Ah, magic. The wonderful thing that allows people to conjure fire and transfigure items. It's also what allows me to go 1773 on Voldemort's supplies and throw it down to the bottom of a fucking harbor. And what allows me to get spray paint out of nowhere and vandalize Mr. Riddle's property.

Let's see unfold this, tape those, spray, peel, repeat.

Wait, shit we aren't there yet. Need to turn that all back a couple of years.

---

A STORY IN THE
WIZARDING WORLD

---

Yes, I am American. Why else would I be making jokes about the biggest cup of tea in human history?

What are you even on about?

How the fuck do y'all consume this much leaf water and not know about the Boston Tea Party?

Oh, and I suppose us and you yanks all got together, made a big communal cup of tea, and drank it together?

---

EVEN THOUGH JK ROWLING
IS A PIECE OF WORK

---

. . . Bro, we "Yanks" made the world's biggest cup of tea by throwing . . . let's see, switch from Imperial to metric . . . carry the one, round that up. . . a measly forty six-ish tons, which is about forty two-ish metric tons, into the Boston harbor in the span of less than a day.

---

WHERE JOKES ABOUT THE

BOSTON TEA PARTY
ARE COMMON

---

You indolent pest, why are you painting my insignia with the snake cut and the skull shattered?

Tom, shut up. I'm expressing myself.

I am not Tom, I am Lord Voldemort.

Alright, and I'm pulling up my copy of the script so that I can look back and figure out where I fucking asked.

You dare insul-

Yes Trix, I fucking dare. Now shush, I'm doing something.

---

WHERE HERMIONE GRANGER
ISN'T THE LOVE INTEREST

---

Ma'am, it doesn't say anywhere in the rules that I can't stich a patch onto the sleeves of my robes, nor does it say anything about sleeve length. And there isn't anything in the rules that says I can't bring stuff to make a painting to Hogwarts.

-Later-

Educational decree 142: Students shall not carry any paint tubes, brushes, or canvases on their persons unless they are required for an approved club or class

Pfft, who said anything about paint tubes, brushes, or canvases? Hey Peeves, c'mere for a sec, I need your help with this. . .

-

Educational Decree 143: Students shall not distribute items that are intended to be used for the disruption of classes.

---

JUST KINDA
SPRAYING AND PRAYING
MY WAY
THROUGH THE DAY

---

Oh cool, I guess since the Basilisk is dead, I can set up a base of operations in the chamber. Just need to bring in some shelves, a map, some other random stuff. Wait, can I take a fang and make it a knife? Wait, but poison. Actually, who gives a fuck? I'll just do that after I make the area mine.

---

COMING EVENTUALLY
FROM THE MAELSTROM OF MY MIND

An American Idiot at Hogwarts

(Name being workshopped and anything here is subject to the possibility of removal and/or change)