In the end, I finally realized how much of a broken and messed up world we were living in. I found out how minimal love is and how easy it was to fall for Pete. I learned how to trust and only trust in him. He changed my world forever and I will always be grateful...

"At the time, I didn't realize these words would be the last I'd ever hear him say.... He kissed my lips gently and whispered, "I love you."

With that he left me. He left me standing there wondering why he left. If I did something wrong. I knew he wanted to die, but he said he'd never do it because he had me and that's all he needed. Even after what had happened I didn't think he would deliberately do it.

Yes.

He died from a car crash a few days ago. He rammed straight into that car with all intent of killing himself. He just left me. I keep wishing and praying this was all just a dream, but I know the difference from reality. The pain hurts too much, it demands to be felt. I called him and I yelled and screamed and pleaded for him, but it's too late. He never heard me and now he never will. God doesn't give second chances. I'll never be able to see him in any other way than the dried blood covering his face as the policeman asked if this was my boyfriend. No. He wasn't just my boyfriend. He was the love of my life and forever will be. My last image of him is the most painful torturous event I have ever witnessed. He was the love of my life and now he's gone. He's never ever going to come back.

I don't want your pity or your sympathy because you will never understand how much he meant to me. You didn't know him like I did. The kind gentleman who was always broken inside. No one can ever replace him. The way he analyzes Disney movies or talks to me about life or even the way he would constantly ask if I minded him. I never minded him. I'm going to miss it all.

He didn't leave me behind a note or some sign. The last thing he wrote was a song. It was written for me and based off of our mural in our kitchen. I've prepared to sing it for you all....It's called "Thnks Fr Th Mmrs"."

I cleared my throat, ready to sing. I was already breaking. Tears streamed down my face. I slowly pulled out my guitar and the pathetic tear-stained crumpled piece of paper I had left of Pete.

"I'm gonna make it bend and break. Say a prayer but let the good times roll. In case God doesn't show. And I want these words to make things right. But it's the wrongs that make the words come to life. Who does he think he is? If that's the worst you got, better put your fingers back to the keys.

One night and one more time.

Thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great. He tastes like you only sweeter.

One night, yeah, and one more time. Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories. See, he tastes like you only sweeter.

Been looking forward to the future. But my eyesight is going bad. And this crystal ball it's always cloudy except for...When you look into the past. One night stand.

One night and one more time. Thanks for the memories-"

I couldn't finish. My voice was cracking too much. That's when I knew it was time.

It was time...

"I find it cruel of all of you to sit before me and listen to this eulogy for someone none of you knew well. For someone you couldn't even tell me his full name. You don't deserve to hear our love story. It was beautiful and great, but it's gone now. It's forever lost. As are all of the memories we shared. I loved him. I thank him for the memories we shared while they lasted. The one and only person I will ever love is dead and I stand before you to speak highly of him? What more can I tell you? He was the greatest man I've ever met, the beating to my heart, and the breath to my life. But guess what? The world isn't a wish-granting factory. The world doesn't come with happy endings. No one gets out of here alive. I always knew he'd be the death of me and that's how I always wanted to go..."

I ran out of the church and through the open doors revealing the warmth and sun shining down on me. He didn't deserve such a happy day for such a horrible event.

That's when I did it. I opened the car door and searched for the only thing I brought with me to his funeral. I put the gun against my head. I was ready to do it. I wanted to die because I loved him. I loved him with everything I had to offer. I loved him more than life itself. I didn't want to live a day without him. I knew this day would come and I knew how it would all end, my life, his life, all of life itself, along with its humanity that has been bestowed onto this earth. Oblivion is inevitable just as love is just a shout into the void. It would all come to an end just as everyday must end for a new to come, but we all know one day tomorrow will never come because forever is an incorrect concept.

This is the day we can't be together, but yet he's there, deep inside of my heart where he will stay there forever.

I repeated, "That's how I always wanted to go...I will forever love you, you were my forever, you always were."

I silently pulled the trigger and waited for the shot.

Thanks for the memories, Pete.

They were so great.