Esperance

by jinnis

The best thing about space travel is to reach the destination. I mean, who cares to spend aeons in cryosleep? You can't dream while you float in a non-feeling, non-thinking limbo with your body a glorified ice cube. And then the worst part, the waking-up process. Did you ever wonder how the ice cube in your drink feels when it melts?

I didn't until the moment I was the ice cube. It hurts and feels like dying a thousand deaths, with each individual cell of your body howling in agony. And then, when your tortured and disoriented mind knows you can't take it anymore, a more intense wave of pain overshadows the last one, sending you into a state of hopeless despair. That's when I lost consciousness.

Next thing, the cheery face of a dark-skinned woman greeted me, her perfect teeth a row of shiny pearls in a broad smile. "Now, here you are—a piece of cake." She glanced at the name tag on my cryopod. "Roxanne, is it? Nice name. Welcome to Trappist 1e, Roxanne."

She tore the defibrillator pads from my chest and whistled a merry tune while she moved to the next cot in the sleepers' bay, hips swinging. Halfway there, she glanced at me over her shoulder. "Don't overdo it with breakfast, sweetie. Your stomach will be queasy. And don't worry about the itches. As soon as your kidneys filter the remaining cryochemicals out of your blood, you'll feel good as new."

I tried to give her a saucy answer, but my vocal cords only allowed for a strangled screech she ignored.

To tell the truth, she was right. My sense of humour returned with my humanity, step by step, and three days later, I found the courage to invite my dark angel for a drink in the settler's bar. Mara declined first and said she didn't intend to have a fling with a dustsider. Which made me wince. But I couldn't really blame her. In a few days I'd be dropped off on an uninhabited planet, and the Mary Barbara would carry her back into civilisation.

Despite her reluctance, she joined me for a farewell meal the evening before the drop. It was marvellous. Not the food, but the company. Mara was witty, had travelled the galaxy up and down and from left to right, and owned the most beatific smile I'd ever seen. The evening ended with both of us in the observatory, staring at the pale, blue-and-purple planet I'd call my home from now on. For her, it would only be another exotic badge on her smart uniform.

And that was that. Two hours later, I got the call to enter the drop ship. With two hundred other excited weirdos, I was chuted down to the planet we were supposed to prepare for settlement.

~ ~ ~

The following years taught us colonisation is not a game for those weak of heart or mind. Terraforming sounds great when it's presented by a sales agent with a fancy 3d-projector. In reality, it's backbreaking work. For every success, we registered a failure. But we prevailed.

When the Mary Barbara returned two years later to drop a larger batch of settlers, we had homes to invite them in and homegrown food to offer for a welcome dinner. I was delighted to see unfamiliar faces. Many of the first batch were lucky enough to reunite with families they had left behind while preparing the colony.

Unlike most others, I had neither bonded with another colonist nor close ones amongst the new arrivals. When I left the welcome party, I realised that the warm and cosy spot of unfulfilled dreams in my heart was still occupied by the girl with the pearly smile—Mara. I looked up at the sky. Was she still aboard the Mary Barbara?

To my surprise, I got the chance to find out. Spacecorp showed interest in our progress and asked for soil samples of Esperance, as we called our new home. As the colony's geologist, I was tasked with collecting and delivering the material to the landing site. The Mary Barbara sent down a small lander to pick my load up.

I watched the shuttle come in from the rough landing pad we'd cleared on the plateau north of the habitat dome. When the pink dust settled, I pushed my wheelbarrow towards the cooling craft. Sure, we had more sophisticated transport, but fuel was rare, and we tried to save what we could. I felt primitive when I reached the high-tech lander, its heat shield still glowing deep orange.

I waited at a safe distance, sweat soaking my worn working coveralls in the heat and no doubt painting streaks in the dust clinging to my face. The seal of my breathing mask itched, and a shower and a drink at sunset seemed like the most luxurious things to me—until the hatch opened and allowed a person in a sleek, silvery spacesuit with a tinted glass-dome helmet to step down into the planetary dust. To me, she looked like a goddess, with her crown of black curls and the pearly smile that haunted my dreams.

Mara was back.

Suddenly self-conscious, I pushed my wheelbarrow forward and stopped a few paces before her. "I was supposed to deliver these samples for examination. I'll send the papers by satellite link."

While I picked up a capsule, she stared at me as if I were an alien. "Don't you wear a suit? How can you breathe?"

"The atmosphere is close enough to Terran standard. Some bioengineering adapted our metabolism. Still need the mask to keep the dust at bay on windy days, though. Where shall I put those?"

She stared at my dirty clothes and typed something into her wrist pad. Seconds later, a loader bot floated out of the ship. "Here, just place them in the cargo bed. We'll decontaminate them before loading."

Right, the ship people probably were afraid of picking up planetary germs. I shrugged, now convinced she hadn't recognised me. No wonder, as I had changed a lot these last years, my complexion darkened from working outside in a harsh environment. Besides, to her, I had been just another one-night stand.

I placed my samples on the loading platform and prepared to leave. "Goodbye, and a pleasant flight, I guess."

"Thanks, Roxanne, and—" She swallowed as if unsure what to add while I struggled to absorb the shock.

"You remember?" I asked like an idiot.

"Of course. Who could forget your hazel eyes?" A smile tugged at her lips and set the blood in my veins aflame. "How is life in the colony? Did your dreams come true?"

I hesitated and adjusted my breather. "Sure, we got all we need here. And since we finished the domes, life has become easier."

"Did you get to explore the planet? That pristine wilderness you craved to see?"

I shrugged. "Not yet. I'm sure we will start once the colony is in full swing. What about the space ways? Are there any glorious new discoveries?"

Her smile faded, and a frown formed on her forehead. "The war between Old Earth and the Kuiper mining colonies escalated. Some weird terrorist group destroyed the Inner Centauri jump point. So far, Spacecorp stayed out of it, but it affects the trade."

"Sorry to hear." Cut from all news, it felt weird to hear about things taking place so far from here. Survival on the planet had been our only priority. "Does this mean you're cut off from Earth?"

"Not only from Earth. It's complicated. The Corp now operates from Farrow station. But the Daramine are not happy with the developments and are expanding towards the central planets."

These were disturbing news. The restrictive faith of the Daramine followers was the main reason we'd pushed further out, building a colony where we could live free of potential religious oppression.

Mara studied the cases I'd stacked on the loader. "Do you know what these samples contain?"

"Sure, I'm a geologist. I collected and analysed them myself. Oh."

I stepped up to the lander and retrieved a small blue case. "I think this one doesn't belong. It was meant for the med labs, potentially contaminated material from a volcanic source."

Mara nodded, no doubt aware of my clumsy lie. "Well then, I have to go. Hope to see you in two years."

And that was our second meeting.

While I walked back to the base, I contemplated the blue container that held my latest discovery. Did I do the right thing? The rare earths I'd retrieved from an old volcanic region contained teslarite and could have meant a flourishing trade future for the colony. Or the invasion of the Daramine fleet—if they decided the Esperance colony offered access to valuable ore.

I might never know if my rash decision meant our doom or rescue.

~ ~ ~

The Mary Barbara dropped another load of settlers and supplies two years later. Mara made it a point to visit with the shuttle. While we walked through the settlement, she told me she had to pull a few strings to be assigned to the landing team. Advanced in the command structure, she now was part of the ship's core crew. I showed her around the habitat, and we enjoyed a quiet evening.

While she explained the escalation of the crisis between the Earth Alliance and the Daramine Conglomerate, I wondered how this would affect us. So far, no one had cared for our backwater planet. Which I thought was good. I was convinced Mara's warning and my quick decision about the teslarite samples were connected to this development.

From her seat in the Plaza Cafe, Mara studied the children playing in the park. "You know, you built yourself a paradise right here. Who would have thought this desolate planet could become one of the last safe havens of the galaxy?"

I painted circles with the foot of my glass on the tabletop. "Stay here, Mara. We could build a home together in the new dome."

She sighed. "There's no one I'd rather do this with, Roxanne. But I'm a space chick, not built for planet life. I know more about FTL maintenance and cargo bots than growing crops and purifying water or the atmosphere."

We parted with a kiss and a "see you in two years." She took part of my heart with her.

~ ~ ~

Life in Esperance was good. I loved my job, had a load of great coworkers and friends, and the colony's self-sufficient economy was stable and growing. Still, there was that sore spot no one could fill. I drowned my feelings in work, exploring the planet now we planned to expand our zone of activity.

While I scouted the plains for a fertile area to build an outlier dome, I dreamed of my dark-eyed beauty. Perhaps, one day, Mara would change her mind?

But the Mary Barbara failed to turn up in the usual supply interval. Aware the looming war might have turned the space ways dangerous, I buried myself in work. With time, the sore spot in my heart got numb, and I pushed my worries into the back of my mind.

Almost a year later, I returned from a field trip and stowed my gear, my body parched, dusty, and in need of a shower and a drink, when my young lab assistant couldn't hold back with the news.

"There is a ship in orbit."

Sudden hope sent my heart soaring. My grip on the sample case tightened, but I tried to calm my breathing. "Which ship?"

"No idea. I guess it's the only one that ever bothered coming out here, the Mary Barbara. But I don't know what's going on—there are rumours they asked for a conference with the colony council. I mean, why would any ship want to talk with a backwater colony like Esperance?"

I didn't know, but the icy knot in my guts told me not everything was as it should be. Cut from communication with the rest of the galaxy, life in Esperance had been quiet. Perhaps too quiet. But there was no way I'd get news before the official government release.

The call came late at night. I snatched my breathing mask and rushed to the landing pad in the middle of a dust storm. Within minutes, the two dozen settlers having field experience assembled in the shelter of the empty cargo shed. Alec, the head of the firefighters, handed me a box with flares. "Unscheduled lander coming in. We need to get them visuals, you and Steve, to the north. I head south with Doreen. Ignite them on the way back."

"In this muck? Don't we have a radio beacon or something?"

"We do. Micah's team is setting it up right now. But who knows if they have the tech to read the signal? Something is amiss with that incoming ship—they sent a distress call. Please hurry."

I didn't discuss the order but jogged along the landing field with my partner, placing the flares at a distance of twenty steps and igniting them while we rushed back. They would burn for half an hour at most. I hoped Alec had the timing right. I was bent over the last flare when a hiss made me crane my neck. A fiery dot in the clouds became brighter by the moment. I dropped my lighter and ran towards the structure to join the rest of the gang, Steve on my heels. Micah ushered us into the observation room, where we watched the landing from the safety behind the lead glass shield.

Alec had been right. The incoming ship seemed to be damaged. It moved too fast, one of the deceleration rockets out of sync and dipping it into a precarious angle. Instead of setting down lightly, it crashed sideways into the pad, its nose buried in the concrete.

It took forever for the hull to cool down. As soon as it lost its orange glow, Alec opened the protection door, and we streamed out. It was still windy, but at least the dust didn't cloud our vision as much as it had before.

When the hatch of the lander opened, steam poured out. I shivered in a cold gust and wondered if anyone could have survived the crash. That the crew made it to the designated landing pad didn't mean they weren't fried during the approach.

When a figure appeared in the lander's hatch, I exhaled, realising I'd held my breath.

I wanted to step forward, but Alec's grip on my sleeve prevented me. "Careful. We don't know what they want."

"They might need help." I brushed his arm off and walked towards the lander, almost feeling the stares of my companions on my back. The heat was still stifling, and sweat soaked into my clothes. I stopped a few steps in front of the suited person. They lifted a hand in greeting.

"Hello. We need your help." The speaker was in her sixties, older perhaps, the wrinkles around her eyes and mouth signalling her worries. It took me a moment to remember the captain of the Mary Barbara—and her name.

"Welcome to Esperance, Captain Carlson. How can we help?"

Alec and Micah joined me, probably feeling the need to represent the government. Carlson acknowledged them with a nod, but kept her eyes on me. "You are Roxanne, right? My number one holds you in high regard."

I frowned, sudden panic flooding my brain with an icy wave of dread. "Mara? Where is she?"

"No worries, she is fine and preparing the wounded to be moved out. We would like to ask for asylum in Esperance."

"Asylum? But why?" Alec looked as if he'd seen a dog with three heads.

The captain glanced at the cloud-covered sky and shrugged. "It's a long story. We have several wounded crew members. Can we please move them to your settlement?"

I nudged Alec with my elbow to prevent another useless question. Before he could complain, two people stumbled out of the hatch. At first, I didn't recognise her. Mara had lost weight, and her face looked strained, with a recent scar marring her cheek. But her eyes lit up the moment she saw me, and her smile made the butterflies in my stomach dance. She supported a young man with a blood-soaked bandage around his left knee. This jogged Alec into action.

Within minutes, his team had stretchers for the wounded ready. Only eleven were aboard the lander. We still did not know what had happened.

We found out while the injured were treated in the Esperance medical centre. The captain and Mara got rid of their stained suits after everyone was cared for. I found them some coffee, and we sat in the hospital lobby, waiting for the government representative. Alec slumped down beside me and rubbed the grit from his eyes. "Looks like we can save everyone. What happened? We saw the lander crash, but these injuries..." he trailed off, sending the captain a meaningful glance.

She cradled her cup in both hands. "The Daramine fleet happened. We lost half our crew in the attack because of a hull break in the living section. Barely got away with a damaged engine and out of options."

"Why?" Alec leaned forward.

"The Mary Barbara was done for. Either we went down with her or let the Daramine fanatics board us." Her lips formed a thin line, and I wondered about the consequences of being captured. "Our navigator suggested jumping out here. It was the only place the Daramine won't follow us, as we believe they don't have the coordinates of this outpost."

The government delegation interrupted the captain's report. She and Alec were ushered into a meeting room for an impromptu briefing. I picked up breathing equipment and pulled Mara outside, eager to hear the rest of the story.

The eastern horizon turned already pink, but above, the stars still blinked. Without the dust clouding the atmosphere, the sight was breathtaking. Mara leaned against the composite wall beside me, her face hidden by the breathing mask. "I'm sorry we dropped like this into your paradise. It was the only place I could think of where they had no reason and, hopefully, no possibility to hunt us down."

"You think they still might find a way?"

"I don't know. If the Daramine follow our ion trail through jump space, perhaps. That's why we sent the ship onwards and out of this system on autopilot. If we're lucky, the Daramine will never find out where we abandoned her. The jump engine was already close to blowing up when we arrived in orbit."

"Wow. What about Spacecorp? Won't they guess you came here?"

She shrugged. "Spacecorp is history. So is Earth—as much as I can tell. There won't be any records of this colony. Unless someone turns up here by accident, we're on our own."

I leaned my head back against the warm dome and closed my eyes. "So, we're alone out here?" While our situation had changed little, the vastness of space around our home disturbed me for the first time. There was no way back, no friendly human space to go to.

Then Mara's hand found mine and her slender fingers intertwined with my calloused ones. "Yes, we're alone. But isn't this what you wanted? A new beginning?"

I smiled. She was exactly the person I wished beside me for a new start.