"I welcome thee to my domain, mortal!" said a booming voice, coming out of nowhere as I regained consciousness in what seemed like... Huh, like... A cloud maybe? Anyway, it was all white, and fluffy, but mostly white. Damn, do I sound racist? I have to say, although I'm American, I haven't shot any black person! "Thou shall now be born anew as..."

"Wow, calm down old man!" I said to the bearded figure (also white and fluffy looking) that had appeared. "What the hell do you mean by born ANEW, last I checked I was still alive! And I'm sure the hamburger wasn't out-of-date... well ok, maybe by a few days, but not life-threateningly out-of-date!" The dignified old figure ignored me, coughed and talked again.

"Thou shall now be born anew as the Demon Lo... Ouch!" He said, interrupted by the baseball I'd sent flying to his head. "Have some bloody respect you little twat!" he roared as the environment mirrored his change of mood. The white cloud greyed, crackling with thunder. Even though I had gotten the ball back, I refrained from sending it again. "Anyway, you'll be reborn as the Demon Lord in my world, you have no choice on the matter."

"But I had plans, things to do!" He raised an eyebrow at that, and a bemused look replaced the thunder in his eyes. The cloud (apparently called Cloud Nine, if the weird looking neon sign was to be believed) calmed down and returned to his white fluffy state.

"Oh really? Like what? Playing games, fapping again and trying your luck on Tinder?"

"I, I... I'll have you know that I had a date coming up, so my luck wasn't THAT bad ok!"

"Sure, sure..." He said, with a mocking grin, then the silence stretched, uncomfortably.

"So, what's this Demon Lord stuff about?" I asked.

"Well you see, I'm quite bored..." He began and, looking at the uniform whiteness that surrounded us, I could somehow understand that. "And so, I like to play a little game, let's call it the perks of Godliness: I organize pit fights!"

"Huh???"

"Grand scale pit fights, my world is pretty much like that of your video games, not the one where you insult some mother's virtue, the other one with grand battles of good versus evils, where races tear at each other's throat for dominion..." Damn, his eyes were gleaming, the fanatic would fit right in America! Anyway, wanting to avoid another thunder strike, I bit down the typical 'That's racist!' comment and kept listening... or at least I tried to until I realised that he was rambling on and on about the specifics of his world: elf this, demon that, power blablabla, catle something... Honestly after two sentences I was just thinking 'SKIP' really hard, unfortunately to no avail.

After his lengthy explanation that would put any user manual to shame, and that I naturally hadn't listened to (who reads user manuals anyway?), he concluded.

"So, you'll be the Demon Lord, and four Japanese kids will be the Heroes. At the end of the conflict, I may send the winner home... Or have them do another round, who knows..."

"Wow! Why is it a four on one battle?! And why am I the bad guy?"

"Well, someone has to be the bad guy... And they died protecting innocents or rescuing a cat. I like cats... You, well, you fell for an email scam." He chuckled, then went on. "As for the fact that it's four on one, I kinda prefer if the good guys win, it's less of a pain to rebuild afterwards..." He looked a bit apologetic at that, then added "But you'll get an army..."

"So, to sum it up, I have to play the bad guy in some video-game-like world where I'm pitted against four Japanese kids that wanna play Heroes..." He nodded. "You sure they don't have oil I'd be waging war for? Just to make it more cliché?" His eyebrow rose quizzically. "Never mind, you're doing all that just because you're bored?"

"Well, yes that's it." He answered as if it all made sense... Jeez, this God really was nuts.

"But can't you play a game, read a book or something?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Well, trust me, no game would ever be as interesting as what you are about to be a part of..." He was proud at that, then added, slightly embarrassed. "And besides, do you see any plug in my cosy cloud?"

Well, that ought to teach me to open any weird email, I thought as everything became white again.