January, 2014

Det. Wright had allowed Ingrid to have a brief chat with the arrested suspect and she sat uncomfortably across from Leon in his cage. Stared around herself at the iron bars of the holding cell and her breathing quivered.

"Will you visit me again?" he asked her.

Ingrid's eyebrows furrowed. "You think you'll go back to prison?"

A carefree shrug. Her frown deepened. Ingrid licked her dry lips.

"So you're saying... are you saying you did it? Is that why you're so sure you'll – "

His eyes darted sideways and up for a split second. They were under surveillance, Ingrid surmised. She'd been told as much by her lawyer when requesting the visit. Helen had warned against it but Ingrid had insisted, for her abuelita's sake.

"It doesn't matter whether I did or didn't do it," Leon answered, sounding forlorn. Hopeless and heartbroken. "They like me for it. They've been dying to pop me for a while so... this ain't a shot they'll just drop. If they can make me take the fall for it, they will."

Ingrid gripped the purse on her lap tighter. "That's..."

Outrage burned in her chest but she couldn't bring herself to express it out loud. Not in that closely watched cage.

"I know," Leon whispered. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologising?"

He gave her the most cryptic of smiles. "You tell my mom I'm okay, yeah? Nothing for her to worry about."

Ingrid nodded. "Will do. You, um... You take care of yourself."

"Will do," he copied her.

She stood up. A guard came to unlock the cell and Ingrid stormed out, determined to make Helen obtain that autopsy report as soon as fucking possible.

Because if they were liking Leon for this... how long before they started liking her, too?

March, 2018

Hot tears streamed down her cheeks. Her shivering hands wrapped around his fist holding the gun and repositioned the weapon to point straight at her heart.

"Do it," Ingrid urged Leon again, her hands never leaving his, her clouded eyes piercing into his foggy gaze. "I'll never be able to do it myself, so save me the trouble."

His breathing grew heavier. His immovable mien began to chip around the corners.

"I loved you." Her bleeding heart pounded into the steel of death poised against it. "I did." Ingrid licked her lips. "And I loved your mother. You'll never – you could never understand what she meant to me. What you meant to me. But how much of it was real, Leon? How much of it was this," she poked her chest harder with the gun, "and how much was... fumes?"

She saw his Adam's apple bob. His grip on the butt of the pistol seemed to weaken.

"I know your life was hard. It was shit. I get it." A tearful laugh. "Hell, if anyone can understand – that's me. I had my share of fucked-up shit, you know? Well, you do, actually. You know better than anyone. But you don't see me going around killing people, do you? There's a few I'd like to do in, mind. But I don't. That's a choice I make. Every single day. A choice not to be shitty."

He sneered at her. "Choice? You think I grew up with a choice?" His fist tightened again, pushing the gun into her breast.

Ingrid winced.

"In this country where I couldn't even speak the language and the only people giving me the time of day were criminals? Do you think I had much of a choice? Do you think they even try to fix you? No, they throw your ass in a cage and break you more. Does that sound like a choice you can make?"

"Oh, Jesus fucking wept, didn't he! Since you're such a big believer all of a sudden," Ingrid retorted. "Easier to pretend there was no choice than to admit you've made the wrong one, innit? All those years ago, I gave you a choice. You decided to come and be with your mother. Had a good thing going on, too, for a while. Until you chose to kill my husband."

A caustic chuckle. "Are you saying you would have rather stayed married to that asshole?"

Ingrid pursed her lips. "No," she said. "No, but I could have left him. Maybe I would've. Maybe we could have all moved to Spain together. All three of us."

Something flickered in his eyes.

"We'll never know now," she continued. "But you've got a new choice. So what's it gonna be?"

She glanced down at the black metal that she balanced her life on like on a tightrope. One misstep, one unfortunate movement, and it was over. Everything. All the pain and all the wonder. If there was an afterlife, she might even get to meet her granny and her abuelita.

Ingrid closed her eyes. Her breaths evened out. She dropped her hands from his fist and let her head hit the wall. Reality shattered into pieces around her and dispersed into nothingness. Her body was left suspended in an uncertain limbo. She thought she could feel her blood flow through her veins, like red rivers rushing through her flesh. Her heart thudded behind her breast, into the gaping steel pointed to curb its existence.

Then reality returned with a vengeance as Ingrid heard odd metallic clicks in quick succession, but no blast came. Her eyes trembled open. Leon had disassembled his weapon and the bullet magazine fell to the floor. A sigh of relief escaped her lungs.

She looked up at him. Something stirred in his amber eyes, something that made her ribcage constrict. She pushed herself off the wall and took a tentative step forward, raising her palms to place them on his pectorals. He had a dark wifebeater top on, which let some of the tattoos on his chest and shoulders peek out.

Some of the ink Ingrid couldn't remember. Her fingers crawled up to his neck. He held her waist, gently, as if he was afraid to break her. She rose on her tiptoes to kiss him – weightless to begin with, barely more than a peck. Then his confidence surged and he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close and capturing her lips in a passionate tussle for dominance.

He lifted her off her feet to bring their mouths to level and her legs hooked around him. He walked to the bed, still caught up in their fierce kiss, and lowered her on the mattress with utmost caution. Sat up on his knees to pull his tank top over his head.

The mix of scars and ink on his chest made her cringe, but he kissed her discomfort away and went to work on removing her silky shirt, the same one she'd worn all day. Leon painstakingly undid every button and peeled it off her in one piece. Her office trousers proved a bit more stubborn but to her surprise, he kept his cool and dragged them off carefully, getting rid of his jeans and boxers afterwards.

Ingrid let him finish undressing her. Soothing relief flooded her when he unclasped her bra and she hardly noticed him making her knickers disappear. She did notice, however, when his exploratory tongue ventured into her depths. Ingrid gasped loudly, arching herself into him.

He did what he knew best, making her suffer until she couldn't handle it anymore. Left a blazing trail of kisses up her stomach, along her ribs, stopped to pay particular attention to her breasts, licked her collarbone and bit into her neck. Her fingers reacquainted themselves with his every muscle, tracing the lines in his tattoos, squeezing his buttocks, teasing him into taut firmness.

In return, he probed her wet warmth as he kissed her lips, guiding himself into her once they both felt ready. Startlingly sober now, Ingrid buckled under the swarm of sensations, under the weight of familiarity that tasted like a homecoming to heaven after wandering through the fires of hell.

Ingrid clung on to him, shuddering with need. His wild climax reverberated through her, triggered her own and he did not let go of her until she went slack with satiation in his arms. Even then, he didn't hurry, pulling her close once he flopped down beside her.

*

Ingrid had a lukewarm shower, scrubbing herself thoroughly, and rinsed her clean body one last time with a spray of snow-cold water. Leon was sitting up shirtless in bed, lighting himself a joint, when she walked out of the bathroom. He held it out for her but she shook her head.

"Are you happy with the choice I've made, hermosa?"

Ingrid didn't answer. She began instead to gather her belongings and dress up. Over a dozen missed calls and a myriad of texts showed up on her phone's screen.

"Happy's not the word I'd use."

"No, I guess not..." He took a long drag from his joint, puffing out streams of smoke. "The likes of us, we don't get to be happy. But at least I know one thing now."

Ingrid wasn't sure she wanted to know it, too, although she couldn't help herself.

"What's that?" she asked, buttoning up her shirt.

"This is who I am. This is what I am. What I've been made to be, what I've chosen to be..." He flicked some ash from his cigarette. "Doesn't matter now. I know that the sweetest thing there ever was is fucking you. And killing's the only thing that comes close."

Ingrid gulped. Hoped he didn't see it. "You're saying that if I kept fucking you, you'd stop killing?"

A devil's grin floated behind the intoxicating smoke.

"Didn't think so." She zipped up her trousers. "You're deranged, mate. A bona fide psychopath."

"But you loved this psycho."

"I did, yes. While I was married to another one. I'm past all that now. And better for it."

"Hmm..." He sucked on his joint and breathed out mist. "I'm not sorry, you know? I'll never be sorry. I have no regrets and neither should you. Our love was one of a kind, mi reina. And I'll never forget it. Never forget you. And I don't think you'll forget me, either."

He was right and that scared her more than anything. Ingrid gripped her phone tightly.

"Adios, Leon. It's over. It's done."

He nodded to himself but he said nothing. With her fists balled by her sides, Ingrid strode out of the room, struggling to sift through the mess on her phone as she walked at a brisk pace. She needed a ride but didn't know where to get it from. Murphy sprang to mind. She didn't want to bring Edgar anywhere near Leon.

Ingrid stumbled down the iron stairs and across the deserted, littered dancefloor. She headed for the nearest exit and threw herself against the heavy door. The chilly spring dawn air bit into her skin but she relished the feeling – while at the same time being aware she wouldn't be able to last long.

"Ingrid!"

A car door had opened across the street. She turned around. Blinked. Edgar was running towards her. Engulfed her in a warm, fragrant embrace.

Not a dream.

"My God, I was so scared..."

His hand cupped the back of her head as he held her against him. He kissed her hair and her arms reached up around him.

"Thank goodness you're okay..."

Ingrid breathed him in, absorbed the heat radiating from his body until it warmed her bones. When she pulled away, though, Edgar had his neck craned as he stared up at a figure in a window.

She spun to see what had captured his attention. It was Leon, standing by a curtain, presumably in the bedroom she'd just left from. Watching them with an impassive face.

"Let's go," Ingrid whispered and dragged Edgar towards the car.

She chanced one last glimpse in Leon's direction after she climbed in and Edgar slammed the door shut. He did, too, just before he got in next to her. Murphy drove away and Ingrid cuddled up at Edgar's chest.

*

Ingrid walked into the house with Edgar's coat draped on her shoulders, which fell to the floor when Sienna emerged from the living room and launched herself at her friend. It couldn't be said that Ingrid minded the suffocating hug. Liz and Rose trailed close behind, waiting their turns.

"Hey," Ingrid managed, mustering a weak smile.

Sienna's thumbs rubbed at Ingrid's cheeks. "Are you okay? We were all so scared... What happened?"

Ingrid placed her hands over her friend's. "I'm fine, it's okay. Did you all stay up for me? Where's Rosie?"

"At the hotel, with Michelle," Sienna said, as Ingrid moved to embrace Rose.

"And Pri? Eric?"

"They're fine," Liz said. "Asleep upstairs, most likely."

"Good. I'm glad."

"What the hell was that all about?" Liz asked.

Ingrid stared at her toes. "It... it's over. It's done. Now if you don't mind, I really need to get some sleep."

She disconnected from the crowd and dragged her feet up the stairs. After she changed into soft winter pyjamas, Ingrid slid under the duvet, lifting it up to her ear. Her eyes shut and she drifted off.

*

song of the chapter: monster by lady gaga

https://youtu.be/prvNKMGKl2U