August

I felt like things were spending out of control. Hell they were out of control. I had fucked up and I didn't know what else to do. I didn't want to talk to nobody or see no one. I couldn't believe that my marriage was over, but I was to blame. I hurt her because I was afraid she was gon' hurt me first. I know that's selfish, but I a nigga don' had nothing but hurt and pain in his life. I couldn't bare to take anymore, but shit here I am hurting because I hurt the one that truly loves me.

I had the perfect family, the perfect woman and kids, now I don't have shit. I just wish I could turn back the hands of time and redo everything, but it ain't that simple. Desire should have been left my ass a long time ago. When she warned me about La'Asia I acted as if I didn't see the signs. I hurt her beyond repair then, but as time passed she forgave a nigga. She gave me another child and I fucked up and left all because I had the feeling that she would leave me. I wanted to give her the chance to see if I was what she really wanted.

The thing is I love her in a way that scares the fuck out of me and I never loved a woman the way that I love her. These fucking thoughts of another man touching her in the way I do drives me crazy. I never thought that what all I had done to her would make me feel so insecure, but this runs deeper than just here. I'm so fucked up and when I do reveal why I have treated her this way I can kiss us even being friends goodbye.

I sipped from my bottle as the tears streamed down my face. I was hurting and so was she. I was hurting for one reason and she was hurting because of me. I wish my brother was here to help me understand this shit. My momma is so upset with me and I can't blame her. Desire parents don't know what's really going on with us and I know once David finds out, all hell gon' break loose.

"Aug what the fuck is going on with you?"

I looked up and saw Twan standing there. I knew he had been calling, but I didn't wanna fuck with nobody.

"Man I don't feel like hearing yo philosophical ass preach to the damn choir." I glared at him and took another drink of henny.

"My nigga I don't give a fuck what you wanna hear. You my nigga and I wanna know what the fuck is going on with you. Like why the hell you staying in this condo and why you trying to drown you sorrows in this bottle."

"Just cause you perfect and you don't fuck up don't come in here tryna ta' tell me what I should and shouldn't do."

"Aug you need to get yo shit together. You got a good woman and a beautiful kids at home. She loves and appreciates you."

"You think I don't know that?"

"Obviously you don't because yo ass would be at home with her and not here feeling sorrow for yourself."

I looked at him and turned away because I knew he was telling the truth, but I didn't wanna here it right now. "Why the fuck you ain't with Ned instead of being here."

"Ned and I are not in a good place."

"What you cheated?"

"No. She did."

I looked up at him like he was crazy. Ned had to be all kinds of crazy to cheat on him because I know how much he loves her.

"So that's why you came here to talk to me?"

"Yeah but I can't talk to you because you all fucked up."

"You fucked up too my nigga. Shit Ned cheated on you and wonder was it with a nigga or with that bitch y'all had the threesome with."

"Oh lashing out on me must make you feel like more of man, but nigga you ain't a man right now you a lil ass boy tryna walk in the shoes of a grown ass man."

I stood and sat my bottle on the table. "Who tha' fuck you think you supposed ta' be."

"A fucking man unlike yo ass."

"Apparently you ain't man enough." I smirked and Twan shoved me into the wall.

"Nigga chill. Just cause you bouta loose the best thing that happened to you don't come at me sideways. In my opinion she deserve better because you on that bullshit. I don't really know what the fuck going on nor do I know what happen, but I know its some deep shit, shit that you sinking in."

I pushed off me and my nostrils flared. My chest heaved up and down as we stood there staring each other down.

"Aug you real fucked up and you tryna hurt everybody because you hurting. Now you sitting here thinking somebody gon' feel sorry for yo ass when you are the problem. Marriage takes two and one person can't make a marriage work. I don't know what the hell demons you battling, but you better get a grip because you in a dark place and only God can bring you out."

He walked out and left me standing there. I let his words sink in and just like that I became angry. I picked up my bottle and threw it against the wall, watching as it shattered. The way it shattered is the way my heart had shattered.

Desire

I couldn't believe that his dumb ass shattered my mirror. I had cleaned all the glass up and I was currently sitting in the theater room looking at pictures of when we were so happy and all in love. Tears streamed down my face as I looked at our wedding pictures.

I couldn't believe shit had come to this and I really didn't know what to do, but let it go and walk away before I stripped bare. You can love and give a man your all and sometimes it still ain't enough. I remember my grandmother saying that real love don't die, but maybe the love that August and I have ain't real and maybe love just ain't enough no more.

I'm so fucking confused by all this shit. It doesn't make since at all. I closed the photo album and the doorbell rang. I got up and made my way down the few stairs from the theater. I got to the door and opened it. There stood and broken Ned.

"Desire he's gone." She walked in and stood there looking at how she was falling apart.

She took a seat on the couch and I closed the door walking over to her. "Ned what happened?"

"He knows about Valarie and he left. I think he is going to divorce me. Desire I can't live without him."

"Ned let me ask you something. Was it worth you ruining your marriage. I mean did you stop and think about the kind of man that you had at home?"

"Desire temptation is strong and sometimes it takes over your common sense."

"Do you know how many women would kill to have a man that only sees you and respects you? A man that loves you to the point nobody else matters."

Ned looked at me and instantly I knew that she thought about what I was going through.

"Desire I'm so sorry. I know how you feel about cheating. I can honestly say that it is not worth losing everything you have. I see that now."

"You why I don't cheat?"

"Why?"

"One because I know how it feels and two it makes a mess and causes unwanted drama in a relationship. It ruins the trust that you once had for that  person, because even though you forgive it is always in the back of your mind."

"So where do you and August stand?"

"Ned our problems are deeper than just cheating and I was willing to overlook some things at first, if he would just talk to me. You make me feel that I'm needed and that he trust me as his friend, confidant and lover. Sadly I don't know what's going on with him and that shit hurts because he keeps me shutout."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying th-" I was cut off by the doorbell.

I walked to the door and there stood Lawrence. The look he had on his face scared me.

"Lawrence what's wrong?"

"Desire I have been trying to call you, but I wasn't getting an answer so I had to come here."

"Lawrence what's going on?"

"Desire it's your father."

"What about my father?"

"He had a heart attack......"

Excuse Mistakes!