Ava hadn't taken my request lightly and, only two hours later, I got news that the head librarian had been fired (figuratively speaking), and that I had been asked to come to the throne room to listen to a report on craftsmen...

To say I wasn't comfortable was an understatement. Technically, I only had to hear a report, doesn't sound so harsh, does it? Well, the issue was who was doing the reporting, in this case, Giulia.

Remember her? The twelve-year-old-looking elf with dark skin, pinkish hair and piercing green eyes...

What was dangerous in this jailbait was her voice, even with her childish feature to tone it down in front of me, I had to remind me that she did look like a twelve-year-old not to get aroused...

I had tried to think about Aïko to temper what her voice made me feel, but this proved counterproductive: even though we hadn't had sex yet, or maybe because of that, thinking about her only added to my hunger in that department.

Of course, it wasn't like I had feelings for my dear little slave girl that made me want to stay faithful or whatever. No, it simply was a question of Giulia looking so childlike, or was it?

The Spymaster was standing in front of me, this time in a lavish green dress. Did she only wear dresses? That seemed like the worst to do any infiltration mission or be stealthy in any way. Besides, with all the somersault she did, it would be way too easy to see her panties...

But maybe that was the point? Anyway, she had bent the knee then rose again as she was about to speak.

"Your humble servant hopes her Lord will be pleased." She murmured, laying the emphasis on the last world. Somehow, I had trouble believing there was anything humble in her seducing voice but decided not to take the bait.

"What did you find?"

"We tracked the apprentices of the famed craftsman, the former Demon Lord that made your previous chair."

"Does their work resemble that of their master?" I asked, focusing on the technical details to avoid her piercing gaze.

"Yes, it's rough, powerful, manly. Fitting for a Lord of your stature." She purred. Why? Why would she purr now, she was an elf, not a cat-girl!? Or was she? What a confusing creature!

"Uh, I'm not actually like that..." I stuttered. In a flash, she closed the distance and appeared by my side, her hands on my arm and leg. I froze, was I going to get raped? Please, Ava, Aïko, someone help me!

Did I think loud enough to be heard? Or was Ava simply the perfect assistant? Regardless, she came like an angel, flying to my rescue, thus saving my virtue.

"Our Lord does not wish to get furniture similar to the one he burned purposefully..." Said The Fae. The Master spy retreated with a smile that felt like a warning that this was but a delay...

"Indeed, I don't like the current décor, I want something comfortable. Sure, grandeur is important, but I don't need a castle where a hanged man can be seen as part of the decoration!" I had said that last thing as some kind of joke, this being the first thing to come to mind... But Ava took it very seriously.

"Duly noted, my Lord. I will have them all removed by the morrow." What? I thought, so there really was hanged men lying around?! Where? How many? Why? I couldn't help but wonder but decided not to ask: it would be gone soon enough and the follow up questions weren't something I was keen to think about.

"There is a town, my Lord, a weird town where they eat smoked salmon all year round, spend their time in really hot and damp room..." Began the dark elf.

"Yes, what about it, Giulia?"

"They excel in massages, my Lord, I could show you if you wish..." Again, the seducing voice, but this time, probably thanks to Ava, she kept her distance. She knew I liked massages, that sly old spy had done her research well, although I would prefer she investigated the Heroes, with her being my Spymaster and all... What she hadn't expected was that I'd much prefer Aïko to be the one to give me a massage, rather than her.

"Really? I take it you learned from them then?" I asked, using my real interest to pretend I had fallen into her trap.

She came closer, holding her hands being her back and looking at me with gleaming eyes. She nodded and smiled. I grinned, savouring my victory.

"Well perfect then, we'll have your skills put to use! Go and see Aïko and teach her until she's as good as you or any of those smoked-salmon-eaters." I expected her to sulk, but her appearance as a child seemed just that, an appearance.

She admitted her defeat quite admirably, vanishing in the shadows with a smile. Ava chuckled and her wings shone in amusement.

"I know this village, my Lord." Said Ava. "They make furniture too, although it's a bit... uncommon."

"Fine, let's get going then! Not like I've got any other option on that matter." I decided, thinking that it had the added advantage of getting me far from the dangerously seductive dark elf.

*****

"What's out of the ordinary in their furniture?" I asked as we set out on horseback ('we' being: an escort of vampires and assassins, Ava flying by, and me)

"You have to build it yourself, my Lord, it was invented by two of their elders: Ik & Aa."

"These are quite the strange names too, isn't it?"

"And my Lord has yet to see the names they give to their furniture..." She was right about the names. After we tried (Ava and I), the salmon, sauna and massages, we went shopping.

I fear still to utter the names of the couches, curtains, chairs, beds, shelves and wardrobe we bought. No matter how comfortable they were, their names seemed to compose some dark, ancient and ominous spell: magically gifted as I was, I preferred not to take the risk to summon any mystical being.

With how the names sounded in the salesmen tongue, it seemed like it would be a fierce and angry mystical beast to boot, so I simply pointed out the items I liked and told them how many I wanted.

This little trip was quite amusing, and the humans, at least in a town full of merchants, didn't seem too aggressive. Or maybe it was because of their relaxed lifestyle: I couldn't picture someone getting angry with such an abundant supply of massages?

Anyway, we got all of our purchases home delivered by some dutiful and unafraid delivery boys. Had they not heard that I was the Demon Lord? That we had slaves? That I was the Wrecker of civilization, Harbinger of Doom, Wolf amongst sheep and Great Evil One? That I was American? Should they not have been at least a bit scared?!

I have to say I was quite bothered that they expressed not an ounce of fear... Even though I myself wasn't comfortable with all this "big boss of Evil" thing, or maybe especially because I wasn't comfortable with it!

How could they shrug it off so easily?! I vented my resentment by magically squeezing a nearby apple so hard I got apple juice all over my face. Great, just great...

I got out of the shower and went back to the great hall to admire my newly bought furniture... Only to stop, dumbstruck, in front of what looked like a battlefield between my couches and tables, having somewhat involved the curtains and shelves as collateral.

"What... What on Earth is going on?" The corpses of furniture stayed silent, so did the skeletons in charge of putting them in place. A ghost supervising the process came over.

"Well, my Lord... You see... It's... Hum..."

"Cut to the chase, will you?" The ghost gulped, or at least it sounded like it.

"Yes, my Lord... The furniture... It's that... Hum... We can't figure how to assemble them, my Lord."

"What?" I looked around at some barely unwrapped pieces and realized that the furniture had been delivered in separate pieces. So that's what Ava had meant when she said we'd have to build them ourselves... "Oh, I see. Are there no manuals? Instructions to follow?"

"We do not know how to read, my Lord..." I sighed. To quote Scar in Disney, I was surrounded by idiots... Don't judge my quotes, I have few role models as villains, I have to start somewhere!

Calling Ava to the rescue, I managed to assemble a crew of people that had about half a brain each and we struggled to somehow make some of the furniture. Some pieces did seem to remain though, which wasn't exactly reassuring me in how safe it was to seat on these.

Magically gifter or not, I wasn't exactly prone to risk-taking if I could avoid it. It wouldn't exactly do well to be the first Demon Lord killed by some Ik & Aa furniture.

"Maybe we could ask some of the delivery boys, we might be able to catch up to them..." Suggested a Demon with a bit more wit than the other.

And so it was done, although the little impertinent proved harsh in negotiation: we acquired his service for the heavy price of a dozen cookies, a ride on Francis' back, a demonstration of a few magical tricks by Furball and, I quote "the possibility to sit on a beautiful slave girls lap and touch her breasts."

Regardless of the price (especially the cookies, that was a heroine's bounty!), the boy proved capable enough and assembled it all (with skeletons as additional manpower) in no time.

"Her, I want her!" Exclaimed the boy while pointing at Aïko wandering by. My eyes narrowed and I leaned towards him, whispering into his ear.

"If you ever so much as come within a meter of her, I will chop your arms off and beat you around with it until I'm tired of hearing you beg me for the mercy of a beheading... And believe me child, you will beg..." His arm trembled and his face whitened. Glancing down, he gulped.

"I'm sorry, oh great Demon Lord, I didn't mean to offend you." He said, terrified.

"Fine, I'm sure you'll behave more appropriately next time, won't you?" I said in a calming voice.

"Yes! Yes, oh great, oh merciful Demon Lord!" The boy shouted out, sweating.

"Perfect, then go find another Slave girl, ask her nicely if you can sit on her lap. As for touching her breast, you're a bit young for that. And it's not something anyone but the girl in question can offer. Got it?"

The boy nodded, bowed and scurried off. Was it jealousy? A will to educate a cheeky boy? Or a simple desire to be at least a bit feared? I wasn't sure, maybe a bit of it all. Anyway, this appeared to be some efficient marketing campaign as, a week later, the little town had sent me gifts as proof of their respect: two barrels of smoked salmon, an architect that came to build me a sauna and the boy as a page.

After this eventful day, I turned to Aïko forcomfort and we talked in the sauna. She showed me her progress in singing, and inthe arts of massage.

She told me how, to my request, she had reviewed the books on Gods I'd selected with the help of Ciara. I told her what had happened in my day, from my delve in the library to the trip to the land of smoked salmon.

Sheseemed particularly amused by my problems with both women and gave me a tender kiss when I told her of my slight burst of jealousy with the boy. It took allmy will not to go any further. Why didn't I want to? Well, I still hadn't read 'How to deflower a fair lady with tenderness'...