"She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time." — Stephen Chbosky

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"Your hair looks a bit dirty,"

 Verity says, her blue eyes scanning my look judgementally. I bite my lower lips, my gaze dropping to my fingers that rested on my clothed lap. I feel my skin get tight under her scrutinizing gaze. I feel my cheeks heat up, my anxiety gripping my tummy. 

"Um, I didn't wash it today," I reply, feeling like I needed to. To justify myself and let her know why my hair was dirty. "N-no time," I say, internally face-palming myself because I let out a stutter. I've not exactly been good at expressing myself and that's why I spoke less most of the time. I would always get embarrassed and my anxiety was not good.

I watch Verity sigh, her blue eyes peeking at my hair for the last time before she adjusts herself on her pink bedsheet. She grabs the black book that rested on her bed before proceeding to flip through the pages, my eyes also drawn to the content of the book. 

Inside those pages were drawings. Drawings I made. During our free time, I would spend mine drawing and just toying with lines and shapes. I wouldn't say I was perfect, I wasn't in any way but I enjoyed drawing. It brought me this unexplainable peace, that I knew no one could cease. It was difficult to explain, but some of those drawings were manifestations of my fantasies that lived in my head. 

I continued watching her flip through the pages before her eyes landed on a specific page. It was a drawing of a boy. I remember drawing that on a Sunday afternoon.

"This looks nice. I like it." She looks up at me, a small smile dancing on her lips. I mirrored her expression, not knowing how to feel about it. That drawing had been on the surface of my mind for a very long time. The drawing was an expression of one of my dreams. 

A boy had appeared to me in my dream. I remember that he had bushy eyebrows and thick curly hair. There were not many details from what I could remember but I knew he was attractive. And so I put him on paper. He was pretty anyway. 

"Is he some kind of crush?" She asked, finally handing me the book. I close it and put it inside the small desk between Verity and I's bed. We were neighbors. 

I shake my head, shyly. "Not really," I say, not feeling like talking about it. Yet, it was a simple drawing but I didn't like it. It was also the best I had drawn so far. I wasn't good at drawing humans and could only do hair and facial features but when it came to landscapes, I preferred it over anything else. 

She didn't say anything else. I sigh again, pushing my legs off the floor and onto my bed. It was raining outside. One of my favorite weathers. I just loved the sound of the droplet of water hitting the pavement and the cool aura that came with it. 

Today was a Wednesday afternoon. Most children were asleep on their bed, while some of them were in the common room. The orphanage on this kind of day was always quiet. It being my favorite day of the week. 

I fold my arm, my face resting on my palm as I lay on the bed. I wasn't sleepy. I couldn't sleep. I still felt the pain that scrubbed in my back. They were still red and fresh. Some wounds opened up today while I took my bath. 

I inhale softly, my legs shifting over another beneath the blanket that baked me in warmth. The memories were still fresh too. Over the week, I learned how to stifle my cries. It was something I had forced myself to learn whether I liked it or not. 

Crying had never gotten me anywhere, I realized. It only made Madam Lee angrier as she whipped me. She didn't need to tell me but I knew it annoyed her when I made those noises. All she wanted from me was to keep still and that's what I did. 

It hurt. But the pain washed off of me when she drops the paddle on the floor and leaves the room. Just the sting torments me but Verity has been there to help me with the wound. Every night, she would help me apply the ointment on my back and it would hurt less. 

I lay on my bed for a few minutes. I don't know when I spaced out because the next thing I heard was the sound of the bell that jingled in the hall. As if automatically, all the children push themselves off the bed, their hurried feet being the noise after the bell had gone off. 

I put on my slipper, but not before wiggling my toes. My feet were clothed in white socks because of the cold. It was still drizzling outside but I saw the sun peeking a bit within the black clouds. The clouds weren't ugly, but to some it was. Whenever it rained, the clouds were dark but it was never ugly. Not to me at least. 

We assemble ourselves in the common room. The white walls guarded the spacious room, locking us in its safety. On the left side was a small TV stand and a black speaker at the side of the TV stand. The TV has been broken for a long time. 

The room was drowning by the diffuser. The relaxing scent of lavender and chamomile made me feel at ease most of the time and that was one of my best things about the common room. 

I see Mr. Noah enter the room. He was one of the caretakers at the orphanage and my favorite one too. He strolls to the middle of the room, his hands resting freely at his sides.

"Good afternoon children." He says and everyone echoes the same thing to him. His head was shaved, it looked like he had done of recent. It suited him. Across the room, I see one of the boys push a girl next to him, his face in a tight scowl. 

That was Pier. 

Fourteen, Pier was the same age as me. Peir was a bit short for his age and a little chubby too. I remember seeing him on most occasions with stains and prints on his clothes, accompanied by his disheveled appearance that made some of the children gossip. He was known for his troublesome behavior but that didn't stop him from acting the way he did. 

He also had a close friend, Larry. The both of them would do most of their things together. Eat, learn, and talk. I know them to be best friends but Larry was more of the quiet and tall one. 

"So today's assembly was called because tonight, we'll be having a newcomer with us." He pauses, his words hanging in the air like a rope of anticipation. I see his eyes glance at every one of us, waiting for our reaction. But we just stare at him, propping him to finish his announcement. 

I look around. I couldn't tell if the children were happy. I wasn't expecting a reaction too as we've heard of this for the past few months. 

"You know the drill, please be nice and friendly. Remember that we're all family and that should also resonate with the newcomer." He finishes, his hands clapping together cheerfully. 

"Now, let's move to the dining hall for lunch." He chirps in and everyone quickly scrambles off on their feet, their tummy rumbling with hunger. I couldn't blame them. I was hungry too. 

On our way, I feel a hand on my forearm and I turned to my side to see Verity. She had a teasing smile on her lips, her eyes beaming into mine. 

"I wonder who the newcomer is. It's been long since we had one." She says, interlocking our hands together. I swallow, my eyes drifting to the floor as we cut into the dining hall. The dining hall was as spacious as the common room. Scattered wooden rectangular tables and long benches littered the place. I turn my head and I see one of the chefs wave at me and I wave back.

"I don't think so," I mumble, following Verity to our table. It was just the two of us at our table. I liked it that way, preferred it that way. I didn't like the crowd, have never been a fan of it too. 

We take our seat, the cold air from the window hitting us immediately, making a shiver run down my spine. I glance at my skin. Goosebumps. 

Verity asks. "What do you mean?"

"We had a newcomer last week and a new one is arriving today," I say. I feel my eyes move across the room and I see a line forming in front of the stand. They were lining up to take their food. Verity and I were always the last to take ours cause I didn't like the line. It made me anxious. I bit my lips. That was the longest I had spoken. 

She chuckles, her smile line a bit prominent whenever she does so. "Oh, yeah."