It was buzzing. People wearing black dress and suits progressed in a line to the casket. The casket where Papi was sleeping peacefully. My family sat on the first line of arrangement while my dad received all the condolences.

My mom broke down now and then whenever she saw someone close to her. My eyes were dry and never left him. 

I was aware of my friends behind me but their solace didn't make me any better. My emotions were piling but I couldn't burst it. It wasn't coming out, creating a increasing dark volume inside. My mouth was glued. I nodded for any response.

People starting talking great about Papi. As if he had something not great about him. There wasn't a single flaw with that man and he was cherished. People's words proved them. The great, brave and humble man, they said.

My throat clogged when Dad stepped on the podium. His eyes were puff. He loved his father dearly and had no hesitation showing it. I didn't know if any had loved their parents this much. But for sure I know, the man standing wiping his stray tears did.

"Dad..", the broken word, tears flowed relieving of the pain. I tuned out my dad's speech. No I couldn't bear his broken voice.

I clutched the paper in my hands. The paper was given to me to speak about him. I internally scoffed. I could talk about him for hours and thus paper was given to reduce the time.

Simple. I was supposed to stand before mic. Read the words Abby wrote for me and step down without crying.

I cleared my throat. People were looking at me with pity. 

I fixed my eyes on the door. Papi's voice ringed, "Keep your head up".  So I did. I kept my head up, imagined him standing on the door with a smile.

"Papi..  I miss you. I never hated life and death cycle but I am now. I want to kill the guy peddling it. Sorry for the unappropriate words", I said without regret, "You were dearly loved and cherished as you did others. If there is other life for me I pray to God to be your granddaughter. I am gonna miss those snide remarks and our inside jokes. I am gonna miss that happy face that opened the door when I returned home. I am gonna miss the great man who was never afraid to acknowledge his faults. I am gonna miss my best friend. I love you and always will", I finished my speech without breaking down.

Papi was smiling at me proudly.

"Dad", I called. He stepped in front of the stage.

"Papi said grandma liked you more than him. He wanted to tell you that you was her first love, always. He didn't say it because he didn't want to admit it. He loves you and he is proud of you. He said he will always be jealous of you and he wouldn't trade his great son with anyone"

My dad broke down, kneeling beside Papi's casket. Mom was with him, hugging him while he went ballistic. There were few people wiping their eyes when I stepped down.

My house was empty. It wasn't alive. My parents and friends couldn't fill his void. He was a strong presence to replace. He stood everywhere.

"Are you okay?", Matt asked engulfing me in a hug. I laid my head on his chest, closing my eyes thinking about Papi saying some dead joke. I snorted as stray tears fell down.

"I am trying", I mumbled as dead weight hugged me from behind.

"You are a brave girl", Luke voiced petting my head.

"I am dying a brave girl, if you guys didn't leave me in like now."

I took a deep breathe.

"For a guys, you two are too much cuddly", I remarked with a chuckle.

I watched as trees passed by. Leaving home after a week was difficult. It felt real that Papi was no more. No more daily updates. No more bickering.

I opted  to close my eyes to stop myself from crying.

I was surprised not getting fired from the library and cafe. For an employee employed just few months, I was taking too much leave.

I fell back into my routine. I clutched my phone everytime I received a call. A minute to hear his voice again was enough. 

After an awkward encounter with Ralph, with a sake of consoling, I went to my usual place and pulled out a random book. 

I didn't bother to read the title and the contents were crap. Typical romance and cringy. We had another exhibition coming up so there was packing going on in the store room. I took up my notepad and went through the books. Three missing books. Just waited to lay my hands on the stealing bastard.

When I stepped out, Ryder was there with his leg on the wall and eyes on phone.

I continued walking down the road until a hand tugged me. I didn't know if I was that self aware but I knew it was Ryder before I even turned.

"I'll take you to the cafe", he announced.

"I can walk", I retorted in a bored tone.

"I insist". I was tired and a ride would be good. He drove me to my house. Where Papi was no more.

I shook my head clearing my thoughts.

"Okay"

His eyes widened a little before a small smile came on his lips. Smile, he was smiling. Not smirking or looking like me like a crap.

I didn't even realize he was holding my hands until we reached his car. The loss of contact made me flush. Did I seem desperate?

"Drink some water", he extended the bottle. I grabbed it and took a large chuck.

"Aren't you too complying?".

His eyes were focused on me. Thanks to the red light, he was scrutinizing me.

"You left", I said in a blank voice. He shrugged.

"I didn't like the house anyway. It was crap", the sharp response snapped something within me. 

My anger was rising. "Stop the car", I said trying to open the lock.

"What are you doing?!",he yelled at me confused.

"I said stop the damn car", before I choked you. My anger was primal and if it went out of hand I was going to regret it. Damn, my first emotion after a week was anger. Great, just great.

"Why? We are five minutes away from cafe", he said looking between me and the road. 

His cluelessness wanted me to smack him.

"Why?! Because the house you deemed crap is my heaven. Mine. I do not tolerate you insult something of  mine. So stop the damn car before I lose my mind!!!", I barked and he stopped.

I threw him a birdie, slammed the door and started walking.

I was fuming until I was changing. I snapped twice at Luke and even Christopher was afraid to utter a word. I didn't care.

I took the order counter. If someone told me to smile I was chewing their head. My meter was getting down by time.

Until the Devil walked in.

Christ. Why???

I kept a straight face when he stood directly infront of me. 

"Order please"

"Emily", he husked.

"Order please", I asked a little more pressed on my words.

"Caffè macchiato". I pressed the buttons and asked him to wait few minutes.

Luke was eyeing me from distance and asked me if I was okay. I nodded and went back to staring the order screen, only smiling whenever customers came.

A light tap, I lifted my head to meet the green eyes. The eyes that melted me, comforted me, scared me.

"Emily", he said softly. His voice ringed in my head. Crap, he called my house crap. Then why bother staying there when he thought it was crap? He could've drove back or take a hotel and I would've happily covered for him. Instead he had the nerve to call it crap.

"I suggest you to refrain from talking to me"

"I want to order", he said as I mindlessly typed the screen to avoid talking to him.

"Order then", My work ethics can kick my ass I was not going to respect him.

"Same"

"You can order from the table". 

He didn't reply but retreated back to his seat.

I ran out of the door after my shift only to be grabbed my hand. I square cutted by an instinct. People learn from mistakes, you know. While I didn't expect to displace Ryder's jaw, I was content when he winced.

"Oww. Fuck Emily", he said holding his face in shock.

"Don't grab me", I said shaking his hands off. I stood a good distance from him for his safety though. The bitch inside me was vile.

"I deserved it after I let my mouth run", he winced touching his face. I was worried about his swelling face but didn't falter my face.

"Just plucked the words of my mouth"

I saw him carefully step closer to me. I let him. He brushed my strayed hair back.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean it. I was just pissed", the soft voice that came rarely made it appearance.

"Why are you pissed?". Seriously, girl?. He insulted you. Your house. And you are concerned about his mood.

I pushed my sarcastic but rational side back of my mind.

He was taken aback. I was just as clueless as he was when I threw that question.

"Just everything", he slowly took my hands in his. My heart was hammering by his small gesture.

"You have no right to talk to me like that. I hate when someone talk like that", my sound was weak for an angry person.

He took another step and pulled me in a hug. Tingles flew through when he nuzzled his head in my head. My blood was rushing down south as I was well aware of his hot body against mine.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just pissed at your friend. I didn't think before  I said those", he mumbled into my neck.

He tightened the grip when I tried to push him. An unknown sensation was making my heart flutter. His hell grip was making me into puddle.

The air rushed to me when Ryder was yanked off me. Furious Luke was standing guard infront of me.

"You fucking bastard", he lunged forward after inspecting me. Ryder blocked Luke halfway and pushed him a few feet away. It made Luke more angry as he dashed to him successfully landing a punch in his gut.

Ryder wheezed as he tried to stand straight. It felt like two vampires fighting moving in a blink. One minute it was Ryder at Luke and other it was Luke at Ryder's throat.

I snapped when I noticed the crowd and Matt pulling him away. 

I ran to Luke who was about to land another punch. Call me stupid but I fell in between them.

The air gushed and the large first was a centimeter away from my noise.

"What the fucking hell, Emily?", he gritted and pulled me away from him.

"Leave him. Let's go.", I pulled him. He shook my hand off.

"Why? Didn't he hurt you enough? Why are being nice to him? He doesn't deserve it"

"Are you out of your mind? People are watching. You will land us in station if you keep the parade. No I was not being nice to him. I care about you. Before you break his face, look at him. Look at his swollen face when I squared him few minutes ago. My hand still hurts", I ended my tirade with a breathe.

Luke turned towards Ryder and towards me. A slow smirk formed as he patted my shoulder.

"That's my girl".

The hurt Ryder had on his face when Luke drove us away was going to haunt me forever.

Thoughts?