Santa's Pirate

by jinnis 

At five, Cindy knew what she wanted to become when she grew up. She pulled her dad's sleeve to tell him the news with shiny eyes.

"Santa?" Dad looked up from his screen and shook his head. "Girls can't become Santa. How would you impress the children without a beard?" His belly wobbled when he laughed and returned to his lecture. Cindy was devastated. Wouldn't it be marvellous to ride across the sky in a sleigh and distribute presents?

Two years later, she overcame her frustration and decided she would become a pirate instead. If she couldn't bring presents, she'd sail the seven seas and hunt for treasure. She told her buddy Marc about her plans, but he shook his head. "There are no girl pirates, silly."

"But there are." Cindy was close to crying. Marc just laughed and went on playing Minecraft.

Cindy readjusted her dreams and grew up to be a feminist. Unfortunately, this didn't pay the bills, so she followed her maths teacher's advice and became an accountant. It wasn't as good as distributing presents, but it came pretty close to accumulating treasure.

In her free time, she watched pirate movies and learned celestial navigation, just in case a swashbuckling pirate would drop by to pick her up and take her to the seven seas. Of course, her hopes were in vain.

At thirty, Cindy was disillusioned. Sure, she was a pro at making numbers dance and jump through hoops. But there was something lacking in her life, something like the thrill of riding a sleigh across the night sky or sailing a tall ship through a storm. Her inner emptiness left her with a sad feeling on beautiful nights when she watched the stars sparkle in the sky above her lonely home, standing by the window and sipping a glass of rum.

The rum was her guilty pleasure, an homage to her not-meant-to-be pirate life. And in the night that would change her life, at first, she blamed it for the strange behaviour of a tiny blue star. She stared at it with squinted eyes as the pinprick of light swayed back and forth like a drunken firefly. Were stars meant to sway? After all her astronomical studies, Cindy was pretty sure they weren't, and considered other options. Perhaps an airplane, she thought, or a satellite. But neither was supposed to sway, right?

Not that she'd flown in a satellite, but she'd travelled in enough planes to know they moved straight from A to B in a rather boring fashion, with the rare thrill of a turbulence or banking during approach. She emptied her rum and rubbed her eyes. But the blue star was still there, and instead of swaying, it zipped around in an erratic pattern now. And it seemed to get closer.

Tempted to refill her glass, Cindy withstood. It was the middle of the night and she had to work tomorrow. Besides, the star might disappear if she turned her back. And it definitely became brighter by the minute—it was closing in. At this rate, it would land somewhere to the right, perhaps in the fields south of town. This time of the year, they stood empty, the crops for the next season dormant under a heavy blanket of snow.

Cindy watched as the blue light disappeared behind the forest for a moment, appeared again, shot towards the north and settled in a flat arc in the fields close to the spot she'd guessed. She waited for the bang and the flash of an explosion, but nothing came. Not even the sirens of the police or the firefighters. Cindy checked her phone. It was well past midnight on a Monday. Perhaps she was the only one to have seen the landing.

It took only a moment to slip into her winter clothes, sturdy boots, and a warm coat. She closed the door and stomped through the snow along the path to the brook. Half an hour later, she saw it. A blue glow on the stretch of beach by the stream where the kids used to swim in summer. Cindy lengthened her strides, driven by curiosity.

Nothing could have prepared her for the magnificence of the egg-shaped object that nestled in the snow like a giant Easter egg, the stars reflecting on the shiny surface. The vessel emitted a soft hum, almost too low to be heard.

Cindy stopped a few steps away and marvelled at the beautiful perfection. When a round hatch in the egg's side opened, she gasped, stumbling back and falling on her bum in the deep snow. A round orange face with wide green eyes appeared in the opening.

"Krkk or rokkrk."

"I beg you pardon?" Cindy scrambled to her feet and brushed the snow from her coat. The alien didn't seem unfriendly, but conversation might become difficult to judge by its continued croaking.

She spread her arms to signal she didn't understand, and the face disappeared to return a moment later, together with a three-fingered hand holding a silvery box. With a broad smile, the alien pressed a button at its end.

"Hey, I'm sorry to intrude, but I could do with some directions, dude."

Cindy had trouble closing her mouth. Aware gawking wouldn't help her or the alien, she straightened her shoulders and shook off her stupor. "Hey, welcome to Earth. My name is Cindy. Your translator is pretty fancy."

"Thanks. We programmed it from your satellite communication network. Amazing how much information can be gathered there for free." The alien blinked. "The name is Riko, by the way. Is there a repair shop in the area?"

Cindy raised her brows. "Nice to meet you, Riko. There is a service station west of town, but I doubt they repair your type of transport."

"Oh, I don't need a mechanic, just someone to fix my navigation system. It shut down in an electromagnetic field over the North Pole and left me to fly by sight. Must admit it's harder than I thought. I don't dare to take off again without recalibration, and certainly not for a hyperspace jump."

"Huh." Cindy couldn't think of anyone specialised in extraterrestrial devices. "I'm not sure what kind of help you need, but fear it will be a challenge to find a repair shop for flying saucers in this neck of the woods."

Riko blinked. "My AI insists it is just a question of numbers. If it could connect with another ship, it would take a few seconds at most."

"Well, I'm sure I'd have heard in the news if we have other extraterrestrial visitors at the moment." Cindy frowned. Why would a spaceship need numbers? Or... "Are you talking about maths? Or trigonometry?"

The alien scratched its brow. "Uh, I wouldn't know. No one bothered with numbers in our culture for generations. It's considered as a waste of time since artificial intelligence is so much better and faster at it."

Cindy grinned. She had heard this before, and still she held a well-paid job as an accountant. "Don't they say it all? Well, math is a hobby of mine." When Riko didn't seem to understand, she felt the need to elaborate. "Means I'm good with numbers."

Riko's eyes widened. "That's amazing. Come in, come in."

The alien ushered her into the ship. She avoided hitting her head in the hatch and straightened inside to admire the well organised, bright space. Everything seemed tidy and to have a purpose. Riko, whose stocky body reached to her shoulders, fussed around and offered her a hot drink that tasted like coffee with cinnamon before he led her to the AI interface. "Hey, Kiriki, this is Cindy who's trying to fix that numbers thingy for you."

Riko plugged in his translator to allow her to communicate. "Hey Cindy, a pleasure to meet you. I'm this ship's brain, heart, and soul."

Although she had worked with computers all her life, she'd never had one talking to her. But curiosity helped her overcome her inhibition. "Nice to meet you, Kiriki. So, I hear you have a mathematical problem?"

"Well, my self-analysis tells me my unit for spheric trigonometry got grilled in that storm. I first thought I could replace it with another circuit, but somehow, neither the library nor the cooking unit seem suitable."

"I think I remember the basics of trigonometry and celestial navigation. Shall I try to fee you some formulae? You'd still need the correct star charts to make use of it, though."

"No worries, the charts are all in the library." Kiriki's voice had a cheerful tone now. "I like them, with all the pretty stars and planets. Do you want to look at them?"

"Sure." Cindy had trouble to adjust to the cheerful AI. But Kiriki was right, the charts were aesthetic. She sat down on the offered chair and fed the AI the basics of mathematics. While she waited for the module to reset, she posed her host a question nagging her. "What did you do at the North Pole, Riko? Isn't this a bit off the beaten track for alien visitors?"

"Oh, I had a delivery to do. To that jolly fellow with the beard, you know. He's always grateful for a load of the goodies at this time of the year."

"I'd never thought I'd meet Santa's alien elf some day." Her sarcasm was lost on Riko. "So, you are Santa's delivery service?"

"No, not exactly. He insists his organic propulsion sleigh is suited better for the task. The nostalgic looks, you know. But someone has to bring him the goodies, right? Would be far too expensive for him to buy all the stuff from human factories."

"I always thought he must have good connections to Chinese toy companies."

Riko grinned, showing a row of stubby pink teeth. "That's just covering up for the fact we nick the toys from Galactic Toys, the supplier on Sagittarius Prime. They hardly realise if there are a few tons of stuff going missing. Also, we take care to stick with the low-tech stuff, so it doesn't become obvious. Earth still stands under developmental protection. Can't distribute tech to your younglings that's not accessible on the planet yet."

This made sense in a weird sort of way, Cindy thought. She fed another string of numbers into the computer and waited for the AI's reaction. Kiriti emitted a cheery tune, then added a bubbling sound, and finally spoke. "That's amazing. You just calculated a course around Pluto. Know what? Why don't you stay? You're far better with these numbers and angles and stuff than I am."

With a frown, Cindy turned to Riko. "Your AI has a strange sense of humour."

"I hear you." Kiriki interrupted. She sounded miffed. "I'm not kidding. Your numbers are pretty."

Riko studied the chart displayed on the main screen with the course Cindy had plotted. "Kiriki is right. You wouldn't want to sign on as a navigational expert, would you?"

"But—" Cindy cut off herself. Wasn't this exactly what she longed for all her life? Sure, Riko didn't fit the prototype of a handsome pirate lord, but seemed friendly enough.

The alien's eyes brightened. "Please. We have a spare cabin and could do with the company. Also, we would be so much better at avoiding the GalToy security squad with a genuine organic brain doing the calculations."

Cindy grinned. All her life's decisions and setbacks led to this one crucial moment. The choice was hers—going back to her boring job or joining Santa's gang of jolly pirates.

She wouldn't miss the rum.