Jamie has invited me to go swimming with him and his friends. I said yes, though I can't figure out why. I don't even know them, and I don't do well in groups of people I don't know. At least I'll have Clarice and Jamie by my side. I don't know Clarice well, but we're acquainted, and sometimes that's all a person needs.

It's just Jamie and me making the forty minute drive to Apple River Canyon State Park since the rest of the group is already there. They camped out there last night—without Jamie, might I add—and then requested he join them for swimming—which he can't do. From what he's told me, he has to get fitted for a prosthesis that is specifically designed for swimming. He can't just jump in the water with any old prosthesis on.

If I didn't know any better, I'd say that it seems like his friends are purposely trying to shut him out. I can't figure out why. It's not like Jamie lost his personality when he lost his leg. Sure, he's struggling with a few things, mentally, but he's still the same guy. Just because of this, my opinion of his friends has dropped to somewhere in the negatives. I find them all to be selfish and heartless. So, I'm partially curious to see if my assumptions of them are correct or if there's more to his friends than what can be seen from a distance.

We don't talk the entire ride there, mostly because we're both singing too loudly to bother with conversation, but also because the music is blasting so loud we can barely hear ourselves think.We've got the windows down, letting the sizzling summer air join the orchestra of noise inside the vehicle.

When we finally turn into the state park, my hair is a mess. I'd guess it probably resembles something close to a wad of tangled fishing line or a box of Christmas lights. Like, I'm pretty sure the only way to get rid of some of the tangles will be to chop my hair off. But, whatever, I'm due for a haircut anyway. Plus, the wind and the music and the company made the after effects totally worth it.

I glance over at Jamie as we pull to a stop and he puts the car in park. He looks so relaxed, an unconscious smile tugging at his lips slightly. I like seeing him this way. I'd grown so used to his scowl that I nearly forgot what his natural, resting face looked like. His permanent smile reassures me that he's still got some happy inside of him and it's no longer buried beneath the rubble of his recent past.

"You checking me out?" he asks, turning his head to look directly at me as he pulls the keys from the ignition.

"Yep." I nod once, unashamed. "I mean, what's there not to look at. You're a beaut!"

"That's gross," he mutters, swinging his door open.

"But it was a compliment," I holler after him, watching as he slides from the car and shuts the door in my face.

He bends slightly to peer at me through the window, smiling coyly as he waves his fingers at me. I stumble from the vehicle, slamming the door dramatically and rounding the hood of the car until I'm standing directly in front of him.

"Now listen here buddy," I say, poking him in the chest. "You best learn how to take a compliment, or you won't be getting them anymore."

"And you best learn how to give them," he counters, sidestepping around me and leading the way up a narrow path a few meters away.

"I called you beautiful," I yell after him, exasperated. "That's, like, the ultimate compliment."

"Yeah," he agrees, and then diverges, "for a girl."

"So, you don't like being called beautiful?" I ask, seeking clarification.

He pauses his stride to ponder my question for a moment before continuing on. "Depends on how it's said, and by who."

"If Penny told you that you were beautiful, would that be a compliment?"

"Yes," he doesn't bother to hesitate. "Definitely yes."

"At least he's honest," I mumble quietly to myself, picking up a pebble and launching it at his back.

Our squabbling continues until we reach his friends' campgrounds. Nobody is around, but he doesn't seem bothered. He bypasses their tents and finds a trail that leads down to the water. We can hear them before we see them, and when the trees finally do clear, we're greeted with a small, rock covered beach. Water laps at the edges of the dry land where Clarice is sunbathing in a shockingly revealing bikini.

Dillon, Drew, and Penny spot us first, and their boisterous greetings make me doubt my poor impression of them. Dillon swims to the edge, kicking water up as he jogs towards us through the shallow water. He throws his arms around Jamie in the most absurd man-hug and then shoots me a welcoming 'hello'.

"Hi," I respond with a wave.

Dillon then leads us to a cooler that's sitting beside Clarice, and he opens it to reveal a variety of drinks and the makings for sandwiches.

"We already ate," he says, "but if you two are hungry, feel free to devour anything in here."

"Cool," Jamie responds, picking up a can of Mountain Dew and popping the cap open before taking a swig. "You want anything, Lynn?"

"Maybe in a bit," I answer.

Clarice stirs beside us, and lifts her head, peering at us over the rim of her sunglasses.

"Lynn!" she belts, far more excited than I'd prefer.

I watch her shimmy her way into standing, and then she steps towards me to tug me into her arms. Her friendliness is something I'm not comfortable with. I mean, we know each other, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to be all huggy-huggy with her. I barely even hug my own friends when they're fully dressed, so hugging a nearly naked acquaintance is just weird. Justine and Rosa happen to be the most non-touchy people I've ever met though, so it makes sense I've grown used to not making physical contact with anyone.

"Gosh, I was so excited when Jamie said you'd be joining us today," Clarice says, stepping away from me. Her smile is wide, stretching to fill her entire face. As much as I want her to tone it down a bit, I can't help but appreciate her genuine care. There's nothing about her reaction that feels forced. She's just a nice person, and I respect that about her.

"What up, man?" a voice shouts from behind me.

I turn to find Drew launching himself onto Jamie's back as he rubs his knuckles into his blonde hair. Jamie stumbles slightly, trying to stabilize himself and make up for the sudden shift in balance, all while laughing at his friend's crazy antics.

"Get off me, you oaf!" Jamie teases, using his arm strength to shove Drew off his shoulders and onto the ground. Drew trips, and lands on his rear end with a groan.

"Youch!" he exaggerates, rising and rubbing his butt cheek. "Dude, why didn't you come camping with us last night?"

Jamie shrugs. "I didn't know anything about it until this morning."

"What?" Drew hollers, and I hear Penny mimic the same shocked question in the distance.

I turn to find her struggling her way out of the water and making her way towards us. She's sporting a light green bikini that does a much better job of concealing her assets but still leaves little to the imagination. I watch her stalk up to Drew and slap him upside the head. He jolts away from her, shielding his head from further abuse as he sends her a confused glare.

"You bean head!" she reprimands, "I told you to call him yesterday and see if he could make it." Then she turns her attention to Jamie. "Sorry, I just assumed that when you didn't show, it was because you couldn't make it. I would have called you myself had I known. Guess I should have realized that I can't rely on Dingbat over there," she says, pointing to a wide-eyed Drew.

He lifts his hands in defense, remorse painted onto his face. "Sorry, I honestly never heard you ask me to call him. I just figured someone else was taking care of it."

"It's fine, guys," Jamie says, waving away the heated glances between Drew and Penny. "I'm here now, and," he glances at me, "I brought a guest to make up for my absence last night." He gestures to me.

"Hello," I greet, silently in awe of Penny's beauty up close. I've never cared to observe her this closely before, but now that I can, I understand Jamie's infatuation with her. The realization has my heart withering in defeat.

"Hi," Penny says, stepping forward and offering me her hand.

"Hey," Drew greets with a nod, before returning his attention to Jamie. "So, you up for a swim?"

"Yep," Jamie says, "but I can't swim."

"Oh," Drew says, puckering his lips in confusion. A second later his eyes widen and he glances towards Jamie's hidden leg. "Oh!"

"Yeah," Jamie nods. "It's not designed for water." Guilt crosses Drew's features, but Jamie quickly brushes it off. "Don't worry about it. I'm just glad to be out of the house for a bit. You guys enjoy yourselves."

And they do. Even Clarice decides to spend a little while swimming. Uncomfortable with his friends, I remain at Jamie's side. We sit munching on chips and sandwiches as we watch the rest of the group splash each other and attempt swimming contests.

I nudge Jamie's arm, gaining his attention as I tilt my head towards his friends.

"How are you feeling about all this?" I ask, unable to read his expression.

He smiles down at me. "I'm alright. Why?"

"I don't know," I answer, stretching my legs in front of me and grabbing a handful of pebbles from the ground. "This just seems... hard."

I watch as Jamie's focus moves to his friends and he observes them for several heartbeats. His brows are dipped in serious contemplation, fully weighing his emotions as he watches his best friends enjoy life without him.

"Yeah," he says, breaking his focus off of his friends and fingering a rock that's laying beside him. "It's not easy. There are moments I just want to break out of this prison I'm in. It's like, I can see, feel, and taste all the beauties of the world, but I can't participate in them. I'm an observer. It sucks."

I remain quiet beside him. It's not that I don't have anything to say in response; it's that I don't feel a response is necessary. So instead, we both just continue to watch his friends in the distance, basking in the warmth of the bond we're creating with each moment we spend together.

Eventually, I stand to rummage through the cooler for a drink and another bag of chips. I hear Jamie's friends as their voices draw closer. I glance over my shoulder to find Clarice and Penny trudging their way through the shallower parts of the water, towards the beach. I return to my search, feeling Clarice's presence beside me a moment later.

"You and Jamie seem pretty close," she says, her voice lighthearted. The question might make anyone suspicious that Clarice isn't too thrilled with the idea of Jamie and I being good friends, but the tone of her voice says otherwise. I'm typically pretty good at detecting a person's mood, but Clarice doesn't appear the least bit concerned. I'm not sure if I should be offended by this or thrilled that she doesn't seem to be the jealous type.

"Yeah," I agree, snatching a bag of Cheetos from the cooler and a Dr. Pepper. "He's a good friend."

While I hate referring to him as such, it's the truth and I can't keep hoping for more. It's just that Jamie's words from earlier made the concept of friendship seem so permanent. Though he didn't say it, it felt as if he was telling me to give up on the hope of there ever being more. But, being the dreamer that I am, I just can't. I'll always see a potential for us to grow into something more. It's in my nature to look at the bright side. I know I'm being ridiculous for wanting more, but my heart just can't help itself. And I doubt it'll ever be satisfied until it gets what it wants, or until Jamie removes himself from my life.

I turn around to find Clarice settling down on her towel again, her tiny bikini stretched across her curvaceous body in a way that has me wondering how the guys manage to keep their eyes off of her. Why Jamie has no interest in her will always be a mystery to me. She's got the physical qualities and the personality. What guy wouldn't want her?

"So," she says, patting the ground beside her, signaling me to take a seat on the sliver of towel that's available. "I think I recall you admitting to having a bit of a thing for Jamie?"

I take a seat beside her, instantly uncomfortable with the close proximity. "What?" I question, unsure how I want to go about answering her.

"It's fine if you do," she assures. "I mean, you can't spend as much time with a guy like him as you have and not eventually fall for him." She laughs softly, sliding her gaze in his direction.

I follow her action and find Penny seated beside Jamie where I'd previously been. The two of them appear to be in a deep conversation, their voices hushed as they whisper amongst themselves. A pang of heat sizzles through my chest as I watch her hand rest on his forearm, laughter bubbling from her lips as he smiles down at her.

"He's a great guy," I confess, keeping my eyes trained on the flirty couple.

I wish I could say that Jamie isn't giving in to her, but the smile on his face says otherwise. For the first time, it seems the girl of his dreams is giving him the attention he's been craving, and he's soaking it all up.

"Yep," Clarice agrees, "but you're avoiding my question."

I nod, letting her know that avoiding her question was my intention. "That's because I like you," I tell her, tearing my gaze from Jamie's lovestruck face and turning to face Clarice. "I don't know you all that well, but you've always been nice to me. As much as I like Jamie, I'd never want to be the one to hurt you by stepping in and trying to win his heart."

"That's very noble of you," she says, her eyes dancing with laughter. "But, I'm not that kind of girl. I might be jealous for a while, but I'd get over it. Besides, I've had my chance and Jamie has turned me down every time." She pauses to clear her throat and her eyes stray towards Jamie and Penny again. "Penny's not good enough for him anyway."

I'm shocked by her words, and my face shows it. "But, aren't you two like best friends?"

"Yeah, once upon a time we were," she says, "but she destroyed that the moment she betrayed me. We're still friends—simply because I'm a pansy that can't stand up for myself—but, she'll never be my best friend again. She hurt me too much and she continues to do so... even now." Her eyes travel over to the flirty couple. "I thought he'd finally come to his senses about her too, but it looks like she's cast her spell on him."

I don't ask about their history because it's not my place, and Clarice doesn't seem inclined to divulge that information. But, Jamie did mention something about Penny hitting on him once, and so my mind has a pretty good idea as to what went down between the two girls.

Giggling snaps both of our attention to the other end of the rocky beach, to find Jamie and Penny indulging in the most cliche tickle fight known to man. As jealous as the scene makes me feel, I'm more disgusted than anything. If they ever did get together, they'd be the couple that nobody would ever want to be around. They're far too publicly physical with each other. Even the thought of watching them exchange saliva while licking at the same ice cream cone sends a cold ache into my gut.

"Gross," I hear myself say, and instantly regret it. Though Clarice now knows how I feel for Jamie, I still don't like being so obvious about.

She chuckles beside me, and then slaps my leg, gaining my full attention.

"Let's swim," she says, standing and reaching a hand down to me. I take it and we end up joining Dillon and Drew for another forty minutes of water fun before they're ready to get out.

I've done a decent job of blocking out any interaction between Jamie and Penny this entire time, but stepping from the water to find the two of them gone leaves a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. The rest of us gather up the towels, garbage, and the cooler and make the quick hike up the trail towards their campground. As we round the corner, Drew's teasing words have my eyes swinging up in surprise.

"Get a room," he hollers, laughter emanating from his lips.

It's a sight I hoped to never see, but there they are, arms intertwined as their lips devour each other in a display of heated affection. And to think that I'd just teased the guy about kissing him the day before.

I feel like a fool.

----

So sorry for the slow updates. They'll probably continue to be slow until after I have my baby. He's due April 23rd, so... My plan is to wait until I get used to my new routine and then I'll pop out chapters like crazy! :)