Izuna:

I woke up from the sun tickling my eyes, causing my eyelids to flutter open. Where on earth was I? 

I sat up in panic, looking around. The bed was soft and large, there were clothes on the floor, there was the smell of a musky perfume in the air and also something salty...

Tobirama...

"Oh..."

I smiled with a blush and hid my face in my hands, remembering last night. Had that really happened? Where was he now? I got up and quietly and tip-toed to the kitchen, feeling like an intruder. I saw a note next to a mug filled with so much mini-marshmallows, it made me laugh.

'Off to work. My coffee machine makes hot chocolate. Figured that's what you drink, seeing your mouth tastes so good.
Enjoy your Sunday.
xx T'

I blushed. I felt giddy. It took me a good while and some Googling to figure his spacey machine out, but it produced an amazing hot chocolate that melted the marshmallows. I sat down at the kitchen island bar and drank. I had the day off so I had lots of time to fantasise about Tobirama I MEAN to study. I had my backpack with my laptop with me, so I sat down comfortably at the bar and started working.

Tobirama:

"How is the crossword coming along, Cindy?" I spoke amicably to my patient with the femur fracture.

"Oh, hello Tobias!"

"It's Tobirama, sweetheart." She would be fine.

"It went better yesterday, when that sweet long-haired boy helped. Ismail."

"Izuna? You know him?" For some reason, that made me excited. What is that boy doing to me? The thought of him still sleeping in my bed made me shiver. 

"He is the sweetest boy", she said. "He will make a great doctor one day." I smiled. "So, when will you ask him out?"

I sputtered. "Mrs Crow!"

"What? It's all over your face. You're madly in love with him, aren't you, Tobi-bias?"

I contemplated for a while. A long, long while. Then I took out a chair and sat down, my front to its back, leaning my arms on the top of the back of the chair. 

"The thing is, Cindy, I'm his teacher. I'm also broken. I..." Cindy looked at me with intense, watery eyes. I looked away. "I have a mental health diagnosis. My classmates found out when I was in med school. They did not go easy on me." I hated thinking about it. Which was why I never did. "Ever since then, I've used certain... methods to cope. I can't bring that on such a young, innocent boy."

Cindy was quiet for a while. Then she put her hand on mine. 

"You give that boy far less credit than he's worth, dear. He's young, but he's certainly not innocent. He could probably cope with anything."

I looked at her quizzically. And I realised she was probably right.

I sighed. "Facts remain, I'm still his teacher."

"It's not the sixties, dear. Nobody would give a damn!"

I have her a lopsided smile. "I would lose my job."

"Oh..." She sounded disappointed. She really was the sweetest old lady.

And yet, she had planted something within me. A longing, a yearning for Izuna, not only for his body but for his soul. Suddenly, I couldn't wait to get home, to see if he was still there, to ask him to tell me everything about him.

"Well, fuck your job!" Cindy said, and I was taken aback. "What are you going to do about it? Nothing, and then regret it for the rest of your life?"

I stood up.

"I'm going to take the rest of the day off."

Izuna:

God, did the man not EAT?

There was nothing in his fridge and it was noon so I was starving. I found an onion, some crushed tomatoes, beans and some carrots, and decided I could probably make a pretty good soup.

I mixed everything in Tobirama's Vitamix, then let it cook for a good half an hour with some spices I found.

Suddenly, there was a key in the door.

"Izuna?" I heard.

I poked my head around the door to the hallway. Tobirama stood there, wearing the sexiest long wool coat I had ever seen and it was white. I had never seen a man in a white wool coat before. It was as if he was mocking anyone who made fun of his albino complexion by enhancing it with the colour of his outerwear.

"You haven't left?"

"Oh..." I hadn't even considered leaving.

Tobirama laughed, came to me, put his finger under my chin in that way of his and kissed me full on my lips, as if I were his lover he came home to after a day at work.

It felt amazing.

"It smells delicious, what are you doing in my kitchen?" He went in, hung his coat on one of the bar stools, looking at the clatter of my notebooks from studying, then at the stove.

"Sorry, I just..." He looked at me encouragingly. "Carrot and bean soup. I took whatever I found, sorry."

"That stove hasn't been used in ages. Don't apologise. That is..." He lifted one eyebrow. Wow, I didn't know he could do that. "If I can have some?"

"Umm, sure." I was suddenly nervous. It felt like a test. Like, was I good enough?

"Izuna, this isn't a test." It was as if he was reading my mind. He radiated calm. I relaxed a little, and looked inside his cabinets for two bowls. I noticed he had exactly two of everything; two bowls, two plates, two glasses, two spoons. It was as if he was hoping for something that hadn't happened yet; something that would make two of everything useful. Perhaps, I...

I poured soup into both bowls and handed one to Tobirama alongside a spoon. He looked amused and took a spoonful, blew on it slightly. That gesture felt so intimate to watch, for some reason. It was a display of weakness; that his mouth couldn't handle something as hot as soup directly from the stove. I wondered what it could handle...

When he took the spoon into his mouth, his entire facial expression changed. His eyes suddenly widened, and he got a surprised, almost giddy expression on his face. He quickly took another spoonful and put it into his mouth without blowing. "Ow!" he exclaimed when he burnt his tongue. "My God, kid, what did you put in there?" He took spoon after spoon, suddenly seemingly ravenous. I smiled a little, looking down shyly, taking a spoonful myself, blowing on it. I need to be able to have hot things in my mouth, too...

Tobirama finished up way before me, and just looked at me.

"You want more?" I asked.

"Yes, please", he said, handing me the bowl with both hands, eyes large. It was quite endearing. Apparently, he enjoyed someone to take care of him a little, too.

We sat in amicable silence for a while, before he started asking some questions. They were simple, like where I was from and what my parents did, what I aspired to do after graduation and what career I had thought of for myself. I soon found we chatted away happily, completely unaware of the time. The questions became more intellectual; we talked about difficult cases we had dealt with, Tobirama told me of the mistakes he'd made as a doctor, we talked amicably about Mrs Crow...

And it dawned on me.

We had that intellectual exchange I had been yearning for for so long. This conversation was filling up a void within me that had been empty for a long, long time. This was an intimate moment with another human being I had a connection too.

It was like a dream.

It was the happiest I'd ever been. 

Tobirama:

Izuna had struck me as shy, non-verbal even. Turned out he was really easy to talk to. I had honestly not partaken in such a giving conversation in a long, long time.

And that soup he made me... It was delicious, but there was also something about coming home to a warm meal, even if that meal hadn't been strictly made for me. That hadn't happened in a long time, either.

Suddenly, I couldn't stand not touching him a second longer. I interrupted him mid-sentence by taking both of his hands in mine. He became silent, looked at our hands.

"I'm going to fall in love with you, Izuna", I said with a low voice. "I'm going to fall in love with you."

Speaking those words made me feel as though my whole world fell into place. I had lived day to day for years, trying to cope, but having Izuna in my home made me feel that life was meant for more than just coping; it was meant for living.

Izuna looked up at me, a surprised expression on his face. Then he climbed down from the barstool, went over to me and sat down in my lap, facing me, with one leg on either side of my legs. He took my face in his small hands and kissed me.

And I was all over him.

This time, I knew there was no stopping. This time, I knew there was no holding back. There was only want, and need, and lust, and doing.

I lifted him up and carried him to the rain shower. I put him down on the tiled ground, turned the shower on until it was scolding hot and then proceeded to undress him, trousers first, then his t-shirt. It was the first time I saw his upper body, and I was surprised to see his left nipple was pierced. I took the metal between my thumb and index finger, causing a small moan to escape from his mouth.

"When?" I asked.

"Three years ago", he said weakly. "When I turned eighteen?"

"You're twenty-one!?" I asked, shocked. He nodded. I had thought at least twenty-five judging by the conversation we'd just had, and that was only because of his look; had I been blind, I would have guessed he was older than me. He was so young... Way too young. Well, it was too late now anyway. I was so fucking horny I couldn't wait a second longer.

I didn't even bother to undress. I just went into the shower and lifted up his naked body, pressing him up against the wall while the scolding hot water made us both soaking wet. I kissed him like a madman, and by the desperate tugging of his fingers into my hair, I could tell he was fucking horny, too.

It maddened me. I backed up and literally slammed his lithe body into the tiles, of course protecting his head with my own hand, crushing my knuckles but oh, it was worth it just for the "Uhhh!" from Izuna. It was as though a dam had burst open within me and I needed to do more, more, more to satisfy my needs and whatever I did, it wouldn't be enough, ever. I bent my head down, biting on his pierced nipple, causing him to throw his head back in pain and pleasure, panting until blood started trickling down from my teeth marks.

"Fuck..." Izuna whispered, clenching my hair so hard it caused me a delicious amount of pain.

"Hold tight", I said, and felt Izuna clench his thighs around my waist. My black turtleneck clung to my body now it was wet, so there was no use in trying to remove that. But I unbuckled my Gucci belt and unzipped my trousers.

"Tobirama..." Izuna squealed, hiding his face on my shoulder, realising what was about to happen.

"You okay, love?" I asked. He nodded. Suddenly, the intensity of the situation struck me; the amount of control I was in. "I don't want to harm you, you're so little..."

"Please!" he begged.

And I cupped his chin with my index finger and had him look at me, guiding myself towards his opening, still lifting him up, still pressing him against the wall.

And I penetrated him slowly, my own pre-cum being our only lube, water pouring down our faces, steam rising like firesmoke around us. I bit down on his neck, pushing myself in, bit by bit as Izuna moaned, leaned his head back to provide a better position for my teeth on his neck. A trail of blood trickled down his neck now, too, and I felt Izuna cling to the wet fabric of my turtleneck, grabbing harder and harder as my dick went deeper and deeper inside of him.

And Izuna was a bloody warrior because he didn't whimper once and I was all the way into my shaft. Fuck, what have I done to deserve him? I looked at him and felt such an intense love that it felt as though I might die.

But I didn't want to die anymore. I wanted to be alive to have time to taste every little bit of him, to lick his soul and eat his heart. I wanted to dive my face into the blood-filled flesh of his heart and devour it.

"I love you" I whispered into his ear and I knew it was unhealthily early but I also knew that I did; in my toxicity, I loved this man.

He just stared at me. To my horror, his eyes filled with tears. He suddenly grabbed my sore, raw wrists, harshly. I screamed right out in pain. He didn't care, just grabbed harder and started jumping on my dick. The pain from my wrists coursed through my blood and blended with the immense pleasure from this magical creature fucking me, created a cascade of well-being inside my body that made me mad.

I grunted, thrusting my hips in an upwards motion, matching my lover's movements. The water drained me, made it hard to inhale, drowned me in love for this man.

"I love you, too", Izuna whispered in my ear, and that was too much for me to handle.

I slammed him onto the ground, causing a surprised, unhappy scream from him as my dick was released. I turned him over, having him on all four, forced his wrists behind his back and took hold of them with my right hand, my palm engulfing both of his wrists easily. I took my other hand and carefully stroked his Adam's apple.

"Is this okay?" I murmured darkly.

Izuna just nodded, leaning in against my hand, wanting more, and I carefully put more pressure across his windpipe, being careful not to put it around his carotids. I was so hard at this point, I struggled getting back into Izuna. But he pushed his hips back against me, forcing me in.

I grunted.

He moaned.

And we started moving, my hand tightening both around his wrists and around his neck, and together we increased our pace, faster and faster. I felt the muscles in Izuna's neck starting to play, begging for air, but I wasn't giving it to him, not yet, but kept thrusting behind him, not looking at him because he was so deliciously beneath me that I would come in a second if I saw him and when I felt his body starting to convulse trying to breathe, I released him, and he took a sharp, wheezing inhale and I forced his head on the ground,  and he screamed his heart out as he came, screamed my name and I started talking, going insane, incomprehensible words of nothing spilling from my mouth as I sped up to an obscene level and Izuna pleaded "Come to me..." and as there was nothing this man asked of me that I wouldn't do, I came, spilling inside of him, screaming, leaning my head back, getting the shower water in my face, almost drowning myself but not caring because the orgasm went on and on and on, for me, for Izuna, for both of us as we screamed together until we fell together, me on top of him, scared I would crush him but too spent to move and scared it was all an illusion that would disperse if I dared to even lift a finger.

Izuna turned, looked at me with large eyes. "You... You still have your turtleneck on..."

I smiled "Hehh... You noticed that now?"

Izuna smiled sweetly back. "I guess my mind was elsewhere."

I laughed softly, kissing his cheek. "Glad you enjoyed it. It was a long time ago for me."

He laid down, resting, seeming utterly happy. He seemed so uncomplicated to me, somehow.

I took the rest of our time in the shower to wash him and myself and just care for him. He was exhausted, leaning his body against mine, not speaking much. I asked time and time again if he was okay, but he ensured me I didn't need to worry, and I trusted him. I would trust him with my life.

And, more importantly, I trusted myself completely when I had his life in my hands.

I dressed him in some soft clothes I found, guessing he was a person who slept dressed, and carried him to my bed, where I laid him down carefully on one side, giving him my biggest pillow. He needed an afternoon nap.

And I did, too.

I laid down on the other side, on my other pillow, and embedded us both in my heavy duvet. I scooped him in, and he nuzzled against my chest as I held him. It felt as though my arms were bigger than he was. It felt amazing. And he seemed to think so, too, because he was soon fast asleep.

And so was I.

Izuna spent all day at my place, studying. I sneaked up behind him from time to time. "Ohhh, you're studying my classes?" I teased. He just laughed, pushing my face away. "You know I'm going to give you the hardest exam of your little lives? Nobody has scored above 50%, ever."

"I know, you told me!" he laughed. "I believe you!" He seemed so unbothered by this. So unlike the other students...

At night, we went to bed again next to each other. We were not as tired as we had been after our shower, so we stayed up for a while, talking for an hour about this and that. It felt so good. I felt... Happy, I think. 

In the morning, I woke up at 5 am, giving Izuna a quick kiss before going up to get ready to go to the gym before work. I usually went to the gym six times a week, staying for three hours each time, but this week, my mind had been elsewhere. But it was time to get back at it.

It was when I stood at the sink in my en suite, only wearing trousers, brushing my teeth, that I realised. I stopped dead. My toothbrush fell out of my mouth, fell in slow-motion to the floor, bouncing a few times before settling.

And I just stared at myself in the mirror as I took in the enormity of my realisation.

Yesterday had been the first full day in six years that I hadn't used the rope on my wrist.