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Love

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Chapter 48: Love (Rowan's POV)

Evie was all mine. 

At least for now. 

And it drove me completely insane. 

She brought up a hand, taking the side of my face while her thumb stroked my skin steadily. "You really hate how you feel about me," she mumbled, sliding her hand down to my shoulder and then tracing my back, her nails gently scratching. 

"I lose control around you. It scares me," I whispered. 

"It scares me too," she nodded softly. "Rowan, I..." she trailed off, her eyes dropping down to my lips. 

"Hmm?" I asked, lifting a hand to tuck her hair behind her ear. 

She shook her head hesitantly in response. "Nothing. Just kiss me." 

I chuckled softly, leaning down and pressing my lips against hers, my breath hitching as her tongue traced across my bottom lip before she deepened the kiss, arching into me as her nails scratched down my back again. A soft groan came out of me and I felt her smile against my lips as she gently tugged at the back of my hair. 

Her hands were everywhere, caressing every inch of my skin as her legs locked around me and she drove her hips into mine. 

A low laugh bubbled out of me before I blindly reached for the nightstand and took out a condom, knocking the lamp off in the process. We both paused and looked over to the table. 

She turned to me, a laugh bursting out of her while I dropped my head to her shoulder, chuckling before pressing a kiss there. "You're cute," she giggled, brushing my hair out of my eyes before dragging a hand down my front and then snapping the waistband of my boxer briefs. She simply lifted her brows at me and I smiled, leaning down to kiss her briefly before I slipped them down, rolling a condom on. 

Evie keeps her eyes locked with mine and her breath hitches as I stroke her with my fingers once before lining my hips up with hers and slowly pushing forward, pausing when she gasps softly. 

She shook her head, "Don't stop. Just... slow, go slow," she said breathlessly. 

My head falls down to her shoulder once again while she lets out a low moan before kissing my neck, her teeth grazing my skin. I catch a glimpse of her fists around the sheets as I withdraw from her only to go in a little deeper the second time. With each push forward, I'm losing my mind and getting closer and closer to her. 

She gasped as I repeated the move to the hilt and arched into me, whispering my name into my ear. The way she moans my name has me shuddering and smiling where I kiss her collarbone before trailing kisses down her breasts. "Is that it?" she asked breathlessly. "I thought you said you hated me. It doesn't feel like it," she laughed. 

I pull myself up to look at her. "I'll show you how much I hate you," I said, holding her gaze before thrusting forward harder, pushing deeper, earning another one of her gorgeous moans. Heat rushed over every inch of my skin as she began to match my rhythm, moving her hips with mine. 

I pushed into her repeatedly and she meets me there every time, her breaths getting faster and harder, her moans becoming a little louder. "Not much of a screamer, are you?" I asked before kissing the sweet spot below her ear, my teeth grazing her skin as I kissed down her neck. 

"Did you picture me to be?" she smiled. "Did you want me to be?" 

"I can fix that if you'd like," I smiled, driving my hips forward harder, drawing a loud moan out of her. 

Just watching her melt before me like this was enough, it always would be. I had never met a girl that stole my breath away like Evie did, she made me feel like no other woman ever had. Every day, every moment, every damn second I spent with her had me reeling into this oblivion where nothing else seemed to matter. 

Every waking minute of my days, I thought of her, of being with her, of having her in my bed like this where she moaned my name like it was a secret, where she struggled to hold herself together and let herself come undone in front of me as she shuddered and shivered. 

I was drowning in her, in the feeling of her under me, the way she touched me, the way she took my face and forced my face up before kissing me with such intensity that it killed me. There wasn't an inch of me where she could reach that left untouched or unkissed. 

She took my bottom lip between her teeth and then smiled against me before kissing my jaw and then a few warm kisses on my neck, once again biting the spots that have me groaning. I never expected her to be like this, so... wild, so daring. She wanted to explore me just as much as I did her. 

I slowed down as I got dangerously close to finishing and she groaned, breaking the kiss. 

"You're unreasonably cruel to me," she muttered, lifting her hips only for me to pin them back down. 

"We're just getting started, Lyubov," I smiled before kissing her jaw. I trailed kisses down her neck again, down her chest while my thumb strokes her ribcage, making her gasp against me once more. 

Moving barely but slowly against her, I shifted and reached a hand between us and just a brush of my fingers against hers has her shaking against me. "I don't tell you enough how fucking beautiful and breathtaking you are," I mumbled into her skin before leaning back to look at her, my hips still lazily moving while my fingers work on her. 

Her eyes snap open and stare directly into mine as she struggles to catch her breath. 

"Or how desperately I want to keep you forever," I added. "Or how much I—" I cut myself short when her eyes go wide at my choice of words. 

"How much you want me," she finished for me, nodding reassuringly. 

This was wrong. She deserved to hear me say I loved her because I did. 

I fucking do. I love her. I love her so much, it hurts. So much that it kills me and it devours me and it drives me absolutely insane. 

Without looking away, I began to thrust my hips forward again, losing my own breath when hers hitched. My fingers on her hips tighten hard enough to leave faint kisses of bruises before I took her jaw and turned her head the other way, leaning down to latch onto her neck with slow, sensual kisses that have her moaning my name and arching into me again. 

"Mrs. Evie Volkov," I laughed against her and she chuckled with me, softly tracing my spine. "I didn't know you had such a tempting and carnal side to you." 

"Everybody has their secrets," she rasped out and I blinked, lifting my eyes to hers. 

"Speaking of secrets, you owe me some," I reminded her, slowing my movements again, that has her groaning loudly in frustration as I slid my hand between us again, keeping her at the edge with my fingers but not giving her the high and explosive orgasm she was chasing. 

"What secrets?" she asked in confusion, still panting. 

"Your little box of secrets," I prompted. 

Realization flickered across her eyes before she laughed airly. "You're the devil, Mr. Volkov," she smiled. 

"Tell me," I demanded. 

"They..." she exhaled shakily as I kissed down her jaw again, earning her words. "They're letters," she sighed. 

The grin was dancing on my lips before I knew it because I figured it out the moment those words came out of her mouth. 

"To you," she admitted. "You said..." she paused and then shook her head softly. "If I missed you, I could write to you. I did, I just didn't send them." 

"Why not?" 

"I was scared," she mumbled, "that you didn't miss me." 

"Evie," I said, staring at her, "there is nobody in this fucking universe that I missed more than you." 

"You hated me." 

"Never. Just what you did to me. What you still do to me. I saw you, Evie. I saw how you were the only person who had the power to destroy me. You still do." I move harder against her and everything I do hangs onto the non-existent line between hate and love. 

I couldn't tell what it was anymore, but something told me it was the latter, no matter how much that thought terrified me. "I saw you and I wanted you so bad," I whisper, "so bad that I couldn't handle it." 

Her hips lift and match my thrusts, chasing the edge I held her above. 

"Fuck, Lyubov," I rasped out against her ear before pulling back to look at her. Her eyes clashed with mine and she knew it, I knew it too. I loved her and she loved me. I just couldn't fucking bring myself to say it. Not yet. 

"I can't help but feel like I shouldn't want you," she mumbled, pulling me in deeper. "You're a liar," she gasped as I withdrew before slamming back into her. "All you've ever done is lie to me. And you're selfish. And you tell me," she panted, "that you hate me. When we both know you really fucking don't." 

My head rolled forward to her shoulder and she kissed and sucked on my neck, making me groan yet again. 

"Didn't you miss me? Didn't you fucking write to me too?" 

"I did," I blurted out, squeezing her thigh hard. "I kept every fucking letter I couldn't send you. You, Lyubov, were my dirty little secret." 

Evie made me feel more alive than anybody ever had. I appreciated and admired her so much more than I let on and with her, I felt like I burned as hot as the sun and shone as bright as the stars. With her, nothing held me back and everything felt easy, simple. She felt so damn right, loving her felt so fucking right. She made me want to be the best version of myself, purely for her. 

"Why can't you admit that you don't hate me?" she asked, arching into me and throwing her head back, her eyes fluttering shut. 

"I simply can't admit to having a heart that feels things, Lyubov. Feelings can be manipulated very easily in my world." 

She smiled against my lips but didn't kiss me. "Fine. Keep lying to yourself, Rowan. Your secrets are mine to keep anyway and so are you," she said firmly. "If I'm all yours, you're all mine. Say it." 

I grinned, kissing her hard. "I'm yours," I admitted against her lips. "All fucking yours, Evie." 

She gasps into the kiss as I push my hips forward one more time while pleasure courses through me as it does through her. We both rode out the wave, still gasping for breath. Eventually, when we'd both caught and steadied ourselves, I pulled away and stared at her. 

She kissed me again, slowly and teasingly and lazily with a constant grin on her lips. I withdrew from her and she gasped softly as I rolled off and fell onto my back beside her. She immediately turned to her side and took my arm, using it as a pillow before resting a hand on my chest, drawing gentle circles on my skin. 

After a couple of minutes, she propped herself onto her elbow and laughed, kissing me briefly. "I'll be right back," she whispered before reaching over me and grabbing my shirt, slipping it on, and then climbing out of bed, disappearing into the bathroom. 

I waited until she was out before going in there myself and freshening up, pulling on a pair of sweatpants. When I came back out, she was standing at the foot of the bed with her back to me and buttoning up my shirt. I crept up behind her, snaking my arms around her waist and pressing a kiss to her neck since she had her hair tied up and out of the way. 

She giggled and dropped her arms as I unbuttoned the shirt yet again before sliding it off her shoulders and arms, throwing it onto the floor. Her eyes fell shut as she tipped her head back against my shoulder while I kissed hers. 

"I like you better like this," I mumbled. 

She hummed in response, "I'm sure you do," she chuckled and then stepped away, pulling her underwear on and then slipping the shirt back on, buttoning it up and moving away from me when I reached for her. She jumped onto the bed as I moved closer and laughed, running to the other side. "No," she said sternly through a laugh. "It's late and we should sleep." 

"Get your ass over here," I demanded. 

She ran when I moved forward but I caught her waist and pulled her into me suddenly, making her squeal as I picked her up and threw her onto the bed, quickly climbing on top of her and smashing my lips against hers. 

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Chapter 48

I don't want this book to end :((

should I keep it going a little longer y'all? add a little drama maybe?

all in favor, say 'aye'

next ch: office