It's cold outside. I should get up and work the stiffness from my limbs. I should be sleeping instead of sitting out in the cold and doing nothing. the events of the past has paralyzed me mentally. Unluckily I can't go back in time to change the past, all I can do is sit helplessly as it haunts me day and night.

I lie down on the grass and look at the stars far above me twinkling like diamonds. I wish my life would twinkle like that. I wish I could stop breathing and end this painful night. I take a deep breath and close my eyes to make a silent prayer. "Dear god, please make my life worth loving" as these words shout out silently in my heart, that's when I feel the tear trickle down from my eyes. Life sucks. Crying just makes it easier for me to breathe. I do it every night to let down all the emotions. its a part of my self invented therapy, because no good comes out of holding them back. only if my pillows could talk, they'd tell how dreadful the night is to me. I just wipe off the tear from my face and go to bed. There is nothing I can do.

I completely understand that it is OK to feel sad. It is OK to feel lonely. It is OK to cry, to spend the night in grief and wake up the next day with hopes and expectations that today will be better than yesterday. Is it OK for us to cry today and smile the next. We are humans which means we are destined to experience all kinds of emotions.

when we fall down emotionally, we realize and we get up. we learn so much though we don't realize it. And one day I am gonna remember all the things I went through, every tear, every heartbreak, every pain and embarrassment. Then I'll sigh and say that life taught me so much. this is the best thing about me. I might cry and act weird , but at the end of the day my mind surprisingly conjures up some self convincing words to motivate my self.