It's been four months since Lynn denied me and I can honestly say, it was for the best. We still joke around with rude sarcasm and blunt honesty, but I can't keep from sensing some level of hesitancy. Like we're both holding back from what we really want.

The truth is, Lynn was right. I wasn't ready. I like her—a lot—but my emotions are still so messed up. I've got a lot of issues to work through before I should consider dating. So, for now, we're simply friends.

Accepting Mrs. Everett's forgiveness wasn't some magical healing potion. But rather, it was the hammer that allowed me to break down the wall of shame and guilt that kept me from moving forward. I can almost feel my mind as it takes baby steps toward self-forgiveness.

Over the past few months, I've been trying to alter my outlook on life. I'm trying to view my situation as a blessing. I got a boy killed and I lost a leg, but in the process, I learned to look at other's lives as precious. Prior to the accident, my entire world focused around me. I lived for the thrill and I ached to be free from everyone and everything I knew so that I could live the life I wanted all on my own. Now, the thought of solitude leaves a hollowness in my chest. I don't want to be alone. My dream still remains. A farm, a dog, cattle... but less self-centered. I want to help people.

I've also been putting in extra effort to let Lynn know how special she is to me. She's that light that drew me out of my darkness and I'll always love her for the way she helped me out of my gloom. As months dragged on, I thought I'd be horribly disappointed when I didn't get my new prosthetic as I'd expected, but I was wrong. Instead, I found myself dreading that day because it would mean I'd finally be free. I'd have nothing keeping me here.

Nothing except Lynn... and now that we've determined that friendship is as far as we're willing to go for now, then even she isn't really an excuse to stay.

"Where do you see us in six months?" she asks, breaking me away from my reverie.

We're both laying beneath the walkway bridge, the grassy slope of the embankment beneath our backs and the icy waters of the Galena River swishing passed our toes. Fall is in the air, its chill nipping at our exposed feet. I've got my eyes closed as I rub my thumb along my slightly scruffy jaw. Turning my head, I squint one eye open and look at Lynn.

"Not sure," I admit, rolling myself up into a seated position and resting my forearms on my knees. "Lot's can happen in a short amount of time."

"Well," she grunts as she pushes herself up to sit beside me. "Where would you like to see us in six months."

I smile at her before turning my attention to the chocolate milk-tinged waters flowing in front of me.

"Together," I answer honestly, voice soft and sincere even though there's doubt woven into the possibility.

She hums in agreement, following my gaze.

Small ripples wiggle their way throughout the water, but otherwise, it appears peaceful and calm. I realize these waters represent most people. We're all so good at pretending to be okay. We smile, we answer 'fine' when people ask how we are, and we live. The only way to know that something isn't right is if you dive beneath the surface. Only then do you get a view of the sharp-edged rocks and snakes and cannibalistic fish. As beautiful as the surface looks, the depths carry many dangers and ugly truths.

We're all hiding something. We all carry uglies.

Thanks to Lynn, I'm finally letting go of some of that ugly. I'm still healing and learning, and I'm sure I'll have days where I fall into that gloom again, but I'm not stuck anymore.

As for Lynn, I'm not sure if she's really got anything that she needs to fix about herself. She's got some hurt, much of which is her own fault because she purposely—and gladly—puts herself into situations where she allows people to hurt her. Sometimes she's too helpful. I feel like her intentions are too pure.

That's something she's been working on with a little of my help. She can't be everybody's crutch forever without finally giving out, and I'd hate to see that day happen. She's too good to break. When people like her break, the world grows a little darker. Unfortunately, it's already dark enough.

Lifting my arm, I wrap it around Lynn's shoulders and pull her into me.

"Remember when we used to play house over there?" I ask, pointing to the gazebo in the center of Grant Park that's situated on the opposite side of the river from us.

Lynn barks out a laugh. "Yeah," she nods, speaking into the fabric of my shirt as she nuzzles herself into my side. "Though, I wouldn't really call it 'house'. It was more like 'bachelor'. You were always the man and I was always your trusted dog."

Now it's my turn to laugh, recalling Lynn as she'd crawl around on all fours barking and licking at my hands.

"You named me Beef," she tells me, her tone hostile and eyes glinting with humor.

Seems my dream was always the same thing. Marriage had never been a concept for me. I'd simply wanted to move into the country, raise some livestock, and cozy up to my saggy-faced, rust-colored hound dog. I'd imagined myself calling out to him on my country style, wrap-around porch and watching his dangly ears flop around his head as he raced home to me.

Less than eight months ago, that was my perfect world. Getting away from Galena and finding seclusion with just me and my pooch. But, somewhere in that amount of time, it seems that my dreams have shifted. I don't want to be the 'bachelor' anymore. I don't want a life of seclusion and endless fields barricading me from the world.

Now, instead of standing on my porch and whistling for Beef to come home, I see myself curled up on a porch swing, Lynn in my arms and Beef snoozing at our feet.

"I think I'm in love with you."

Silence.

Those words weren't meant to escape my lips. They were never meant to escape my lips. I'm not the type to fall in love and dream of a future with another person. I'm a recluse with a love for dirt biking and climbing and swimming.

Seems that when one dream is ripped from your grasp, you're forced to rework your plans. And suddenly, my mind is frantically searching for a way to fit Lynn into those plans. Lynn's a puzzle piece to my picturesque dream now, and my biggest fear is that that dream will never be complete without her.

Turning my head, I find Lynn peering up at me, her lips tilted up into a warm smile. Then she nods subtly, kissing my shoulder before glancing back out at the water.

"I know," she murmurs.

She told me once that I'm an open book. I never realized it before, but apparently, I'm horrible at hiding my emotions; I just never realized how horrible until now. Seems Lynn sees more truth woven into my face than I'm even able to see inside my own heart. Dillon and Lynn are a lot alike in that aspect. Both are insanely intuitive. They see things that nobody else cares to notice and that's what makes them special.

When Dillon left for college, I felt like I'd lost a part of me—my sidekick. He always had my back. He always knew just what I needed and he was a genius at bringing up topics that were painful to discuss. He had a knack for speaking calmness into my life, and I expected my state of contentment to vacate my life the moment Dillon left.

But it didn't.

I guess I've got a little bit more strength than I give myself credit for. Also, having Lynn around helps. One obstacle at a time is enough. Saying goodbye to Dillon was the first one, Lynn will be the next.

I never got a chance to see Clarice, Penny or Drew once they returned from their epic road trip. It sort of felt like we'd all moved on from each other the moment they set out on their journey and left me behind. I'm not bitter about it, but it proved to me that I was simply their 'high school' friend. The depth of my relationship with them didn't extend beyond that, and I'm perfectly okay with that.

Penny did call me one time to apologize. Apparently, she'd had a long chat with Clarice on their trip and she'd opened up about her home life. I'm not sure if Penny will ever grow out of her manipulative tendencies—seems it was a learned behavior from her mother—but I do hope the very best for her.

Now that it's just Lynn and me, I realize how valuable time is. Nothing lasts forever and I know that when it's finally time to say goodbye to this chapter of my life, I won't be bringing Lynn along with me. Just the thought crushes my spirit and I find myself tightening my hold around her.

"I'm scared," I confess, my voice weak as I whisper my deepest fear into her hair. "I don't want to lose you."

Sensing the seriousness of my words, she pulls from my embrace and turns to face me. With both hands, she turns my face toward her and doesn't speak until my gaze finds hers.

"Stop thinking about the future," she instructs, her tone without humor. "Focus on the now. Enjoy the friendship that we have now."

I pull out of her hold and drop my gaze to the ground. I've been dreading this moment, but I can't hold out any longer. With a heavy sigh, I speak the two words I've been troubled with all day.

"I'm leaving."

"I know," she says, her voice calm and casual, clearly not understanding the urgency in my words.

"No," I say, turning my head sideways to glance at her. "I'm leaving leaving."

She stares, her brows bunching together before slackening with comprehension and devastation.

"When?"

I take a deep breath, hating this part the most.

"Next week." I watch her expression for several seconds, but before she can scold me for not telling her sooner, I continue. "I just got word that my new prosthetic is done. I'm being fitted tomorrow, then I'm having all my files transferred to a prosthetist in Wyoming and packing up."

"Why now?" she asks, voice borderline pleading. "Why so soon?"

"Because," I sigh, drawing my knees toward my chest and rounding my back as I rest my arms on them, "I got a job at a ranch out there. I'll be trained on how to herd, breed, and care for cattle. They'll be giving me a special position on the ranch, a position that allows me to be a mentor to others in similar situations as mine. Kids who are suffering from depression or loss. By introducing them to the peacefulness of nature, I'll be helping them cope with their issues. Besides," I shrug, brows drawing together, "It's bound to happen sooner or later and I think moving on from this phase of my life will be good for me. Galena is a hard place for me to be now and I'm just done being reminded of all the loss this place carries."

She's quiet for several seconds as she contemplates my words and then she slowly nods her head in understanding.

"Will your mom be moving out there too?" she asks.

We'd talked a little bit about my parent's ugly divorce. My dad had cheated—typical story—and my mom had forgiven him the first time when he'd begged. The second time, he hadn't begged when she'd told him she was done. Instead, he'd just packed his stuff and abandoned us in the middle of the night—the signed divorce papers greeting my mother from the kitchen counter the next morning.

"Eventually," I tell her. "She's going to finish up the year and then start looking for work near Douglas, Wyoming—which is where I'll be moving."

She smiles at me. It's a sad smile, but one filled with encouragement. "That's actually very cool. I'm happy for you, Jamie."

"Thank you," I murmur, pulling her into me and kissing the top of her head. "For everything."

We enjoy the rest of the sunshine, and as it starts to descend and the cold becomes too intense, we head back home. I pull up outside her house and we share a moment of silence. Our minds are swirling about the change that's going to take place in just a few days. While I'm going to be experiencing new and exciting things, Lynn will be left behind... alone. The thought makes my heart squeeze because the very idea of Lynn being lonely makes me want to bundle her in my arms and never let her go.

She kisses me goodnight on the cheek before stepping out of the car, and just before she closes the door, she bends down and smiles mischievously at me.

"I'm not done with you yet, Jamie Gallagher," she says, her words serious even though her face is dancing with amusement. "In seven months time, when I graduate, I'm coming after you."

I laugh, grateful for her positivity.

"Good," I say. "I'll be ready for you."

———

I leave five days later.

It's not a sad goodbye though. It's not a goodbye filled with tears of defeat and the ache of loss. We're still best friends and we plan to remain that way. The possibility of a deeper relationship still exists but neither of us talk about it, mainly because the future doesn't make any promises. You can't plan for something with absolute certainty that those plans won't change. So, for now, Lynn and I are happy and hopeful.

I've learned over the past few months that dreams are not concrete. They can shift and morph and sometimes they change entirely. I didn't realize that I'd started to subtly weave Lynn into my future until I was on an airplane making my way to Wyoming without her. That's when reality hit. We'd been through such a crazy ride together and now that ride was over. It's crazy to think that I'd actually let myself imagine a day when our relationship would bloom into one of 'for better or worse'. The thing is, there are no guarantees in life. I've got to just take one day at a time, embrace the good things that I have, and hope for the best.

We're only teenagers. We've got huge futures ahead of us. Though our feet are treading toward a future where we can finally be united again, I have to remind myself that friendship might be all we get. And that's okay because Lynn will always be my friend first. Time can't touch that bond.

Setting off on my new adventure, I realize that for the first time in eight months, I'm finally living again. Light is cascading over the possibilities of my future and causing a swell of hopes and dreams to birth to life. Tragedy might strike again one day, but I've learned to be a survivor. I won't break.

Whatever happens, I plan to grip life by the reigns and run with it.

---

So, not my best writing. I think I was just ready to be finished with the story at this point and sort of rushed the ending. I'll definitely be going back through and tweaking it until I'm in love with it.

If you like where this ended, then I'd recommend not reading the epilogue. But, for those of you who must have a happy ending, the epilogue is for you. I'll be posting it tomorrow!

<3

Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. If you didn't, please share why. Like, seriously. I want to always be improving as an author, but I can't do that unless you're honest with me. If you think it sucked, I'd like to know why. :D

What was your favorite part about the story?