I wasn't sure how long had really passed, how many days. Traveling through the forest was the safest way to avoid anyone from Sacred Heart, I didn't want anyone from town to mention they had seen me. I walked until I was too exhausted to move. I slept uncomfortably wherever it seemed safe. Days and nights blended together, all I knew for sure is it had been more than three.

Living near a forest the sisters would often take me on gathering trips in the woods. I was taught which plants were poisonous and which were safe from an early age. I survived off roots and mushrooms mostly, but I knew the time for this would run out soon.

My birthday was October 30th, that meant it was sometime around mid-November now. The days were getting colder and colder. I was already having trouble sleeping in the frigid night temperatures, soon it would be impossible without risking hypothermia and frostbite. I needed a stable shelter.

It was early evening now. I noticed the light starting to darken. Sometimes I could force my body to walk through the night, but the poor sleep from the last few days was starting to overwhelm me. I needed to rest, even if it was only a couple hours. That meant I had maybe three hours to find a shelter for the night. I dragged myself through the fallen leaves and broken tree branches. Where was I even?

In the beginning I had been avoiding the edge of the forest, trying to stay out of sight, but now I couldn't remember the last time I saw an opening. Was I getting closer to any kind of civilization? Was I getting lost deeper and deeper in the forest? Or had I just been walking in circles? I really couldn't tell.

I thought of my cottage at the church, a small space heater in my room kept me warm at night in its soft, red glow. My bed wasn't luxurious, but it was cozy. Much better than the leaf piles I'd been using. Luxury was Mal's home. The giant, roaring fireplace, the canopy bed. So large I couldn't reach the edges, soft enough that I couldn't ever feel Mal crawl into it, warm arms around me. I shook the last thought from my head. Life with Mal wasn't all kisses and cuddles. He was rude, he was hurtful, and he took advantage of me any chance he could. A real demon.

I felt a little energized at this thought. No more priests to tell me my every natural desire was a sin, no more demons to break me down and make me feel guilty. I was cold, I was miserable, but I was free. With each aching step I was getting further from both of them, this was more than enough to convince me I'd made the right decision. I kept moving forward, looking for shelter.

Suddenly, I heard something both familiar and foreign: running water. I stumbled toward the sound. I had been living off dew and whatever water was trapped in the food I scavenged. My tongue begged for whatever was making that sound. An opening appeared in the trees. I didn't care where it let out anymore. I burst through the treeline. A river.

I threw myself down at its edge and put my lips to the water. I drank deeply. It tasted muddy, but I didn't care. The cool water was the sweetest relief to my neglected body. When I finally lifted my head shock filled me. My reflection.

My dark hair was in wild tangles around my face, my body was streaked with dirt and mud, my pale skin was practically translucent because of the stress I'd been putting my body through. I looked down. For the first time I noticed how tattered my clothes had become. I guess appearance is the last thing you worry about in survival mode. Still, had I really degenerated so much in such a short time? Would it only get worse? How much worse could it get?

The sounds of laughter broke me from these thoughts. I still didn't know where I was, but I didn't want to be discovered in the wrong place. I crawled behind a nearby bush, peeking between the branches. Two middle-aged women I didn't know walked past in bright-colored track suits, they talked and laughed as they jogged past. I couldn't hear the conversation, but it didn't seem important. As they passed I looked out from behind the bush at my surroundings.

Benches, street lights, a broken sidewalk, flowerbeds. I was in a park somewhere. My town didn't have any parks like this so at least I knew I was safe from running into someone I knew. I stood up and brushed off my skirt, not that it really mattered with all the dirt that was on it. I heard a loud honk from somewhere in the distance. Instinctively, my head turned toward the sound. Large buildings stood high above the treeline. As the sun dipped away the streetlights flashed on suddenly, startling me. The buildings on the horizon began to light up as well, replacing the fading sunlight. Somehow, I had made it to the city.

I had been to the city only a handful of times for church missions. It was dirty, sin-filled, and dangerous, but after this last month of my life I felt I could handle anything this place could throw at me. Besides, at least there was plenty of food, water, and moderate shelters here. I didn't have any money, but I hoped a city this large might have a shelter somewhere I could stay at, at least for tonight. I felt like I'd almost be willing to trade my soul for a good night's sleep. Too bad I gave that locket back to Mal.

This bit of dark humor gave me my second wind, I started heading off toward the lights of the buildings. I passed a few people on the way. Some actively avoided eye contact, others stared, a few men shouted inappropriate comments at me but I ignored them. When I reached the main streets the atmosphere was different. I became completely invisible to the passing people. They moved past me and around me as if I were a traffic cone instead of a person. I wandered through the crowd a while, searching carefully for anywhere that might be able to help me tonight. I was already getting used to the faces passing me blankly, so it was a shock when I heard a voice call in my direction.

"Hey, girl!" A scratchy voice called from the crowd.

I looked around. I saw no one looking at me. Maybe they meant someone else, there were a lot of women here.

"In the alley, Darling." It called again.

I looked over to the alley. An old homeless man was sitting there, looking at me. He wore three or four tattered jackets over his body, his legs were covered in stained newspapers, his face was dirty and a scraggly beard covered most of it. Two dark eyes twinkled out from the face at me, a yellow smile formed.

"I-I'm sorry, I don't have any money." I said.

He looked shocked before letting out a wheezing laugh. He laughed a while before it turned to coughing. He cleared his throat and turned back to me.

"I can see that, I can also see you look like you've had a hell of a time. I've got some stale bread rolls if you're not afraid of germs."

Wasn't there an old saying about not talking to strangers? Followed by one about not accepting food from them? Still, my stomach roared in demand of whatever this man would give it. Did I really have anything else to lose?

I pushed my way through the crowd and stood at the entrance of the alley. The man smiled up at me and patted the ground next to him.

"Now don't be afraid of ol' Tommy, Darling." He said, pulling a bread roll from a plastic bag. "I got something for ya."

Hunger replaced common sense. I scrambled next to him and took the bread. I gobbled it down, the stale bread crunched and crumbled in my mouth. It sucked all the moisture from me, I inhaled crumbs and started to cough. The old man patted my back gently.

"Slow down, Darling. Jeez, looks like you needed that more than I thought."

When I finished coughing I looked up at him. He gave another yellowed smile.

"Thank you, Mr.-" I paused.

"Ah, none of that shit." He said, waving his hand. "Just 'Tommy,' and no need to thank me, Darling. You looked like you needed it."

My stomach roared again. Tommy grabbed out another bread roll and handed it to me. I chewed this one slowly.

"Eat all you want. It'll go bad in a day or two. Some bakery chucked it out cuz it's stale, but it'll still feed ya." He said.

Before, I would have been happy at such generosity, but I'd been so jaded lately. His kindness made me suspicious.

"Why are you helping me?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Sometimes people need it. I feel worse for you young ones. Us old guys already had our time. Life did us dirty or we made too many mistake, it's too late to fix it now. All we can do is survive and wait for it to end, but you young kids," he said, shaking his head, "have so much time left. You can still fix yourselves, try to do better. It breaks my heart to see a lovely young girl confused and starving on the streets. I got extra today, and we help our own. We're all we got sometimes."

I was a little touched by this idea. Take care of your own. That was the way the church used to be. A community loving and supporting each other through hard times. I felt tears come to my eyes.

"What brings you here anyway?" He asked. "You fuck up or life do you wrong?"

I let out a choked laugh. "Both, I guess?"

"Wanna talk about it?"

I didn't even know where to start. "Have you ever been face to face with the Devil and his demons? Have you ever lost everything and everyone you ever cared about? Been betrayed by those you thought loved and cared for you most in the world? Been left questioning your faith and all you ever believed in because you can't understand why the Lord would allow so much heartache and suffering to happen to such a devoted follower?"

Tommy let out another wheezing laugh. "Oh, you're new here, aren't you? That's all we got around here."

He laughed for a while. I couldn't help but smile too. Right, who knew more about feelings of betrayal and abandonment than those who were left in the streets? I guess I did find where I belonged. Tommy coughed again and patted my back.

"Darling, I don't know what's happened to you, but I guarantee you're not alone in it. Not with us. We've heard pretty much every story there is to hear by now. There's this girl up on Fifth Avenue, sold her teeth to a circus clown once. Wanna hear that story? "

I shook my head. "Actually, Tommy, are there any shelters in the area you think I could stay at tonight?"

Another laugh. "You think I'd be here if there was? All full up. One of us has to die to make room pretty much."

Right. I was a little disheartened at this. Where would I sleep tonight then? I guess my options in the city were still better than the forest. I looked up, Tommy was staring at me again.

"Now, I know we aren't the most upstanding bunch," he said, shrugging, "but we do have ways to survive in this hellhole on Earth. If you like, we got a little camp in an abandoned car lot. Got some dirty thieves there, but you don't really got much to steal, do you? If you want I can take you there. It ain't much, but it's got a fire and some warm places to sleep."

I thought about it. He was right. I didn't really have anything they could take from me and I definitely didn't have any better options. At least there was shelter there. I smiled and nodded. Tommy hopped up, his newspapers scattered around him.

"Great, this way, Darling." He said, walking further down the dark alley.

I gulped and took a deep breath. I followed. The shadows grew darker and darker around me. What else did I have to lose? The question seemed almost ominous as I asked it this time.