When Ten had walked out of the practice room, Johnny had stood there feeling a medley of emotions. He was so upset, he could feel his body shaking. He wanted to shout and cry at the same time. He wished he had just gone back with the others because anything would be better than what he was feeling now. He had thought that things were fine. He had thought he could make it fine. Turns out he couldn't do anything.

He willed himself to pull it together at least until he was out of this place. With trembling hands, he grabbed his bag and cap and walked to the service stairs that lead to a backdoor on the ground floor. He was in no mood to meet anyone.

And yet when he let himself out into the cold night air, he found himself stopping by the figure who was sitting huddle on the edge of the stairs.

"Yuta?" he asked, his tone incredulous.

The figure moved slightly. "No, umm, it's not me. Please ignore and move on."

Johnny crouched down beside him. "Didn't you go back with the others? Since when have you been outside here? You must be freezing." He reached for his hands and it felt like he was holding ice.

Yuta giggled. "Everyone is too fucking busy. Taeyong was busy with Jaehyun. And Winwin...well, fuck him. He thinks he's a prince."

"Are you drunk?" Johnny helped him to his feet but he could see how he was swaying.

Yuta smiled. "Just a tiny bit. It feels amazing. I can't feel anything. Take that Winwin!" He threw an empty can towards the fence.

It was then that Johnny realized that Yuta was sitting with a bunch of mostly empty beer cans throwing them at an anime version of Winwin he had drawn clumsily on the fence.

"I don't care about him," Yuta told Johnny.

Johnny sighed. "Let's get you home, okay? We'll talk about why this is all wrong when you're sober in the morning. Come on."

Yuta didn't budge. "I don't want to go home. I want to have coffee."

"Now? I don't even know what coffee on beer does to a person. I'm taking you home. End of discussion."

"You're being mean to me. Everyone is being mean to me. What did I do to deserve this?" Yuta sniffled.

"Okay, okay, we'll get you coffee but then you're agreeing to come home with me. Okay?"

"Okayyy."

"Starbucks?"

"Yes. And you, stop smirking at me." Yuta stuck out his tongue at the Winwin drawing on the fence.

They walked quietly. Johnny looked at his friend and felt a twinge of guilt. He had been so wrapped up in his own problems, he hadn't even realized that Yuta might be suffering. Whatever tonight was, there was obviously something way too deep going on between Yuta and Winwin. He took off his hoodie when he saw Yuta shivering.

"Here," he said, "you may not be feeling it but I can hear you teeth chattering with the cold. Sorry it might be a bit sweaty but I think you might turn into an ice block otherwise."

Yuta took it without a word. He opened his mouth and then shook his head.

"What?"

"You know, I think I'm a lot drunk."

Johnny laughed. "You were angry at Winwin. Yes, I would say you're 'a lot drunk' because sober Yuta is never angry at him. You find excuses to clear his name."

"No, I wasn't angry at Winwinie, I meant that I couldn't find our dorm. I was going to go back home after buying some beer but I just couldn't find the place so I went back to where we were practicing. I was feeling tired so I thought I'd sit down for a bit and next thing I know..."

"Next thing you know, the great Johnny has rescued you?""

"No, I see my friend looking like he's crying and I was like, Johnny? Why is he crying? Why are you crying?"

Johnny stopped. "I am not."

"You aren't?" Yuta squinted at his face. "Oof, you're out of focus." He stared. "You aren't? Guess I am drunk but you have to admit I am an easy drunk to take care of."

"I prefer a drunk Taeyong over you right now."

Yuta laughed. "He's so difficult to handle. What are you saying!?"

They entered the coffee shop together and soon they were seated across from each other, feeling the cold thaw. Johnny found himself calming down and inadvertently, his conversation with Ten kept replaying in his head and while he knew Ten had been wrong in saying all that he had said, he was forced to admit to himself that he wasn't absolved of some guilt too. And that hurt him.

Yuta was telling him how much he hated Winwin. "Like his smile, ugh, why is it so beautiful? Have you seen him smile, Johnny? Don't you hate how wonderful he is? Because I do. His voice is soft and I hate how I want to listen to him always. You know, he sounds just as beautiful when he speaks Japanese. I hate him."

Johnny laughed again. "You keep using that word. I don't think you know what it means because I'm pretty sure you mean you love him."

Yuta stared. "You're crying again."

Johnny frowned and touched his cheek, looking surprised at the moisture. "No, I am not." His face crumpled. "Oh god, what is happening to me?" His shoulders shook. "I'm so sorry. I know you are sad and I should be strong for you but oh god, why can't I stop crying?"

"Joh—"

"Let's leave," Johnny said, getting up.

They walked out and Yuta's head must have cleared in the air because he sprang to action. He rubbed Johnny's back. "Hey, hey, it's alright. You can tell me."

"I thought I had it under control but it hurts so much. All the time. I really thought that I was managing it but now he's upset too and I hate this, I hate hurting him and I am so..."

"Angry at yourself?" Yuta said, softly, his eyes filled with understanding. "I know I am the last person who should be giving this advice, but you shouldn't be angry at yourself."

"But I am!" Johnny said. "Everything up till now has been for nothing because, Yuta, you don't know, how rude I was tonight."

"Then, go apologize."

Johnny ran a hand through his hair. "I don't think he would take my apology at this point. He was angry too." He sighed. "Plus, he's got this weird idea that I don't want him near me. Yeah sure, it's tough sometimes when he's all flirting without really meaning it but I treasure him as a friend and I don't know how many times I have to tell him that he is my priority."

"Maybe Ten doesn't want to be your friend anymore."

Johnny's face fell.

Yuta quickly added. "Maybe he wants to be more."

"N-no, he...he doesn't. There are things you don't know." Johnny had the grace to blush as he revealed to Yuta about his confession and rejection.

"You don't look surprised."

"I knew bits and pieces," Yuta said, shrugging. "I figured you'd tell if you wanted to."

"I'm sorry I kept it from you."

"Don't be. We're cool." Yuta stared at the building as they reached their dorm. "I can't believe I couldn't remember this place." He looked at Johnny. "Dude, I don't know why Ten does anything he does but I know he likes you and maybe he's just stupid but one conversation, you can start with the small things, and please, an actual conversation—no love letters, to be honest, they're outdated—this time. If nothing, he'll know you're sorry for tonight and that mends stuff, right?"

Johnny nodded slowly. "You're really good at this whole heart-to-heart."

"Only when drunk, I've been told."

"Okay, I'll get going then," Johnny said, as he ushered Yuta into the dorm.

"You're going to Ten right now?"

Johnny nodded.

"Its three-thirty," Yuta whispered, pointing to the clock in their living room. "Or am I seeing things?"

"Yes, it's three-thirty but better now than later, right?"

Yuta took a deep breath, looking slightly green. "Okay, good luck. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to be sick."

"Oh, should I help?"

"No, please. Go away now."

Johnny grinned as he watched Yuta grumbling in the dark. He tip-toed over to the room Yuta shared with Winwin and Taeil.

"Winwin?" he whispered, tapping the sleeping guy's shoulder.

Winwin cursed sleepily.

"I think Yuta is sick. Could you take care of him? I have to leave."

Winwin sat up. "What happened?"

"Had too much to drink, I guess. Just—"

But Winwin was already rushing out of the room.

When Johnny reached the Dream dorm, he had lost what little motivation the pep talk with Yuta had given him. He was seriously reconsidering the whole 'apology at three-thirty in the night' plan. Maybe he should have texted it but he remembered how adamant Yuta had been for it to be an actual conversation.

"Okay, Johnny," he told himself as he rang the bell, "actual conversations, for once."

It took quite a while and another ring for the door to be opened.

A sleepy Kun opened the door, looking bewildered. "It's not even sunrise!"

"Hey, Kun, sorry I woke you up but this is really urgent," Johnny said. "I really need to see Ten." He stopped mid-way towards Ten's room. "Um, how upset is he?"

Kun blinked, still sleepy. "Uh, yeah. He was really upset when we came home and then he locked himself in his room. We tried to get him out for dinner but he told me to 'fuck off, you gingerbread man, can't I just be angry in peace?'. So yeah, he is really not in a great mood."

"Upset and hungry. Great, he's going to kill me," Johnny said, downcast.

"Yeah, I don't think a single apology is going to do it but it's a starting place. Also, I would really appreciate if you guys filled me in to the whole picture one of these days because I really don't know what to make of you two anymore."

"I'm sorry. Soon."

Kun gave him a look but retreated to his room after giving him an encouraging nod.

Johnny, grateful for the privacy, walked to Ten's bedroom and knocked. "Hey, Ten?"

For the first time since his impromptu plan he was faced with the question of whether Ten was awake or not. Maybe I should have waited till morning, he thought.

"Um, are you awake, Ten? It's me, Johnny."

He knocked again, slightly loudly.

"I came to apologize. If you aren't sleeping, can we please talk?"

Ten's voice was sharp through the door. "Do you think after what you did I would have the mental peace to lie down and just sleep? Can't you let me be?"

"Ten, c'mon, don't be this way."

"I told Kun not to call you. You shouldn't have come."

"Wha--!? No. Please, just let me in."

Inside the room, Ten huffed. He knew what would happen if he let Johnny in. He would forgive him and Johnny would forgive him. They would continue to avoid the fact that they were falling apart. He would never tell Johnny that it was so difficult sometimes to see Johnny and not kiss him, to feel his presence beside him but not be able to tell that he adored him, he admired him, he loved him so much. Ten knew he was destroying himself at this point and taking it out on Johnny. No, he couldn't let Johnny in. He couldn't let Johnny see his puffy, tear-stained face and see just how much he affected him. Because what Ten wanted, he believed Johnny didn't, and so there had to be a line and he was going to have to draw it.

"I'm sleeping, Johnny."

Maybe it was how tired his voice sounded or the fact that both of them knew he was giving up, but Johnny nodded, more to himself than to Ten who was behind a locked door, and stepped back. "I'm sorry, Ten."

He left without meeting Kun.

Ten heard him walk away. A click, the front door closed. There was a river of pain at the back of his throat. He curled up in his bed and tried to breathe over it. His eyes caught sight of the polaroids hanging around in his room.

It was them, the two of them and their friends but it was so obvious it was the two of them, growing up through the years. It had been so easy in those early days. Whenever he found anything tough, there was this tall, comforting boy who would step up beside him and make everything okay. They had been friends first but he had fallen for him so easily and quickly. So many cafés they had explored together. Johnny loved coffee and he loved going anywhere with Johnny. It was like every memory he had of his life in Korea was stamped with Johnny's presence.

He felt a surge of emotions. Johnny was everywhere. He couldn't even escape him in his own room. Johnny had entered his life and taken it over and now, Ten didn't know how to organize his life.

He pulled down a couple of the polaroids, the ones where he looked the happiest because they hurt the most right now but soon, he was overtaken by an almost furious impulse to destroy everything that reminded him of him. Some pictures wouldn't come off easily and then there were the birthday cards with long, long wishes inside and they all infuriated him.

"Why are you everywhere?" he shouted.

He emptied a box by overturning it messily in a corner of the room and started throwing things inside. He wanted to throw every piece of suffocating memory away. Except more pictures fell out of the box rather than in it and maybe it was because of that or maybe it was because he couldn't reach the painting Johnny had got for him, soon Ten was just throwing things across his room.

He caught sight of his open sketchbook and he hated the fact that most of it was filled with half-drawn sketches of Johnny that he did in the name of portrait-drawing practices. He was so stupid. Johnny was right, he was stupid. He pulled out his sketchbooks from the shelf and was in the process of throwing them when he caught sight of the wretched book that Johnny had given him for his birthday. He threw it to the floor with special vengeance, hearing it fall and thud.

"To think I read the whole boring summary to impress him!"

After having wrecked his room thoroughly, he felt no less sad but definitely exhausted. He climbed onto his bed and fell asleep.

[ omg don't hate us for this, please! we promise the next chapter will be up real soon and there will be quite a few revelations, including kun's side story but what do you think is going to happen with johnten?

also, did you see the yuta side-plot developing? hmm, wonder what that means ;)

thank you so much for reading this chapter!

love, positive vibes and coffee~~ ]