chapter three : the lonely anniversary

"i just can't believe he didn't tell filch to sod off, you know?" albus was sat with rose along a low wall in the courtyard. after it became obvious the blond wasn't going to show up to dinner anytime soon, rose decided to leave the great hall and albus, having lost his appetite watching vincent goyle eat, followed her.

"perhaps he couldn't, rose. you know how psychotic that old crook can be." albus offered his sympathy to his cousin, arguing on scorpius' behalf more than anything else. he would never demonize the blond boy, no matter what.

"it just sucks, albus. it's our anniversary and i haven't seen him all day. not since breakfast." in that moment, albus remembered that slytherins didn't have classes with gryffindors at all on thursdays, so rose was right.

"give him time, rose. he'd be here if he could be. you know he would. he'd never leave you hanging on a day like today." he soothed his cousin, taking her hand in a friendly gesture, and she wiped the wetness away from her eyes. when had she started crying?

"y'know," she started. "sometimes i think you've got more faith in that boy than i do."

"what do you mean?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her curiously. scorpius and rose were the perfect couple: surely she wasn't doubting them.

"i don't even know, albus. it's just- we've been together for four months, and that's a big deal to me. especially because of who he is." rose wiped her eyes again.

"who he is?"

"he's a malfoy, and you know as well as anybody what my dad thinks of the malfoys. he hates them. when i first told him that scorpius and i were together, he said we wouldn't even last a week, but here we are four months later. my dad always talks lowly of scorpius. my mum tries to be nice, but i just know she's holding grudges towards scorp's dad just like my dad is. nobody likes him. not even just the family. loads of people think he's scum. don't you remember our first year, when everyone said scorpius was secretly somehow you-know-who's son?" she was rambling, but albus nodded understandingly. people did tend to assume the worst of scorpius, just because of who he was named after. who he was.

"i get that."

"but then there's you, albus. even when i have my doubts about scorpius, you're there to defend him to the ends of the earth. you're there for him, through everything. and please don't think i'm terrible, but i've noticed everything. i know i've pulled him away from you and i'm sorry. i took your best friend for selfish reasons: not even entirely because i liked him."

"rose, what're you saying? you're being ridiculous." albus stopped her, already seeing the direction this conversation was heading. against every fiber of his being, every whisper of his mind that told him to let this happen, he couldn't do it. not like this. "rose, you're talking like you want to break up with scorpius, and i know that's not what you want. you like scorpius. hell, you might even love him, i don't know. but you can't talk like this."

rose was quiet for a moment. the two of them continued to sit on the wall, gazing at the sky overhead. it was on the darker side of dusk. the clouds blocked the two of them from seeing the stars twinkling high above: far, far away. then, she leaned her head on albus' shoulder and squeezed his hand.

"you're my best friend, albus. i know best friends are supposed to be a singular thing and that you can only have one best friend because that's what makes them your best friend, but i want you to know that you're mine. even if scorpius is yours." she said. she sounded a lot more withdrawn than she had before and he swallowed thickly. he felt terrible for her: for scorpius, for the both of them.

he felt guilty suddenly. because he had his own feelings, and he'd taken them into consideration for so long that he neglected ever taking notice of how others felt about him, or about each other. during all that time that he'd decided nobody took the time to notice him, he also hadn't been noticing anyone.

and that feeling when you went unnoticed was a terrible, terrible thing.

---△⃒⃘---

albus changed into his pajamas relatively quickly once it was time to head back to the dorms. he'd spent as much time as he could with rose, and scorpius had never shown up. lying in bed, wrapped in the school-issued heavy duvet as well as a handmade quilt from his gran, he still felt that guilt eating at him.

from where his bed rested against the wall, he could hear his fellow slytherins chatting amiably about the upcoming gryffindor versus slytherin quidditch match that would set off the new season. he heard first years talking excitedly about how their classes were going. everyone was so full of life, looking forward to the weekend, but he felt like a lump of sorrow.

when he'd been in the courtyard, after the whole declaration of whose best friend was whose, and the relationship between scorpius and rose, his cousin had moved onto an even more grueling topic: his own romantic life.

she'd asked him why he was still single, because he was an attractive fellow and certainly someone must've thought he was cute. she said some girl had to be crushing on him and it had made him think begrudgingly back to the conversation he'd had with james during the summer - maybe three or four weeks in, when his separation anxiety from scorpius was at its peak.

"you're in love with him, albus." james had whispered to his brother. the fifteen-year-old had been screaming from a nightmare in his room, and his older brother had rushed in to comfort him. eventually, the truth came spilling out.

he remembered them lying together on albus' bed: the way james had been entirely calm and understanding while his brother explained the inner turmoil he was facing.

"how can you tell?" albus asked, entirely unsure of himself. james had laughed at him and ruffled his already messy black hair, making it look borderline disastrous..

"your eyes are your biggest betrayers, and when you talk about scorpius, they show everything." the brown-eyed boy explained.

"but i never thought i was gay. i had a crush on delphi..."

"al, there's an entire spectrum out there as to what you can be? haven't you learned anything from muggle and wizarding cultures alike? people are diverse. we aren't just black and white."

"are you on that spectrum, james?" albus asked his brother, eyes shining. in response, the older boy laughed.

"not even close."

suddenly, the door to he and scorpius' dorm room opened and the aforementioned blond boy entered with a disheartened look on his face.

"you alright?" albus asked suddenly and then winced. he remembered rose's words: how she had claimed that he really was always there for him. no matter what.

"i couldn't find rose. i looked everywhere i thought she could be. i was almost caught by filch, then i would've had to serve another detention. she probably hates me now." scorpius sighed, kicking off his shoes and taking a seat on the edge of his four poster bed draped in slytherin green.

'clearly you didn't look everywhere,' albus wanted to say, but he didn't. "she was with me. in the courtyard."

he decided to remain vague, mysterious. scorpius looked at him thoughtfully and then glanced down at his robes. they were covered in dust. he quickly threw them off and went about unbuttoning his shirt. albus tried to look away, but scorpius' vast canvas of blank, pale skin had always been captivating to him.

"did she say anything about me?" scorpius asked, pulling on a pajama shirt which brought out the silver of his eyes.

"nothing much," albus claimed, playing it down. he didn't know why he was doing this, but he was. he continued to stare at scorpius as he dressed himself in his night clothes, biting his lip in thought. "just talked about today."

"yeah, today..." scorpius trailed off, completely changed now. he sighed and sat back down on the edge of his bed. "our four-month-anniversary."

"oh, was that today?" albus asked, feigning innocence. why am i doing this? he pondered, but then set his lips tight. you're doing exactly what you were trying not to do with rose!

scorpius looked at him sadly. "she didn't say it was our anniversary?" 

and now albus felt like a jackass. scorpius' face was a hundred percent crestfallen. the black-haired boy moved from his own bed to the blond's. he sat beside him and wrapped him in a side-hug, allowing scorpius to bury his face in albus' collar. he hoped he smelled alright.

"i'm sorry, scorpius." albus decided, running his fingers through his friend's tufts of soft blond hair. and honestly, he didn't know what he was apologizing for. was it the beginning of sabotage? was it the distance the two had fallen into? he didn't know. maybe it was both.

"i love her, albus." the blond sighed, clutching his friend's shirt. "i love her so much and i didn't mean to hurt her." quickly, scorpius' grey eyes met albus' green, and for a moment, the other panicked.

'your eyes are your biggest betrayers, and when you talk about scorpius, they show everything.' james' voice rang in albus' head. he prayed scorpius wouldn't notice. he prayed that for once, the boy would remain ignorant.

"i never meant to hurt you either, albus. i really want you to know that." and it felt like scorpius was clutching the black-haired boy tighter. he felt short of breath.

"scorpius-"

"it seems like recently, all i've done is hurt everybody. you, rose... i'm awful." the blond buried his head against albus' collar again.

"scorp, you're not awful. you're my best friend. things went bad for a bit, but we can get passed it all. i'm here for you for anything. no matter what." albus said soothingly.

no matter what.