It was bright.

That's what I noticed first.

Then I saw him.

My heart did at least three back flips. I  quickly looked around, trying to avoid his eyes. It was obvious he was trying to do the same.

It was just white around us. It didn't even seem like there was a floor or ceiling. I tried to comprehend it but my mind was still in pieces. And all I could think about is how to get out of there without talking to him.

But after a few minutes of silence, he spoke up.

"Do you know where we are?" He asked, barely looking at me.

I shook my head. "Umm... I uh.... No." It came out like a wince.

I wished I did so I could explain it to him. I wanted to talk to him. But I didn't even know where to start.

He sighed heavily. Here we go, I thought.

"Jacky... I... I guess... I'm sorry," he said, but it sounded more like a question.

I raised an eyebrow. "You guess?"

My face turned red and I choked on nothing. I wasn't good at confrontation. I was normally a very hidden and emotionless person, but ever since I met him, he brought out something new and scary in me -weakness.

He stared at me questioningly for a second then directed his gaze intently to the ground. "I did what I did for a reason, you know," he said like I should know.

"I don't doubt that. Not at all. But it would've been a lot less mind wrenching if you had just told me. Or better yet, never talked to me in the first place. I should've known. I shouldn't have moved my bag that fucking day... I wish..." I was beginning to get more angry than anxious.

"Do you regret it? All of it? You wish it never happened?" He asked, almost uninterested.

"I know you don't give a shit so why do you need to hear my opinion?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I guess I thought you wanted to tell me. Maybe yell at me."

And there it was. He couldn't deny he didn't care about me. He always somehow managed to make me feel worse.

"Why?" I said in a voice I could barely recognize as my own. "Why did you do it?"

He didn't answer me. I expected that. He just gazed at me emotionlessly with those dark, cold, beautiful eyes.

I felt like he could see right into me. He was judging every drop of blood running through me. I just wished with all of my being I could do something right in his eyes. I could surprise him by being better than he thought. But I knew I wouldn't. Because I wasn't better than he thought.

But he was better than I had thought. Oh yes, as soon as he told me he wasn't mine anymore, I started seeing everything that made me need him to be mine. Everything about him was everything I needed. But I had been so blind. And now, he had made his final analysis of me- I simply wasn't worth his time.

I always thought maybe if he saw.. but I couldn't torture myself anymore.

I looked down at my hands, suddenly feeling something in them. It was a knife. But it didn't look like a regular knife. It looked old and like it had been used many times for things no one should talk about.

He saw it too. He looked annoyed, not worried.

"You're gonna kill yourself," he stated, like he had known forever and had just been waiting. Another one of his calculations.

"I love you," was all I thought to say before I grabbed the knife and thrust it into myself. I don't know why I did it. It just seemed like the only thing I could do that would make sense. Like I already knew it was the only way.

And I saw something I had never seen before- he was surprised.