If I wasn't appalled to this extent, I would've laughed at my misery. I gave in a cheap shot by exposing my plan to the one person we were searching desperately. All it had took was to ask Connor once and he would've done the job. Instead we went on advent to find the mystery only to be mortified at the end.

Words  Connor spoke never made sense after he threw the truth bomb. My hands were shaking as I dialed Matt's number. He was the only one who could talk to Connor without having the urge to kill and I couldn't go home alone.

Matt was there in  five minutes and the boys were talking something as my mind blanked looking at the ground.

When a hand tapped my shoulder I looked up to see Matt giving me a sad smile. I knew I messed up and I was already paying for it.

"Connor's gonna figure out something", Matt said before I asked. I nodded. I had to wait but how long? Ryder warned me about the dates, he challenged me to complete it and not to mention he told he liked me.

Times like these I miss Papi so much. I needed him to give me a spurt of girl power talk and to encourage me to punch him the face.

I sat muted as Matt said everything to Luke with Abby nowhere to found. The thought that arouse was ridiculous. Abby was the one filmed, Dustin did it but I, nowhere in the scene, was getting all the blows and she was happily moving on with another guy. I was happy for her, truly was but it was too unfair on my part.

My sleep was non-existent after the disclosure of the truth. Ryder was Thomas. I chuckled to myself, lying on my bed facing the ceiling. My mobile vibrated next to me.

Three messages from mom, asking how I was and how things went. Well, things went pretty much south and I couldn't tell her.

One message from Ryder for my impending ruin of my like.

Ryder: Can't wait for the next date. You've been a naughty bug. See you soon ^^.

No address, no time. Great because he was excited about it and it never went good for me. He was one of the greatest enigmas. His words and action contradict giving me migraine with whirlwind not to mention riled me up.

Eventful happenings found their way to me whenever he was around me. There wasn't a boring moment with him. With almost being raped to ejaculation in a fridge, every second was well spent. And there were ones that gave a new light about Ryder, when I saw him grope the pink in the college and when I saw him wake up with a panic attack. I couldn't wrap up my mind about which Ryder I was dealing with. 

Personally, jerk Ryder was easier to deal with. I had just to get his insults and give them back. No feelings, no confusion. But there was with the Ryder who asked me not to leave him, who kissed me against his bedroom door, who was cocky, who said he liked me.

He was getting me to relive the emotions I was afraid of.

 Luke was on edge, which wasn't him. Apparently I wasn't the only one because Abby commented about his weird vibes and said he was acting like a creep.

"He's gonna come around", Matt said next to me as we saw Luke dash towards his department. I hoped he did his exams well without getting things to his head. He was going to gym a lot these days and barely cheery during work.

"I am just worried", I said my heart out. I mentioned about the date to him and he advised to not to think much about it until the exam's over. 

The nervousness when I entered the exam hall swiped out the problems off my mind. I managed to find my seat and calmed myself down before starting my exam.

I did well. I was above average student and failing was never an option but being with a top student puts a little pressure. What Matt and I had was an healthy competition.

"Now is not the time", I groaned as I threw the towel to the ground. Today was cleaning. I had to take all the books off the shelf, which requires some physical activity and rearrange them accordingly after dusting.

I managed to take the books from the top shelve without toppling over the chair. Being 5'4 was definitely not ideal to pick something from top shelves.

Moreover, the new girl that joined in Ryder's shift - whom I hadn't met yet- messed the arrangement. That girl put wrong foot with me. She left the books scattered on the floor and didn't bother to atleast place them on the table before running home.

Now I had to do her work. Oh I forgot to mention, Ryder stayed back to clean after that girl. How Ralph let her go was beyond me.

"Why?", Ryder asked with a smug smile. He found me picking up books on my first row and stuck by me passing comments to rile me up. He had no idea to clean the area and if he thought I would do that in the end, he had his head chewed.

"I am working, Ryder. Can you just disappear from the world and leave me alone?", I pushed past him placing the myriad of books on the table next to me. 

"Will you be happy if I disappeared?", the tone of his voice made me startled. It was serious and genuine and suddenly I found myself worried about my answer. I turned around to look at him smirking at me. Who was I kidding? He couldn't be serious anytime.

"Yes", he raised his eyebrows questioningly without dropping his quirky smile. If I was being honest I like those.

 I wasn't a hermit to live a secluded life. I, like any other girl, was attracted to handsome boys and Ryder being one was almost difficult for me. My brain wanted to be away from him and warns me about going through someone like Tyler again but I knew something about Ryder he wasn't that cruel. But I thought the same thing about Tyler, my first love who absolutely wrecked me.

"What can I do to make you happy without me disappearing?". My heart on its own runs around and use my ribcage as a punching bag when he did things like that.

"Maybe help me with the work", I answered without revealing my inner struggle. He smiled as he leaned in to kiss my cheeks. He took the towel from the ground and made his way up in the ladder to clean the shelf while I stood there flabbergasted by his sudden gesture. May be not sudden since I was aware of him leaning in but I couldn't move my body and let it happen.

"I can do all the work but I want compensation baby", he said indicating me to get started in a very clever way. I rolled my eyes and gave out the books in order while he arranged them.

"Have a good day Ralph", I wished and pushed the door open. I could feel Ryder behind me as I took a left outside building.

"I'll drop you home"

"I am not coming with you"

"I wasn't asking you. I am taking you home"

"Well you should've asked me but you are not decent enough for that", I gave him blank stare.

"Can I take you home?", he asked without missing a beat while my stomach flipped.

"Nope"

"Why?"

"Why would I come with you?"

"Because I like you", my heart squeezed at his words. His eyes never left mine, felt like staring into my soul and reading my thoughts.

"Stop saying it. Those words actually mean something. You of all people should'nt use those. You say that to every girl you wanna bed. I am not cut out for that. Leave me alone", I poured out a little out of breathe.

His eyes flashed different emotions and he stormed towards me with a set jaw. His face etched anger as he gritted while pulling me towards him with a hold on my wrists.

I gasped in shocked.

He looked between my eyes and I swear I could've evaporated if he did that a little longer. I could feel his anger rolling of him passing through me giving me shivers.

"You know nothing about me. Don' t thing you are special. You are like any other girl", He smirked, "You think I didn't notice how you were around me. How nervous you become, how you steal glances at me even though you say you didn't like me around. You think I don't know how much you like to lean into the kiss."

I couldn't speak. He knew how attracted to him was I even it took a large chunk of ego to accept it myself.

" It was me who had control. If I have let it continue for another ten minutes, you would be on your knees begging for me. I could've fucked you if I wanted"

That's it. I felt my hand burn after a loud noise. My eyes burned when it was filled with tears. He was like Tyler.

"You're so cheap". 

I ran into the street as my thoughts ran haywire giving me hell by showing me all the images of Tyler saying those mean and abusive things to me. I let it happen thinking I was to blame. I almost lost my family for him and that unfaithful bastard ran his mouth to me. Not again. I wasn't gonna let anyone trample over me again. I had my life planned out and I was working towards. The wavering feelings like those couldn't do anything to me. I was stronger that that.