I don't sleep well. My mind's too wrapped up in Jamie's words. They hurt. Bad. As hard as I try not to take them too personally, I can't help it. I'm trying to be understanding. I'm trying to grasp the level of guilt he's suffering. I'm trying to see things from his point of view. But the truth is, he's wrong. Sure, I might have been the reason he was hurrying back to class, but I wasn't the reason for him running late in the first place. Had he been a little more responsible that day, he would have been back at school before that little boy ever tried to cross the street.

As my thoughts come to this conclusion, I find myself wishing that I'd thought of it sooner. Maybe then I could have put Jamie in his place. But, the minor hurt that I feel from his words is nothing compared to the hurt and loss he's dealing with. When I consider this, I find myself brushing off his statements. I'll get through this. I don't even know Jamie well enough for his words to have cut me that deeply.

I get that he's lashing out because he's hurting. Maybe he needs this—that one person that he can fully express himself too. Maybe I can be that person for him. If I'm available to prevent him from keeping his anger from getting bottled up, then maybe he'll find healing quicker.

Sleep follows soon after this realization, but not before I grasp what I've sentenced myself to. This is going to be hard, but I know myself. I'm not weak. Words hurt me like they would any normal person, but I've always gotten over things much quicker. Maybe I was made this way so that I could be that shoulder for people in need of a good vent session. I think Jamie could use one of those.

———

The next morning, I find Justine and Rosa huddled near the school's entrance, their voices low as they whisper among themselves. Justine spots me from the corner of her eye and a smile shoves its way onto her lips as she waves me over. Whatever they were talking about before seemed serious, and I can't help but be slightly curious.

"What's going on?" I ask, sliding my bag off my shoulders and propping it against my legs.

Justine shoots Rosa a mischievous grin and then pulls me into their huddle.

"Remember that guy who likes you?" she asks, her words quiet but oozing with excitement. "The one I heard those two girls talking about?"

"Uh, yeah?" It sounds more like a question but she's definitely piqued my interest.

"It's Gregory Davies."

Oh Jeez.

I feel my brows lift in doubt as my gaze jumps from Rosa to Justine. Greg is one of the cuter computer geeks. He's a special case because somehow he wears his intelligence like a fashion statement. It looks good on him—real good. Last semester, we were assigned to a group project with two other people from our Algebra II class, but Greg and I seemed to click really well. He was funny and kind, but once the project was over, we just seemed to naturally fade. I never realized that he still even cared who I was.

"Really?" I nearly stutter, my eyes wide as I strain to pull this information into my brain. "You're sure?"

"Yeah." Justine almost looks offended that I'd doubt her investigative skills.

"I was there too," Rosa confirms.

"Where? What do you mean?" I know the bell is going to ring soon, but I'm too distracted by this conversation to care about being tardy.

"I confronted those two girls about it," Justine explains. "The ones I heard talking about you. They said that he'd actually told them straight up that he likes you."

"This is crazy." I'm in shock for two reasons. One: I'm always doubtful about guys liking me. Probably because I've never had a boyfriend, and I've most certainly never had a guy show interest. Two: Why him? I feel nothing for Greg. Sure, he was a friendly and highly attractive guy, but that doesn't create instant feelings for someone... at least, not for me.

The world tends to think that if you find someone funny and attractive then feelings will follow. That's not always the case. Especially for me. I'm not against funny, cute guys. That'd be ridiculous. But my emotions tend to be swayed by the energy that I experience with a certain guy rather than the shallow first impression qualities.

Jamie.

I felt it with Jamie. It's like I've got a magnetic attraction towards him. It went far beyond just sight. He had a warmth and a quality of interest that pulled me to him—at least, he used to. Maybe I'm being naive, but I can't help but wonder if that soft side of him still exists. Five years ago, he captured my attention in a way that went deeper than appearance. I'd found attraction in who he was. My job now is to figure out if that 'who' still lives inside of him somewhere.

This realization sends a quivery pain into my chest. I'd had so much hope before the accident. I'd known that we could have been something great. Given time, our friendship could have been beautiful—magical. But the spell was broken the same day Jamie was broken. Now he despised me, and it was for a reason that I had no control over. There's no undoing what I did because I didn't actually do anything.

"You don't seem excited," Rosa observes, breaking me from my depressing thoughts.

"Yeah," I agree with a weak nod of my head. "That's because I'm not. I'm not into Greg. He's great and all, but no." I pick my bag back up and sling it onto my shoulders before speaking again. "I had my heart set on Jamie. I've liked him for so long that it's gonna take time to recover and get over him. I'm just not interested in anyone else."

"You're talking like there's no chance that something could happen between you and Jamie," Justine says, eyeing me closely with concern. "Did something happen?"

"Yeah." I feel a thickness gather in the back of my throat, and I'm sure that both Justine and Rosa can hear it. "He blames me for the accident," I tell them honestly. "Apparently, he was hurrying back to class so he could meet up with me. He told me that if I'd never approached him and tried to renew our friendship, the accident never would have happened."

"Oh, that's bull," Rosa defends, true anger radiating from her words. She's always had a short temper, and while I'm usually trying to calm her down, in this instance, I appreciate it. "He really said that?" She huffs loudly into the air, throwing her head back with an annoyed groan. "Gosh, what an idiot. Sorry, Lynn, but that was a really stupid and insensitive thing for him to say."

"Agreed," Justine jumps in, her red-tinted lips puckered in agitation. "He shouldn't have said that. Totally rude." She scratches her hairless head as she watches me. "So, what are you going to do?"

I glance between the two girls, knowing they'll think I'm crazy for making the decision I've made, but at this point, I don't care. So, instead of hiding my intentions, I tell them everything. I explain that as angry as he is right now, I think he needs me. He needs that person that he can be entirely honest with about his feelings, even if it's painful. Clearly, I'm that person.

"Wow," Justine sighs. "You're a better person than I could ever be."

"Yeah," Rosa agrees. "And stupider too."

"Thanks," I deadpan, well accustomed to her bluntness.

"I know you're emotionally capable," Justine says, squeezing my bicep to accentuate the truth in her statement. "But, I'm worried this might be too much for you. Jamie's already dealing with so much. You sure you're ready to handle his burdens as well as his brutality?"

"Definitely," I reply with a firm nod of my head. "I get that this is totally insane and stupid, but I'm willing to hurt a little so he can find some emotional release."

"You know what I think?" Rosa asks.

"That I'm stupid?"

"Yes," she nods, "but in addition to that... I think you sound like a girl in love."

I laugh out loud at this.

"I know you don't love him," she clarifies. "Which is why this is so strange to me. You're doing this out of kindness rather than love, but even lovers might not be willing to risk so much for each other. To Jamie, it might look like a sick infatuation rather than a girl just trying to be nice."

"She's actually right," Justine admits with a guilty shrug. "Do you think you'll be able to separate your emotions well enough that he doesn't get the wrong idea?"

I think about this for a moment. Rosa does have a good point. She's always been one to look further into the future to consider possible outcomes of a situation, while I tend to just go with the flow. In this situation, I truly think Rosa is right. If I don't handle my emotions correctly, Jamie will get the entirely wrong idea about my intentions and it could blow all my efforts to smithereens.

"I think I can do it," I tell them even though my thoughts are throwing doubts into every scenario. Truthfully, I'm not too sure. "I guess we'll just see how it goes."

Justine laughs as she throws an arm around my shoulder, tugging me to her. "You've always been the type who prefers to try—and fail—than to never try at all. I appreciate that about you. As much as I think this could be a horrible idea, I've got your back. If you succeed in helping Jamie find peace, then I guess I can understand your reasons for doing this."

"Don't fail," Rosa says, the very faintest of smiles hiding behind her lips.

"Or what?" I joke.

"Don't test me," she warns, her face serious as she wiggles her eyebrows at me playfully.

The three of us part ways after that, the bell signaling the start of our school day. I head to my art class, grateful that my first class is one that requires little mental concentration. I settle into my seat and resume my charcoal drawing that I'd been working on for the past two weeks. I'm no artist, that's for sure. My picture looks nothing like the display sitting in the center of the room.

Truthfully, I don't really have any phenomenal skills. I'm pretty average at everything. I manage to get straight-A's, but that's only due to the level of determination I put into succeeding. I study... a lot. Mainly because I know my parents want the best education for me, and that requires that I get into a good college. That's why they moved us from Thailand all the way here to the great U. S. of A.

Part of me misses Asia. It's home, in a way, but I find myself divided most of the time. I can't actually choose where home really is anymore. I've got memories, friends, and family in both places. What actually defines home anyway? 'Home is where the heart is' usually applies to most people, but it feels like my heart is split between locations. I find myself wondering if I'll ever not miss one of my homes. And right now, I definitely miss the carefree lifestyle I'd grown accustomed to in Thailand.

The morning passes rather quickly, and before I know it, the day is done. I'm relieved that I didn't have any run-ins with Jamie. I'm not sure how I'd handle myself so soon after last night. Giving the two of us a little space is probably the best course of action for now... even though he made sure we had plenty of space from each other during his month-long stay in the hospital. I'd been told that he wasn't up for seeing anyone but family, but now I'm wondering if that was really the truth.

I jog down the front steps of the school, spotting Jamie in the distance. He's shoving his crutches through the back window of his mom's car, and then hopping to his door before falling, rather ungracefully, into the front seat. I see him wince subtly through the windshield and I can't help but wonder how much pain he's still in even after a month. I watch him drop his head back against the headrest and close his eyes as his mom begins talking to him.

I've reached my car by now, and to continue staring at him would mean that I'd have to literally turn and watch him in the most obvious way. I angle my back to him as I unlock my vehicle. I've just settled into my seat when I glance up and see that Jamie's eyes have found me. As his mom drives past, he continues to stare, but his expression is unreadable.

I expect pure hatred to pour from his gaze, but instead there's nothing. His features almost appear dead, and I find myself flooded with worry. I've never dealt with depression myself, or even known someone to suffer from it, but I'm not naive. I can see that something isn't right.

For the first time since his accident, I wonder if he's actually going to pull through this.

---

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Let me know your thoughts on this chapter? Do you guys think Lynn is crazy or do you understand her need to want to be there for Jamie emotionally?