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Mind

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Chapter 36: Mind (Rowan's POV)

I had no idea what was going through my head when I pulled that little stunt with Evie before we left. 

She was on my mind, she was all I found myself thinking of lately in every which way. She had full control of my mind and thoughts. But I needed to get this under control. If we did this, if we went off track and let these lines blur, there was only one ending. She'd end up with a broken heart and I'd be the fucking same coldhearted, numb, and manipulative man that fell into darkness too young, too soon. I had to get a hold of myself. Evie deserved better and I couldn't give it to her. 

We were husband and wife on paper, for show, this wasn't real. It couldn't be, it shouldn't be. 

It would be over one day and if I don't get it together now, I just might not be able to let her go. 

"Rowan!" 

I scanned the room for whoever had called my name and spotted Mrs. Rhea waving me over with urgency. 

"Go on, son," Mr. August sighed. This was the third time we were attempting to have a conversation and somehow we were interrupted every single time. 

Excusing myself, I made my way over to Mrs. Rhea. "Yes, Mrs. Rhea?" 

"I was looking for you. Evie is getting her Mehendi done right now, so her hands are full. We're more than halfway through the night and she hasn't eaten anything. I was hoping you'd make sure she has?" 

"Sure," I replied hesitantly. 

"Great. Thank you." She left right after that, finding her husband in the crowd, leaving me to find my wife. 

I sighed, scanning the room quickly. I was exhausted from being here already and it wasn't even midnight yet. 

Evie warned me that the functions for Indian weddings usually end awfully late and getting through the night without any help from alcohol was proving to be very difficult. Evie also strictly told me I could not get drunk tonight because she would be in no state to take care of me, instead, it was my turn to return the favor. The Mehendi on her hands, as I understand it, would take a while to dry, and until it does, she needs me. 

I spotted her sitting on one of the loveseats while a woman sat on a chair in front of her, drawing the intricate henna designs on her right palm. Her other hand was already covered. 

Priya sat beside her, both of them chatting animatedly until a man who I guessed was Rohan, came over and whispered something to Priya, taking her away. 

Walking across the room, I stopped where she was seated and settled down beside her. She glanced at me, a small smile on her lips. "Hello, stranger. I haven't seen you all night," she chuckled. 

"Not since we got here, no," I mumbled. "It seems like they're trying to tear us apart." 

She laughed, glancing at me. "Have you eaten?" we asked at the same time. 

"Have you?" I questioned again. 

In response, she shook her head softly. "I'm not that hungry. Plus, it's a little hard to do anything now," she shrugged, lifting her left hand that had detailed and beautiful patterns and designs drawn all over, the henna etched onto her skin. 

"Do you want to eat anything? I'll bring it for you," I offered reluctantly. 

Amusement swirled in her eyes as she watched me. "You'll feed me?" 

I hummed half-heartedly. 

"Then I would like... a little bit of everything they're serving," she grinned teasingly. 

So, that's exactly what I did. I brought her a little bit of everything. I did exactly as she asked but it still shocked her as I walked back and took my seat. 

"That's so much!" 

"You said a little bit of everything." 

"Emphasis on 'a little' Rowan." 

I scooped up a spoonful of rice and curry, taking it to her mouth. "Just eat now. They're my mother-in-law's orders." 

Her eyes shifted to mine. "Since when do you take those seriously?" 

"Open," I demanded. 

She opened her mouth and ate the bite I gave her, holding my gaze. "You don't have to do this," she mumbled with a mouthful. 

Thoughtlessly, I reached forward, swiping my thumb over the corner of her lip. "I told you. Mother-in-law's orders." My eyes drifted up to the red pigment sitting along her scalp, just a bit on her forehead under the jewelry she wore. 

"It's sindoor," she clarified. "The red." 

"What is that?" I asked, fixing her hair as it fell forward. 

She stared at the Mehendi being drawn onto her hands. "It's a sign of a married woman in Indian culture. You wear it as a symbol of being married, to show that you're someone's wife. At an Indian wedding, the husband puts it on his wife for the very first time. You'll see when Rohan does it for Priya. It's important, I suppose. I totally forgot about it tonight but my Mom carries some in her purse since she wears it often. So she told me to put some on," she explained. 

"You never asked me to put it on for you," I pointed out. 

"We didn't have an Indian wedding," she chuckled. 

"So? If it's important, you should have told me. I would have done it blindly anyway, even if I didn't understand it. It's a part of your culture, that's just as important as mine." 

She sighed softly, "Everything would have gotten a little more importance than it did, Rowan. If we did this right. But we didn't... because it's not real," she whispered. 

I couldn't tear my gaze away from hers. 

"All done, ma'am," the woman sitting before us smiled. 

"Thank you so much. It looks gorgeous," Evie grinned. She didn't eat the rest of her dinner and she didn't utter another word to me, not even on the drive home after we bid goodnight to everyone and left way before the party ended, even though it was already two in the morning. 

Parking the car at the apartment building, I shut it off and climbed out, walking to her side and opening the door. With her Mehendi still waiting to dry, I fixed her... 

I think it's a saree. 

I fixed her saree and shut the door behind her, locking the car. 

She couldn't possibly want it to be real, even if that's what it seemed like. She hated me, why would she truly want me? 

"I don't buy it for a second that you didn't want your perfect, dream Indian wedding," I said as the elevator closed. 

"We had no time. But," she sighed, "who says I'll never have one? Maybe once this thing is over in a year, I'll find someone else. I can always have my dream wedding then, right? Once we get a divorce and I—" 

"We've still got a long year ahead of us," I cut her off, ignoring the heat of her gaze I felt surging through me. 

Hearing her laugh softly, I turned to her and once I did, I couldn't look away. 

I felt like a fool when I thought of how badly she had a hold on me, how much control this woman truly had over me and not just now but for most of my life. The stupid letters were proof. Nobody made me dizzy and sent my head spinning and heart racing the way Evie did. But nothing, not even this, could change the fact that I wasn't the right guy for her. I would never be able to love her the way she wanted to be loved and I highly doubted that she wanted anything of that sort with me. She was playing her part and I was playing mine. 

"Don't worry, Rowan," she chuckled, "I'm all yours for this one year. That's all you get though." We reached our floor and both of us headed out and upstairs, passing by Niko who slept soundly on the couch. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs while I stood directly behind her, glancing at her saree. Suddenly, she spun around, neither one of us realizing how close we were in proximity. "Can you..." she trailed off for a moment, her voice softening. "Can you help, please?" 

I nodded silently. 

As she faced forward, I took a hold of her skirts and followed closely behind going to her room with her. "I'm fine, you can go, I won't hold you up." 

"You'll need help," I said, shutting the door behind me. "Changing out of that," I pointed to her saree. 

She froze in place, staring down at her clothes and blinking in realization. "I- I'll figure something out, you should go." 

"I won't look," I shrugged. 

"Liar," she snickered. 

"I won't look at everything," I corrected, a smile tugging at my lips. "It's a promise. I shall keep my hands to myself and only follow your instructions, Lyubov." 

Hesitantly, she sighed in defeat. "Jewelry off first," she ordered, walking to the vanity. The bangles would have to wait, I figured, so I pushed her hair over her shoulders and worked the earrings off, setting them on the counter. Save the bangles, once all her jewelry was off, we moved back to the bed where she sat down. "The heels and payal." 

I lowered myself to my knee, hitching up her dress, and staring at her. "You seem to rather enjoy seeing me on my knees," I smirked. 

"It's a rare sight for sore eyes, Mr. Volkov." 

"Is that so?" I chuckled, working her heels off and leaving them to the side before unclasping the anklet, my fingers brushing against her leg as I stood up with her. 

She hummed in response to my question and nodded, looking up at me. 

"What's next?" 

For a moment, she didn't answer as her eyes fell to the ground. Then breathing in deeply, she lifted her eyes to mine once again. "My clothes."

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Chapter 36

Rowan and Evie are really out here setting the standards for my future couples. Speaking of, whenever I write my next book, which is after I finish this one, I will probably write another marriage of convenience book.

I love the trope, it's my favorite, and I'm having my marriage of convenience and slow-burn moment all right. So, while the next story might have some similar aspects to this one, I swear you'll love it.

I have no idea what it'll be lmao but since I'm loving this one sm the next one will probably be similar. But we've still got time, Rowan and Evie are still burning in the slow-burn

next chapter: control