You close your eyes, and breath in the smell of your best friends sweatshirt.

You try to calm down, and not let it get to you, not let anything get to you.

What would he do?

Well, he'd tell you to breath, because "it'll all be okay baby".

He'd hug you and tell you over and over again that it will be okay.

He would say silly things about how change is good because quarters are great.

And how he'll never leave you because he needs you just as much.

And he'd show you funny pictures to cheer you up, because he hates seeing you sad.

But he's not here.

And your phone's not working.

And you feel so, so lost without him here to hold you.

So you squeeze your eyes shut tighter, and count to ten.

One,

I hate the way they treat you.

Two,

I hate them so so much.

Three,

I'm so sorry I didn't stand up for you, that I didn't understand sooner.

Four,

I'm sorry I couldn't help you.

Five,

I hate everyone who makes you sad.

Six,

I'd rather die than live without you.

Seven,

Please don't leave me.

Eight,

I'm trying not to leave you.

I'm trying so hard, for you.

Nine,

It hurts so badly, but I don't know what.

Ten,

Do you love me as much as I love you?

Ten,

Do you need me?

Ten,

You don't need me.

Ten,

I annoy you when I ask if you're mad at me.

Ten,

Do I just bring you down?

Ten,

I'm getting better.

Ten,

I need you.

Ten,

What's wrong with me.

Ten,

I guess you can't fix me.

Ten,

I love you.

Ten,

I'm sorry.

Ten,

Please forgive me.

Ten,

Ten,

Ten.