backpedal, the soft sound of Ryan crying on the other line tearing at his insides no matter how hard he tried to ignore it, a feeling of helplessness dragging Brendon downward as he tried to mend the conversation that he had torn to shreds in the first place.

"Forget it, you are right, you're happy now, and I should never have contacted you," Ryan spoke up after a minute of harsh breathing, his tone changing from one of sorrow to an icy, dead void that accelerated Brendon's worries into sheer terror.

"Shut up Ry, stop talking like that, I shouldn't have yelled at you okay -"

"I'm gonna hang up now, goodbye Brendon," Ryan stated solemnly before the line went dead, and fuck - even though all Brendon wanted a few minutes ago was for the awkward call to be over with, he couldn't stop himself from pressing the redial button furiously, groaning aloud when he was sent straight to voicemail, signifying that Ryan had shut off his phone entirely.

Brendon resumed his desperate pacing, trying his best to talk himself out of what his heart was screaming at him that he needed to do, because that goodbye had sounded much too final for Brendon to ignore, in fact, it reminded him of a few years ago when he thought he was about to lose Ryan forever, and even though Ryan most likely wouldn't do anything stupid, the slim possibility that he might had Brendon's skin crawling with horror, his throat closing up as he attempted to reason with his bleeding heart.

Ryan had acted similarly to this before towards the end of their Pretty Odd tour, and Brendon had been just as terrified now as he was then, but that occurrence had been different, because he had physically been with Ryan, he had seen the warning signs when he started drifting away from everyone who cared about him, he had held him as he sobbed, as Ryan spouted in-between gasps for air that he wanted to disappear, that he was nothing but a nuisance for everyone, and that Brendon should leave him alone to die.

Brendon had never felt so worthless in his entire life than he had that night, because no matter what he did, or said, he hadn't been able to calm Ryan down, he hadn't been enough to drag him out of the pit of misery he had fallen into, and fuck - Brendon wanted to be that person that could fix everything, he wanted to save Ryan from his doubts and fears, he wanted to show him how wonderful he was, but he never quite knew how, and the passage of years hadn't changed that.

Ryan had eventually fallen asleep in Brendon's arms that evening when Brendon refused to let him go, his tear stained cheek pressed against Brendon's chest as his expression transformed into one of peace, his earlier despair melting away in the blissful embrace of oblivion.

Brendon hadn't slept that entire night, he was too afraid that he would wake up to an empty bed and a broken heart, so he forced his eyes to stay open, gazing down at the man he loved as if it was the last time he would ever see him again.

Ryan had woken up in a much better state of mind though - thank god for that, and for once, Brendon felt that he might have done something right in their relationship, because Ryan seemed to become more like his old self after his expulsion of negative emotions, he almost seemed happy again, and that was all Brendon had ever wanted for him.

Brendon had made the right decision back then, he hadn't left him alone or made matters worse like he usually did, so he had counted that as a win, even though they avoided speaking of what had happened after Brendon had made sure Ryan was doing better, and Brendon knew that wasn't the best way to deal with things, but he didn't want to drag up old memories when Ryan appeared to be healing.

But now Brendon was faced with a replay of that horrible moment, with the same choice placed in front of him, the two forking paths stretching out into the darkness ahead of him, and unlike before, Brendon didn't know which route to take, because things had changed now, and he wasn't sure if he could be the anchor that Ryan seemed in such desperate need of.

And in all reality, Ryan was most likely fine, despite the fact that he was pissed. He hadn't specifically stated that he had any malicious plans toward his wellbeing after all, so he would hopefully sleep off his morose mood and be back to his old self in the morning, but what if he wasn't, that was the pinnacle question, followed up with how Brendon would react if he found out that this had indeed been the last time he would ever speak with Ryan Ross.

"Fuck," Brendon cursed aloud, tugging his hand roughly through his hair in agitation, but despite the conflict between the two sides of him, the one that seemed to be permanently tied to Ryan won out, and Brendon found himself tugging on his shoes quickly, grabbing a nearby jacket before locating his keys and heading out toward his car with ground eating strides.

As Brendon started the engine, he knew that he would most likely regret this in the morning, if not the moment he showed up at Ryan's house that is, but he would regret it even more if Ryan did something idiotic and he hadn't been there to stop him, so Brendon ceased the pointless argument within himself, because he was already on the road, and god knows he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight without making sure that Ryan was unharmed.

After this singular instance, he could reinstate his 'No Ryan Rule', but for the time being, he chose to discard it, putting Ryan's safety before his own emotional stability for the first time in ages.

Part two done.

I am loving this story so far, and hopefully you guys are too.

Maybe leave me a comment or a vote, and I will do my best to have the next chapter up sometime tomorrow.

((((updating vibes))))

<3 starr