Desire (Two Weeks Later)

I sat in the nursery that my dad had worked hard on and so did August before all this happened. I held my baby girl and rocked her as rocked her. I traced her eyebrows that were so much like her father's. I hadn't saw August since he's been back from LA. My grandmother went out to LA and every since then things have been really weird. I don't know what happened in LA, but apparently something did.

I continued to rock A'Shariah and Day walked in and stood by the rocker looking down at his lil sister. He was so happy to have her around and that I was so thankful for. He reached out and placed his finger in her hand and she held it tightly as her eyes closed shut. The bond they were forming was so strong. I knew that he would always protect her.

Day pulled his finger out of her hand and I stood up and placed her in the crib. I stood and looked down at her. She was so beautiful and she was my angel.

"I love you babygirl." I kissed her forehead and grabbed Day's hand. We walked out and he ran into his room to play.

I walked in my room and stopped dead in my tracks when I saw August sitting on the edge of the bed. He had his head held down and his arms rested on his legs. I closed the door and leaned up against it with folded arms. He looked up and he stared at me for a long time. I stared back not saying anything when all I wanted to do was slap the holy piss outta him.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I missed you."

I started laughing hysterically cause I found that to be funny. I shook my head and narrowed my eyes at him. "You missed me, but you left for three months and barely talked to me. You missed me, but you missed our daugther's birth, but you missed me? I hate to see if you don't miss me because you missing me is epic."

"Desire I-"

"Nigga don't come up in here talking about you sorry because you ain't sorry. You think that you can just up and leave like you single and do what you want when you want to. You don't give a damn about nobody, but you." I dropped my head because no matter how I tried to hold the tears back they fell anyway.

I wiped them away and I saw August about to approach, but I placed my hand up to stop him from coming near. "No August! You can't just come back without an explanation and act as if everything is okay because its not fuckin' okay! I love you August with every fiber in my body, but why can't I get the same love from you in return. Huh?" I ran my hands through my hair feeling my anger take place.

"Desire I do love you. I just....I need you Desire." He stepped closer to me, but I side stepped him.

"You need me, but yet you leave me. Why August?"

"Baybeh I'm dealing with a lot of shit that has got me fucked up mentally and emotionally."

"So instead of talking to me and letting be there to help you with whatever you are dealing with, you up and leave not once thinking about how this was gon' effect our family."

He sighed and placed his hands in his pocket. He looked down at his feet and looked at me with tears in his eyes. He stepped right to me where we were almost touching. I looked at him through my tear filled eyes. This was the man that I loved more than life itself and he has hurt me one time to many. I used to believe in us, but now I don't know. After this he showed me that he didn't trust me or my love enough for him to come to me, his wife with his problems. His problems were my problems, but unfortunately he don't see it that way.

"August I can't do this with you anymore. It hurts too much. I'm tired of being hurt. I love you. I'm in love with you, but it hurts too much for me to stay with me feeling like I'm not enough. You don't realize how you make me feel when shit like this happens with us. You bring in insecurities that I had long buried."

"Desire I have my own insecurities as well, but they are there because of me."

"August...." I trailed off because my emotions took over me.

I slid down the wall and cried because I couldn't believe we had go to this point. The point of no return. I felt myself being lifted and placed on the bed. He held me as I cried into his chest. I knew this was the last time that I would feel this closeness to him and it hurt me to the core.

August

I felt my own emotions take over as I held my wife. She didn't deserve any of this, but I'm just all messed up and I know I should have been man enough to tell her what the problem was, but my pride wouldn't let me do it. I know I needed to tell her about the Camille situation before somebody else did. This shit was gon' crush her more than what I had by leaving.

"Baybeh I need to tell you something." I pulled back and stared into her beautiful eyes.

I looked down and played with the ring on her finger. I looked back up at her and she looked at me with so much hurt and even still the love reflected there. I had to be the dumbest nigga alive.

"What do you need to tell me?"

"While I was in LA there were a few after parties that I attended. Now I want you to know I did conduct business while there, but these were more promotional parties."

"August get to the point."

"Well I got drunk and I lost my phone."

"Okay so you that's why I barely talked to you for the three months you were there?"

"No I lost my phone during the last after party. I was on my way back, but something stopped that.

"What your mother and my grandmother?"

"Yeah, but that's not all."

She got off the bed and stood there looking at me. A nigga was scared to tell what happened, but it was now or never.

"Then what August?"

"I slept with somebody, but De-"

Smack!

"Get the fuck out!"

"De-"

"No August this is just too much. First you leave and don't show up for the birth of A'Shariah. Now you are telling me that you cheated again. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Baybeh I'm sorry. God knows I am. I promise to God I never meant fa' any of this shit to happen, but I was drunk and I can't remember shit."

"Wow so last time you were high and this time you were so drunk that you couldn't remember. If you had kept your ass here and faced whatever the hell you were dealing with head on this would not be happening, but no you went there and no shit is worse."

"Li-"

"Get out and the only thing that is between us is those Day and Shariah. Now I won't be petty and not let you be apart of your kids life, but you and I....its over this is the last time you hurt me. I'm not perfect, but I have done my best. I have been faithful to you and not only that I have been loyal and honest to you about everything, but in return what do I get? You ass to kiss."

I stood there with my heart beating fast because I couldn't believe she was saying its over. I felt like somebody had knocked the wind out of me. This was too much for me, but it was all my fault. I messed up our family and its nothing I can do about it, but instantly my anger took over and before I thought I let my words go not caring.

"Oh so you must be gon' run to that nigga Jacoby now." I said as I walked up on her causing her to back into the wall.

"August you ain't shit fa' that. Just cause you went out and cheated on me not once, but possibly twice don't mean shit. See I love and respect you or should I say I once did because you sure as hell don't love and respect me. Just because you don't respect the union of marriage don't mean I don't. See its okay for you to go out here and do whateva with me being all forgiving to you, but if you think I'm doing something or gon' do something it drives you crazy."

"You really fucked up and you fucked up for what you did to us and this family. Now get your ass out because from this day forth we are only parents because this marriage is over and you are the blame."

She walked out and I stood there looking lost and feeling hurt. I couldn't believe this was happening. I was so used to her forgiving a nigga that I didn't think it would ever come to this point, but I hurt her one time to many and I hurt her for the last time, but now I'm hurting more than I was before I took the notion to leave.

I stood there staring at the door hoping she would come back in, but I knew Desire wasn't playing. I'm lucky she didn' beat my ass, but hell its still early on. I grabbed my luggage and started packing. I felt the tears fall as I put things into my luggage. Never in a million years would I thought we would have been here. As I thought about all the good times we had I broke down even more.

I remembered that I had a appointment with the therapist on Monday. Sylvia had contacted her and her name was De'Lana Harris. I hoped as well as prayed that this shit helped me because every since I cheated on Desire the first time I just felt like she was going to do it to me and with her ex being here it made me feel like more now than ever.

I couldn't lose my family some way and somehow I was going to win my family back. I had to.

Next chapter you will see how he bonds with his daughter before he leaves. I can't wait until I get deeper into this story because its gone be an experience.

And thank you for your comments because they help me dig deeper in my writing!

Excuse Mistakes