Chapter 21: Hate (Brielle's POV)

I sat on the barstool in the kitchen, munching on strawberries. "Should I just run?" I asked both Ms. Jenny and Mr. Garry. 

"No," they said in sync while reorganizing the cabinets. 

"Should I kill him?" 

"No." 

"Then what do I do?" I whined, putting my arms on the counter and then putting my head down. "I hate him so much. I thought I didn't anymore. I don't want to, but I do," I groaned. 

"Why don't you talk to him?" Ms. Jenny said for the billionth time. 

"Why would that help?" I asked. 

"Because he doesn't hate you," Mr. Garry said. 

"How do you know?" 

"I just do. I think the right thing would be to talk to him," he nodded. 

"Now, so we can finish work here," Ms. Jenny mumbled. "Off you go then." 

I sighed, leaving the empty bowl in the sink and heading upstairs to the room. I don't know if he's still in the room or if he went to work. I'll just wait until he comes back up to the room. 

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So, not only did I not do anything when he came back to the room, but we've even had dinner, we've even gotten ready for bed and I still haven't said anything. We actually haven't talked since then. 

Shouldn't he be the one to talk and apologize first? I didn't even do anything wrong. I don't think I did. Either way, now we're both just lying in the dark. I know he isn't asleep because he sighs every few minutes and shuffles around. Like he is right now. He huffed, rolling onto his back. 

"Why do you keep moving around? It's annoying," I said, staring at the ceiling. The blinds are half-open so there is a little moonlight coming in with the lamps from outside. 

"Why aren't you talking to me?" he asked, rolling onto his stomach and propping himself up on his elbows. 

"Because you acted like a complete idiot today and still haven't apologized," I replied. 

"How did I act like a complete idiot? My reaction was exactly what it should have been," he scoffed. 

"And how is that?" I looked at him. 

"I reacted how any fiance would when he finds out about his soon-to-be wife's ex-boyfriend." 

"You say that like he's still a part of my life. I haven't even seen him or spoken to him since graduation," I argued. 

"You slept with him!" 

"So? You slept with someone too for your first time who wasn't me, how come I'm not reacting like you?" 

"It's different." 

"Why? Because I'm a girl?" 

"No, because you're you!" 

"So? It's not like you wanted my first time to be with you. You wouldn't unless you liked me and you said you didn't. You say you never have." 

"I haven't!" 

"Then stop freaking out about me not being a virgin before our wedding!" I kicked his leg, pushing him further away from me. "You know both people are supposed to save themself for marriage, not just the girl." 

"This has nothing to do with you being the girl, okay?" 

"Yes, it does. Unless you're just as angry about the fact that you didn't save yourself for me. Are you?" 

"Maybe I am, what do you know?" 

I sighed, putting my arm over my eyes. "I don't understand you. This is why I hate you, you always confuse me. You always have, ever since I knew you. You can keep tossing and turning then. I'm going to sleep." 

"Fine." 

"Fine," I snapped back, rolling onto my side so my back faced him. I closed my eyes, forcing myself to go to sleep. 

He is a whole new level of aggravating at times like this. Ten minutes or so later, he huffed. "Brielle." 

I stayed still, pretending to be asleep. 

"Brielle," he said a little louder. "Are you actually sleeping?" he whispered as I felt him shifting closer to me. "Brielle, are you sleeping?" 

"Not anymore," I said through gritted teeth. "What?" I sighed, rolling back over. Which I shouldn't have done because he's a lot closer than he should be. 

"I can't sleep." 

"Do you want me to sing a lullaby for you then, your majesty?" 

"Stop it," he huffed, dragging his hands down his face. "People argue all the time, at the end of the day, we just shouldn't be sleeping while we're angry at each other." I hate that he's right. So I won't admit that he is. 

"Then apologize." 

He huffed, clenching his jaw. "You're asking me to apologize for how I feel?" 

"No, I'm asking you to apologize for kissing me like you did." I blinked in confusion. "How did you feel?" 

"I felt j- just forget it. I'm sorry, okay?" 

"I don't accept your apology." 

"Why not?" he whined. 

"I don't know, I want to be angry a little longer," I shrugged, biting back a laugh. It really is nice to see him beg like this. 

"Shut up," he scoffed. "That's such bullshit." 

I closed my eyes, trying to go back to sleep. 

"I'm not letting you go to sleep while you're still angry with me. Brielle!" 

I let out a groan, rolling onto my stomach and propping myself up on my elbows before turning my lamp on. "What do you want from me?" 

"If you're not going to forgive me right now, at least tell me why you're angry that I kissed you." 

"Because you're... you're not allowed to kiss me." 

"I'm your fiance." 

"So? You don't actually love me. Or even like me. Don't act like you wouldn't be upset if I just kissed you like that." 

"You did at the engagement party, remember?" 

"You did too barely a minute after I did. You've done it twice!" 

"Do you want to do it twice too then?" 

I gave him a blank look. "It isn't a game. You can't... hand out kisses like they're nothing. Kisses mean a lot to some people, okay?" 

He watched me carefully for a minute. "Except for me, have you only kissed... your ex-boyfriend then?" he huffed, rolling his eyes. 

"Yes." 

"Have you only liked one guy in your entire life, Brielle?" 

"No, I've liked two guys," I blurted out. 

His brows furrowed. "Who was the other one?" 

"Nobody. And nothing happened between us anyway, so it doesn't matter." 

He didn't push too hard on that one. He let out a frustrated breath. "You can't seriously hate me because I kissed you." 

"Well, I do. We play games with each other, I know that it's what we do. But you can't bring kisses into the game just because we're supposed to be together now." 

"Are you going to react like this at the wedding too?" 

"No, of course not, we're meant to kiss there. It's for show." 

"Maybe I kissed you to test something for myself." 

"What?" I frowned in confusion. 

"It's just one kiss, Brielle. You can take it back." 

"How do you take back a kiss?" 

"By doing it again." 

"You're so full of shit, River Grimaldi." 

"Oh, come on," he chuckled, nudging my leg with his. "I won't do it again, do you want me to promise it?" 

"No," I scoffed. "Just let me sleep, for the love of God." 

"I thought we'll become atheists." 

"River," I groaned, stuffing my face in the pillow. 

"Just say you forgive me and you can sleep peacefully." 

I rolled my eyes. "I forgive you. Goodnight." I made sure my back faced him and I turned the lamp off before closing my eyes. Then I opened them back up when he grabbed my waist and pulled me into him. "I swear, I—" 

"Oh, what? It's okay when you do it but I can't?" 

I bit my tongue. I can't say anything to that because it's true, he's right. I cuddled and snuggled him last night, god knows why, but I did. It's not really fair if I say he can't but I can when I want to. 

"That's what I thought," he whispered in my ear, resting his chin on my shoulder. "And anyway, don't you think you can just sleep so much better when you're cuddling with someone? I think so." 

"I wouldn't know," I mumbled, staring at the window and the streams of light pouring through. 

"What do you mean?" he asked, sounding confused. 

"I've never cuddled anyone else to sleep. Not even my ex-boyfriend," I said. "He was never allowed to stay the night and neither was I." 

"Well, that sucks. Just picture me, think of this as your first sleepover with your boyfriend," he chuckled. 

I elbowed his ribs in response. 

"What if that really happened though?" he questioned. "What if I really was your boyfriend back then?" 

I turned to look at him which most certainly was a stupid idea because he's only a few inches away from me and if he leans forward even a little, chances are our lips would touch. "Then I wouldn't hate you so much now," I replied. 

Maybe I should kiss him. Just to get even. I'm saying that and even I know that's not the real reason I'm thinking of kissing him. I think it's the opposite of what I said to Ms. Jenny and Mr. Garry earlier. 

I don't hate him but I want to. I should for everything that he's done in the past. But I don't. I can't. I would give him another chance and then another and another. I would give him as many chances as he asked for, no matter how much he hurts me or my heart. He could stomp all over it, break it a thousand times, shatter it. I still wouldn't care. 

He wasn't the second guy, he was the first. I liked him before Cole. And I still like him, whether I admit it or not.

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Chapter 21

ya'll are so nice see this is why I take in ya'lls suggestions lmao

next chapter: life