"We could give them, like, guns and rocket launchers and shit."

"You wanna' attach 'guns and rocket launchers and shit' to motor vehicles?"

"Sure. Why not?"

"Well it'd certainly make things a little more interesting but whilst I value and appreciate your ideas and input, that's a fucking crazy idea."

"So crazy it might work?"

"Erm... How can I put this in a delicate yet effective manner your apparently itsy-bitsy brain will understand? Think about what would happen if the car running in second place fired a rocket launcher at the car running out in front but in an unsurprising turn of events - because let's be honest, it would be unsurprising - the projectile misses wildly and veers off course, taking out a third of the crowd in the process."

"We'd get some badass news coverage. The sponsors would be happy with that!"

"Man, you didn't even miss a beat... You're right though, our sponsors would love that. I'm not entirely sure the families of those killed in a wholly unavoidable incident would be quite as pleased though, are you?"

"Fuck them."

"You want to branch out into pornography for necrophiliacs, too?! Oh, wait... You didn't mean literally there, did you?"

"Will it bring in more news coverage and more money with it?"

"Yes, but..."

"Then yes, I meant literally. Literally attach rail guns and rocket launchers to the cars. Let the drivers duke it out to their heart's content and we'll set up a subsidiary website so people can pay obscene amounts of money to watch those brutalised, charred bodies get fucked."

"You're one sick fuck, you know that right? Now get the fuck out of my office."

***

"Nos."

"Nos?"

"Yeah y'know... Nitrous Oxide. Worked a treat in those movies. 'Course it probably goes against every single safety regulation in existence."

"Oddly, this isn't the craziest idea I've heard all day."

"So that's a yes?"

"Now I never said that. What happens when something goes wrong and a Nitrous tank explodes?"

"There'll be a bigass explosion, I suspect. And another, and another."

"That's right... Potentially, one faulty tank could cause the loss of all of our drivers and their vehicles, not to mention the venue, the people in it and probably those within a mile or so's radius."

"Our sponsors would be all for that."

"Yes, now get the fuck out of my office before you say anything even remotely related to necrophilia."

***

"Why does anything need to be done? Aren't our TV ratings the highest they've ever been? Our crowds, too, are definitely not getting any smaller. If anything, they're getting bigger!"

"You raise an interesting point but we simply can't afford to get left in the wake of our competition. We have to do something that sets our racing series apart from every other series out there."

"And whatever that something might be, I would assume you would rather it was something that upped both the competitive nature of our drivers and the collective adrenaline of the crowds, too, without endangering them in any way?"

"On all counts, you assume correctly."

"In which case I should probably cross the live broadcasting of necrophilia off my list."

"Yes, you'd better... And speaking of things you'd better do, if you don't hit me with a fresh idea, thus making me forget all about the complete and total desecration of the dead, I'll..."

"VR. Virtual reality."

"I'm listening..."

"Well it's not really VR. I kinda' blurted that out because I got the distinct impression you were about to tell me to get the fuck out of your office, but we've got forty drivers, right?"

"Assuming all of the drivers in our series meet the minimum qualification time required, yes."

"Then what if we gave forty lucky fans a unit that connects them personally to the driver of their choice? A helmet-cam, perhaps, and an audio link?"

"That would certainly put those fans in the driver's seat, as it were, and enable them to feel really involved in the race's outcome. How would we determine those lucky forty race fans?"

"I guess a seat number lottery, or golden tickets or something."

"Either would work. Our drivers might not like it, of course. I imagine someone nattering away in their ears whilst they're attempting to navigate a track at speeds upwards of two hundred miles per hour would be a little distracting."

"Fuck them. They get paid enough."

"I like your attitude, kid. You've got spunk."

"Thank you, Sir. Though I do get the feeling you want me to respond to that with something about necrophilia."

"What is it with you sick fucks and fucking dead bodies?!"

"It's probably the framed photograph on the wall behind you, Sir. It looks very much as though you're fucking Margaret Thatcher right there... No offence intended, of course!"

"That's my wife you sick bastard! The photo was taken during a zombie walk when she fell over, I stooped to offer assistance and she pulled me down on top of her!"

"Well my apologies, Sir. I'm sure your wife is a stunner beneath all of that zombie makeup."

"Yeah she is. Now get the fuck out of my office!"