Tobirama:

Fuck. WHY? Why ME? How can life be so fucking brutally unfair?

Two months later, and I knew this wouldn't be easy. I sighed, leaned my head against the apartment door beforee putting the lock in the key.

Izuna was just walking past the hallway, carrying a box of clothes that he was unpacking in my, no, I mean our, walk-in closet. Oh, he would love that.

The scene melted my heart; him literally skipping across the floor in soft trousers, one of my T-shirts and knitted socks. He was so happy to be moving in with me, but not even half as happy as I was. This was a wild dream that I'd never, ever thought would happen to me again, ever.

Which was why the news were so much harder to deliver.

Izuna immediately saw that something was wrong. "What did they say?"

I sighed. "They're shutting down."

"What, the hospital?"

"No! My kidneys." Izuna went quiet. "They've had a stagnant on a GFR of 30% ever since I started dialysis, but now they're shutting down."

My kidneys still hadn't recovered from that time eleven months ago when I had lost so much blood. But they had started going steeply downhill since me and Izuna became a couple. The last month, I'd had to go to dialysis three times a week. It was agony.

"Dialysis will not be enough anymore. I will need a transplant."

"I'll do it", Izuna said without hesitation, as I knew it would. It broke my heart. "Izuna, we'll need to match. And even if we did, I still won't let you do it."

"Doesn't matter", he said matter-of-factly. "You're not the one deciding what I'm allowed to do. I'm doing it if I can and that's that."

I sighed. Lucky thing you can handle conflict now, because MAN, is this going to be a bitch...

"Will you at least let me come to your next appointment?"

I agreed to this.

Together, we continued unpacking Izuna's things, but the giddiness was now exchanged for a heaviness that loomed over us.

We sat together opposite the urology consultant, a middle-aged woman who radiated competence.

"It's critical. We'll put you first in line for the surgery, as soon as we have a donor."

"How does that process go?" I asked, arms crossed over my black turtleneck, one leg slung across the other. Izuna sat next to me, his hands in his lap, looking desperate to help, leaning forwards eagerly. It broke my heart. There was no way, no way in fucking hell I'd let this kid give me a fucking kidney, goddamn it.

"We look for a donor that is close to the recipient. Then we perform blood-typing, tissue typing and cross-matching to see if they're a good match."

She had me at 'donor that is close to the recipient'. I don't have any of those. Except...

"I'm doing it", Izuna said.

"What happens if I don't have anyone close-" I begun

"I said, I'm doing it", Izuna interrupted stubbornly.

"I'm sorry, but that's not going to happen."

The consultant intervened. "It would be a problem if you have nobody close, since we don't accept kidneys from those who are unrelated to a known recipient."

"Please, Tobirama." Izuna looked at me with begging, large eyes. "At least have them test me."

I uncrossed my legs and started bouncing my left leg up and down. I was at a loss.

"Can't I just keep getting dialyses?"

"I'm sorry", the consultant said. "It will work for a few more weeks, then you will become too ill."

"All right, test it, but-" I began.

"Thank you", Izuna interrupted.

And next week, we sat I the same position.

"We've gotten the results back. They all match."

"Oh, thank God!" Izuna exclaimed, hiding his face in his hands, relieved beyond understanding. There wasn't even the slightest hint of hesitation in him.

"Shall we plan the surgery for next week, Mr Senju?"

I bounced my leg for some time.

"And what if he hadn't matched? Do you just let the people with nobody close to them die!?"

"We do have other options, but since we have someone in your case that clearly consents willingly, that is not relevant."

I blew out air through my nose, frustrated.

Then I stood up and left.

Izuna screamed at me at home.

"How can you be so selfish!?"

"Izuna, my darling", I said with a mellow but stern voice. "You're twenty-two. I can't let you-"

"Don't you dare bring my age into it!" He was furious. I'd never seen him like this.

I couldn't help but raise my voice. "What if you change your mind? What if you don't want to be with me, Izuna!? What if you, I don't know, realise you want to be with Adrian!?" Izuna jerked. "I saw the video, Izuna!"

"What video?" Izuna whispered breathlessly, clearly confused. I knew it wasn't fair of me. Izuna had clearly been unaware that he was being filmed.

"Of you and him making out in the bathroom stall! He filmed it and sent it to me!" All fight suddenly left me, and I sat down heavily on the floor, my arms around my knees, hiding my face in my arms.

Izuna stood quiet for a while, then came and sat next to me, put an arm around me, a head on my shoulder.

"If I gave you my kidney today, and you cheated on me tomorrow..." he said softly. "I would still not regret my choice."

I sighed, put my face in my hands, let him hold me, let his gentleness consume me.

Izuna looked so tiny on his hospital bed, his hair hidden in a net. He stared the the ceiling, seemingly deep in thought. Machines beeped all around us, cannulas went into our veins.

I saw him swallow.

"Izuna..." I mumbled from my bed beside him, squeezing his little hand. "How are you?"

"I'm a little scared", he confessed.

"You know you can withdraw?" I said, suddenly hopeful.

Izuna smiled and shook his head, still looking up. "That's not an option."

I decided to give in. I whole-heartedly just gave in. "Izuna, thank you."

"May I ask you something?" Izuna asked. "I mean, I might as well ask now, in case I die-"

I was horrified. "Oh, God, Izuna, don't speak like that! It's a standard surgery, you know that!"

"Sorry, I just ... Who was that red-haired woman?"

I looked at him, confused. "Who?"

"At the hospital. The same day you..."

Oh... "Fucked you in the bathroom stall? That was Layla, the nurse I worked with. How come you ask?"

"Was there, like, anything between you?" He sounded so careful, it felt like my heart might burst. "Because you put your hand on her and smiled at her."

I was genuinely taken aback. "You mean you never touch or speak to your colleagues?" I asked, curious.

Izuna looked up at the ceiling again.

"Sorry", I said. "I didn't mean to belittle your feelings."

"I know, I was silly", he said. "Please, just know..." He looked at me, sincere. "Tobirama, there isn't anything in the universe I wouldn't do for you."

Same, little bird. Same.

"He's still recovering", the nurse said to me as she came to check up on me. The pain in my side was excruciating, despite the strong pain medication injected into my veins that caused my head to swim. "He's quite a bit smaller than you, so it will take slightly longer for him to come back."

I walked tentatively, a drip stand next to me, to his room. Oh, God, he looked so small. He was laying on his back, an oxygen mask silently puffing air into his nostrils and mouth. His eyes were closed, his brows slightly furrowed. He had a dressing on his left side. I knew they always took the left kidney as the blood vessels to and from it were larger on that side, thus making it more appropriate as a transplant. I took his hand in mine, entwined our fingers, looked at this man in awe. He was so little, only twenty-two, yet his heart was so big it was as if he'd loved a hundred lifetimes, collecting the love from each one and storing it to pour it all out over me, all at once.

All at once.